Moonstone Cowboy

Category: The Mighty Boosh

Characters: Bob Fossil, Dixon Bainbridge, Howard Moon, Naboo, Vince Noir

Pairing: Howard Moon/Vince Noir

Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, AU (Alternate Universe), Drama, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: NC-17

Warning: BDSM, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Murder, Smut (graphic sex scenes), Violence - Heavy, Unspecified Warning

Status: Complete

Length: 100-150k words

Allegiances

Allegiances

Howard pulls Vince into his chest.

“I can’t breathe Howard.”

“Oh, sorry little man.” Howard eases up.

“Think you forget how tall you are sometimes.” Vince gives the Sheriff a playful swat on the arm. “So we all done then?”

Howard looks around them. “Everything important is by the door, everything else is over there or in the empty cell. Yep, I think we’re done.”

“Good ‘cause I need a drink and we need to finish talking about Bainbridge.”

“Out here or in bed?”

The Deputy’s eyes gleam. “Ooh, in bed, warm and cosy. I’ll make us those drinks, you fix the sheets.” He kisses Howard on the cheek and begins rummaging in a crate for a couple of tumblers.

Howard moves to the bigger of the two cots and plumps the pillow. “I still can’t believe Tommy is Bainbridge’s father. If Bainbridge knew that all this time I wonder if he ever told Tommy.”

Vince appears holding the drinks. He puts them onto a shelf and starts to remove his boots. “Well if he was told towards the end it may explain Tommy’s sudden change, his drinking, and his hanging around The Bullet all the time.”

“It fits doesn’t it?”

“And it explains why he never told you. He knew how much you hated Bainbridge.” Vince removes his trousers.

“And it explains why he jumped in front of Bainbridge to protect him when I pulled the trigger. Jesus, it explains everything.”

Vince peels off his shirt. “I think so Howard. Sad that Tommy never mentioned to you about leaving a family behind, but it would seem that his ex-wife was in love with someone else. I doubt he thought his son would ever try to find him.” Vince slips between the covers and pats the mattress, “You coming in?”

“Yeah sure.” Howard quickly undresses and, passing a drink to Vince, gets into bed too.

Vince leans back against Howard’s chest and shoulder, fidgeting a bit to get himself comfortable. Howard positions the pillow properly behind his back and pulls the sheet high across their laps.

They both pause conversation, sipping their drinks and enjoying the moment.

Howard kisses the top of Vince’s head. “This is nice.”

“Hmm.” Vince fondly rubs Howard’s leg beneath the covers. “You cold?”

“No, I’m fine. You?”

“No, I’ve you keeping me warm.”

“How’s your head? How’s the lump?”

“Okay I think.’ Howard feels for the bump on his scalp. “It’s gone down a lot now.”

“I should have got Naboo to give you some of that oil and fixed you up one hundred percent.”

“Ha yeah. Didn’t think of that.”

…

“So your shoulder and everything are completely fine?”

“Completely, like nothing ever happened.”

“That’s incredible.”

“Yeah.”

…

…

“You thinking about tomorrow Howard?”

“Hard not to.”

“Do you think we’ll be alright?”

“Not really no, I think we may face our greatest challenge yet and that we have much pitted against us. But we’ll do our best Vince, and, above all else, we’ll do our best for each other.”

Vince turns to face Howard. “Shit, I’m a bit anxious.”

“Yeah, me too. But we’ll be brave as well as anxious.”

Vince pulls Howard’s face towards his own and plants a soft kiss on the Sheriff’s lips. “Come what may we’ll always have this.”

Howard takes Vince’s now empty glass and, along with his own, puts them onto the floor. He then turns back to his Deputy and strokes the hair away from the side of Vince’s cheek. “Yes, my love, we’ll always have this.”

Back at the Doctor’s house the pretend physician looks around furtively before dashing across his porch and entering. He closes the front door and leans back against, eyes closed, catching his breath. He hugs his bag close to his chest.

He suddenly opens one eye wide.

He opens the second.

He sniffs deeply.

He creeps forward, hunched over slightly and still tightly clutching the bag. He scans the front room, keeps moving, looks into his surgery, and makes his way to his back room.

He stands completely still, ear cocked and sniffs again.

He waits.

He can hear nothing.

“Is my nose deceiving me? I’m sure I can smell something unfavorable in the air.”

He tiptoes across to his magic trunk and runs his hand across the lid. Nothing feels wrong or out of place.

“Hmm? Maybe me old brain is playing tricks on me.”

He opens the lid of the trunk and descends below.

Like the Doctor’s front door Naboo has made short work of picking the lock on the gate of the cemetery. He thinks it weird that the whole area has been fenced and gated. Surely this means others know of a danger or a secret too, the most likely person being the Mayor. He makes the rules for the town after all.

Naboo follows a path that seems to run through the centre. Ahead of him there’s a small hillock to the right and a greenish glow is being emitted from it.

“Bingo!”

As he gets nearer he can hear a slight plopping and fizzing sound, and there’s a strange smell in the air, much like a store cupboard in a high school chemistry lab. Naboo wrinkles his nose. Spells made for bad reasons always smell awful just as ones made for good reasons always smell nice. This one is definitely bad juju.

As he gets to the top of the hillock he first sees a gravestone. It says ‘Here lieth Rev. Red O’Reilly. May God keep his soul’. Naboo peers down into the large, newly dug open grave. Bubbling away below is a nasty looking mixture of green goop. It stinks and looks disgusting. “Sorry Reverend but I don’t think your soul is with God. I’d say it’s been extracted and used as a diabolical bath soak for the Universe’s most fiendish demon. In fact I’d go as far as to say you’re well and truly in hell mister. To get this treatment you must have been one very repugnant human.”

Mayor Bainbridge kicks hard the foot of the dozing Sammy who’s snoozing against the glass of the window by the front door of The Salty Bullet. The man jolts awake.

“Any sign of those twins?”

Trying to suppress a yawn Sammy answers, “No Sir.”

“Stay alert!”

“Yes Sir.” Sammy adjusts his posture.

“That includes all of you,” the Mayor barks. “Stay fucking alert!”

Dixon wanders over to the bar and pours himself another drink. He knows he’s already had a few too many, but his nerves are beginning to jangle. He downs it in one.

He heads to the back of the hotel and presses his face up against a rear window looking out towards the path the Piper Twins took with Bob Fossil, the path that leads along the train track and to the pigs. “It’s been nearly two hours for fucks sake. Where the hell are they?”

“You talking to me Sir?” Duke is cowered into the corner behind a small table, rifle laying on the bench beside him.

The Mayor stares at him hard. “Are you really one of the best I’ve got?”

Duke flinches as if expecting a slap.

Dixon looks back out of the window. “My life, as it’s always been, is filled with pathetic deadbeats who find it impossible to follow simple instruction. It seems even Mr. White has been unable to fulfil his promise to me tonight. I will never understand why it is that I surround myself with such intolerable losers.”

Duke picks up his rifle, slips out from behind the table and stands awkwardly behind The Mayor. “I should check out the other rooms Sir.” He skittles away.

Dixon Bainbridge sighs. “If you want something done right then you have to do it yourself.”

He checks that both the Colts holstered on his hips are fully loaded, opens the back door and departs into the night.

The dodgy doctor has opened the contents of his bag onto the table alongside his big black book. “Right then where’s that spell?” He flicks through the pages until he stops on one titled ‘All Good Demons Need Back-Up: How to Build Yourself a Small Army.’ “Here it is.” His finger runs across the lines of the spell as he mumbles the instructions to himself, committing them to memory. He rubs his hands together. “Perfect! It’s almost too easy.”

He grabs a pestle and mortar from a shelf then back at the table grinds together a variety of foul smelling herbs. He then spits into the mortar bowl adding enough saliva for the herbs to become a gross kind of brown paste. “Now, where’s my soul concentrate? Ah, here it is” From below the table he retrieves a large glass vessel full of green goop similar in appearance to that at the bottom of Red O’Reilly’s grave. He takes out the bung and then there’s no mistaking the odour, it’s the very same swill that’s currently bubbling away in the cemetery. “Lovely.” He pours some into a beaker and adds the herby paste. “Finally my secret ingredient.” He pulls the stopper from the small bottle holding Charlie Piper’s blood and tips it into the beaker. He does the same with Eddie’s.

In the corner of the table is a candle stick with a small stub of a candle atop. “Just about enough there.” He pulls it towards himself and lights it with a click of his fingers. He then holds the beaker above the flame and starts muttering some indecipherable nonsense about eels and wasps and slap bass and crab sticks and Lambeth and Trevor Robinson. Suddenly there’s a discernible ‘whoosh’ and the Piper Twins are standing in the corner of the room, each sporting a huge white circle over an eye and bearing a greenish hue to their skin.

“Where are we brother?”

“No idea brother.”

“Shut it you two! Now, what’s your names?”

“I’m Charlie and this is Eddie.”

“Charlie and Eddie. Ha, who are ya, a soul duo from the 1990s?”

The twins look confused.

“Nah, what’s you be needing is a couple of good oil’ fashioned Cockney names. That’s right, some proper English names. From now on you’re Jim and you’re Jackie.”

“I don’t wanna be Jackie.”

“Shut your noise boy, you’re Jackie. Now your surname’s Piper right?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s good. Jim and Jackie Piper, I like it.” He chucks a recorder to each twin. “Here, learn to play these. Can kinda be your calling card.”

“But Doctor Bamshoot, what are we doing here?”

The phoney doctor touches his face and hair. “Oh yeah, I right nearly forgot.” And as quick as a flash the face before them morphs into something grotesque, a face dark green and waxy framed by long, grey hair with a chin and nose like the beak of a macaw. There’s also two cold blue eyes, one of which is staring out from beneath a giant round circle, just like theirs.

“I ain’t the Doctor boys, I’m a peppermint nightmare. They call me The ‘Itcher!”

“The itcher? You got a rash or something?”

“It’s The Hitcher not itcher you ballbag. With an ‘haych’. I’m a cockney geezer ain’t I? Now shut it and come with me both of ya.”

“Where to?”

The Hitcher sniffs the air as he had done earlier. He catches again the ever so faint whiff of something other. “We’re going to the lake. We’ve got ourselves a suspicion to investigate.”

Bobby Fossil has a banging headache. He rolls over onto his side and pushes himself up into a seated position. He rubs his temples and the back of his neck, and looks around. It’s dark, but he can make out a short wooden fence to the left and a pile of rotting vegetables to the right. But it’s not what he can see that gives away his location, it’s the smell of shit and the soft snuffled snorting of the animals. “What the heck am I doing here?”

Bobby stands quickly, then leans against the fence to steady himself. His memories flood back, the trip from the cave, The Mayor approaching, Naboo’s magic words, and then…nothing. It’s a blank.

He pats himself down but other than the headache and a few bruises he seems in good health. Whatever Naboo did must have worked. Unless, he looks around again. “These pigsties are haunted, I know so. Maybe I’m really dead. Maybe I’m a ghost.” He pinches himself and yes, he can feel it. “Can ghosts pinch themselves?”

He takes a few steps. “I can feel my feet.” He takes some more. “Should I be panicking?” Do ghosts panic? Do ghosts know they’re ghosts?”

He vomits, gags a couple of times, and then wipes his mouth with his sleeve.

“Is that ghost sick? How will I know? What if I’m invisible?” He rubs his temples again. “Who can help me?” He thinks of Naboo, thinks about heading back to the cave, “Too far away”. But he has an idea, “The Sheriff and Deputy. They’ll be able to tell me if I’m a ghost. That’s if they can see me.”

Looking rather unsure of himself Bobby takes the path that leads in the direction of the jailhouse.

The residents of Moonstone always refer to the lake as simply ‘the lake’, but its full name is Black Lake. The residents don’t refer to it as such for one reason only, it sounds sinister. People don’t generally like the idea of having a scary lake nearby. Maybe if they knew its history though, knew of the attempted murder that took place there, and knew of the magical secrets concealed in the trees that surround it, then they’d call it Black Lake to ward of anyone from wanting to visit.

The Hitcher isn’t someone that scares easily though. It’s normally him doing the scaring in fact. And he knows exactly where he is going, he’s visited here before.

On the southern edge of the lake is a large black willow tree, its branches over-hanging the water’s edge. The Hitcher makes his way towards it, the Piper Twins following in his footsteps.

“Here it is chaps.” The Hitcher reaches the tree and ducks beneath the leaves to view the trunk.

The Piper’s stick their heads through the foliage.

“Here’s what?”

“I can’t see a thing.”

The Hitcher ignores them and instead runs his hands around the truck. There’s a sharp click and a hiss. “I knew it!”

“Knew what?”

The Hitcher pulls his hands back and is now holding, by a chain, an odd shaped golden object with a glowing green jewel at its centre.

“This gentlemen is a key to another world. It’s a magical amulet, and it means a shaman is here.”

The Piper’s look at each other. “Do you mean Naboo?”

The Hitcher bursts out from beneath the leaves and grabs Jackie’s collar. “What did you say?”

Jackie cowers, “Naboo, the magic man. Is it him you’re talking about?”

“You know him?”

Jim replies, “Yeah, of course, we travelled with him and The Mayor earlier.”

“Where to?”

“To Moonstone.”

“He’s there now?”

Jim shrugs, “I guess.”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me earlier you imbeciles?

“Err…”

“Never mind, fill me in now. And I want to know everything!”

Dixon Bainbridge reaches the pigsties just after Bobby has left it. Consequently there’s nothing for him to see there.

“Damn it, where are those twins?”

The Mayor lights a match but there’s no sign of them or any indication of what happened to Bob Fossil. He blows out the match and discards it. He taps the handles of his guns as if to check they’re still there. He smooths down his moustache.

“The Sheriff. If anyone’s behind their disappearance I bet it’s him. He’s probably got them locked up in a cell.”

Just as Bobby had done minutes before the Mayor takes the path to the jailhouse.

Howard gently lifts Vince’s arm from off of his chest and slides out of bed. “Bloody bladder,” he whispers.

“Whazat?” Vince mumbles as his half opens one eye.

“Nothing, go back to sleep.” Howard pulls the cover up and over Vince’s shoulder before leaning down and giving him a peck on the cheek. “I’m just going for a piss.”

Vince rolls over and snuggles into the pillow. “‘kay, be quick.”

Bobby runs across the street and ducks into the shadow of Sally Glister’s Dressmaker’s Shop. He’s panting hard and shaking, certain he heard somebody behind him, somebody following him. He inhales deeply, trying to steady his nerves, when sure enough he sees a figure appear on the other side. He folds himself further into the dark and watches.

Dixon Bainbridge reaches the street. To the right it leads back to his hotel, left towards the jailhouse. He creeps along the left to the corner goods store and thus gives himself a vantage point to suss out the Sheriff’s abode. He can’t believe his luck when he spies the Sheriff exiting his front door and making his way to the outhouse. He unholsters a gun and creeps across.

On the other side of the street Bobby follows.

“So it sounds like the meddling Shaman Council have sent another one in to help protect the cosmos. I knew I could smell one in my home. The last ones that came through accidentally locked me in this world. A pink geezer that looked like an enlarged bladder, and a kid who I think fucked off to Vegas or some nonsense. I followed them through to sneak a peek at what they were doing but got myself trapped didn’t I. The pink one got rescued by that Dennis fella and they shut the door before I could pass back through. But by that time I’d found out all about our local soul mates and realised I could have me a little fun. It had been so long since I’d found some proper star-crossed lovers that I didn’t even realise any still existed. And I’m so close to getting away with everything too. I can’t believe there’s another shaman here. Something must have tipped them off, some cosmic divination no doubt. Pathetic bunch of do-gooders! And now I’ve got to presume he knows about me and probably my plans. And if he knows about them he’s probably gonna poke his bugle in ain’t he? Still, I have the amulet so he’s not going very far. He don’t know that I know that he’s here, not yet anyways.”

“Are you talking to us Doc, er, I mean Mr. Hitcher? Just we haven’t a clue what you’re rattling on about.”

“You don’t need to understand, that ain’t your job. Your job is to listen when I want to have myself a little rant, and to do what I tell you to do when I want you to do it.”

“And have you anything you want us to do now then?”

“Sure do boys. I need the Sheriff or the Deputy. I need you to capture one of those lawmen lovers and bring him to me. And I need him this morning.”

“Who? Sheriff Moon and the new Deputy? Are they, you know, doing stuff together then?”

“I don’t care what they’re doing together? Love is the only issue here, gross, icky, higher-matched love, and I mean to use it to blackmail the very thing that created it, the Universe. I’m going to open me an evil eddy the likes of which has never been seen before, and with that evil under my control I will be the most powerful being across all time.”

“And you’re doing all this today?”

“Before breakfast or after?”

“Actually I am a bit peckish. You got any malt loaf on ya?”

The twins shake their heads. “What’s that?”

“It’s healthy innit. Never mind, just get us a lawman instead.”

“Which one?”

“Don’t care, but the pretty one will be easier to hold down.”

“Well the Sheriff’s planning to arrest the Mayor. Maybe we can ambush one of them then.”

“Okay, that could work. Good thinking boys. We’ll head back to The Salty Bullet, formulate a plan, and have a nice cup of tea.”

Jim and Jackie Piper look more baffled than ever.

“Standing around with your dick in your hand Sheriff? Seems very apt for you.”

Howard tucks himself in and wheels around to face Dixon Bainbridge and the barrel of a Colt 45. “Well at least mine still works.”

“What’s that? What do you mean by that?”

“Oh nothing Bainbridge, don’t get emotional.”

Dixon waves the gun. “Well don’t fuck with me then.”

Howard takes a step forward. “What the hell do you want Bainbridge, it’s too early for this nonsense?”

“Oh no you don’t Moon, you stay right there.”

“What do you want?”

“Where are they?”

“Who?”

“The Piper Twins? You got them locked up in there?”

“What? No!”

“Show me.”

“I’m not taking you in there, Vince is asleep. And why the hell would I arrest the twins?”

“I heard you were planning to arrest me. Is that true? Maybe you’ve taken out my some of my defence.”

Howard doesn’t answer.

“If you’re really planning on bringing me in Moon you’d best get yourself some back up. Wouldn’t want you and Vincey boy caught in any crossfire.”

Howard remains silent.

“You know you’re outmanned and outgunned even if I don’t have the Pipers. And if you think they’ll testify against me then think again.”

“I don’t have the Piper’s Bainbridge.”

Both men stare at each other for a long time.

“So what do you have, on me I mean?”

Howard takes a moment to consider his next move. The Mayor is opening a door for him here, giving him an opportunity to ask questions. Should he? It would be nice to get some answers before he leaves Moonstone in a few hours’ time. And it seems as if Bainbridge is in the mood for talking.

“I know you arranged the murder of Lance Parrot.”

Dixon smiles. “You still going on about that. I didn’t kill Parrot.”

“No, but you told Lance to meet someone down by the tracks, and you got Bob Fossil to find a knife. You’re implicated.”

“Why would I do all that? What did I have to gain?”

“You thought Lance was stealing from you, and maybe he was, but the whole thing wasn’t your idea. You just made it happen for someone else. You made it happen for Doctor Bamshoot.”

Bainbridge swallows hard. He raises his gun higher. “There’s things you don’t comprehend.”

“Well enlighten me then. Why are you so scared of the Doctor?”

“Who said I’m scared?”

“Why else would you be covering for him like this? Why else would you do what he asks or suggests?”

Bainbridge shakes his head. “It’s not as simple as that. There’s more going on in Moonstone than you know.”

“Like?”

“Mystical stuff.”

“Naboo?”

“How do you know about him? But yes, like Naboo.”

“I’ve met him, and I know he knows you. But what’s that got to do with Doctor Bamshoot?”

The Mayor looks embarrassed at the mention of the Shaman, but he continues, “The Doctor isn’t a normal man either.”

“A shaman too?”

“No, not exactly. More of a witch or evil spirit or something. I don’t think he’s even the real doctor anymore. Hasn’t been for some time. Haven’t you noticed that he smells funny?”

“And how did you find all this out?”

“I saw him, the Doctor I mean, dead as a doornail in his surgery. I assumed he’d overdosed on Laudanum or something, but then the next day he appeared in the Bullet, alive and well. Freaked me right out. Then Lance had said he’d seen him dancing naked in the cemetery a couple of evenings before, performing some ritual or something. He knew that I’d seen him dead and has been forcing me to do stuff ever since.”

“Such as?”

“Fencing the cemetery. Getting him a knife. Arranging for Lance to meet him. I didn’t know he was going to kill him though.”

“So he killed Lance because Lance had seen him dancing? But instead of killing you he’s been using you.”

“Probably, and pretty much. Or maybe The Doctor just needed to kill Lance for another reason.”

“And Monty’s theatre. Was that him or you?”

The Mayor grins. “I’ve nothing to say on that matter. I don’t know anything about it.”

“Bullshit.”

“Change the subject.”

“Okay then. You didn’t murder Lance, but what about Gregory?”

“Who? I don’t know a Gregory.”

“Gregory was one of Red O’Reilly’s boys. Ring a bell now?”

Bainbridge takes a step backwards. He lowers the gun slightly. “How do you…who said…?”

“So it’s true. O’Reilly beat the kid up and you helped dump him into the lake.”

“Where did you get that from?”

“It doesn’t matter, I can’t prove it. But I can see in your eyes that it’s true you piece of shit.”

Bainbridge raises the gun again. “Remember who’s got the weapon trained on who Moon. You don’t want to piss me off.”

“And what about you pissing me off? Why the fuck are you here Bainbridge? You’ve already kicked the crap out of me, burned down Monty’s pride and joy and tried to kill Vince once, maybe twice. What the fuck is it you want now? You coming crying to me about your Daddy issues, is that it? You jealous of me because of my relationship with Tommy? Is that what everything comes down to? You’re just an envious sack of shit that never got any love from Papa?”

Bainbridge looks both ready to burst with anger and shrivel in distress. “What the fuck do you know about Tommy you arrogant arsehole? Who the hell told you he was my father?”

“So that’s true too. How did such a good man spawn a devil like you?”

“Fucking watch your mouth Moon. You don’t know a fucking thing about it.”

“Pretty sure you emotionally blackmailed Tommy to an early grave. Couldn’t wait to get your comeuppance on him once you arrived here could you? Revenge for Daddy leaving you behind?”

“I did come to Moonstone to find my Father, but instead I found Tommy had got himself a new son, you! Tommy tried to make it up to me but it was too little too late. And he started drowning his sorrows, hanging around the Bullet all the time apologising and trying to make amends. At least I could admire him as the Sheriff, but there was nothing to admire about him as a drunk. Stopping your bullet going in to me was the only decent thing he ever did in his life.”

“Sure. He saved the life of his criminal son. What an amazing deed.” Howard’s sarcasm isn’t subtle, “Look how happy the whole of Moonstone are to have you here. Don’t they really love you as their Mayor? Look how many friends you have.”

“Friends and family mean nothing. Power and money are the only solid things in life, the only things you can trust.”

“It really is sad you think that way Bainbridge. You’ve never truly looked around you have you, never looked for a different way to live? Take Bob Fossil. He always saw you as a friend, but you treat him like shit. He doesn’t deserve that. He’s defended you time and time again.”

“Fossil was an imbecile.”

“Was?”

“Don’t you know? Fossil’s dead. And before you suggest it, no, I had nothing to do with it. Why would I waste my time killing that dumbass bag of good for nothing brains. Fossil has always been a weight around my neck. Mother insisted I befriend him as a child and he’s been hanging onto my coat tails ever since. It’s almost embarrassing the way he fawns over me. I should have ditched him long ago, he barely has his uses. He couldn’t even get rid of the knife properly. He was fucking hopeless!”

“Do you really mean that?” Bob Fossil steps out of the gloom where he’d been hiding and listening the whole time.

Both Howard and Dixon jump out of their skins.

“What the living fuck?!”

“Bloody hell, we thought you were dead.”

Bobby takes a step forward. “You can see me then?”

“Of course we can see you. But you were stone cold dead. I saw you myself.”

“Thank goodness. I thought I might have been a ghost.”

“Fuck me, you really are stupid.”

“I heard you say that already. But I don’t care anymore Mr. Bainbridge. I couldn’t give a rat’s arse. Deputy Vince has helped me realise that I don’t need you in my life, that what I thought was your friendship was just you bullying me. And now I’ve heard you say it for yourself. You’ve never liked me, not really. We’ve never had anything close to a friendship. But Vince likes me I think, and the Sheriff here has looked out for me, and Naboo has been really kind so I don’t think I need you anymore.”

“Naboo, ah so he’s behind all this. Of course! He made you appear dead. Clever clogs!”

“Did he Bobby? Did Naboo help you out?

“I think so. I woke up amongst the pigsties though. I don’t know where he is?”

“Amongst the pigsties?” Howard scowls at Dixon. “You have anything to do with that Mayor?”

“Pfff!”

Howard puts a hand on Bobby’s shoulder, “Are you okay then? You’re not hurt?”

“Step away from each other. You still seem to be forgetting that I have the gun around here.”

“Give it a rest Bainbridge. What you gonna do, shoot us both here where we stand?”

“And you’re not the only one with a gun!” Vince’s voice travels down from the jailhouse veranda. They can’t see him but they hear the click of a hammer being cocked.

“Like you’re any good with a gun. You’re just some fancy pants ladyman.”

BANG!

“What the..!” Dixon Bainbridge whips the hat from off of his head to study the bullet hole that’s been left through the exact centre of the crown. “Why you little shit! That was a new hat!” Bainbridge aims his gun towards the dark of the veranda.

He doesn’t see the punch that Bobby Fossil launches, “Leave Vince alone!”

Bainbridge feels the punch though. “Ow, fuck!” He tries to raise the gun in Bobby’s direction instead, but Howard has already grabbed him from behind and pinned his arms to his sides. “Give it up Bainbridge.”

The Mayor struggles but realises he’s no match for the three of them. “Okay, okay. Let me go. I’m not gonna shoot anyone.”

“I’m not sure I believe you.”

“Here, look.” He awkwardly, beneath Howard’s grip, manages to slip the Colt back into its holster. “The gun’s gone. See. We’re all good.”

Vince makes his way down the steps. “What the fuck is going on? You all woke me up.”

Howard slowly lets the Mayor go. “Well this one jumped me, waving his gun around asking where I’d hidden the Piper Twins.”

“But we don’t have the twins.”

“So I told him. Then Bobby here turned up back from the dead. Seems Naboo pretended to kill him.”

Vince pats Bobby on the back. “It’s nice to see you’re okay. We were gutted when we thought you’d carked it.”

Bobby smiles coyly.

“You gonna fuck off now then Bainbridge?”

“You’ve not heard the last of me Moon.”

“Well we live down the street from each other, and you do have a rather loud voice so no, I doubt that we have heard the last of each other.”

The Mayor points a finger at Vince. “I should have strung you up when I had the chance.”

Bobby takes a step towards him. “You need to go now Mr. Bainbridge.”

With a “humph” Dixon Bainbridge turns his back on the three of them and strides away.

“Well that was fun.”

“You said you were only going for a piss.” Vince rubs Howard’s arm. “You just can’t keep out of trouble can you.”

“Seems not.” Howard rubs his eyes. “Doubt we’ll get any more sleep now.”

“And the sun’s nearly up anyway.”

“I’m just glad I’m not a ghost.”

Vince laughs, “What you on about Bobby?”

“I woke up on my own down by the pigsties, thought I might be dead, and thought I might be a ghost.”

“Ha-ha. Well we’re glad you’re not a ghost either. You really helped us out here, thanks for that.”

“We’re planning on leaving Moonstone today, me and Vince and Mr. Flange and anyone else that wants to come. Will you leave with us Bobby? We’re all packed up ready. If you can grab your things and meet at the station before the eleven o’clock train then we’d love for you to come.”

“Yeah, do come. Get away from here. You’re not safe and you can start all over again. Maybe become a proper bank manager somewhere else.”

“Really? After all I’ve done?”

“Well I don’t think you played that big a part in crime, not really. Besides friends look out for each other, and you’re with us now.” Vince winks and gives him one of his biggest smiles.

“Yes! Yes! I say yes! I will come. I’ll go pack now. This might be the happiest I’ve ever been. I’ll see you later. Bye!” And with that Bob Fossil dashes from view in the direction of his home at the rear of the bank.

Howard smiles too. “Think we made his day.”

“Yeah, think so.”

Howard puts his arm around Vince’s shoulder. “Well that was eventful.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah. It was weird though, Bainbridge daring to approach me like that. I think he may be running a bit scared at the moment and willing to take risks.”

“Which probably makes him more dangerous.”

“Maybe. He confirmed that Doctor Bamshoot killed Lance though.”

“He did, what just then?”

“Mm. He said it’s not really the Doctor though, that it’s some dark spirit man or something.”

“He’s Baboo Yagu’s.” It’s Naboo’s turn to surprise them from the dark.

“Jeez Naboo, you nearly gave me a heartache here.” Howard puts his hand over his heart. “What’s with people jumping out on me tonight?”

Vince looks startled too. “Naboo! Where have you been? We’ve just been talking to Bobby and it seems that you saved his life, by killing him.”

Naboo nods. “Yes, I saw him leave. Thought I should wait until showing myself. Things have taken a bit of a turn and you two need to be prepared.”

“For what?”

“As I said, the Doctor is Baboo Yagu. C’mon, let’s talk inside.”

Dixon Bainbridge pauses before he opens the back door to The Salty Bullet. He can hear a raised voice. He pulls on the handle, opening the door as slowly and quietly as he can, and edges inside. The voice is clearer now.

“Right then, I’ll set myself up over here. You two see to fixing me up that cuppa.”

“Cuppa?”

“I forgot you septic tanks don’t know about the world’s finest invention. Bread and cheese then, and a pint of whatever decent ale you have to wash it down.”

“Anything else?”

“Yeah, you can tell Mayor Bainbridge to come out of his hiding place.”

The Mayor steps out from the shadows looking white as a sheet. In front of him sits the most hideous looking creature he has ever seen. He has the general look of a man but with a face so green and grotesque he can barely dare to look at him. He’s sporting a tall black hat and a huge white monocle. Standing either side are the perverted figures of the Piper Twins, each equally horrible with their green skin and what looks like red whiskers. It’s indeed a sight to behold.

The twin’s response to the Mayor is one of happiness though.

“Boss, look at us. We’re demons.”

“We’re undead boss. We’re proper bad guys now.”

The Hitcher stands and whacks each twin around the head with his cane. “I’m your boss now not him. Now go get me that grub. Go on, be off with ya before I do you both a mischief. And you”, he points the cane towards the Mayor, “Grab a seat and make yourself comfy. Best we get acquainted.”

Dixon makes his way forward, stepping through a few bodies lying around and about on the floor. He spots Duke and Sammy amongst them. “What happened to my men?”

“Don’t worry about them. I didn’t want any fuss or bother so I put them to sleep.”

“They’re alive?”

“Of course they’re alive, what d’ya take me for, a monster?”

“The women upstairs?”

“The same.”

The Mayor pulls up a seat a little ways away from The Hitcher. “Are you Doctor Bamshoot? I mean what Doctor Bamshoot really looks like?”

“Your Doctor is dead, as you well know. I just used his skin for a bit.”

“What do you want? Why are you here?”

“I want much the same as you actually Mayor. In fact we’ve always been on the same page me and you. I want and will do what you’ve failed to do.”

“Which is?”

“I want to kill Howard Moon or Vince Noir. I want one of them to die by my hand.”

The Mayor leans forward in his seat. “Now you’ve got me interested. But why just kill one?”

“It’s all I need. Just one star-crossed lover to set things in motion.”

“Star what lover?”

“Star crossed. You know, like Shakespeare. Heard of him? Old Shakiepoos we used to call him. Top bloke. Could write a love story that one.”

“You knew him?”

“Knew him, I’m practically wrote that whole scene with Lady Macbeth and the daggers. She slashed one way, she slashed the other, and she made a pretty mess of the king.”

“Not quite how I remember it.”

“Well it’s not Macbeth we’re hoping to achieve, it’s more Romeo and Juliet ain’t it. And we need to get our hands on the leading man, or lady. I reckon the lady will be easier though don’t you?”

“The Deputy?”

“The very same.”

“Moon and Vince are like Romeo and Juliet? Are you having me on?”

“Well neither are quite so pretty, or young, but the basics are the same. Two people destined to be with each other against all odds.”

“How together?”

“Together, you know. Vero amore. Amor verdadero. L’amour varix. True love kind of together.”

“I knew it! I knew they were shagging.”

“It’s a bit deeper than that, but okay yes, they’re shagging.”

“Brilliant.” The Mayor rises from his seat. “This is gold. If you kill Vince then you’ll be committing Howard to a life of misery. It’s perfect. I don’t care why you’re doing what you’re doing, I just want to see Howard Moon a broken man again. Even more broken than he was before if possible.” He rubs his palms together with glee.

The Hitcher puts up his hands. “If that’s a bi-product of what I do and that makes you happy so be it. I’m glad to be of service.”

The Piper Twins arrive with a plate of food and a glass of frothy beer. The Hitcher takes of huge swig of the drink and wipes the foam from his top lip. “Cheers boys. That hits the spot. Now I want you two to get across to the Doctor’s house and bring back here the black trunk. Quick as you can, no dilly dallying okay?”

“Yes boss.”

The Piper Twins scuttle out the front door together singing something about apples and pears.

The Mayor pulls his chair a little closer to The Hitcher. “So, you need Howard or Vince dead. Let’s say Vince. Well I can do that for you”. He taps the top of his guns. “I could have done it earlier if I’d have known. I was with them both only a while ago and could have shot either one.”

“I don’t want one dead straight away, I need to capture one. I need one for my final plan.”

“Which is?” The Mayor has gone from fearful to cheerful in a matter of minutes.

“I need to feed one to the Swirling Black Hole of Cosmic Terror.”

“Oh, right.” Dixon shifts in his seat. “Sounds…ominous. But great, when do we start?”

The Hitcher takes another sip of beer. “No time like the present me boy, no time like the bloomin’ present.”

“Sit down Naboo, can I get you anything to eat or drink?”

“No, thanks.” Naboo plonks himself in the middle of the couch, crossing his legs up beneath himself. He pulls out his pipe and sucks on the end without lighting it.

Howard and Vince seat themselves before him. “So then, what’s come to light?”

“Who is The Doctor really?”

“His name is Baboo Yagu, better known as The Hitcher, a demon centuries old and a real pain in the arse. I thought he was imprisoned in a castle on Xooberon but turns out he’s here.”

“A demon from hell?”

“No from London. East End to be precise.”

“Do you know why he’s here?”

“Well it’s definitely him trying to screw things up.”

“Is there a reason for it all?”

“Doubt it. He’s just a demon. He’ll be doing it all for kicks and trying to win himself a pocket of power somehow. All demons ever want is power and a foothold in reality. The thing they fear most is not being feared. When they’re forgotten about or ignored they’re at their weakest, so they force themselves into worlds set on causing as much wrongdoing as possible. And most have their favoured transgressions. The Hitcher has a few. His hobbies include hunting down evil animals, hanging out with London’s most famous heroes and villains and spying on us shamen. Seems he’s added stuffing up soul mates to his list.”

“And that puts us in danger?”

“I found his spell book. I think he’s trying to create a special kind of black hole, a particularly nasty one that at its worst will sever every true love story across the whole of time.”

“And that’s bad because?”

“Well love holds everything together doesn’t it, especially true love? Without it there’ll be chaos, and there’s nothing a demon loves more than chaos. And that chaos will give him bargaining chip. That’ll be what he’s really after, the power to switch chaos on or off as a threat. He’ll intimidate the Universe, threaten to destroy history’s greatest love stories one by one if he doesn’t get whatever he demands in the moment. If he wins then we’re all fucked.”

“So where do we come in? I know you said when it comes to lovers we’re special, that we’re soul mates as you put it. Does he need us to make this black hole thing work?”

“Yes, you are star-crossed. One of you is all he needs. Everything else is set to go.”

“One of us?”

“Yes.”

“Which one?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“What will he do to us?”

Naboo fiddles with his pipe. “That I cannot say, but I don’t imagine it’ll be nice.”

“Fuck!” Howard gets out of his chair and starts pacing. “This is fucking nuts!”

Vince runs his hand through his hair. “Is there a way to stop him?”

“Only one that I know of.”

“How?”

“Self-sacrifice.”

“Who’s self?”

“Yours. Well yours and Howard’s.”

“We have to kill ourselves?!” Vince stands too. “So one of us dies and the Universe goes to shit, or both of us have to die to save it?”

“I didn’t say death, I said sacrifice. What that sacrifice looks like I cannot say.”

“Howard, are you hearing this?”

Howard takes Vince’s hand. “Okay, I’ll go along with this to a point Naboo. I’ll go along with it in that I’ll never leave Vince’s side. If this Hitcher wants one of us he’ll have to fight the other for them because we’re not letting each other out of our sight.”

Vince squeezes Howard’s hand, “They’ll have to literally tear us apart.”

Naboo nods, “Good. That’ll help. Plus I’ll be trying my best to foil his plans too. It would be easier if the Shaman Council sent some help like I asked but so far I’ve not heard from them.”

Howard and Vince sit back down. “Speaking of other shaman we’ve something to tell you. Did you know one of your lot has visited us before?”

“No, what do you mean?”

“It’s a long story but our friend, Monty Flange, was rescued by one a while back. He described him as tall and exotic looking. Quite handsome by the sound of it.”

“Saboo, and he’s not that handsome.”

“Naboo and Saboo! Really? Do all shaman names end in ‘oo’?”

“No.”

“Oh right. So anyway, this Saboo saved our friend from near death.”

“When? Where?”

“A while back and at the lake. Though he wasn’t actually here to save Monty, seems he was here on some mission. He told Monty as much. He then instructed Monty to return to Moonstone to look after Howard. He gave him some aging potion so he could disguise himself.”

“Saboo does like his aging potions.”

“Do you get what that was all about?”

“I can hazard a guess. I bet they did get my call for help but ended up coming though into the wrong time period. There’s a door to Xooberon by the lake, it’s how I got here. But they’re bloody hopeless at time reading, especially if Tony Harrison had anything to do with it.”

“Tony Harrison?”

“Another shaman from Xooberon. He’s a complete fool.”

“Well if they hadn’t got the timing wrong then Saboo would never have rescued Monty, so it was lucky in a way.”

“For Monty yes, but it also explains how The Hitcher got here too. I bet they’ve been through the doorway a few times looking for me and The Hitcher followed them through. Kirk’s always off his head so he wouldn’t have noticed, and as I said Tony Harrison’s a dunce. And Saboo thinks he’s mister perfect and would never accept that he’s made a mistake. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s how The Hitcher found out about you two. Bet he overheard them discussing stuff. Honestly they’re all a bunch of twats. I’m better off on my own.”

“Well I for one am happy Saboo rescued Monty from that clothes trunk. He would have drowned real slowly if not.”

“A clothes trunk, that’s interesting. Did Monty say what happened to it Howard?”

“No.”

“Bet The Hitcher found it by the lake too, discarded after the rescue. A trunk like that, holding a dying man’s fear and trepidation, is the perfect conduit for his diabolical lair.”

“What lair?”

“The Hitcher uses a big black trunk as a kind of bubble in time. It’s not that big a bubble as he hasn’t as much magic on Earth as he has on Xooberon, but it’s enough for him to create a safe space in which to work his evil.”

“What happens if we destroy the trunk?”

“Not much now, most of his preparations are done, but it does give me an idea.”

“Naboo?”

“We need to trap him in his own box.”

Back at the Salty Bullet the Piper Twins are manoeuvring the Hitcher’s trunk through the main doors.

“It’s not has heavy as it looks is it brother?”

“Certainly not as heavy as Bob Fossil.” Both twins burst out laughing.

“Over here you two. Pop it down near this wall.”

“What’s this for?” Dixon Bainbridge reaches out to touch it, but the Hitcher slaps his hand away.

“Not for the likes of you, that’s what it is. Now I want no-one to open this, you hear me? You keep an eye on it, but you don’t go near it.”

Dixon returns to his seat. “We need a plan, and it needs to be a good one if we’re going to nab the Deputy. You got any ideas?”

“I was hoping you could help me with that matter. Aren’t they coming to arrest you soon?”

“That’s what I heard, but I’m not so sure now. They don’t have much on me to arrest me, and I doubt they want a gunfight.”

“Shame, I’d prefer they came to us. I like it here, it’s comfortable. I always feel at home in a pub. So how do we lure one in?”

Dixon nibbles at the end of his moustache. “One might come if they thought they were rescuing the other, or someone else they care about.”

“Who do they care about?”

“The most? That actor friend of theirs.”

“Montgomery Flange?”

“Yeah. The Sheriff would come for him for sure.”

“Okay. We might be able to work with that. We snatch Montgomery, tie him up here and wait for the rescue.”

“But they’d both come wouldn’t they? Or just Moon, and I’d really prefer it if we got the Deputy. Plus how do we get Monty? We’d have to grab him somehow and bring him here. If we do that then we might as well try and grab the Deputy directly. “

“You’re right, it’s too fussy. I knew you’d help me plan. It’s good to have someone to bounce ideas off of.”

“Same. You’ve no idea how refreshing it is stategise crime with a fellow expert.”

“I think I’m a little out of your league being that I’m, you know, a cockney demon an all.”

“Well I’m happy to help if it means finally destroying Howard Moon. Damn it, the amount of times they’ve been separated in the last few days, if only I knew of your plans for them earlier I’d have kept the Deputy aside for you.”

“No, it’s all been perfect so far. You’ve done well. Their constant parting has only strengthened their love for each other. It’s helped cement their bond.”

“It makes me feel sick. Howard Moon and his ugly wife. Yuck!”

“The Universe doesn’t think so. The Universe loves love, especially a love like theirs that’s pure and complete. That’s why I need one, I need to harness some of that for my own purpose.”

The Mayor stands again. “If only we knew what they are scheming, whether they’re still going to attempt an arrest, or whether they’ll keep their heads down for a bit. If we knew we’d be able to jump the Deputy I’m sure.”

The Hitcher slaps the table. “I might have just the very thing to help.” He scoots across to the trunk, opens the lid and disappears inside.

The Mayor stands, mouth agape, until two minutes later the Hitcher returns holding a large orb.

“Where’d you go?”

“Downstairs. But no matter about that, take a look at this. It’s me crystal ball. I nearly forgot I had it, haven’t used it in donkeys.” The Hitcher wipes it over with a pocket handkerchief.”

“What does it do?”

“It lets me spy on peeps without them knowing. We could check out what our lawmen are up to right now. Only trouble is, I need something from one of them to make it work. It helps zone in on them.”

“Like what?”

“Oh anything really. Something they’ve touched in recent times. Something they’ve worn is usually best.”

The Mayor snaps his fingers, “Would a belt do?”

“Whose?”

“The Deputy’s. Think it’s lying around here somewhere. Mr. White used it to tie his hands at some point, but we untied him before taking him down to the lynching post. I’m sure it’s here. Give me a moment.” The Mayor goes racing off into a back room before rushing back holding a black belt. “Here.”

“That should work a treat.” The Hitcher takes in his left hand whilst moving his right around and across the crystal ball, muttering an incantation under his breath. He stops at one point, gives the ball a shake and curses the reception in Moonstone before resuming. All of a sudden the seated images of Howard and Vince quiver into view.

“There! There they are.” Dixon Bainbridge can barely control his excitement. “You got them. Can we hear what they’re saying too?”

“Hang on a sec, let me turn the volume up.” Slowly but surely Howard and Vince’s voices can be heard.

“So you know how you said a force was keeping us apart for all this time, and we said that it was mostly the Mayor doing that recently…”

“Ooh, they’re talking about me.” The Mayor whispers whilst pulling his chair in closer.

“…does that mean the Hitcher has been controlling the Mayor completely?”

“Damn it, they do know about me. The Shaman must be with them. Here, I’ll zoom out a bit.”

“There he is, Naboo the Enigma.”

“More of an enema if you ask me. Now shhh, I want to hear how much he knows about me.”

“…before how the Mayor is acting independently, but The Hitcher is just giving him a little push here and there. It’s the same with me and you two, I just steer you around a little bit.”

“You’ve said that before, but like when?”

“Like when I saved Vince before the Mayor got to him. And like I helped him onto the mail cart that got him here.”

“You what? How did you do that?”

“I told you, I came to watch Clockwork Guns, to see you for myself. You got pissed and I took the opportunity to put you on a direct path to Moonstone. The Shaman Council would think it was too much interference but it was getting on my nerves waiting for you to arrive, watching Howard mope about the place.”

“I forgot you’d said you’d seen my band.”

“And when did you see me moping? I’d never laid eyes on you before the other day.”

“Well I just knew you were.”

“It’s so fucked up thinking we’ve been maneuvered around.”

“Sorry, but that’s what it means to be star-crossed.”

The reception drops out and the image goes fuzzy in the crystal ball. “Hells bells, we’re losing them. Hang on a minute, if I just tip it this way a jot. Yep, here we go.”

“…so there really is no point.”

“But we’ve told everyone now. They all think we’re doing it.”

“Doing what? C’mon tell us.”

“It’s a waste of time.”

“So what else do we do, just sit around here waiting for the Hitcher to come? No, we said we’d try to leave and that’s what we’ll do, if not for us then for everyone else. We’ll head to the station as planned before the morning train arrives.”

The image fades to black.

The Hitcher shakes the ball again. “Damn it, I think it needs charging. I really should invest in a newer model one of these days.”

“Well that’s a bummer, they’re planning on running away on the next train. How we going to fuck them up if they’re not here?”

“Didn’t you hear what Naboo said, it’s a waste of time. They’re not going anywhere.”

“What do you mean?”

“They can’t leave. It’s their fate to stay here in Moonstone, at least until I get involved.”

“None of this makes any sense. You’re all bonkers.”

“I might be bonkers, but I can spot an opportunity when I see one.”

“An opportunity? Where?”

“They’re heading to the station, and the station is right near us, yes?”

“Yes. So?”

“And they said they’d told everyone. By everyone I would think that means they’ll be at least a small crowd there. And we can add to that crowd by sending your men and women in too.”

“Keep going.”

“In a crowd it’s easier to fashion a situation, to carve an outcome. In a crowd you can choose to be seen or to be invisible.”

“Okay, okay, I get you. We create a diversion. We have everyone looking one way…”

“…and when they’re all looking that way…”

“… we grab the Deputy and run…”

“…all the way to the cemetery.”

“The cemetery? Why there?”

“Because that’s where The Swirling Black Hole of Cosmic Terror is ain’t it?”

“Is it?”

“Of course. And the sooner we grab the Deputy, or the other one…”

“I’d prefer the Deputy.”

“…okay, the Deputy. As soon as we grab him then the sooner we can get my final show on the road.”

“So how we going to go about it then? Grabbing Vince I mean?”

The Hitcher turns in his chair. “Oi, you two twins, get over here.”

“Boss?”

“You know where you can get your hands on a horse and cart?”

“Sure. Chalky’s got one out back for deliveries.”

“Nice one. Now all these men”, he signals to Bainbridge’s men asleep around him, “and the women upstairs. Go and turn each of them so they’re all facing upwards towards the sky, then come tell me when you’re done. It’s time to bring them all out of their reveries.”

Naboo steps onto the veranda of the jailhouse and looks at the sun. It’s a couple of hours or so before everything kicks off. “I’m going out for a bit.”

Howard sticks his head around the door frame. “Going where?”

“Out. Got a few things to do. I’ll see you later.”

“When later? At the station?”

“Let’s just say you’ll see me when you need to.”

“Do you ever give a straight answer?”

Naboo climbs onto Bollo who’s appeared at the bottom of the stairs. “Be smart Howard, and be brave. I’ll catch up with you soon.”

Howard moves to the top of the steps, “But Naboo, how will I…”

“Bye Howard.” Naboo rides off down the street.

“For goodness sake, cryptic much?”

Vince appears at the door. “Where’s he going?”

“No idea. He said he’d see us later.”

“I hope not too much later.”

Howard shrugs, “I suppose we carry on doing what we planned to do. Gather our things and meet everyone at the station. We can call on Monty and see if he’s ready.”

“Sure, I guess. We might as well get going. There’s nothing else to do here.”

“Well, we might have time for a little something.”

Vince grins. “Naughty, naughty.”

“Nothing to lose, all to gain.”

“Get in here Sheriff.”

As Howard heads back inside Vince hauls him across the threshold, quickly locks the door and pushes Howard against the wall.

“Easy Deputy.”

“Shut up.”

Vince rubs Howard’s cock through his pants and the bigger man moans. “Fuck.”

Vince continues massaging him through the material whilst lowering himself to his knees. “Undo your trousers.”

Howard does as he’s told, and Vince hastily tugs down the pants and releases him. He gently pulls the foreskin back and licks the tip, his right hand stroking beneath. He wraps his lips around the end of Howard’s prick and swirls his tongue. Howard leans his head back against the wall and runs his fingers through Vince’s mane of hair. He can feel himself losing it already. He steadies.

Vince strokes Howard’s shaft, rubbing his thumb across the frenulum whilst continuing to lick and suck Howard’s head. He’s lightly massaging Howard’s balls now too, speeding everything up and then slowing everything down, in tune with Howard’s sighs and murmurs and hip movements. He hums a little, sending teeny vibrations through Howard’s manhood. The Sheriff trembles.

And then Vince looks up.

As their eyes meet it’s like a seismic wave passes through Howard. He cups the side of Vince’s head in his palm, watching his penis enter in and out of the Deputy’s mouth, watching glistening lips and flushed cheeks and fluttering eyelashes and the bobble of Vince’s Adam’s apple as he purrs and swallows. “I’m gonna come.”

Vince nods but doesn’t take his mouth away as the Sheriff expects him to. Instead Vince keeps sucking, eyes locked on his lover’s, bright blue and sparkling, full of passion and love and admiration and trust.

Howard blows him a kiss and then comes, quivering and softly thrusting into Vince’s mouth. A small trickle of semen dribbles down Vince’s chin. He wipes it away in a sensual fashion before tucking Howard back into his trousers.

Howard, still breathing heavily, clutches Vince’s shoulders and lifts him to his feet before grabbing the Deputy’s face between his hands and pulling him into a deep, languid kiss. He can taste himself, but he doesn’t care. He turns them so Vince’s back is against the wall and plunges his hand down the front of Vince’s pants. He clutches Vince’s dick, and deepening the kiss even more, rubs up and down.

It doesn’t take long for Vince to crescendo across the line. With the sound of his moans and gasps smothered by Howard’s mouth he orgasms hard, shaking from head to toe and clinging to Howard with all his strength.

Howard puts his head on Vince’s shoulder and strokes the nape of the smaller man’s neck. “I love you.”

Vince kisses Howard’s jawline and whispers, “I love you too”, into his ear.

---