Arctic Conditions

Posted on by
What's the real reason behind the hiatus of The Boosh? Why did Fielding and Plume break up? Why does no-one ever see The Boosh boys together any more? What lies ahead for the future of The Mighty Boosh?

Category:

Characters: , , , ,

Pairing: , , ,

Genre: , , ,

Rating:

Warning: ,

Status:

Length: words

Body Heat

Contents

Body Heat

Chapter Summary: Leaving Noel’s, Julian has no choice but to go back home. Julia’s waiting for him the second he’s on the doorstep…

Chapter Notes: Well… this chapter has been a long time coming and I cannot apologise enough. Not gonna lie, I had a such a strong fantasy block, that I couldn’t even create a picture of my fantasy block to destroy so… yeah. I really hope that this chapter makes up for the wait (probably not) but it’s a pretty crucial chapter in terms of plot. Enjoy Xx

Julian slows down as he approaches his front door, only just realising as he walks up his drive that he didn’t exactly leave Julia at the best moment earlier.

“Shit.” Why did he not think of this earlier? Maybe because you were too busy trying to get a leg over Noel. Oh. I forgot about you. Reminding me of everything wrong that I do. Yep.

Still cursing himself for his own stupidity, he slowly gets out his keys. Just as he’s about to unlock the door, it’s open, and Julia is stood there. For a moment it’s just that. Julia stood there with a blank expression on her face, and Julian with his arm raised, keys in hand, to open the door. Then she walks into the house, and so Julian lowers his arm and slowly enters the house, closing it as quietly as possible; aware of the kids who are probably asleep again next door.

He rests his head on the back of the front door, still not fully prepared to have this conversation yet even though he knows it needs to happen. As his eyes are shut and his deep, calming breaths subside however, he hears two voices talking. Two female voices. Oh shit.

 

Pulling himself away from the door slowly, he begins to walk into the living room to face the music that he’s sure is coming. What he sees when he walks in is pretty much what he expected after hearing two women when he was stood in the hallway. What he sees, is Jessica standing talking to Julia quietly off to one side whilst the boys are sat on the sofa in their coats, doing up their shoelaces.

Of course she was going to fucking phone someone to get the kids out. They don’t need to hear their mum and dad breaking up.

 

“Daddy!” There is hardly time for him to react before he’s being mauled by two lots of six year old jumping all over him.

 

Jessica turns to look at Julian as the boys are jumping on him, before turning back to Julia; giving her a sad smile, kiss on the cheek and then walking to the doorway.

“Come on then boys! Let’s be off.” The boys have other things on their minds however, as they’re suddenly bombarding Julian with words that have clearly been burning in their minds about this whole event occurring. Poor sods don’t know what’s going on. My little nippers.

 

“What’s going on?

“Why do we have to go?

 

“What’s happening?”

“I’m cold.”

“Why were you crying?”

“Do we have to go to school tomorrow?”

“Why’s Auntie Jessica here?”

“I feel sick.”

“Mummy’s sad.”

“Are we getting a day off?”

And then one of them asks a question that burns itself through all of the rest.

“Dad, are you and mummy splitting up?” Julian doesn’t really know what to say to that, and so he looks up at Julia for some clue as what to say. She seemingly doesn’t know either, as she looks to Jess in a panic for some aid. Jess has already picked up on Julia’s distress though as she’s moving further into the room whilst opening her purse.

“Oi. You two. Did I mention that if you get to the car now, you can each have a fiver when we stop off to get sweets?” she stands there holding the money in her hand as the boys comically look at each other before each bolting to get to the door quicker than the other. She turns to follow them to the door, pausing and hugging Julia on her way out before glaring at Julian, still on the floor, as she turns on her heel to go after the boys.

The second the door closes behind her, it’s like somebody has sucked all of the energy out of the room. Julian feels cold, tired and just drained. He’s knows that he’s not alone in this, because the way Julia looks just about says it all.

He doesn’t know what to say, and that’s a first, because he knows her too well to not know what to be able to say. But that just sums it all up really doesn’t it. This entire situation. Summed up in the fact that Julian can’t even say anything to the woman he shared his life with. But then again—neither can she.

Selfish bastard, even now you’re trying to make this into a competition. So fucking petty. You haven’t even offered her an explanation. She’s clearly waiting for one, so go ahead. Tell her. If you don’t tell her now, then when? She deserves to know, she needs to know. Just tell her you prick, and stop stringing her along.

 

Julia looks up through her blond hair, and prepares herself to speak. Looks like she beat you to it, old boy.

“I’ll put the kettle on.” That’s all she offers before she’s walking into the kitchen, to make tea that probably won’t even be drunk, and now Julian feels like a dick just sitting on the floor. So he gets up and follows her into the kitchen, his creaking knees serving as a reminder of his age, and the fact that he has wasted so many of his years.

The atmosphere in the kitchen is tense. And that’s good. Julian can work with this, unlike the cold and untameable atmosphere of the front room.

Looking over the kitchen island, Julian can see Julia next to the kettle. Her shoulders are moving in silent shudders as she cries about whatever conclusion her mind has come to about these events (which, to be honest, probably won’t be that far off). He can clearly see that in her mind, Julian has been having it on with somebody else, running out of the front room after Dave came round to go and meet up with a woman to confess his undying love to her, and forgetting about Julia and the kids.

More or less right. Apart from the tiny detail that includes the fact you’ve suddenly discovered you’re gay.

 

He knows that she won’t want him to be there, yet his body betrays him as he moves around the edge of the kitchen until he is stood next to Julia. She’s so involved in crying that she doesn’t even notice he’s there until he wraps a trying-to-be-comforting-but-failing-massively-arm around her shoulders.

The second his arm is fully around her, she whips around with her hand raised before stepping backwards, cradling her now stinging palm to her chest as her sobs continue. The slap that was delivered is now making itself known to Julian, whose head has been knocked to the side with the force behind it. Its pins and needles like sting a prickling reminder of how many betrayals he has been a part of. You were bound to get slapped sooner or later.

 

“Why?” The word is whispered from her lips as Julian’s brain still processes how quickly the situation has turned, and he faces back to meet her eyes. Her mascara is down her cheeks, her eyes are bloodshot and red rimmed, and her breath is gasping because of the sobs that are stuck in her chest.

“Why what?” The second the words leave his mouth, Julian knows they were the wrong words to say, as Julia’s eyes fill with fire and rage. Well shit.

 

“Why what? Why what?” Her voice has risen by about an octave and Julian braces himself from the verbal abuse he is most likely going to receive from this. Well it was a pretty stupid thing to say.

 

Really not being in the mood for this after Noel’s rejection earlier in the evening, he decides to cut her off and set her straight. Gently does it, don’t want to upset her further. Makes a change doesn’t it? You being on my side? Be fair! If you get knocked out, so do I. Selfish prick. That makes you one too.

“No,” Julian starts, holding his hands out with his palms out surrendering to her anger. After all, she has every right to be angry with him. “No. That’s not what I meant.” She looks at him sceptically, but doesn’t say anything, allowing him to continue.

“What I meant, was…” It was only then that Julian realised that he didn’t even know what he meant. “I dunno.”

Wrong thing to say.

He rests his head against the frame of the doorway as Julia launches verbal insults at him, attacking him with everything in her power. He knows he’s being a dick about everything, but his face hurts and he just doesn’t have the energy to focus on the argument. He has much bigger issues brewing in his head. His mind filled with Noel, hoping he’ll take him back for good. Wondering what their life together will be like. Him, Noel, and a flat filled with their beautiful creations…

“Are you even listening to me?” Julia’s shrill voice cuts through his thoughts, shattering the images that his mind had brought to him. “You dare stand there looking bored, whilst you go off gallivanting with some other woman?”

“There’s not another woman.” He mumbles it into the wood, but Julia can’t hear him; caught up in her own rage.

“What is it? Is she younger? Prettier? More fun to be around? What is it? And I know when you are lying to me, so don’t even think about trying. I know you went somewhere, so whose house did you go to? What was her name? I bet it’s something pretty and alternative, because you didn’t want to be stuck with boring old me. You’d rather be out with another woman and—”

“There isn’t another woman.” Julian says it louder so that Julia can hear him, cutting her off mid-flow, and, although he thought it impossible, she loses it even more.

“Well then who did you go to see when you left?” She practically screams the words at him, and he snaps.

“Noel!” He shouts it loudly as he turns round to face her, with his arms out in front of him exasperatedly. And that’s it. He can’t believe what he’s just said. Because there’s no going back now. That’s it. Over. Julia will kick him out and he has put seeing his kids in jeopardy. All because you couldn’t keep it in your trousers.

 

“It was Noel. I went to go and see Noel—” But Julian’s interrupted by Julia’s arms flung around his neck, the breath knocked out of him as she does the last thing he expected of her to do in such a situation. She hugs him.

He stands there taking it in for a second, before belatedly returning the hug, feeling Julia melt into it as he does so. She’s trembling, the shock of the revelation probably. It’s probably the reason she’s hugging him as well, as he’s the only one in the flat to be able to do so.

“I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you.” He whispers the words into her hair as he strokes the back of her head in an attempt to try and soothe her.

“I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid.” She’s still crying, although it’s a lot calmer now than it was, Julian’s actions proving to be useful. “After all this time…” She pulls back as she continues, “Julian, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for,” Julian blinks as that sets in. Wait, what?

“I’m the one that should be apologising to you!”

None of this sounds right to Julian, at all. Why should she apologise? Did she know about his feelings for Noel before he did? She wouldn’t have been this understanding, surely! Why would she even be with him?

“Here I am accusing you of cheating on me, and all you’ve been doing is going to visit Noel to check he’s okay!”

She misunderstood.

 

 

“I should’ve known I guess, but the way you got so jumpy when we were talking about him before… that’s no excuse though. I’m sorry Julian, I trust you completely. How could I not? I’m so sorry. I didn’t believe you when you said it, and I stand here saying that I know when you’re lying to me, yet here I am not believing you when you’re telling me the truth. I’m so, so sorry…”

 

“No—” but he’s cut off, as all of a sudden, the look of guilt on her face has turned into something hungry, and before he do anything about it, she’s pressing kisses into his chest and palming him through his trousers. Julian feels his eyes widening in alarm, as he tries to move her hand from where it’s stimulating his rapidly growing erection.

“Julia…” His self-control is waning under her ministrations, but he knows that this can’t happen. He loves Noel. And if this goes any further, he will have lost him forever.

But she’s shushing him with a finger against his lips, as she starts to unbutton his shirt with one hand.

“Julian, I need to make it up to you. Please, let me make it up to you.” And her finger is gone, using both hands to speedily slip the buttons through the holes on his shirt. And then it’s gone. Pushed off his shoulders by her speedy handiwork.

He isn’t responding to her, his mind filled with thoughts of Noel and how what he’s doing is letting him down. He needs to correct Julia. Tell her what he really meant. What if she stops you seeing the kids? And Julian really doesn’t have a clue what to do now, because what if she does?

Her arm wraps itself around his neck kissing and nibbling across his jaw, biting down on his pulse point when he doesn’t immediately respond the way she clearly wants him to. Julian’s legs hit something, and it’s only then that Julian realises that she’s been pushing him into the bedroom, and what his legs have hit is the edge of their bed.

They tumble gracelessly onto the bed, Julia angling her head so that her lips are pressed against his jaw, clearly hinting yet again at what she wants. Julian decides that he can’t avoid it much longer, and so, grimacing as he focuses on the pain in his cheek, he screws his eyes shut before pressing his mouth against hers.

The second her lips connect with his there are warning bells and sirens screaming for him to stop, telling him that this is wrong. He knows it’s wrong! It’s not fair. It’s not fair to anyone. Not to Julia, not to his kids, not to Noel. It’s not fair that Julia will have to be told that he’s in love with Noel after all of this. It’s not fair that his kids will have to live without their daddy constantly in their lives, if at all! Julia could probably push for full time custody with this one! And Noel. From Julian’s view, it’s the least fair on him. After all of the shit he has put Noel through recently, this is just another one to add to a long list of disappointments that Noel has been getting from Julian. If he ever found out after Julian’s little confession earlier in the night, then that will be it. Because Noel’s already given him another go at a second chance. He won’t be getting any more.

Julian is wrenched from his thoughts by Julia’s actions, as apparently what he’s currently doing is not enough for her. She’s started to unclothe him again; desperate for more physical contact as soon as possible, as though she senses his reluctance and is trying to move quickly so he can’t act upon it. She’s a woman. Of course she does. Not forgetting, of course, that this is Julia. She can read you like a book.

Eventually his trousers are off and she wastes absolutely no time in ridding herself of her own clothing, ripping it from her flesh as though it was burning her. All too soon for Julian’s liking, they’re naked, and he doesn’t have the time to even take a breath to suggest they don’t do this before Julia is guiding him where it is she wants him with a breathless whisper on her lips.

“Please.” And really, how can he say no. After all that he has done, how can he say no to this woman, who has stood by him through everything, who has carried his children, and who has loved him unconditionally. If only you loved her back in the same way.

 

He hesitates at that thought, knowing that this is wrong. That he loves Noel. But then that one thought that chills him to his very core enters his mind. What about the kids? Because if he leaves Julia, she may not let him see his kids. And so he has to choose between the certainty of losing Noel, or the possibility of losing his kids.

Gritting his teeth, and swallowing the bile that has risen in his throat, he sheathes himself in her—her tight heat pulling him in, as he remembers a different heat doing the same not so long ago.

The air around him that is now filled with gasps and moans he replaces with the gasps and moans of another. The blonde hair that is interwoven between his fingers, where he has tangled his hand, is somebody else’s mane. Every available memory he can conjure up from that night he does so. He replaces the image of Julia beneath him with that of a more masculine beauty; replacing reality with a dream world. Because that’s the only thing you’ve ever been good at; and you even need him to be good at that!

 

 

 

Even your job! Acting. Yeah right, gimme a break. Pretending. That’s all it is. You stand there pretending to be someone you aren’t. No. Not pretending. Lying. You’re a liar. The biggest type of liar that there is—a cheat. And you don’t care who you hurt in the process. Like you are now. To Julia. Because that’s who it is that you’re fucking. Julia. Not Noel. No. It can’t be Noel because that was so different to how it is now. Because when you fucked Noel he bled and you didn’t stop. He moaned and tried to tell you, but you blocked it out. Blocked it out because you didn’t want to hear what he had to say because you’re too much of a coward. Blocked it out because you didn’t want to stop.

 

Julian stops mid-thrust; fully buried into Julia. It doesn’t matter though. Doesn’t matter that he’s stopped what he’s doing so that he can tell Julia that this is wrong. That this isn’t what he wants because he’s thinking of Noel as they have sex. It doesn’t matter because he’s stopped right up against that spot, and it has Julia coming.

Her orgasm hits her fast and furious as she throws her head back on impact, gasping out his name as she does so in a strangled sob. And before Julian can even blink, he’s there too. Coming with a shout as one name flashes across his mind.

It’s only when he drops when he, boneless, flops down to one side that he fully comprehends the reality of what has just happened. Lying on his back he turns his head to the side, facing away from Julia. It’s then that the tears start to fall. He knows why he did it, the fear of losing his kids if he leaves Julia overwhelming, but knowing he’s certainly lost Noel is a stronger pain. One that is burning through his heart, and that no amount of tears can even begin to comprehend to compensate.

Julia remains oblivious as she nuzzles into the crook of his neck, resting her head on his chest, her arm over his waist holding him to the bed—her legs wrapped around his. Everything about her body language is commanding him to stay, leaving him without a choice. As he stares up at the ceiling, he begins to wonder when it was he started thinking of her as oppressive. He soon forgets all of that, pinned down by Julia’s sleep-heavy limbs, he is led into a deep, yet fitful, sleep, by her rhythmic breathing.

Outside in the living room, a phone on the coffee table rings. However, there is nobody there to pick it up.