26 Fics in 26 Minutes
Category: The Mighty Boosh, Real Person Fic, Femmeslash, Nathan Barley
Characters: Dee Plume, Howard Moon, Jones, Julian Barratt, Nathan Barley, Noel Fielding, Other, Rudi, Spider, Sue Denim, Vince Noir
Pairing: Femmeslash, Bob Fossil/Dixon Bainbridge, Howard Moon/Vince Noir, Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt, Noel Fielding/Other, Rudi/Spider, Ultra/Neon
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Character Study/Reflection, Crossover, Drabble - Under 500 Words, Drama, Episodic/Missing Scene, Fluff, Humour, PWP (porn without plot), Romance
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Character Death, Smut (graphic sex scenes), Violence - Mild, Unspecified Warning
Status: Complete
Length: 20-30k words
Linkin Park – Breaking the Habit
Contents
Linkin Park – Breaking the Habit
“There,” Noel said, stubbing out his cigarette with a flourish and dusting off his hands over the ashtray. “My last cigarette.”
“Mmm.”
He glared at Julian, thoroughly engrossed in his newspaper, and threw a pen at him.
Julian looked up blearily. “What?”
Noel pointed down at the still smoking ashtray, and then up at himself. “Well?”
“Yes, very nice.”
“You told me to stop smoking. I have stopped smoking. Don’t I even get a little bit of attention?”
“Stick with it longer than an hour, we’ll see.”
Noel threw another pen at him, and Julian put down his newspaper with a sigh. “Tell me your plan, then.”
Noel froze. “Plan?”
“For quitting.”
“I just… have.”
Julian rolled his eyes. “Then let me know when you’re heading out to the corner shop, will you? We could do with milk.”
“Oh, thanks. That’s really supportive.”
Julian leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. “Look, you can’t just cut out smoking and expect to get by. Remember all those other times? You have to replace it with something.”
“Like?”
He held up one hand, ticking items off. “Gum. Patches. Those weird blowy plastic things.”
Noel held up his hand, mimicking him. “Tastes foul. Don’t work. Don’t want to look like a mental patient.”
“Well, you have to replace it with something. That way, every time you want to have a cigarette, you just… do something else instead. Have a biscuit. Or, I dunno. Play on the Xbox.”
“We don’t have an Xbox.”
“We’ll get one. With all those manly fighting games. Butch you up a bit.”
Noel mused, drumming his fingers on his chin. He looked over at Julian slyly. “What if I replaced cigarettes with sex, then?”
Julian shook his head, eyes flicking to the overflowing ashtray. “Then I’d get very tired.”
“Handjobs?”
“You’ll be lucky.”
“Blow jobs?”
Julian smirked. “Hmmm… sucking on something to replace the urge to have a fag. Could work.”
“I mean for me, you idiot.”
Julian yawned. “Anyway, how exactly is that going to work when we’re, I dunno, in the middle of an interview? Or down the pub? ‘Scuse me lads, just gonna go down on my secret boyfriend here, mind your knees… ‘”
“We’ll have to start going to different pubs, then,” Noel grinned.
“And be interviewed by a different sort of magazine. NME might still go for it, though.”
“But what am I going to do?”
“I don’t know, suck on a pen?”
Noel searched for a bit, down the side of the sofa cushions and under the table. “Fuck. I threw them all at you.”
Julian rooted around, coming up with a pen that had inexplicably been stuck under his arse.
“Chuck it over, then.”
Julian tapped it against his lips, grinning.
“Aw come on, I’m dying for a pen. Just one. Please.”
“You know what’s in these things?”
Noel nodded. “Yeah. Ink.”
“That stuff’ll kill you.”
Noel got up, walking around the coffee table to try to snatch the pen away, but Julian held it behind his head, forcing Noel to climb on top of him to grab it. There followed a short bout of wrestling, followed by a period of silence, broken only by Julian saying, “Bleugh. You taste like biro.”