26 Fics in 26 Minutes

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A story for a song by a band starting with every letter of the alphabet. Ranging from angst to fluff to humour to porn to general whimsy. Encompassing Boosh, RPS, Nathan Barley, Robots in Disguise, and Asylum, and probably a few other things too.

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Length: words

Queen – Don’t Stop Me Now

Contents

Queen – Don’t Stop Me Now

Noel flew round the flat like a man possessed, throwing things at random into a rucksack. Julian followed in his wake, hands on his head. “Don’t do this.”

“I’m already doing it.” Half the contents of his wardrobe on the floor to find the two or three items that were essential, a process that Noel could argue about for weeks somehow condensed to a matter of seconds.

“Stop it, then.”

“No.” He disappeared into the bathroom, and Julian winced as he heard the sound of china smashing, the little toothpaste mug on the floor in shards. Noel came out holding his toothbrush, and threw it into the bag.

Julian hit the wall with the side of his hand. “Don’t we at least get to have a discussion about this?”

“No.” He was on to CDs now.

Julian winced as he saw Noel throw in a Charlie Parker album, out of spite. “Well, I want to talk about it. It’s a joint fucking decision, after all.”

“You’re in the mood to talk. I’m in the mood to pack.” A couple of DVDs, but specifically not the one they had decided was all about them. Julian wasn’t sure if this was a good sign or not.

Fuck this. Action. I’m a man of action. “Well, I’m in the mood to unpack,” he shouted, going over to Noel’s rucksack and scooping out a pile of clothes, throwing it through the door to their bedroom.

“Stop that!” Noel yelled, dropping the DVDs to the floor and trying to snatch his bag back. Julian ran to the bathroom and emptied the towels and hygiene stuff into the bath, along with a CD, which cracked on impact. His CD, worse luck.

Noel followed him in, taking hold of one of the rucksack straps and pulling hard. “Give it back!”

“No!” Julian tugged back just as hard, his back pressed painfully against the sink.

“You want me to fucking punch you?”

“Go ahead!”

They stared at each other, panting hard, the bag stretched almost to breaking point between them. The air crackled. Julian watched a bead of perspiration as it traced where a strand of hair was stuck to Noel’s forehead.

He pulled one last time, and Noel stumbled towards him, unprepared. He grabbed him, span, pushed his back against the sink, pushed him over, wanting to hurt him. He kissed him on the mouth hard enough to mark, open-mouthed and sloppy, gasping for air.

Noel kneed him in the groin, and he crumbled, fell backwards onto the floor.

“What the fuck do you think this is? A game?” Noel hissed, letting go of the bag. For one horrible moment it looked like he might kick him, but he just shook his head, his eyes filled with disgust, and left.

Julian heard the door slam, and curled over in defeat, clutching the empty rucksack.