Hide Your Love
Category: The Mighty Boosh
Characters: Howard Moon, Neon, Vince Noir
Pairing: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Rating: PG
Status: Complete
Length: 1-5k words
Notes: Disclaimer: The Boosh doesn’t belong to me… unfortunately. I wouldn’t be writing a fic about it if it did, I’d be making an episode out of this, that’s for sure! đ
Hide Your Love by Haribo
Another day at the zoo was drawing to a close, and all of the had left, leaving the animals to relax and socialise. Bainbridge left the zoo (closely followed by an over-eager Bob Fossil, staring up at him in admiration), and all was quiet.
Well.. apart from the Keeperâs Lodge.
âYou should never doubt a man and his dreams, Vince. My mind is writhing with thoughts which would probably blow up this entire zoo if I spoke them.â
âOh yeah, so what are they, then? Try it.â
âWell⌠I canât. Itâs a fact of nature. Howard Moonâs thoughts are too deep for human ears, yes indeedy sir.â
It was another average night for Howard and Vince, who were beginning their night shift in the Zooniverse, even though they had also filled in the evening and the morning shift. They just took it for granted that thatâs they were supposed to every day.
Vince sat down daintily on the sofa next to Howard and handed him a fresh cup of coffee. Howard curled his lips up into a small, tight smile, which seemed to be all he could manage. Vince, on the other hand, sat in the chair and stared happily in to space, with a huge, dazed grin spread across his face.
âWhat are you smiling about?â Howard questioned, sounding more forceful than he intended.
âI just imagined what Bollo would look like if I gave him a makeover,â Vince replied. âI could give him a mullet, but that would just be a starter. I could brighten him up with some glittery eye shadow, maybe a bit of bright lipstick to balance out the colour in his face. And I could throw in a few of my fresh off-cuts to emphasize his hair up top.. It would be genius!â
Howard sighed. He was used to Vinceâs crazy ideas, but they never failed to amaze him. He loved
Vinceâs broad imagination, it was as beautiful as his exterior. But he couldnât show him that he thought that.
âThatâs not âgeniusâ, thatâs completely cruel. I donât think Bollo would take too kindly to being smothered with make up, and why would he want your old pieces of hair in his proud gorilla-mane? A gorilla is an animal of natural pride Vince, unlike you.â
âIâm proud of my look! Jagger is jealous of my style. You donât know anything about style. And anywayâBollo would be up for a makeover. Heâs always up for it.â He paused and turned to stare thoughtfully at Howard, trying but failing to engage eye contact. âWhatâs up with you today though, Howard? You seem grumpier than usual.â Vince reached for Howardâs arm, and gave it a concerned squeeze.
âDonât touch me, Vince,â Howard snapped as he quickly pulled his arm away. It always killed Howard inside when he said that, but he had to at least sound as if he didnât need to be comforted. âThereâs nothing wrong with me. I just have internal matters which I need to attend to. And I need to settle them with myself in private.â
âOkay, whatever moody,â Vince joked. He pulled his bright yellow phone out of his pocket and began to text. âAnyway, Iâm going to invite a girl around if youâre not up for anything. Iâm bored and I canât be bothered attempting to socialise with you all night when youâre in this mood.â And with that, Vince launched himself up off the sofa and walked into the small bathroom to gussy up before his electro-girl friend arrived.
As Vince left the room, Howard sunk back into the chair, mentally drained and upset. He really loved Vinceâeverything about his sunshine personality and constantly happy and energetic character made him warm and fuzzy on the insideâand often other places, too. Yet he couldnât bring himself to tell Vince how he felt. He was sure that it would break up their relationship. He loved being best friends with Vince, they were so close. But he just longed to be a little bit closer. Any time that Vince got even slight attention from girls it made him insanely jealousâand tonight was no exception.
A knock on the door broke Howardâs train of thoughts and brought him back to reality. He sighed, straightened his clothes swiftly and tugged open the door. âHello, can I help you?â, Howard said to the flamboyantly dressed girl, who didnât appear to be much older than a teenager.
âYeah, are you Vinceâs Dad? Iâm looking for Vince. He told me to come to the zoo. How retro.â The Electro girl squinted at Howard, as if trying to find a resemblance between him and Vince. She then made a hand gesture towards Howard which he wasnât familiar with (which ended up to be the âElectroâ hand gesture), and pushed passed him into the lived in, messy cabin which he happily shared with Vince.
âAlright,â Vince remarked bluntly as he walked towards the girl. âHoward, meet Neon. Sheâs well hot.â He pulled Neon up to his chest, put his arms around her stomach, rested his head on the girlâs shoulder and grinned at Howard, as if he knew Howardâs feelings and was trying to make him jealous. Well, if that was his aim, it definitely worked.
âUm, yes. Hello Neon. Nice⌠name?â Howard shot a worried look at Vince and sat back down on the chair, picking up Vinceâs colourful mobile phone. âAs it happens, Vince, I have a date with Mrs Gideon tonight. Weâre going to sit by the lion enclosure, eat a candlelit meal and recite beat poetry from the 1950s. So if youâll excuse me, I have a call to make.â And with that, Howard held up the mobile phone, pretended to dial the number and walked out of the room. He just wanted to make Vince jealous.
Vince laughed at the thought of the date actually happening. If Mrs. Gideon couldnât even remember Howardâs name, she was barely going to go out of her way to sit in a zoo with a Jazz freak. But he couldnât help feeling jealous at the same time. Why did Howard like people other than him? He was perfect, once youâve set your eyes on Noir youâll never love anyone else. Wellâthatâs what Vince thought anyway. Even though he had a girl around, the idea of Howard dating someone made Vince angry. Well, a little bit angry.. but mostly upset.
Vince suddenly realised he had been daydreaming for a little bit too long, and he was still clenching on to Neon with a hold stronger than Root Booster itself. âLet me go, Vince!â she squealed for the tenth time, and Vince dropped his arms quickly to remove them from the awkward situation.
âIâm sorry. I was just thinking about something⌠important..â
âYeah, well, youâve freaked me out now, okay? I donât want to hang out with a pervert who wonât let go of me and wonât answer me when I speak. Iâm out of here.â And with that, Neon turned round and stormed out of the door.
âWaitâŚ!â Vince called after her, but it just turned in to a quiet mumble. Because he didnât actually care about Neon at all. He wanted her to leave. He wanted Howard. His mind filled up with his name, his face, his voice⌠everything about him couldnât have been more perfect. He sat down on the sofa, covered his face with his hands and tried to mentally figure out a solution to his Howard-based problem.
As Vince sat down on the sofa, Howard sat down on top of the cages outside of the hut and took a deep breath as a tear escaped from his eye. âHoward Moon, man of action,â he run through his head. âMen of action donât cry.. they face their problems head on.â But he still couldnât control the tears, which began to flow more freely down his rugged cheeks in to his tangled moustache.
After attempting to dry his eyes, Howard decided he would listen to his thoughts, face his fears and live up to his name. So he stood up, lifted his head high and tried to look and think positive. He walked slowly towards the door and paused behind it, ready to see the obscurely dressed couple sitting happily in the room. He quickly summoned up the last of his courage and pushed open the doorâŚ
⌠To find Vince sitting on the chair, head back, knees to his chest, face cupped in his hands and muttering incomprehensible words unhappily under his breathe. Howard was completely took back by this. Heâd never seen Vince unhappy before⌠he was a sunshine kid! Always grinning, always content, no matter what was happening. âV-Vince..?!?â Howard stuttered nervously, running towards his friend. âWhatâs happened? Whereâs Neon gone?â
Vince lifted his hands away from his face to reveal his angular features, looking far too stressed to be Vince. âNeonâs gone. She left, I freaked her out.â
âHow did that happen?â Howard questioned, sitting down next to Vince and looking at him. He noticed that he was able to look Vince in the eye; heâd never been able to do that before with anyone. âWhy would anyone leave you, Vince? That just.. doesnât happen to you.â
âWell it did,â Vince snapped unhappily, sounding more angry than heâd anticipated. He toned down his voice, trying to sound as calm as he could. âI was just thinking about something⌠someone⌠and I completely forgot I was still clutching on to Neon. She thinks Iâm a pervert. Itâs weird Howard, Iâve never felt like that before. Anyway, I thought you were meeting Mrs. Gideon?â
âUm.. she had to attend an important meeting about French bookmarks. She sent her apologies to me.â Howard shifted up closer to Vince and lay a hand on his knee gently, trying his best to do comfort. âActually Vince, when I was sat outside, I was thinking about someone too.â
Vince leaned towards Howard and inspected his face. âHave you been crying?â Vince asked, noticing the faint puffy pink colour underneath Howardâs eyes.
âUm, no..â
âItâs okay Howard, everyone needs to cry sometimes. Even people like you.â Vince held his hand up to Howardâs face and gently wiped underneath his eyes.
Howard beamed back at Vince, a huge smile which he never thought heâd be able to manage. âThanks, little man.â He quickly squeezed Vinceâs leg and pulled his hand away as Vince stood up.
âAnyway, I got some tasty tunes ready for me and Neon to listen to, but I donât think sheâll be able to hear them right now for some reason. Fancy listening to them with me?â Vince pulled a dodgy shape and grinned down at Howard.
âAnd what would they be..?â Howard grimaced at the thought of having to sit through a whole Numan album.
âI got my whole back catalogue of the Rolling Stones out, ready for the occasion. Itâs genius music, you should really give it a go.â Vince looked at Howard hopefully, like a child waiting for their mum to agree to buying them a chocolate bar.
Howard would have usually automatically said no, but there was something about tonight which really made him let his guard down. The look on Vinceâs face was so happy, so hopeful, he just couldnât say no. âOh, alright then. I guess Iâll give it a go.â
Vince almost exploded with happiness when Howard agreed to letting him play the Rolling Stones. Maybe Howard was just doing it for himâbut that was even better.
He run to the CD player, quickly filing through his many CDs until he found a yellow one titled âGoats Head Soupâ. âGenius,â he muttered under his breath, and quickly flicked through to the song he wanted.
He hit play and walked back towards Howard slowly, in time with the piano riff.
âWhatâs this, Vince?â Howard questioned sceptically. He could have sworn heâd heard the riff before⌠and it definitely wasnât the kind of thing he expected Vince to choose.
âItâs a track from the Stones. Itâs called Hide Your Love. Itâs one of my favourites.â Vince started to dance around in front of Howard, waving his arm around his head and clicking his heels like a cowboy.
Howard watched Vince dance, obviously surprised by his choice of song. âBut⌠this is practically country music! You donât like this, I thought you were all bleeps and screeches!â
Vince rolled his eyes. âThe Rolling Stones are a rock band. Jagger practically invented rock music!â
Howard scrunched up his nose and narrowed his eyes. â⌠Mick Jagger was in a band?! I thought he was the god of Electro ponces around the globe!â
Vince sighed heavily. âHoward, for a man who claims to know everything, it surprises me how little you know. Everyone knows who Jagger is!â
âWell alright butââ
Howard was cut short by Vince covering his mouth with his hand. âShh⌠this is my favourite bit.â
Vince stood back and danced, quietly singing along with the song.
âWhy do you hide⌠why do you hide your love?â
Howard knew that Vince was singing along to the song but he felt it directed at him. Because he did hide his love for Vince⌠he didnât think anything of it before tonight. But when he saw Vince with Neon, he realised that the jealousy was something more than it should be. He just want to show Vince his affection, let him know what he felt⌠even though he knew Vince wouldnât feel the same. Electro princesses donât fall in love with jazz mavericks.
âI⌠I donât know,â Howard answered to Vinceâs rhetorical lyric-question. He didnât mean to answer out loud, and slapped his hand to his mouth as curse words he wasnât aware he even knew flew around his brain.
Vince stopped dancing and looked at Howard. âWhat did you say, Howard?â
âNothing,â he replied from under his hand. He slowly dropped his hand to reveal a very red face. âI didnât say anything, Vince.â
Vince walked over and turned the music down so it was just a faint mumble in the background. âYou⌠you answered the question didnât you. I heard you.â
Howard expect Vince to burst out into fits of laughter just like he did in the Tundra, but this time was different. Instead of his eyes creasing up with laughter, they showed more serious emotion than Howard had ever seen Vince manage (apart from the time his hairdryer broke). He stared at Howard, only breaking eye contact to sit down next to him.
Howard shook his head slightly, but Vince knew what he heard. âItâs alright Howard. If I know what you were saying⌠I feel the same way too.â
Howard looked at Vince, his eyes actually going wide with surprise. âYou know Vince⌠thatâs the last thing I thought Iâd hear you say.â
âWhat⌠shouldnât I have said it? Iâm sorry Howard. I didnât mean toââ
âNo Vince; itâs exactly what I wanted to hear. Possibly the best sentence Iâve ever heard in my life. But I just⌠didnât expect you to say that.â
Vince shuffled along the sofa and leaned in to Howard, resting his whole side on the bigger manâs chest. Howard lifted his arm around Vince, slowly and awkwardly, and finally rested it on his shoulder. It was the first time heâd had proper contact with another human⌠and he liked it very much. It just made the moment even better that it was Vince.
Vince sighed deeply into Howardâs chest, and Howardâs heart fluttered. âI felt that,â Vince said, grinning up at him. He moved one hand up his chest slowly, running his fingers over the soft material of Howardâs t-shirt and finally stopping his hand over where Howardâs heart is. âAnd again,â Vince giggled.
Howard closed his eyes and made the most of the moment. He didnât want it to end. They sat there for some time in a comfortable silence, Vince resting his hand on Howardâs chest, gently massaging with the tips of his fingers while Howard carefully twirled a lock of Vinceâs perfect hair around his finger delicately.
Time passed, the CD finished and all was silent. The clock ticked steadily in the background; Howard looked up to check the time and saw that it was 1:45am. âVince,â he whispered.
âHm?â Vince replied sleepily. âI was just nodding off then, Iâm really comfy.â
âI was just about to say that I want to go to sleep⌠and I canât sleep sitting up.â
Vince sat up slowly, stretched, and moved to the end of the sofa. âLie down,â he ordered.
Howard did as he was told, leaning over and lying flat on the sofa, his long limbs only just fitting across the length of the chair. Vince shuffled down the sofa and lay down slowly, facing Howard. He moved his body forward so both of their bodies were touching.
Vince leaned his head into Howardâs neck and brushed it lightly with his lips. He felt for one of Howardâs hands, grabbed it with both of his and held it to his heart. âCan you feel it?â he said quietly.
Vince felt him nod and felt Howardâs hand slither around his body and to his back, where he pulled Vince in closer to his chest and left his hand there, gently caressing his neck.
Vince buried his head back in to Howardâs neck and left it there, feeling more comfortable with Howard than he ever had before. âI love you,â he whispered.
And this time, Howard wasnât going to hide it.
âI love you too, Vince.â
End Notes: Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think! đ