26 Fics in 26 Minutes

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A story for a song by a band starting with every letter of the alphabet. Ranging from angst to fluff to humour to porn to general whimsy. Encompassing Boosh, RPS, Nathan Barley, Robots in Disguise, and Asylum, and probably a few other things too.

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Ketty Lester – Love Letters

Contents

Ketty Lester – Love Letters

Vince,

Been here three days, done nothing but rain solidly. Summer up North, I guess. Dad being a bit weird, but Mum says not to worry. Keeps giving me looks. Please ignore this postcard, as it shows sunset over Leeds and as have already said, haven’t seen sun all time have been here. Is there eclipse I don’t know about?

Howard x

Vince,

God, so bored. Nothing to do but watch telly and eat biscuits and drink tea, listen to Mum going on and on about who’s moved out of their parents’ house, who’s left university, who’s working at a top-quality zoo in the US (don’t ask). Told Dad your octopus joke and he laughed, but otherwise hasn’t said two words to me. Something up.

Howard x

Vince,

Sunday lunch in the pub, all old mates there, bit strange. Felt like was sixteen again, had moment going to the bar when was searching for fake ID, heh. Kept coming back to hear someone had made joke but no one would tell me what it was. Maybe come home a bit earlier, what do you reckon? Looked up trains, a good one leaves day after tomorrow, still seats available. Thoughts?

Wish you were here,

Howard xx

Vince,

Shit shit shit. Writing this in café on the corner, apologies for big-breasted woman on front, place seems to be stuck in the Carry On years. Dad knows. Not sure how, I didn’t tell him, sister wouldn’t have, did you? Shit, sorry, freaking out a bit. Weirdness. Haven’t been turfed out of house or anything but not really wanting to be there right now. Coming home tomorrow. Can’t think how he found out.

Missing you,

Howard xxx

Vince,

Post must be there by now. Why haven’t you rung me yet? Phone battery dead and left charger at home, but you have the number here. Can’t ring you ‘cause Dad still on warpath, would ask questions etc. trying to avoid. But if you rang would be better, couldn’t argue so much, I think. Fuck, don’t know. Stupid bloody trains all cancelled, something to do with flooding on the line. Don’t know when will be back.

RING ME.

Howard x

Vince,

Could really do with a fucking friend right now. Also running out of postcards. Soon will be sending beermats home. Apparently Dad planned to knock through my old room into study, make big workspace for model trains etc. Typical Dad fashion, took sledgehammer to wall without thinking. Anyway, found old porn mag had stashed behind bit of wood panelling when was teen, Hot Men Gone Wild or something. Soldiers In Bunks. Therefore – he knows. Sorry for accusing you, head in bad place, but why not rung? Mum not know yet, Dad just moody an shit rning out spce RING

Hwd

Vince,

THANKS. Having to come out to Dad on own. Really great. Perhaps whole relationship just way for you to enjoy self? Perhaps have new boyfriend? With bigger moustache, better knowledge of electro etc? Fuck you. Fuck you completely. Relationship off, telling Dad mag not mine, maybe can convince sis interested in gay porn. No point trying to come out if haven’t even got boyfriend, fuck this, too much hassle.

No love,

Howard

Vince,

SHIT. Please ignore all postcards before this one. Didn’t mean any of it. Parents phone line been cut off, didn’t think to tell me, didn’t wonder why phone never rings. Bought old Nokia charger at market, text you soon. RELATIONSHIP STILL ON.

Love you,

Howard xxxxxxx

VNC PHONE LINE DOWN SRY ALL OK? ALL HERE MENTAL, HOMODRAMA! HWD PS IGNORE POSTCARDS

VNC WHAT U MEAN NO POSTCARDS ARRIVD? HWD