26 Fics in 26 Minutes

A story for a song by a band starting with every letter of the alphabet. Ranging from angst to fluff to humour to porn to general whimsy. Encompassing Boosh, RPS, Nathan Barley, Robots in Disguise, and Asylum, and probably a few other things too.

Category: , , ,

Characters: , , , , , , , , , ,

Pairing: , , , , , ,

Genre: , , , , , , , , , ,

Rating:

Warning: , , ,

Status:

Length: words

The Who – The Quiet One

The Who – The Quiet One

“I don’t normally do this,” Howard muttered, sitting next to Naboo on the sofa as the shaman gently edged his hand up Howard’s thigh. “I mean, this isn’t… wow. Don’t tell… Vince.”

“You can’t tell anyone about this, okay?” Fossil wiped his mouth on the back of his hand as Naboo adjusted his robes. “I mean, you won’t. Will you? Nah, sure you won’t. Right?” He got to his feet and pushed him, hard. “I can fire you, you know. Bainbridge said.”

“Any port in a storm, and I suppose any mouth will do when I’m stuck in this dump,” said Bainbridge, taking hold of Naboo’s shoulder and pulling him into a Zooniverse cupboard. A broom pressed into his back painfully as Bainbridge pressed him into the wall, hand already fumbling at his zip. “I will, of course, deny everything.”

“It say nothing ‘bout this in Shamen Handbook,” Bollo muttered, closing the bedroom door behind him and removing his hat. “Still don’t think it fair you get to kill me if break shaman/familiar bond of confidentiality. Not fair at all.”

Saboo held his hand over Naboo’s mouth, eyes glittering strangely in the darkness. “I don’t appreciate people voting against me. I’m going to show you what happens when people don’t do what I want.” He pulled his hand away hurriedly. “Did you just lick me?”

Rudi lay on his back, afro spread out around him, thighs obscenely dark against his purple robe, rucked up around his waist. “This… this is good stuff, Naboo,” he said hoarsely, sucking on a hookah pipe. “I could almost believe that you were giving me light hand relief. But of course such things are the stuff of nonsense.” His door creaked, fluttering open and shut obscenely.

Old Gregg leapt out from behind the wardrobe. “Hey, Howa-you’re not Howard. You’re a tiny little man in a dress, Howard don’t wear a dress. And you ain’t got no moustache.” Gregg stroked his seaweed locks obscenely, hands slinking down his body to the hem of his tutu. “But maybe you wanna know me too.”

Charlie faced Naboo down in the Zooniverse. He wanted to destroy, it was Naboo’s job to stop him from doing so. The age-old story – the ultimate fight between good and evil, right and wrong. But… he looked the little man up and down. Perhaps they didn’t have to fight right away. There was time for a little fun first.

Barry tried to push him up against a tent, and with a tearing sound they fell through it into what turned out to be Saboo’s private living quarters. Pushing a cushion out of the way, Barry carefully removed his glasses, tucking them into a pocket. He grinned. “Saboo’s bed is over to my left,” he said in a carrying voice. “He’s pretending to be asleep. Let’s put on a good show, eh?”

Ebola and Anthrax kissed messily, tongues licking and teeth scraping, fiddling with the clasps on each other’s clothing. Anthrax shifted, sinking her fangs into Ebola’s neck, who moaned and held her closer. Anthrax pulled back, dipped her finger into the trail of deep red, and offered it to Naboo. He sucked on her finger gently, holding eye contact, and she snatched it back. “That’s enough,” she said, Ebola smirking at him behind her back. “Sit down and shut up.”

Spider tripped over his own feet, and landed on Naboo’s lap. “Ha! Tiny shaman, I did not see you slumped here on this… beanbag! We have a beanbag?” He furrowed his brow. “Possibly you magicked it up. I do not think Rudi would have bought such a thing. He disapproves of comfort in all forms.” He shifted, one hand pushing on Naboo’s crotch to help him get up. His eyes widened, and he looked up at him with a filthy grin. “I, however, am very fond of the beanbag. Very fond.”

Vince blinked several times, hands twisting on the hem of his T-shirt. “I can’t say I’m not flattered,” he said to his shoes. “But… I dunno. It seems wrong, somehow. I can’t explain it. Maybe it’s because we’re such good friends.” He put a comforting hand on Naboo’s knee, pulling away maybe a second too hastily, and got up to head to his bedroom.

He stopped, turned. “Um. You don’t need to worry. I won’t tell anyone, okay? Your secret is safe with me.”

Naboo smiled quietly.