Category: Real Person Fic
Characters: Dee Plume, Julian Barratt, Noel Fielding
Pairing: Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt
Length: 5-10k words
Notes: This is the first chapter of a fic I’m writing, I’m not sure if I should write the rest, so I’ll see what you guys think first.
The Kiss by Haribo
Their relationship was something special. They were the best of friends. Polar opposites, but they were so close that it seemed the phrase “opposites attract” was originally said about them. They knew each other inside out – whenever one was down, the other knew exactly what to do to cheer them up. They never got bored of each other’s company either; the spontaneous conversation about whatever had been burdening their minds passed away hours of each day.
Well, each day they could actually see each other.
Their relationship had bloomed into something more. It had started off with lazy hints – innuendo that most people would just pass off as a joke. But they knew each other too well to know when something was a joke or not. They were both serious.
Time passed and they got closer. Hugs lasted longer than they normally would. Catching each others eyes wasn’t something to laugh at any more – the gaze was held, bridging gaps between their separated bodies. They couldn’t sit next to each other without touching, they couldn’t stand next to each other without holding hands. And they couldn’t speak to each other without kissing.
This meant that conversation in public had to be scarce and formal – the risk of being noticed was too high. Because when they were alone, the quick kiss could often turn into something more. The touching of lips led to the touching of tongues, exploring each others mouths like their tongues were children let loose in a new playground. And just like children, they didn’t just want to stick to the playground, they wanted to go further.
So kisses often led to sex. Tongues travelled down their bodies, venturing over the many boundaries which hadn’t been crossed by most people. And tongues led to mouths, mouths gripping around cocks, blowing, sucking, licking, tasting. And cocks in mouths eventually led to cocks in other places. Up inside of each other, bodies connecting, sharing the feeling, the heat, the love.
The increasing intimacy had gone unnoticed by most. Those who had noticed were only those very close – girlfriends, colleagues. But even those who noticed only assumed, never actually knew. And those assumptions could be covered over with lies. White lies, black lies – it didn’t matter to them, as long as their secret was kept.
They sometimes dropped cheeky hints, pushing their luck to tease each other. Holding hands and touching in public to see if people took them seriously, winking at each other meaningfully when people took it as a joke. They were comedians, after all. If they were took seriously all of the time then they wouldn’t be good at their job.
But most of the time they had to keep themselves to themselves. They couldn’t socialise together for the risk of doing something too intimate and being caught. So they used family to cover up for their own relationship, using children as the reason for their lack of communication in public.
But when they had that time on their own – those moments where it was just the two of them, and no risk at all – they knew it was all worth it.
Noel was sitting on the sofa watching TV, Dee snuggled into his chest, hands running idly through her hair when the doorbell rang. He lifted her off his chest just enough for him not to wake her, to stand up and lay her head down onto the cushion he was sitting on. He looked down at her sleeping body, kneeled down and whispered her name quietly, only just audibly. When she didn’t reply he grinned to himself – he knew that it was Julian at the door and he knew that he could do some risky flirting – the adrenaline rush from the risk of being caught was something he thrived off.
He galloped hastily towards the front door and saw the familiar figure standing behind the frosted glass, shivering in the cold nights breeze. He pulled the door open and grinned happily, his eyes meeting with Julian’s and holding the gaze, a far better greeting than any that could be described with words.
“Come in, you must be frozen,” Noel said, guiding Julian in through the door with his hands and shutting it behind him hastily. “You okay?” he asked, planting a quick kiss onto Julian’s rugged cheek.
“Could be better. The twins are stressing me out, and Julia won’t stop nagging at me to help her out a bit more. I need a break, seriously Noel.” Julian stripped his long coat off, hung it on the banister and started walking back down the hallway towards Noel. His hands met with Noel’s waist and he squeezed before they entered the living room where Dee was sleeping.
“Sit down,” Noel said, gesturing towards the beanbag chair directly next to the sofa. Julian sat down and stared up at Noel as he grinned down on him, face alive with lust. Noel kneeled down and placed one leg either side of Julian’s body so he was kneeling on top of him, pelvis thrust suggestively in Julian’s face.
Noel peeked over the arm of the sofa to check his girlfriend was still asleep and leaned over to kiss Julian passionately on the lips. The kiss was met with equal passion, each kissing ferociously, fighting for dominance. Noel let out a moan and Dee rolled over grumbling sleepily, but he didn’t attempt to break the kiss.
Julian, on the other hand, wasn’t ready to run the risk of being caught. He moved his head back and bit Noel’s lip to stop him. “What do you think you’re doing?!” Julian whispered, face ablaze with worry and anger. “You’re girlfriend’s asleep about a metre away from you and you don’t mind snogging my face off? Are you crazy?”
“Hm… Yep, I am pretty crazy. Captain Crazy of the Loonyboat, to be exact. Are you coming aboard?” Noel grinned, leaned forward and tried to kiss Julian again but this time Julian pushed him off, causing Noel to roll across the carpet and hit the coffee table with a loud bang.
“Not now, okay? We’ll do it later. In the office. When we’re alone.”
Julian held his breath after saying this – he realised that he had spoke louder than was necessary and woke Dee up.
“Do what in the office?” Dee asked sleepily, eyes opening and looking from Julian to Noel. “Continue with your hot steaming sex?”
Julian stood up and straightened his clothes, hoping Dee hadn’t seen what had just happened. “What are you talking about?!” He said anxiously. “I don’t understand.”
Dee looked up at Julian with a comically puzzled face. “Woah, calm down there Julian! I was only kidding. I suppose it’s a bit wrong of me to have fantasies of my boyfriend having sex with his best friend. Still, you should try it one day.” Dee winked at him to show that she was joking. If only she knew, Julian thought.
She looked down at Noel at laughed. “What are you doing down on the floor there babe? You know, if you’re trying to prove you’re not gay and then I wake up to find you all flustered on the carpet you’re not really proving your point very well.” She jumped onto the floor next to him and strangled him playfully before kissing him on the lips.
Julian worried that she would taste him on Noel’s lips – they had just kissed deeply, it would be impossible for her not to taste Julian’s minty-ashtray breath on Noel’s mouth. But she didn’t seem to notice and sat up, leaning on his cropped leg. Julian looked at them on the floor and wished that he could do that to Noel, that he could express his love so blatantly and it just gets passed as normal behaviour. He just wished that he could have Noel for himself, that he didn’t have to share him with Dee. But he realised that he probably feels the same way that Julian does – he loves Julia and Noel. His love for both was equal – he just couldn’t understand why loving two people was so wrong.
Julian was brought back from his daydream by Dee poking at his stomach. “What’re you looking at? Anyway, come here Mr. Gay, are you alright? How’s Julia and the kids?” She reached up to give Julian a kiss on the cheek and he winced. He could smell Noel on her breath, and he was suddenly jealous of her again.
“They’re alright thanks, the twins are lovely, and Julia says hi,” Julian mumbled. He saw Noel grinning, still lying on the floor behind Dee’s back – he knew that Noel loved it when he told him his real feelings about his life and just covered up to everyone else. It made him feel special. The simplest things made Noel smile, Julian both loved and envied that about Noel.
Noel stood up and changed the conversation. “Ju and I are starting work on series 3 tomorrow. That’s what we meant by going to the office. Isn’t that right Ju?”
Julian looked at the floor and shuffled his feet before straightening up and trying to stop looking so edgy. “Yeah, that’s right, we’re not exactly sure what we’re going to write yet, but we’re going to jot down some ideas and take it from there. Do you have any suggestions?”
“Yeah, you should do a big gay scene. I’m sure you’d both enjoy that.” And that suggestion hung in the air, Dee fantasising about it, Noel and Julian exchanging a look which they often used, a look which could only be interpreted to say “Oh yes”.
End Notes: Well that’s the end of the first chapter! Let me know what you think. 🙂 Thanks for reading!