Arctic Conditions

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What's the real reason behind the hiatus of The Boosh? Why did Fielding and Plume break up? Why does no-one ever see The Boosh boys together any more? What lies ahead for the future of The Mighty Boosh?

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Sub Zero

Contents

Sub Zero

Chapter Summary: How do you apologise to someone who ran away?

Chapter Notes: I am honestly ashamed at myself for leaving this for so long. I am so sorry. I will hopefully be finishing this soon (already started on the next chapter). I really am sorry for the break and I will hopefully have another chapter ready soon. I love you guys and I will not abandon this fic until it is finished, I promise you that. Once again guys I am sorry and I will see you for the next chapter <3 xx

I’m sorry, but the person you are calling is currently unavailable.

Julian growls loudly as he hits the end call button before slamming his phone onto the nightstand.

It had been nearly a week. Nearly a week of Noel avoiding his texts and calls, and Julian had had about enough of it. He was seriously thinking about just going to see Noel and shouting in his face how much he loved him.

Before he could even contemplate what sort of betrayal his body had in for him, he was already shrugging his jacket on and shutting the door to his hotel room; his key card being slipped into his pocket.

As he stood on the outside of the door, holding down the doorbell to Noel’s house, he had an odd sense of déjà vu before shrugging it off. Noel always answered so this can’t have happened before.

He stood outside for another few minutes before hearing a familiar voice.

“Julian?”

Julian turned around, his stomach dropped as he realised that the voice he had recognised hadn’t been the voice he wanted.

“Hiya Dave.” Julian called out, a thin-lipped smile straining his face.

“The hell are you doing here?” Dave asked, although there was no malice in his tone. Julian frowned slightly.

“Isn’t it obvious?” He asked.

“No, I meant what are you doing here?” Dave emphasised. “Noel hasn’t been here since last week.” He stated, as though it should’ve been obvious to Julian.

Julian groaned, pulling at his hair as he crouched down close to the ground in frustration. How can he still be in America for god sake?

“Um…” Julian could’ve laughed with how awkward Dave was obviously feeling s Julian had a mini-meltdown in front of Noel’s house. At least he isn’t trying to break your face this time.

 

“For fuck sake.” His words were muffled by where his face was pressed into his legs, still crouching. Trying to gather his sanity, and gain some fucking dignity, Julian stood up quickly; his knees creaking in protest.

 

Old man.

 

 

 

Dave looked at him like he was insane, a small smile dancing around the corner of his mouth. And he supposed he must’ve looked it. Having just run his hands through his hair frustratedly, he couldn’t think what a state he must’ve looked.

After making eye contact for merely a second, both men started laughing hysterically. The uncontrollable force of it making both men bend over at the waist with how much it hurt their stomachs.

It felt good. Laughing. It really had been a while since he had genuinely laughed at anything. Being this way with Dave, even though he knew the other man was still furious with him over what happened with Noel. They were best mates. Of course they were. He didn’t want that to just vanish.

With a break in between gasping for air, the pair seemed to calm down a little. Both standing upright once again, they seemed to be unable to stop smiling at each other. Perhaps you haven’t fucked this up completely with everyone?

Julian pointed in the direction of his hair, his smile beginning to hurt his face. Wow, it’s been a while since we smiled for this long. “How bad we talking?” Dave couldn’t contain the giggles that followed Julian’s question, still bemused by how bad the Northerner was looking.

“Oh, I dunno Doc.” And Julian snorted. He snorted. The 80’s reference catching him off-guard as he ran his hands through his hair, trying to sort out the wild mop look he apparently had.

“Better?” He didn’t know what he was hoping for, he really didn’t. He knew how bad he must’ve looked. His hair, though Julian had tried taming it, still overgrown and in need of cutting. His beard in very much a similar shape. His cheeks were sunken in from lack of food and sleep, which was also the cause for the dark purple bags under his eyes.

Dave paused for only a second before blurting out an unfiltered answer. “Nah. You still look like shit.” Julian shrugged. Knowing it was the case. “No, but seriously. You need to sort yourself out.” There was no hesitation in Julian’s answer.

“I need to talk to Noel first.” Dave shifted uncomfortably. “I know you aren’t the biggest fan of me right now, and that that is putting it lightly, but he needs to know how sorry I am. Even if it means he never speaks to me again.” Dave looked at him as if shocked by the revelation. Whatever he was expecting Julian to say, that definitely was not it.

“I mean, I’d love to help you…” Julian cut him off with a look, but Dave carried on regardless. “I would! You need to make this right.” And yeah, Julian had to give him that. “But I don’t even know where he is.”

“I know where he is.” Dave frowned at Julian, not understanding how he could know. Julian pulled the address out of his pocket.

“Look, here’s the address he’s staying at, and you can tell him I say to get over himself now. You’re both even.” She smiled sadly, knowing even now that she was just a ticket to get even after Julian slept with Julia.

 

Julian took the scrap of paper, before looking at it. Of course, he was staying there. He looked up to see Dee looking at her feet, before looking up to meet Julian’s eyes. Julian’s breath hitched in emotion as he saw the tears welled in her eyes, before he simply grabbed her into a bone-crushing hug.

 

They held on tightly to one another as they cried; each of them showing their personalities through their sorrow. Dee’s loud and attention grabbing, what made her so outgoing and quirky; Julian’s silent and stoic, the perfect opposite to his Noel.

 

The two both cried for their love. Their love for one man.

Julian held out the piece of paper. Dave looked at it for a second before he took the crumpled wreck out of Julian’s hand. His face softened with realisation as he realised that of course that’s where Noel would go to get away.

“He’s with Russell. Of course.” Dave laughed mirthlessly, almost offended that Noel would rather spend his time there and not with him. Julian could see the upset pulling down at the corners of his mouth and couldn’t stand it.

“Well I guess he knew that I would just come and see him if he was with you…” Dave looked at Julian, almost surprised that he knew what he was thinking, before he gathered his wits and realised that, of course he could. They were great friends. Perhaps Dave had momentarily forgotten that in his siding with Noel. Not that Julian blamed him. He should side with Noel. Not just for the fact that they had known each other longer, but because Julian had been in the wrong.

So, so, in the wrong.

 

“Yeah, I guess…” It became awkward for a moment as neither man knew what to say to the other. Julian not wanting Dave to think he was a desperate mess without Noel, even though that is exactly what he was, and Dave not wanting to give Julia any hope, that wasn’t his choice to make now was it.

There was a moment where they just stood. Then it was as if they moved together, both men moving in to hug each other at the same moment. The hug was brief, both men pulling themselves together quickly, wiping discreetly at their eyes as they stepped away from each other.

 

“But wait,” Dave frowned once more. He’d been doing that a lot. Frowning. Julian still didn’t think it suited him. “If you knew where Noel was, then what the hell are you doing here?”

And Julian looked down at his feet. It was embarrassing, was the truth. He was embarrassing. He was an embarrassment at any rate. He could feel the hot flush of his cheeks under his scruff. He choked down on air as he started speaking.

“How could I go there?” he looked at Dave with the tears back and clouding his vision. “He went there to get away. He went to America to run away.” He feels the tears spill as he confesses to Dave. He sees the pity on Dave’s face and he is so done with it. He doesn’t deserve it. He will never deserve it. He is the cause of all this.

“He ran away.” Julian doesn’t think he could ever stress that enough. “He ran away from me. There is no way I could chase him down to America, when he went there to avoid all contact with me whatsoever.”

There is a pause for a second. A pause where Julian’s self-pity can be heard in the quiet buzz of the street. The only other sounds from the occasional cars, and the far-away and distant sounds of children screaming as they played.

 

“Ju…” Dave took a breath, choosing his next words very carefully. Julian watched as Dave looked down at his boots, before deciding to talk at a thousand miles an hour. “I think you should go and see him in America.”

He blinked while he processed what Dave had said. Excuse you? Did you just make that up? That was in your head surely? But the way he was looking at Julian told him everything. Dave wanted them together. To make up. Even though he hated Julian at the minute, he was fed up of seeing Noel living a lie. He wanted Julian to go after him.

Julian couldn’t hold in his emotions anymore apparently. He pulled Dave in again, crushing his spine as he gave him a hug so tight, even Bollo would struggle. He could hear Dave’s initial moment of windedness before he laughed at Julian’s apparent inability to control himself.

“Get the fuck off.” Julian laughed with him as he let go, before the younger man turned serious, looking Julian dead in the eye. “This doesn’t mean I forgive you. You know that, right?”

Oh, I know. He nodded. He knew. Of course, he knew. I doubt he’ll ever let me forget. Quite right too. He shouldn’t forgive Julian. He should always remind him of this. The days where he nearly lost Noel. Assuming you do manage to get him back from America and haven’t completely screwed up all your 1,000 chances that he’s given you that is.

And well… yeah… apart from that.

As he began to run his way to the tube station to go to the airport, and Jesus today really has taken a turn hasn’t it? Dave called out after him.

“Ju!” he turned around. “I would avoid Mike’s for a while…” He tailed off, not finishing his sentence, and not needing to finish. Julian nodded. He knew. The wrath of the younger Fielding brother was not something to be messed with. The smaller man was surprisingly terrifying when pissed off. Julian would hate to see what he’d be like with his brother in pieces.

Sat on the plane as when Julian decided he was going to doubt himself. Not there was any room for deliberation. Literally. There was no fucking room on this plane.

He had felt numb checking in at the airport. Walking to the gate. Boarding the plane. But now, as he sat in his seat, the too tight buckle digging into his stomach, and dear god when the fuck did that happen, he was starting to freak out.

He knew Noel didn’t want him there. So why the fuck was this a good idea again? The more he thought about it, the less sure he was about listening to Dave’s advice. He hadn’t even spoken to Noel, so how could he be so sure that Noel wanted Julian to go and see him? The more that he thought about it the less he was sure about this plan.

Deciding he was about to jump up and out of those doors the overhead announcer clicked on. Wanting to smash his head through the tiny porthole window, Julian settled down into his seat as the cabin crew began their demonstration of safety precautions. Looking out the window as the plane began to roll out of the gate, Julian leant his head back onto the headrest, settling in to get some sleep for the duration of the flight. He would just have to get on a plane back once he landed.

He slipped deeper into sleep, smiling as his thoughts were taken over into dreams of a pretty man with backcombed hair.

The doorbell rang inside as Julian shifted back and forth nervously. He blinked. Still uncertain as to how he actually got here… on the doorstep… ringing the bell.

When he had fallen asleep on the plane, he had done so making the decision that he wasn’t going through with this, right? That he was just going to get off a plane and jump back onto the next available flight? Well that obviously never fucking happened.

 

Julian thought back over to his dream. Noel. He’d dreamt of Noel.

Gorgeous, sexy Noel. Surprisingly, it hadn’t been anything sexual though. Nothing with Noel writhing around underneath him, begging for more of his cock as he screamed-And that’s enough of that before you pop a boner right here on Russell’s doorstep.

Julian shook his head, bringing himself back to the land of the living. The sleep he’s had on the plane was probably the best sleep he had ever had in his life. Maybe it was because he was on his way to make things right with Noel. Or maybe it was because he dreamt of Noel.

Not just Noel. Him and Noel. Together. As in, together, together. Holding hands, walking through the park together, curled up together on the sofa, waking up to those large blue eyes every morning. Being in a relationship. Soft kisses in front of friends as they all sit together, eating takeout and listening to music.

That’s what he dreamt of. And it made him realise, that no matter how upset or mad Noel was with him—he would wait. He would wait a thousand years for Noel to forgive him if that’s what it took to show just how sorry he really was. He would let Noel know, that it didn’t matter how long it took them, he would always be ready for him. He would forget sex for the rest of their lives if that is what it took to be in a relationship with Noel.

He had hurt his love too much already.

That ended.

Immediately.

The door opened, and Julian wondered just how long he had been stood outside his door, lost in his own thoughts. It occurred to him as Russell opened the door, he hadn’t even prepared for the possibility it wouldn’t be Noel. And now he had to talk to his least favourite person on the planet.

Marvellous.

 

Julian was never clear himself on why he hated, yes hated, Russell Brand so much. He never even liked to think about him. Perhaps it was how close he and Noel were. How they flirted both on and off camera and nobody ever seemed to question it. They enjoyed the attention. And the people loved it. Julian guesses his own reluctance to bathe in that glory himself is why he was so jealous; Russell was so willing to give Noel whatever he lacked, and fuck that.

Although he may have looked a lifetime better after sleeping on the plane, he knew he still looked terrible. Russell’s face remained impassive on the matter however, opening the door and remaining stony faced at the sight on Julian on his doorstep. He must’ve prepared himself for this eventuality. Before Julian could even open his mouth to get a word out though, Russell took it upon himself to interrupt.

“He ain’t here.” The nasal voice greeted him with no hint of friendliness, and Julian began to wonder just how much he actually knew about their situation. His face however, still gave nothing away.

“Russell, please. I know he came here.” There was no disguising the pleading in Julian’s voice. Not that he wanted to. But even if he had, the sight in front of Russell was such a desperate man.

“He. Ain’t. Here.” Russell was still giving him the same blank, emotionless look. Noel must’ve told him at least some of it. He wouldn’t have been this unwilling to move unless Noel had shared some of what Julian had done. He could feel the frustration rise as the man in front of him had clearly been given more than just orders not to let Julian know where Noel was. The stress of this info, plus a week of pure agony, not knowing how Noel was piled up on him. Leading him to breaking point. Right here. Right now.

“Do not lie to me.” Julian shocked himself. The passion that overtook him was something he had never felt in his life. He had never felt so strongly about something that he would start a fight over it. Yet here he was. Having travelled all the way to America for that something. Wanting to beg and weep and serve that something for the rest of eternity just for that something’s happiness.

Russell too seemed shocked at his outburst, and so, taking advantage of the other man’s silence, he decided to make the most of it. He hadn’t flown for hours on a plane to not see the love of his life—and really the gravity of his emotions should have shocked him. It should have rocked his world, freaked him out, given him butterflies, fireworks, waves crashing, all the stuff you get with the first kiss and more. This revelation was so un-new to him though, he couldn’t give himself all those emotions. The idea of not seeing Noel now, to tell him all of this cut him. It really cut him. He needed him to know.

I will be damned if I let Russell fucking Brand ruin my last chance at this.

 

“I know he’s here. I know he’s staying with you. I know he came all the way here, just to get away from me. I get it, you don’t want to let me in, and that is fine. But you need to let me see him. Even if it’s for 10 seconds, right here in the doorway as he tells me to leave. I know I don’t deserve to see him. Not after every, single, heartless thing I have put him through. I don’t know how much he’s told you, but I can see in your expression that it’s enough to make sure you never forgive me for it or trust me near him again. And that’s fine. If that is how you feel—fine. But you do not get to make that decision for him. He needs to hear what I have to say, and you are not the one who decides whether or not he gets to hear it. If he wants to throw me aside, and who could blame him? Then that is his, decision. Nobody else’s. You…” Julian sighed. Running out of things he could say. “You need to let me see him.”

He felt a little winded after his speech, all the words he could think to get the skinny London man to just coerce Noel into seeing him. Russell’s wide eyes showing how surprised he was at Julian’s coherence, clearly not expecting Julian to have changed his mind. He looked over Julian, his rough and ragged appearance must have shown how he was telling the truth, because he let out a sigh. Julian felt hope leap into his mouth as he opened his mouth and—

“He ain’t here.” Julian deflated, his eyes filling with tears immediately as he nodded. He got it. Russell reached out a hand to correct himself though. “No! Really! He is staying here but he went for a walk; said something about needing to clear his head.”

“Where?” The Yorkshireman nearly didn’t let him finish, desperate to know where his Noel went.

“I don’t…” He trailed off as he watched Julian, who looked on the verge of tearing his hair out from desperation, as he looked around him; almost as if hoping to catch a glimpse of him. He couldn’t wait for Noel to return, he needed to speak with him. Now.

“Well…” Julian looked back to him, hope carrying in his eyes. “I can’t promise anything. But he’s taken to going to the park to watch the sunsets…” Julian remembered seeing the gate for the park when he had jumped in a cab on the way here. He didn’t even wait before running back up the street, needing to find Noel as quickly as humanly possible.

“Julian!” Can people please stop calling me back in the middle of running, this is giving me whiplash. He looked back to the house, seeing Russell leaning there in the doorway, expression the most serious he had ever seen. The frown on his face making him look his actual age, instead of the oversized teenager he tried to look like most of the time. “Don’t mess this up.”

Julian froze. How many times had he heard similar variations of the same phrase, or even those exact words, before he had gone against them, each and every time. He squared his shoulders. This time would be different though. He had a glimpse into a life without Noel, and that could not happen.

“If he’ll have me, I won’t.”

He was out of breath by the time he reached the gate for the park. He had no idea how he could possibly find him. One man in a vast sea of grass and trees. His only advantage was how late it was getting, so there wouldn’t be as many people in the park as there were earlier in the day. Just dog-walkers and such.

He looked at the map next to the gate. Looking over it, he hoped to figure out some clue to help him figure out where he would find Noel. The rusty metal frame encased an old image of the park, with just a large expanse of grass to its name. Julian nearly beat his head against the map when he saw it. He instantly knew that’s where Noel would be.

He ran. He was doing a lot of that. Running. But he didn’t think there was ever a time more appropriate than now. As he reached the clearing where green met blue, he knew he had made the right choice. He saw a bench sat next to the pond. A man was sat there; watching the sun go down.

Julian could feel his heart speed as he cast his eyes over him, even just the back of his figure. Noel certainly knew how to take someone’s breath away. He went to take a step before he froze.

He began to doubt himself again. Not knowing if he should’ve come or not. Looking at Noel sat on a bench, he felt that he shouldn’t interfere. This was his private and alone time. His time to relax and not have to think about any of the drama Julian had involved him in.

Looking at the space on Noel’s left, Julian made his decision. Loud and clear. There was no going back, for Noel Fielding should never, ever be left to sit on his own.

So, taking a deep breath, he began walking over to the raven-haired man, sat alone on the bench, watching the sun go down.

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