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Noel wants to find out why he sometimes copes with/reacts to things in a strange way - summary doesn't really make sense but hopefully if you read it it'll be ok!

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Notes: I also rated it higher for what might probably happen in future chapters – first two chapters are only about a PG i think.

I am in no way associated with the Boosh. I don’t own any characters in the story and I will most definitely not gain any money from it.

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[nextpage title=”Green upholstery”]
Green upholstery

Author’s Notes: There’s a few more chapters to come, but I haven’t decided how many. Also, reviews and ideas greatly appreciated.

Everyone has their own way of coping with things, whether it’s watching a movie, having a good cry or going on a therapeutic shopping spree, and Noel was no different. He didn’t, however, do things the ‘normal’ way.

Ever since he was small and things were getting at him, he would go into a dark room or find a quiet space and begin to rip up a small piece of paper. He would then roll the pieces into tiny balls and gather them up into his hand, letting them drop and spread onto the ground only a few seconds after picking them up. He would repeat this process again and again until he felt calmer in himself or the hurt he felt had disappeared. Then he would throw the tiny balls of paper out of a window to let the wind carry them away forever.

He didn’t know why he did this, but it somehow made everything feel better whenever he did and as a result he never stopped. It’s a less costly form of therapy, he once thought to himself, as he tried to come up with reasons as to why he behaved like he did. He had never found the real answer as to why.

‘It had started off as just another ordinary sort of day’ he recalled, ‘nothing out of the ordinary, I mean. I did some shopping, made myself dinner that night and went round to Julian’s to write some stuff for a gig we’re doing next month.’ He paused for a minute as if waiting for some sort of queue so he would know when to continue. Jane looked up at him encouragingly and smiled for him to continue. Noel relaxed a bit more and wriggled slightly making himself more comfortable on the hard green upholstered couch. I should really tell her to change the colours in here, he thought to himself, very boring.

Nodding his head he continued to speak again. ‘Well, we were sitting in our usual spot underneath the window just writing and laughing together and then I just remember feeling really really sad and I knew I had to leave so I just got up and ran out the door. Didn’t stop ‘till I got home, not even when I felt my scarf fall off my shoulders – and I always stop in a fashion emergency. Always.’ He stressed the word ‘always’ so she could understand more about what he was going through. Jane nodded and asked him what he did when he got home.

Closing his eyes Noel began to speak. ‘I remember going to the top drawer of the table in the hall and grabbing a big sheet of paper. It was all crisp and white and clean and I got the biggest urge to tear it all up, to make it stop being so perfect. I must have started crying then because I remember catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror and my make-up was all smudged. Anyways, after ripping up the paper I started making extremely small balls out of it and then lying on the hall floor picking them up and dropping them again and again and again. I don’t even know why….’ Noel’s voice began to crack as he remembered himself doing these things yet not actually feeling himself doing them at the time. Jane handed him a tissue.

‘I think we need to go back to when you arrived at Julian’s house. I think that whatever you were talking about or whatever Julian said to you made you run off like that and act the way you did.’ Noel nodded in response.

‘Okay Noel, start from when you entered the house’ she said with a kind smile.

‘Alright’ Noel replied taking a deep breath. Here goes, he thought to himself.

‘I was in the kitchen getting myself a mug of tea and I heard Julian laugh to himself. I though that he’d written a new gag or something so I took my mug and went into the sitting room, finding him sitting cross-legged under the window with sheets of crumpled paper surrounding him. I remember feeling the need to gather the pieces up and smooth them all out but I resisted and instead went to sit beside Julian. He showed me the sheet of paper with his tiny scrawled writing on it, both of us laughing as we read the gag. I remember looking up at his face and seeing the most amazing and relaxed smile I had ever seen before. I felt like he was finally letting his guard down for once and letting me catch a glimpse of the real Julian. And then I……I…….’

Jane urged him on knowing that she was on the verge of figuring out a trigger to Noel’s reaction. She wanted to know this more than anyone else – she was, after all, the first person Noel ever came to to speak about what was going on. She dismissed the idea of it being selfish and unprofessional to want Noel to hurry up and spill the beans so to speak and urged Noel to continue with a kind smile.

‘Oh shit’ Noel exclaimed jumping from the hard couch and running as fast as he could out of the building. He had just passed the reception area when he spun round on his heels and ran back to Jane’s office.

‘By the way, Jane, green’s not a great colour. Maybe try some purple?’ Before Jane could open her mouth to reply, Noel had disappeared.

[nextpage title=”‘One last try.’”]
‘One last try.’

Author’s Notes: I’ve not gone into the sexy times yet as I haven’t had a lot of time to write recently. Hopefully in the next chapter I’ll get somewhere on that front. Enjoy and comments always appreciated!

I am in no way associated with the Boosh, this is just the inner weirdness of my mind so please don’t sue.

When Noel had left so suddenly that night Julian had felt a mixture of emotions. He was shocked and a bit scared but most of all he had felt a heightened love for his comedy partner. After he had given himself enough time to cool off and calm down from the shock of Noel’s words, Julian had gone out for a walk to clear his head. He put it down to shock as to why he reacted the way he had. Shock can make you say crazy things, even to the person you love, he thought. ‘Shock’ he reassured himself aloud ‘definitely shock.’

He had turned the corner to the park when something dark blue and glittery caught his eye. Upon closer inspection it appeared to be a scarf, but not just any scarf. A tiny label poked out from the twisted flyaway fabric with a small doodle on it. Julian had recognised it immediately; Noel’s scribbles could be recognised miles away and he always drew on the labels of his clothes so that if they got lost – like now- somebody would be able to return them. Julian never understood how people were meant to recognise the drawings to be Noel’s or to know his phone number or where he lived, but he never questioned the system all the same.

He never questioned any of Noel’s little systems, not even the ‘paper’ system. This one had scared Julian a little when he first stumbled across Noel surrounded in tiny balls of paper, but always caring and loving he had never asked Noel about it or questioned why he did it. He just accepted Noel for who he was – systems or not. He had never once told Noel how he felt about him and had always tried to change the subject whenever the topic of their friendship arose, always figuring he could get away with it as that was how he was perceived – quiet and shy.

Returning home from his walk that day he made himself a cup of tea and sat by the window in the sitting room, scarf twisted around his arms. It smelt distinctly Noel and he just couldn’t bear to part with it. He knew Noel might never be the same around him again after what he had said and done to him that night and with each new thought of this fell a new tear from his eyes. After a while the steady drip of tears into the mug of warm tea became soothing and almost replaced the thoughts he wished to banish so much. Julian fell asleep on the couch that night clutching the scarf tightly to his chest and thinking of the one person he realised he needed most in his life – Noel.

************************************************

Cold air rushed against Noel’s face as he ran past the throngs of tourists staring at some landmark or another. He vaguely wondered why they insisted on coming to London in the depths of winter to stand around in the freezing cold when they could travel to warmer countries and sit by a beach, just like he and Julian had done last year to relax after working so hard on their set. He couldn’t help the thoughts come into his mind of all the wonderful times they had spent together and he subconsciously began to run even faster towards Julian’s house.

After what seemed like an age later, Noel paused outside Julian’s door. Leaning against the doorframe he took a few deep breaths and fumbled around in his pocket. Seconds later he produced a tissue, tore it in two and scrunched it up into little balls. It seemed to put everything into perspective and he felt a little less nervous now. Ringing the doorbell Noel shifted his weight from one foot to the other impatiently. ‘One last try’ he whispered into the darkness, his breath forming wisps of smoke in the cold air, ‘just one last try.’

Muffled footsteps made their way to the door and he heard the latch being opened slowly. Noel drank in the sight before him – dark tousled hair covering heavy bags under the eyes and a mug that looked like it hadn’t been washed in years. He knew he didn’t look that great himself and seeing Julian again made him wish he had gone home and changed before seeing him again. Julian coughed awkwardly, awaking Noel from his thoughts.

‘Do you…….do you want to come in? …’ he asked tentatively, not looking the younger man in the eye. Noel stepped forward without a sound as Julian walked silently into the kitchen leaving the door open just enough to denote a welcome for Noel. Shutting the door behind him Noel followed, his hand in his coat pocket out of Julian’s sight making tiny little balls with the other half of the tissue. ‘One last try’ he whispered to himself, again.

[nextpage title=”Tea towel mountains and hallway happenings.”]
Tea towel mountains and hallway happenings.

Author’s Notes: Hope you enjoy, as always comments are greatly appreciated.

I do not own the characters in my fic. It’s all the inner workings of my mind written in some kind of orderly fashion and I won’t get any money for this so please don’t sue.

Noel gazed around at his surroundings noting the pile of dishes at the sink and the mountain of tea towels surrounding the washing machine. It was exactly the way it was that night, he remembered, as his eyes roamed the kitchen eventually fixing themselves on Julian’s face. Julian turned and leaned his palms against the sink staring out of the window into the small back garden. Noel began to speak slowly and quietly, choosing his words carefully.

‘Julian, I…..look I’m sorry about what happened okay. I don’t know what got into me or why I ran off like I did. I just…..I just don’t know anymore……..’ He paused and looked up at Julian’s back, hoping to get a reaction from him. Realising that this was not going to happen and feeling worthless in himself, he turned to leave. He stopped in his steps as he heard a faint, almost inaudible whisper from by the sink.

‘Why are you here?’

Noel made his way over to Julian slowly attempting to place a hand on his back but thinking better of it and letting it flop down to his side. Noel thought about the question for a second, speaking quietly.

‘I felt lost without you Julian. I even went to a shrink to see if I could stop reacting to things the way I do because I know how much it upsets you to see me like that even if you don’t say it and I just thought that this was my last chance to let you know how I feel about you and that maybe…..maybe we could be together and you could help me overcome my…problem…..’ Noel trailed off as Julian rested a hand on his comfortingly. ‘I’m sorry’ he said again, tears welling up in his eyes ‘I’m really sorry, Julian.’ Julian cradled Noel in his arms until his sobbing had stopped, thinking about what Noel had said and how he felt about him. Maybe they could be together, he thought, as he felt Noel’s gaze on him. He looked down into big blue eyes, his heart melting at the sight of the younger man. He’s all mine, he thought, all mine. He leant down and placed a soft kiss on Noel’s lips immediately feeling them click together as if it was always meant to happen. Noel broke off first, stepping back slightly.

‘I’m sorry Julian, I’m sorry for everything’ he whispered as he bolted for the door. He stopped suddenly as he felt a hand tighten around his arm and fell onto the bottom stair crying. Julian sat down in front of him.

‘What’s wrong Noel?’ he asked, concern spreading over his face. Noel looked at him through tear filled eyes but said nothing.

‘I love you Noel, I always have and I know I haven’t said it and I know I acted like a fool when you kissed me that night and I’m sorry about that, but I can’t bear to see you like this so will you please, please tell me what’s wrong so I can help you? Please?’ Julian looked pleadingly into Noel’s eyes as finally Noel began to speak.

‘I just…..I can’t deal with it anymore. Every time something happens that I don’t like I go off and start messing about with paper. Ever since I was a kid I’ve done it and I thought I’d grow out of it or something but I haven’t. I don’t even know that I’m doing it anymore until someone points it out to me or I fall asleep and wake up to find the floor covered in paper or something. I…I just want to make it go away.’ Tears began to flow like a waterfall down his face as Julian’s heart broke at the pain he knew Noel was feeling. ‘Make it go away Julian, please……’ Noel buried his head in his hands and brought his knees up to his chest protectively. He felt like a child again, but was so fed up he needed to tell someone who he knew truly cared.

‘I went to see Jane but she didn’t help. All she wanted was to be the first one to figure out what was wrong with the weird kid so she could brag about it to her boss. I feel like a test subject or something and I just can’t handle it anymore…’ Julian shuffled closer to Noel and wrapped his arms around the slender frame, pulling him closer and making Noel fall off the step he was sitting on.

‘I’ll help you, I know what it feels like to be different, to do things a different way to everyone else, but that’s what makes us unique Noel, that’s what I love about you – the fact that you’re always around and happy – and I don’t care if you mess around with paper when things get to you, heck I wouldn’t even care if you bought a fish every time you felt upset, I’d still love you for it. Although a fish would cost a bit more than paper…’ Noel let out a small laugh against Julian’s chest.

‘Thanks Julian’ he smiled, eyes focused on Julian’s lips ‘I love you’ he said, lips parting slightly as Julian pulled him down into a long, slow kiss. Julian’s hands felt their way along Noel’s back as Noel fell on top of him, both smiling as they hit the ground. Noel looks so good when he smiles, Julian thought, pulling him in for another kiss. Noel let a little groan escape his lips into Julian’s mouth as the older man’s hands found their way inside his thin t-shirt. He lifted his arms up as Julian tugged off his coat and t-shirt, throwing them onto the stairs. Noel’s fingers found their way to the top of Julian’s shirt and teasingly began to unbutton it, placing a kiss on Julian’s neck after opening each one. Noel ran his hands up Julian’s newly exposed flesh, eventually landing them on the edge of his jeans. Noel looked longingly at Julian as he arched his back to allow Noel to slip off his trousers and underwear, exposing his now fully erect cock. Noel gasped as he was pulled down onto Julian, crotches perfectly aligning, as Julian hooked his thumbs through the waistband of his jeans. Noel undid the fastening, kicking off his boots in the process, as Julian gently tugged his jeans and pants away flinging them on top of the radiator. Both now fully naked and fully erect they stared at each other, taking in each contour of the others body. Minutes passed in silence as they both studied each other until Julian spoke.

‘Are you sure?’ he asked, fully hoping the answer was a yes. He laughed for the first time in days as Noel lunged himself forwards locking their lips together in a passionate kiss, tongues fighting for dominance as they explored each other properly. Noel gasped against Julian’s mouth as he felt a hand slowly wrapping itself around his cock. Julian smiled and began to slide his hand up and down the shaft causing numerous noises to escape from Noel’s open mouth. He thought he heard a vague cry as he retrieved his hand and went over to the hall cabinet. However all signs of that passed at the sight of Noel’s face as he turned to him and produced a small tube of lube. Opening the cap, he squeezed some of the contents into his palm and began sliding his hands over his cock all the while each staring at each other. Satisfied with his work he bent down and crawled back over to where Noel was lying on the floor and began to place little kisses up his thighs. Noel shivered in pleasure, wrapping his legs around Julian’s shoulders longingly. Julian teased his entrance gaining soft sighs for his efforts.

‘Fuck Julian’ he screamed as Julian entered him slowly, bending down to place a kiss on Noel’s chest. Julian began to thrust faster and deeper revelling in the noises that he could prise out of Noel with certain movements. Noticing Noel was near climax he wrapped his hand around Noel’s cock, sliding his hand up and down the shaft in time to his thrusts. A few final movements were all that they needed as both came within seconds of each other, Julian collapsing beside Noel panting and sweaty.

‘Mmmm…’ Noel sighed as fingers found their way into his hair. He gazed up at Julian completely calm for the first time in years and nestled himself closer into Julian’s chest sighing softly. There was no point in Noel going back home now, Julian thought, maybe no point in him going back home at all.

‘Shall we go to bed, it’s a bit late’ he asked. Noel nodded approval and wrapped his arms around Julian’s neck as he felt the older man stand up. Julian laughed, scooping him up and carrying him up the stairs to his bedroom. Placing Noel gently under the covers he crawled in next to him and immediately felt Noel’s arms wrap around him and his head rest gently on his chest. Smiling to himself, he ran a hand up and down Noel’s back comfortingly until sleep eventually took them both away.

************************************************

Julian awoke with a fright the next morning to hear the shower running. Looking around for Noel he realised it was him in the shower and not a burglar or an evil monster. He laughed at his childishness as he rubbed his eyes and sat up groggily. A few minutes later Noel appeared wearing nothing but a pair of black pants and a pink towel around his hair.

‘Suits you’ Julian smiled as Noel came around to place a long, passionate kiss on his lips. Noel let the towel fall from his hair as he stood back up and walked to the dresser. He had left some of his clothes in Julian’s house as sometimes stayed over after a long night of writing when he just hadn’t had the energy to go home. He pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans and a yellow top, holding them against himself and turned to face Julian.

‘Bet this suits me better though’ he said, posing confidently, a smile slowly working its way across his face. Julian loved it when he smiled.

‘Well yeah, that does suit you, but I think I prefer the black pants myself.’ He made his way into the shower laughing as he heard footsteps and the clinking of mugs downstairs. Finishing in the shower, he found Noel in the kitchen making toast, his back facing the door. Creeping up behind him Julian kissed Noel’s neck and reached for the cereal. They ate their breakfast chatting between themselves and Julian vowed to clean up the house after Noel had left. Suddenly Noel began to go quiet, playing with the ends of his toast absently. Julian placed a hand on Noel’s arm and Noel looked up at him immediately.

‘I don’t want to go home Julian, I don’t want to be all alone again. I don’t want to end up playing with paper again, Julian’ he said quietly, his free hand rubbing his eyes to try and stop the tears threatening to fall.

‘You know, I don’t think that’s going to be a problem Noel’ Julian answered ‘because I don’t want you to go home anyway.’ A small smile spread across Noel’s face as Julian squeezed his hand. Noel stopped rubbing his forehead and instead brought his hand up to Julian’s face, slowly moving it along his jaw line, pulling Julian closer to him. Kissing the older man tenderly, he spoke again.

‘I just need to go home and get some stuff, like paints and canvases and things. Is that okay?’ he asked.

‘Of course, d’you want me to come with you?’ Julian asked, knowing Noel would probably end up bringing half of his possessions with him even if he did go with him.

‘Don’t you think you’ve enough to be doing today without having to come home with me and wait until I sort out all my stuff?’

‘I suppose your right. Just make sure you don’t bring half the house back with you okay’ Julian joked as Noel went to the hall to put on his boots and coat. He didn’t even notice the tiny balls of paper fall out of his coat pocket. A voice came from behind him and he jumped up startled.

‘Do I not get a goodbye kiss?’ Julian asked innocently, pouting slightly. Noel giggled and leant up to place a loving kiss on Julian’s lips.

‘I love you Julian’ he said softly, turning around to open the door.

‘I love you too Noel’ Julian answered.

He watched Noel try to open the gate, jiggling about in an effort to prise it open. He laughed inwardly as Noel did a little dance when he finally got it open and stepped outside to close it. Noel was just about to turn around and call out to Julian when it happened.

[nextpage title=”Repetition”]
Repetition

Author’s Notes: I don’t think I’ll write any more chapters in this fic as I won’t really have a lot of spare time in the next few weeks, but if anyone would like me to continue I still have a few ideas that could continue from this so I’ll be happy to do it at a later date if anyone would like me to. Hope you enjoy!

I don’t own any of the characters in this story and I definitey won’t make any money from writing this, so please don’t sue me!

The next few moments began as if in slow motion. Julian watched as Noel was propelled into the air and gasped at the noise of bone on pavement.

He watched as the truck skidded sideways and crashed into the fortunately vacant bus stop.

He watched as people crowded around Noel and as someone called for an ambulance.

He watched himself run over to Noel and kneel down beside him.

He watched the blood run down Noel’s face and seep into his yellow top making intricate little patterns before they were engulfed by more blood.

He watched Noel’s face as two people in bright yellow placed a mask on the pale face.

He watched as the same two people gently moved him onto a stretcher, conveniently laid beside them.

He watched as he was lifted into the ambulance.

He watched as two big, heavy doors locked him away.

He watched as Noel was taken away from him.

************************************************************************

He had waited in the hospital for 3 hours before he had been allowed to see him. He remembered seeing Noel for the first time since it had happened and it had broken his heart. Noel had looked so calm and peaceful laying there, the only difference being the crisp white bandage wrapped around his head. He had sat down in a wooden chair the nurse had brought in and had been there ever since. Words kept swirling round his head making him unable to think straight.

‘He might not ever wake up.’

‘He has an extremely bad head wound.’

‘He’s lucky to even be here.’

None of these were as comforting to Julian as they were meant to be. He couldn’t help but shed a tear as the thought of Noel never waking up came into his head once more. That night Julian came to the conclusion that he would be with Noel whatever happened which meant never leaving him in his time of need, however long that may be. He vowed to one day make Noel wake up and for them to be together forever, causing his determination to grow more and more each day. He knew Noel could get through all this one day, he just needed a bit of time that’s all.

************************************************************************

Three months had passed with the same routine. Julian would wake beside Noel every morning, grab some breakfast in the hospital canteen and go home for an hour to shower and change his clothes. He would arrive back at the hospital after lunch and would sit in the wooden chair beside the bed and read to Noel or if he was too tired he would play one of Noel’s favourite CDs or DVDs in their room. Afterwards he would have dinner sitting beside Noel informing him of friends and family and what was happening from day to day. Then he would turn on the television for a couple of hours, eventually falling asleep to the sound of children’s television or some obscure song that he didn’t know the name of.

He had begun to enjoy these things and always watched for new signs that meant Noel could hear what he was saying to him or even what was playing on the telly. One afternoon Julian put on one of his own CD’s for a change and lay down on the floor for a rest. He began to think about what else he could do to help Noel as the music ended and the CD turned itself off. Standing up, Julian stretched his arms and yawned quietly. Feeling tired, he fell onto the wooden chair and roamed his eyes over Noel’s face. It had been so long since he had looked at Noel properly that he felt like he was looking at him for the first time in years. Eventually his eyes found Noel’s lips longing for the feel of them on his own.

‘It can’t hurt, I suppose’ he said aloud as if to check that the idea made sense. Leaning over to Noel he gently brushed his lips against the younger man’s, immediately feeling the softness on his own. He sat back down and placed his hand on Noel’s, if not for Noel then for him and began to cry. He didn’t know how it happened, but he definitely wasn’t complaining as he felt Noel’s hand attempt to squeeze his own. He looked up startled, to see Noel’s blue eyes glistening down at him.

‘Oh thank God’ he whispered as he let his free hand run down Noel’s jaw line and his thumb brush across his lips.

‘I thought I’d lost you forever’ he said to Noel, tears threatening to fall once again. Noel smiled and attempted to turn his head, stopping abruptly as a shooting pain went through his skull. Julian instinctively moved closer to him as Noel said the words he had been longing to hear since that night.

‘I love you.’

futuresailor
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