Losing my Addiction

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A choose-your-own-adventure story in which Julian prepares a wonderful evening for his and Noel’s anniversary. Noel stands him up. Will Noel’s drug problems tear them apart, or bring them closer together?

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Notes: Voting is closed for all chapters posted here. Voting takes place on the BSH livejournal community. Thank you to Planetbanjo for betaing this fic.

Losing my Addiction by plainjane

[nextpage title=”Going all out”]
Going all out

Noel, my place 18:30, I’ve got something special planned.

—Julian x

What is it?

—*Noel*

It’s a surprise. Remember, 18:30. Love you.

—Julian x

Damn you! Ok. See you then. Love you too.

—*Noel*

Pocketing his mobile phone with a smile, Julian entered the clothes printing shop he’d been standing outside of while texting Noel. He caught the attention of the short balding man behind the counter: “Yes?”

“Hi, I was in here yesterday, I believe my printing’s done.”

“Name?”

“Julian Barratt.”

“Ah yes. Let me take a look.”

The man waddled into the backroom. Julian checked his watch impatiently: it was 16:30 and he still had to buy a few things then get back to his flat in time to organise everything before Noel got there. Returning with a small package, the man placed it on the counter and looked inside.

“Oh, I think this has been labelled wrong. This isn’t yours is it?”

He turned the package towards Julian, who looked inside, the pink fabric and silver writing stared out at him.

“Nope, that’s mine.” Julian confirmed with a small nod.

The man raised an eyebrow, quizzically.

“Ri-ight, ok,” he said sceptically, “That’ll be seven pounds then.”

Julian picked up the package, handed over the money and left the shop. The man behind the counter shook his head. “It takes all sorts, I suppose,” he thought, the image of the pink pants with the words “Property of Noel Fielding” written across the bum still fresh in his mind.

Pausing outside the shop, Julian pulled out his shopping list and a pen from his pocket. He drew a line through “underwear” and ran the pen down the rest of the list, checking what he had to get next.

Underwear

Candles

Flowers

Chocolate body paint

Lube

Condoms

Whipped cream

Champagne

The flowers had been delivered that morning, along with two large bags of rose petals. Julian always went all out on their anniversary but this year he was really outdoing himself; five years, he considered, was a long time, and bearing in mind that they had to hide their relationship, it was amazing that they had made it this far.

Julian set off, determined to get everything done and back to his flat by 17:30 at the latest. That gave him an hour to get changed, place all the candles out and light them, sprinkle the rose petals around the flat and put the large bouquets of flowers in the right place. He was cutting it fine, but he was sure Noel wouldn’t be there on time; he was always at least fifteen minutes late.

Julian put his heavy shopping bags on the doorstep and fumbled in his pocket for his keys. He unlocked the door, picked up the bags and went inside, closing the door behind him with his foot. Hauling the heavy bags through to the kitchen, with a groan he placed them on the black granite kitchen counter top and then started to unpack the contents.

Once the bags were unpacked, Julian set to work placing candles around the living room and bedroom, lighting them as he went. He stood a bouquet of black and pink lilies on either side of the bedroom door and, as a final touch, he sprinkled white rose petals from the front door, through the living room and into the bedroom. He put a fair amount on the bed too; the white standing out beautifully against the crimson satin sheets that he’d put on especially for tonight.

Noel had helped Julian decorate his bedroom, although Noel had basically made all the decisions, from the light laminate wood flooring to the black paint on the walls and the black bedside tables. Julian didn’t like it at first; it confused him to have light floors and dark walls. However, just as he was getting fed up with these new interior design ideas, Noel presented him with a painting.

“I’ve been working on it since I finished your room.” Noel beamed at Julian.

“Noel, it’s beautiful! All those neon colours really pull the room together.”

“Thanks, Ju.”

“What’s it called?”

“Love.”

“Love?” Julian frowned at the neon pink, lime green, electric blue abstraction above his bed.

“Yeah, it’s how being with you makes me feel. It’s like being high, only I never come down. Being with you is like a dream, Julian, absolutely perfect.”

Julian broke his train of thought and checked his watch: 18:25. Julian had just enough time to get changed. He slipped into his newly acquired underwear and a pair of black jeans. Then he chose a red t-shirt that Noel had made him buy a while back.

“Ju, you should totally get this top!”

Noel held up a red t-shirt with white writing across the chest.

“In case of emergency, break-dance,” Julian read out loud.

“It’ll look really good on you! Red’s your colour,” Noel insisted.

Julian looked from Noel to the t-shirt, one eyebrow raised.

“And I think the slogan really captures your personality,” Noel giggled.

Julian looked at himself in the mirror, straightening his t-shirt. He grabbed a comb and pulled it through his hair. Unhappy with the results, Julian ruffled his hair with his hands. Now satisfied with his appearance, Julian grabbed a bottle of cologne that Noel had bought him for his birthday and sprayed himself with the contents.

Julian slowly undid the neon yellow wrapping paper while Noel bounced around eagerly next to him.

“Just rip it, Julian!”

“But I don’t like ripping wrapping paper.”

“Well hurry up then!”

Julian pulled the bottle of cologne from its neon casing.

“Wow, thanks Noel.”

Noel smiled at him proudly. “Here,” he said, taking the bottle from Julian’s hands and spraying a little onto his own index finger. Running his finger down Julian’s neck to his collar bone, he leaned in to smell it.

“Mmm,” he moaned softly, his lips brushing against Julian’s skin, “you smell good.”

Julian made one last sweep of the flat, making sure that he hadn’t forgotten anything. He took the whipped cream out of the fridge and put it with the champagne and chocolate body paint next to his bed, fleetingly wondering if it was too much.

Julian checked the time again: 18:38. Walking back into the living room, clicking off the lights as he went, he hoped Noel would arrive soon. The room was bathed in the romantic glow of many flickering candles, the shadows dancing softly across the walls. With a small smile Julian decided it looked perfect.

A small beep sounded from Julian’s pocket, indicating that he had a message on his mobile phone. He slid it out and momentarily stared at the screen. It was a ‘please call me’ text from Noel. With a sudden tension in his stomach, Julian dialled Noel’s number.

“Julian?”

“Noel.”

“Listen, Ju, I know you had something planned for tonight, but I’ve just been invited to a really wicked party. Apparently Jagger is going to be there, it sounds amazing! So can we do this another time?”

“You can’t just reschedule an anniversary, Noel.” Julian frowned, his heart sinking.

“Shit! It’s not our anniversary is it?”

“Yes, it is.” Julian’s voice was deadpan, but he could feel his temper rising.

“Tonight?”

“Yes!” Julian snapped, unable to further hide his annoyance.

“It can’t be!”

“Well it is.”

Noel groaned, obviously deciding what was more important.

“Look Ju, I’m sorry but I can’t miss this party… why don’t you come along, yeah?”

Should Julian:

A: Go with Noel to the party, knowing that he won’t have fun

B: Stay at home, but ask Noel to come back to his place when he’s finished

C: Tell Noel to go have fun at the party and that they can do it another night

[nextpage title=”An Eye Opening”]
An Eye Opening

Julian closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

Noel hadn’t always been like this; obsessed with partying and his rock star persona. There had been a time in Noel’s life when it had revolved around comedy and their double-act. Then his life had centred on Julian, and Julian had fallen intensely in love with the lithe, raven haired beauty who made him feel like he was actually worth something. More recently, Noel had been bitten by the fame bug, all his energies spent on maintaining his rock star appearance and being seen with his celebrity ‘mates’. That was the problem with Noel; Julian thought to himself, he was easily obsessed and his addictions changed as frequently as his wardrobe.

“Ju?” Noel’s tone was tentative.

Julian took a deep breath. “No, I’m gonna stay in, but you go out. Have a good time. Just come back to me when you’re done.”

“Thanks Ju. God, you’re too good to me, I don’t deserve you.”

“You probably don’t. Just promise me you’ll come back… always come back…” Julian’s voice trailed off. His rage had subsided and was replaced by a strange sense of loss. He longed for Noel to be there with him, rather than spending their special night apart.

“Julian?”

“Mmm?”

“I’ll try not to be too late, yeah?”

“Yeah, ok.”

“Love you.”

“You too.”

With the click that ended the phone call, Julian’s eyes stung with inescapable tears.

Julian awoke with a start, shaken from a deep, yet restless slumber by a sudden noise. He had fallen asleep on the couch, waiting for Noel to come home. Blinking from the harsh light emanating from the table-lamp, he checked his phone for the time: 3:42. A loud knock sounded from the front door.

“Noel.” He whispered to himself, pushing up hastily from the couch.

When Julian opened the door, he found a very wasted Noel, who stumbled in across the step, giggling.

“Ju, I just had the best night! I met Jagger, which was great and this one bird flashed her tits at him, it was amazing, and there was this guy with really great shoes…” Noel rambled on in a torrent, talking abnormally fast. A manic grin spread widely across Noel’s face and Julian noticed that he was twitching slightly.

“Noel, have you been taking drugs?” Julian couldn’t pretend he didn’t know about Noel’s drug habit and he had tried to ignore it, hoping that Noel would get over it quickly, like all his other addictions. However, it still came as a shock to see this twitching, drugged up version Noel in front of him, almost a stranger.

Noel swayed slightly and his grin wavered for a second, but he regained his composure within a millisecond. “Don’t worry about things like that Ju, it doesn’t matter. Let’s focus on the more important things, like the most amazing sex we are about to have as celebration of our anniversary.”

Noel lurched forward, pressing his body up against Julian’s and kissed him but Julian pulled away.

“No.”

Pressing his body closer, Noel softly sucked at his lover’s neck and smiled, feeling the goose bumps form beneath his lips.

“Come on Ju, you know you want it.”

“Noel,” Julian murmured, helplessly succumbing to the smaller man’s advances.

“Don’t fight it,” Noel whispered, his hands slowly moving down Julian’s torso while his lips stayed on his neck. Noel felt Julian’s body melt into his as he slowly nibbled at the taller man’s ears; he knew Julian couldn’t resist that. His hands had now made their journey South and were desperately trying to undo Julian’s trousers.

Suddenly Julian stiffened and pushed Noel away, his face set in a determined look. “Noel, no!”

“But Julian…” Noel pleaded.

“I can’t be with you when you’re like this.” Julian protested.

“Like what?” Noel glared at Julian, his sexually energy converted swiftly into anger.

“You’re high, Noel, and I won’t do this when you’re all drugged up. I can’t.”

“Why?” Noel shouted.

“I just can’t. You’re not yourself.”

“Not myself!” He bellowed, “I’ve never felt more like myself in my entire life! I feel free!”

“Noel, you have to understand, drugs can seriously fuck up your life.”

“No, actually, the only thing that seems to be fucking up my life right now, is you.” Noel jabbed a finger towards Julian. His words were like acid, his face contorted into an ugly sneer.

“Don’t you know how dangerous they are?” Julian replied, desperately trying to reason with him but knowing that arguing with Noel when he was like this was pointless.

“Fuck you!” Noel spat the words at Julian, then turned and strode into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Julian collapsed onto the couch, staring at the closed door that separated him and the love of his life. Glancing around the room at the perfection he had created in honour of the man he who was spiralling out of control, his heart sank further. He noted how pathetic the trampled rose petals now looked.

Julian woke up early, no longer able to sleep on his uncomfortable, sagging couch. He looked at the still closed bedroom door, sure that Noel was still asleep. Standing up, he stretched out his back before going to the kitchen and clicking the kettle on; craving caffeine.

He took out a mug from a cupboard and grabbed the jar of coffee, scooping a large spoonful of the brown grains into the porcelain. As he waited for the water to boil he searched for a way to deal with Noel and his problem. The kettle clicked off, indicating that the water had boiled and Julian poured the steaming liquid into his mug. Returning to the lounge he sat on the couch and sipped the dark, bitter drink, lost in thought.

He was shaken from his musings by the loud thumps from the bedroom. Julian knew immediately that Noel was running to the bathroom. The unmistakable sound of Noel retching and vomiting followed. Calmly, Julian placed his mug on the small coffe table and made his way to the ensuit bathroom. He found Noel bent over the toilet coughing up the previous day’s meal. Kneeling next to him, Julian gently held Noel’s hair away from his face, feeling the smaller man convulse, patiently waiting for him to finish.

After a few minutes and some dry retching, Noel slumped weakly to the floor, leaning against Julian..

“Ju, I’m really, really sorry about last night.” Noel spoke in a small voice, gazing up at the taller man with eyes that were wide and apologetic.

Looking down at his pale and tired face Julian brushed a few strands of Noel’s hair away from his face. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of sympathy, even though Noel had brought this on himself.

Should Julian:

A: Accept Noel’s apology without question

B: Refuse Noel’s apology, nothing can excuse Noel for what he did

C: Tell Noel off for what he did, but still accept his apology

[nextpage title=”Cold Tiles and Roast Beef”]
Cold Tiles and Roast Beef

Author’s Notes: Voting for this has already closed. If you want to take part join the livejournal community and vote there. Thanks to Planetbanjo. I own nothing except the story. I make no money. I am in no way implying that Noel and Julian take drugs.

“Noel,” Julian sighed, glancing away from his lover. Sitting on the bathroom floor, cradling a severely hung over Noel, was not how Julian had imagined the morning after their anniversary.

Julian momentarily reflected on their situation. There was no room for romance when Noel was involved and Julian was sick of it. He was sick of caving in to Noel’s every whim, sick of running after Noel like a parent after a five year old. He was Noel’s boyfriend, dammit, and it was about time Noel treated him that way.

“You missed our anniversary,” Julian said; not an accusation, but a statement.

“Ju, I’m sorry.” Noel rasped, his voice hoarse both from the previous night’s shouting and the morning’s acquaintance with the toilet bowl.

“You decided to go to a party rather than spend time with me.” Julian’s voice was strong and steady. Taking a deep breath, he shifted uncomfortably on the cold tiled floor, trying to find the exact words to express just how much Noel was hurting him.

“Julian…” Noel pleaded.

“I can’t keep doing this Noel. I can’t keep on taking a back seat to whatever shiny new thing catches your eye. All I’ve ever done is love you and support you. I do everything I can to make you happy but in return I get pushed aside like a toy that you’re tired of playing with.”

Noel could tell that Julian was at the end of his tether, so, quelling his urge to defend himself, he chose the more diplomatic route and offered an apology.

“Julian, I really didn’t mean to push you aside last night, and I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Surprised that he wasn’t throwing a hissy-fit, Julian looked at Noel, making note of his appearance. His eyes were dull and bloodshot, his hair was lank and lifeless and his pale skin was pulled taut over his high cheekbones. He looked pathetic and it broke Julian’s heart. Julian wondered where the lively man he had fallen in love with had gone.

“I know you didn’t do it maliciously, Noel, but that doesn’t help the fact that you shrugged off our plans for a party, or that you didn’t even remember that it was our anniversary in the first place.” Despite the harsh tone of his voice, Julian found his anger dissipating.

Noel shifted round until he was facing Julian, placing a hand on either side of Julian’s face and locking eyes with him.

“Julian, I’m truly sorry for missing our anniversary, I don’t know how I even forgot. The day I met you was one of the greatest days of my life, second only to the day we finally got together. I’d be lost without you, Ju. Why don’t you let me make it up to you, hmm?”

Cursing himself for not being able to stay angry, Julian smiled.

“You know, those were the best days of my life too,” Julian admitted finally, placing a soft kiss on Noel’s forehead, casting his mind back to the early days of their relationship…

“Great show Ju!” Noel praised his comedy partner as they entered their rather small dressing room after a particularly successful gig. Flashing Julian one of his cheeky, yet oh-so-sexy smiles, Noel poured them both a glass of whiskey to celebrate.

As reluctant and insecure as Julian was, even he had to admit that the show had gone well. The audience had lapped up their double act magic; their cheers and laughs so loud and long that the duo had to pause and wait for the audience to calm down before they could continue. And, of course, Noel had been mesmerizing. Julian admired his pointy comedy partner’s confidence and stage presence. He often found himself losing track of his lines during the show, distracted by Noel and his captivating aura.

Taking the whiskey glass from Noel, Julian raised it in a toast before drinking the amber liquid. He set his glass down and found that Noel was staring at him, his lips curved into a small smile. Julian blushed under the scrutiny of Noel’s gaze and shifted uncertainly. Noel took a step towards the taller man, subconsciously biting at his bottom lip. Julian gulped, his eyes unable to leave the delicious sight of pink flesh being lightly punished by white teeth.

“Julian,” Noel’s voice was low. If Julian didn’t know any better, he’d describe it as wanting, lustful even.

Noel reached up and ran a hand through Julian’s messy hair. Gazing up at into Julian’s deep brown eyes through his long, mascara laden lashes, Noel pressed up against him before capturing his lips in a kiss.

The kiss started out hesitantly, both men unsure of the other’s feelings. When both realised they wanted this just as much as the other, the kiss quickly grew heated. Hands roamed as teeth clinked together. Tongues explored as bodies rutted against each other in unmitigated passion. Both men were heavily aroused and drunk on lust.

Noel pushed Julian against the door and lavished the older man’s neck. He sucked and nibbled at the exposed flesh as he hastily undid the buttons on Julian’s shirt. Soon the offending article of clothing was removed, revealing a lean chest with smatterings of dark hair and two small pink nipples. Latching his mouth onto one of them, Noel gently rolled the nipple between his teeth. Julian moaned lustfully and bucked his hips in need. Smiling around the pink nub, Noel began to suckle at it while his hands found their way down to Julian’s trousers. He quickly undid them before tugging them and Julian’s underwear down around his knees.

Blind with desire, Julian fumbled at Noel’s jeans desperately trying to remove the barrier between them. Eventually Julian was successful and he peeled the jeans down Noel’s thin, milky white thighs. Noel’s pants soon followed and the two men resumed their frenzied kissing, kicking off their respective trousers and pants from around their ankles.

Wildly, Noel bucked his hips against Julian’s, desperate for friction. He was rewarded when Julian picked him up, wrapping his legs around the taller man, their crotches now level. Turning round, Julian pressed Noel into the door. They thrust against each other, the need for release growing stronger and stronger. Julian felt the familiar warmth in his lower abdomen and tightness in his balls. Orgasm came amidst Julian’s deep, guttural moans and the gasps that signalled Noel’s own release.

Julian shook himself from his memories and smiled down at Noel.

“Come on, toilet duck, let’s get a few more hours of sleep, I dunno about you, but I’m completely knackered.”

Noel and Julian slept into the afternoon, exhausted both physically and emotionally. It was Julian who emerged from slumber first. Stretching out his stiff muscles, he padded into the bathroom to relieve himself, then he went into the kitchen to make breakfast… um, lunch.

He returned to the bedroom carrying a tray full of food; starchy, greasy, extremely unhealthy food. Julian had always stood by his belief that the best cure for a hangover was something high in fat and carbohydrates. After Noel’s little vomiting session that morning he’d endeavoured to make a meal that fit that description. The tray overflowed with eggs, bacon, sausages, toast and pancakes. It also held two cups of very strong coffee.

Noel was now wide awake and propped up against the headboard, a bemused expression on his face. Upon seeing Julian the corners of his mouth twitched up. Julian set the tray down on the bed and looked at his lover, questioningly.

“What?”

“Julian,” Noel began slowly, “These sheets are satin.” Noel’s face was one of disbelief and awe as he ran his fingers over the silky linen. Julian gave a deep chuckle and sat down next to Noel on the other side of the tray.

“Yes, they are,” he stated simply, “Now, eat your breakfast.”

“Julian, it’s two in the afternoon.”

“And the first meal of the day. Go on, eat up.” Julian hungrily tucked into his eggs and bacon.

Noel considered the meal before him sceptically. After some deliberation he picked up a piece of buttered toast and began nibbling on the corner. Julian looked up from his food and frowned.

“What’s the matter? You still feeling sick?”

He received a noncommittal shrug. “Nah, it’s not that.”

“Then why aren’t you eating.”

“Not hungry,” Noel mumbled.

“Nonsense, after the morning you had you must be ravenous.”

“I don’t have to eat if I don’t want to, Julian” Noel snapped.

“Ok, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Julian said, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’m just concerned about you.”

“I’m fine, honestly. I’m just not in the mood for food right now.”

They continued their meal in silence, or rather, Julian continued his meal. Noel simply finished his piece of toast and drank his coffee. When the meal was over Julian set about cleaning up while Noel took a much needed shower.

With wet hair hanging loosely around his shoulders, Noel emerged from the bathroom. Julian was sweeping up the rose petals on the bedroom floor. A lead weight of guilt filled the pit of Noel’s stomach.

“J-Ju…” Noel stammered, “I really appreciate the effort you went through last night, even if I did fuck it up.”

Julian continued to sweep and gave a vague, “Mmm.”

Frowning, Noel came up behind Julian and pulled him into a hug, kissing his neck.

“How ‘bout I make it up to you tomorrow night, hmm? Come ‘round to mine, I’ll cook dinner.”

The next night found Julian at Noel’s flat enjoying a wonderful home cooked meal of roast beef, Yorkshire pudding and roast vegetables. Savouring every mouthful Julian imagined that many people would be surprised to know that Noel was a very good cook.

“Noel, this is amazing!” he said, in between bites.

“Only the best for you,” Noel replied with a wan smile.

Noel’s plate looked untouched and he proceeded to move his food around with his fork. Julian frowned.

“Why aren’t you eating?”

“I dunno, just not that hungry I guess.” Noel’s gaze stayed fixed on his plate.

Julian shrugged, not wishing to rock the boat so soon after the anniversary debacle and continued his meal.

The night went smoothly enough and soon the two were ensconced in each other on the couch. Julian nibbled at Noel’s neck and earlobes causing him to moan throatily. His hands roamed over the skinny man’s torso, teasing his nipples through the thin fabric of his shirt. Julian captured Noel’s lips in a kiss as he started to undo Noel’s jeans.

“Stop,” Noel breathed, pulling away from Julian.

Smiling at the confused look on Julian’s face, Noel wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“I’ve got a surprise for you, something to spice things up a little. I meant to give it to you on our anniversary, but… you know.”

Leaving a rather curious Julian on the couch, Noel stood up and went in search of the present. He returned a few minutes later his fist closed around something and a triumphant smirk on his face. He sat next to Julian and opened his hand. In his palm sat two small white tablets. Ecstasy tablets.

Julian couldn’t believe his eyes. Noel didn’t expect them to do drugs together, did he?

“What do you say, Julian? It’ll be a night to remember, our feelings and emotions heightened, we’ll connect like we never have before.”

Should Julian:

A: Take ecstasy with Noel-maybe they do need to reconnect and this just might be the way.

B: Refuse the drugs-if Noel wants to ruin his life that’s fine, but Julian wants nothing to do with it.

C: Take a little time to decide, discuss with Noel why he feels that their relationship needs something like ecstasy in order to connect.

[nextpage title=”Just Relax”]
Just Relax

Author’s Notes: Not mine, no money. Thanks to planetbanjo for betaing. Voting is closed.

Julian looked from Noel’s face to the white ecstasy tablets in his hand. Could he really do this? Could he really take drugs with Noel after previously refusing to do anything with him when he was high? It wasn’t like Julian had never taken drugs before; he’d done a fair amount of dope in his time, but ecstasy?

Noel was right, though, they did need to reconnect, but was this the way to do it? Maybe he just needed to lighten up and relax. After all, were drugs really as dangerous as everyone made them out to be? Only one way to find out…

“Er, Noel, are you completely sure about this?” Julian said, clearing his throat.

“Yeah,” Noel nodded, “Come on, Ju! It’ll be great; just you, me and a heightened sense of everything as we make love.”

Julian glanced again at the small tablets in Noel’s palm and made up his mind.

“Alright, Noel, let’s do it.”

“Brilliant!” Noel smiled, offering a tablet to Julian.

He took the ecstasy from Noel and studied it sceptically. Gathering his courage, he placed the pill on his tongue, moved it around in his mouth for a moment and then swallowed. Following Julian’s lead, Noel did the same, handing him a glass of wine. Julian smiled his thanks before taking a swig from it. Noel sipped at his wine for a few seconds and then put the glass on the table.

“Right,” Noel said, “where were we?”

He pounced on Julian, pinning him to the couch and capturing his mouth in a searing kiss. He ran his hands over Julian’s torso kissing him deeply. As his tongue explored Julian’s mouth, Noel could taste the wine as well as something he couldn’t really define but was unmistakably ‘Julian.”

Julian kissed Noel back with equal fervour, fighting for dominance. He buried his hands in Noel’s dark mane, clutching and pulling at his hair, his brain foggy with passion. Both men lost track of time, completely engrossed in one another as they kissed passionately on the couch.

Freeing his hands from Noel’s hair, Julian felt under Noel’s t-shirt, tugging it upwards over Noel’s head, needing to feel Noel’s bare skin against him.

Now semi-naked, Noel propped himself up on his hands and gazed down at Julian. He thought that Julian looked amazing; sprawled across the couch, his lips redder than normal, eyes dark with arousal and his broad chest rising and falling quickly as he panted softly.

“Let’s move this to the bedroom.”

Julian nodded in response. Noel’s mouth twitched into a smile as he got off the couch and held out a hand to Julian, leading him into the bedroom. Noel led him to the bed, slowly unbuttoning Julian’s shirt, kissing every inch of newly exposed skin. Julian moaned under Noel’s ministrations, trying to remember when last Noel had been this attentive, or indeed when last he had felt so turned on.

Noel slid the shirt off, exposing Julian’s bare shoulders, pressing a kiss to his neck and gently pushing him back onto the bed. He unzipped Julian’s trousers, tugging them off along with his boxers, kissing Julian’s thighs as he went. Julian gave a heavy sigh. This was good. This was very good.

He shivered as Noel’s mouth crept along on his inner thigh, sending shockwaves straight to his cock. Noel removed Julian’s shoes and socks and placed light kisses on each of Julian’s toes, then along the inside of his foot up to Julian’s ankles, his tongue darting out to lick at the skin around the protruding bone there. He placed open-mouthed kisses further up Julian’s thigh, sucking gently at the sensitive skin, running his hands around Julian’s bare buttocks and squeezing the muscles as he inched closer and closer towards Julian’s groin.

Julian trembled and whimpered beneath him, feeling Noel’s hot breath ghost across his erection, and then it was gone. He grunted in disappointment, propping himself up on his elbows to see where Noel had gone. Noel stood at the foot of the bed, hurriedly removing his clothes. Julian gave a predatory smirk, catching sight of Noel’s thick, glistening cock.

Noel walked over to the bedside cabinet. Opening the draw, he took out a tube of lubricant and a tub of chocolate body paint then moved back onto the bed, straddling Julian’s hips. He unscrewed the lid of the body paint and dipped a finger inside the tub, coating it with chocolate and then circled it delicately around each of Julian’s erect nipples. Julian gasped.

“You know,” Noel purred, licking the chocolate off his finger, “I got this idea from you.”

Julian’s eyes were transfixed by Noel’s finger as he slowly tongued the chocolate from it. Suddenly Julian wished he was that finger.

“I saw this jar next to the bed at your place and I nicked it,” Noel said, running his spit slicked finger down the centre of Julian’s chest. “I thought there’s no point in letting it go to waste, is there?”

Julian groaned in response. Noel’s teasing had worked him up into a writhing frenzy. Seeing the effect he was having on Julian, Noel took pity on him. Lowering his mouth to one of Julian’s nipples, he slowly licked the chocolate from it then he moved to the other, repeating the process, but this time sucking on Julian’s nipple long after the chocolate had been devoured.

All Julian could do was moan and shudder. The sensation of Noel’s mouth on his nipples had never felt this intense before. The world had become hazy and beautiful, dreamlike, and every sensation was particularly intense and special. Thinking about it, his life had been grossly mundane up until now, but now, oh now, he knew what it was like to be truly alive. He knew what it was like to feel.

Eventually Noel released Julian’s nipple and reached for the tub of chocolate again. Scooping out the contents with his finger, he lifted it to Julian’s mouth, smearing the chocolate all over his lower lip. Noel bent down to lick it off. Julian gasped as he felt Noel’s tongue on his lips. Then Noel’s tongue was in his mouth, sharing the taste with him. Julian forgot how to breathe and just focussed on tasting. Chocolate everywhere, Noel everywhere, he was in heaven. This was perfect, Noel was perfect.

Noel was chocolate.

Yeah, that sounded about right. Noel was delicious melted chocolate covering his entire body, running into every crevice, turning Julian into chocolate. He was making a chocolate mould of Julian so that at Christmas time he could be covered in tinfoil and sold to be put in Christmas stockings. A life-size chocolate man. It would have to be a mighty big stocking.

Noel propped himself up and hovered over Julian, smirking.

“You’re filthy.” Noel’s voice was deeper than normal. “You’re a filthy, dirty boy, covered in chocolate and spit. You love it, don’t you?”

Julian looked up, Noel eyes were glazed over, but Julian wasn’t sure if it was from lust or the drugs.

“Well then, maybe you should clean me up.” Julian he replied.

“Mmm.” Noel got off the bed and without another word went into the bathroom. Julian smirked and pushed himself up from the bed, admiring how Noel’s arse muscles rippled as he walked.

When Julian walked into the bathroom, Noel had already started the shower. Once the water temperature was right, Julian climbed in, quickly followed by Noel. Grabbing a face-cloth, Noel poured some body wash onto it and began washing Julian’s chest, making small, slow circles. He enjoyed the sounds Julian made as he ran the cloth over his nipples. He looked down at Julian’s penis which twitched with each swipe.

Sinking to his knees, Noel placed his hands on Julian’s hips. He peered up through his long lashes and gave the most innocent look he could muster, which wasn’t very innocent at all considering that he was licking his lips in anticipation and was also heavily aroused. Julian looked down at Noel-he looked incredible, his dark hair wet and hanging loosely around his face, his bright blue eyes wide and lust filled, his lips slightly parted with promises of what was to come, his cock jutting out from the dark thatch of hair at his groin. Julian felt he could ejacutate just from looking at Noel.

Julian placed his hands on Noel’s shoulders and squeezed gently.

“Noel,” he whispered.

Noel batted his eyelids. “Yes, Julian?”

“Please…” Julian’s voice was husky.

“Please what?” The corners of Noel’s mouth twitched. If Julian had been thinking clearly he would have said that Noel was smirking.

“Suck me!” Julian growled.

Noel giggled and lowered his head, licking the tip of Julian’s cock, removing the jism that had gathered there. He licked down the shaft, right to the base. Julian ground his hips, needing more friction. Noel ignored Julian’s insistence and moved his mouth lower delicately tonguing Julian’s balls. Taking one in his mouth, Noel sucked on it gently. Julian moaned, his hands tightening around Noel shoulders.

“Oh god, Noel.” Julian gasped, tossing his head back, his hips jerking spasmodically.

Noel released Julian’s scrotum and licked his way along Julian’s penis before taking it in his mouth bobbing his head up and down as he begun gently sucking. Everything in Julian’s world went hazy, his attention solely on the suction on his cock. Julian buried his hands in Noel’s hair, guiding his head back and forth. Soon Julian felt the telltale tightening in his balls and came fully in Noel’s throat. Noel swallowed and let Julian’s softening cock slip from his mouth licking his lips in a way Julian considered obscenely decadent.

Helping Noel to his feet, Julian kissed him deeply, enjoying his taste on Noel’s tongue. Resting a hand on Noel’s lower back, Julian trailed the other down his chest, along the line of hair to Noel’s crotch and then wrapped it around his erect cock. Julian tugged it rhythmically, twisting his hand slightly as he neared the head. Noel rested his head on Julian’s chest, giving in to the sensations, bucking his hips sporadically, pulled Julian into another kiss.

As Julian continued to pump his hand, he felt Noel’s body stiffen. Warm jets of semen covered his hand and belly as the tension drained out of Noel’s body, his legs buckling a little. Julian pulled him close. He could feel the sharp rise and fall of Noel’s chest against his and a smile pressed against his neck. As Noel’s breathing slowed, he pulled back slightly to look up at Julian.

“I got you all messy again,” Noel giggled.

Julian woke up feeling content and sated. He breathed in, the scent of Noel and sex filling his nostrils, and smiled. Julian had never felt this happy and relaxed. He gazed lovingly down at Noel, who was curled tightly around him. A strange warmth filled Julian’s chest and his heart gave a tiny flutter. He didn’t think he’d be able to survive without Noel; he loved him completely. He loved Noel’s smile, his eyes and his arse. He loved how Noel could make him laugh and how he was always full of energy. He loved how he was the only one Noel would truly be himself around; Noel didn’t feel the need to impress Julian and he could drop his showbiz persona around him. Hell, he even loved how Noel could irritate him like nobody else could. Julian was well and truly addicted to Noel and he didn’t think he’d ever be able to get enough.

Noel murmured something and stretched, then opened his eyes. “Hey” he said sleepily.

“Hey yourself,” Julian smiled back.

Noel yawned and then blinked a few times, reminding Julian of a kitten.

“Sleep well?” Julian ventured, wondering if Noel was awake enough to hold a simple conversation.

“Yeah, you?”

“I haven’t slept so well in ages.”

“Yeah, know the feeling.” Noel smiled against Julian’s chest and then lifted his head. “Breakfast?”

“Yeah thanks.”

When Noel had fetched them both coffee and toast for breakfast, he returned to bed. Julian couldn’t think of a time when everything had seemed so perfect. There was nowhere he’d rather be than lying in bed with Noel after an amazing night of love making. Julian felt utterly content, and yet it was more than that. He felt like he had finally found where he belonged and who would have guessed it was here in Noel’s bed? Not even their friends and family knew how close they really were and the public certainly didn’t have single clue about their relationship.

Julian glanced over at Noel, who was nibbling at his toast, and smiled. Sometimes Julian couldn’t believe that someone as gorgeous and fascinating as Noel could love him back. He was certain that Noel did indeed love him and had learnt not to question it but occasionally Julian would look at Noel and wonder if anyone would ever be worthy of him. Noel was like a rare and exotic creature, beautiful and mystical, almost sacred. Julian at times thought that Noel would be better off if he was free; surely creatures like Noel didn’t deserve to be kept in captivity? Julian has always tried his best to give Noel the freedom he deserved to the extent that he possibly gave him too much freedom, often caving in to Noel’s every request.

Noel had finished his piece of toast and was cradling the cup of coffee in his hands, alternatively blowing at the hot liquid and sipping it daintily. He looked up over his cup and smiled at Julian.

“Hey Ju, I know you’re not really into parties and all, but there’s one tonight and I thought maybe you’d like to come? I think Rich and Mike are gonna be there.”

“Um, I don’t really know…” Julian stuttered, suddenly feeling awkward and looking away. Noel was right, Julian didn’t really like going to parties.

“I don’t really fit in.”

“Aw, come on, Ju, please? Look at Rich. Do you really think he fits in?”

“But Rich is loud and hyper; he’s easily the centre of attention. I’m awkward and broody, I make people feel uncomfortable.”

“No you don’t! So you might not like to talk to strangers and you don’t wear shiny clothes, but who cares? I don’t! Please, Julian, I really want you there, I miss you when I go out.” Noel put on his most seductive look, his eyes wide and shiny. Julian didn’t stand a chance.

“Oh alright then.” Julian sighed.

“Thanks Ju!” Noel leaned over to give Julian a quick but sincere kiss. “It really means a lot to me.”

Later that evening, Noel and Julian got ready to leave. Well, Julian was already finished and he was waiting for Noel. In the bedroom, Noel stood in front of the full length mirror, turning this way and that, scrutinising his appearance. Julian sat on the bed and watched him.

“Julian,” Noel said suddenly, “Tell me honestly, do I look fat?”

Julian spluttered. “Noel, of course you don’t look fat!”

And Noel didn’t. In fact, if anything he looked a little too skinny, but Julian didn’t say that. He still looked fantastic.

“Noel you look gorgeous.”

“I shouldn’t have eaten that chocolate last night…” Noel murmured. He pouted and turned his back to the mirror then craned his neck to look, huffing.

“Does my bum look big to you?”

Noel turned around so Julian could see. Julian stood up from the bed and walked to Noel, placing his hands on Noel’s bum. He squeezed gently and kissed Noel’s neck.

“Noel, your bum doesn’t look big. In fact, it looks rather tasty and if I didn’t think it would mess up your hair, or make us late, I’d fuck you right now.”

Julian licked around the shell of Noel’s ear and then tugged on his earlobe with his teeth. Noel sighed and pressed his back against Julian, grinding his arse against Julian’s crotch, feeling his hardness. Julian kissed Noel’s neck, licking and sucking at the pale flesh then stepped back from him. Noel whimpered a little.

“Come on you, we better get going,” Julian said, giving Noel’s arse a playful slap as they left the bedroom.

Noel and Julian arrived at the club and immediately went to the bar. They stood for a while chatting and watching people dance. Julian had to admit that the one good thing about going to clubs with Noel was that he could people watch to his hearts content. The way that people interact and react to each other had always intrigued him.

Mike and Rich joined them shortly after and the four men spent the next half hour talking and laughing. Mike drifted off to talk to someone he knew and Rich decided that it was time to be ridiculous. He strolled onto the dance floor and danced, using all his favourite moves; the Nipple Fondle, the Crotch Thrust, the Grab and Eat and the Retarded Robot. He even pulled out a new move that he had shown Julian earlier on in the week. He called it the Windmill and had told Julian that it was very experimental. The move basically consisted of Rich flinging his arms about in front of him in a circular motion and jumping up and down until he got tired.

Laughing, Noel leaned over to Julian, “Hey, Ju. I’ll be back in a bit; hopefully Rich will keep you amused while I’m gone.”

With that Noel bounded across the club, disappearing into the crowd. Julian watched Rich for a bit longer. He winced in sympathy and somewhat cruel amusement as Rich unintentionally clouted a poor unsuspecting woman in the face. Soon Rich was given a wide berth by the other dancers for fear of personal injury. Julian ordered another drink and sipped it slowly, hiding his grin behind the glass and watching as people tried to avoid Rich, who tried in vain to get people to dance with him.

After a few minutes, Noel sidled up to Julian, who was so amused at watching Rich’s antics that he didn’t notice Noel approaching. Noel placed his hand on Julian’s arm causing him to start. Upon seeing the hand belonged to Noel, Julian relaxed again. Noel leaned forward, conspiratorially.

“Hey, miss me? Listen, I’ve just been speaking to someone and they can hook us up with some coke. You interested?”

Should Julian:

A: Agree to take cocame with Noel; look how well the ecstasy thing turned out.

B: Refuse the offer, but make no attempts to stop Noel taking drugs.

C: Refuse the offer and try to persuade Noel not to take drugs either.

[nextpage title=”Even Snow Flakes”]
Even Snow Flakes

Author’s Notes: Thanks once again to Planetbanjo for betaing. I do not own Noel or Julian, I won’t make any money from this. Voting for this is closed. It takes place on the Lifejournal community.

Julian followed Noel through the crowd, squeezing past the writhing mass of dancing strangers and then out the backdoor. Julian’s mind was whirling. The prospect of taking cocame was both frightening and exhilarating. Once outside, he watched as Noel approached a man who was leaning against the wall, he was dressed in black and had an air of practiced blending about him, like a shadow. He was the kind of person who was so good at not being seen that Julian felt uncomfortable looking at him.

Noel leaned in to talk to the man-Julian couldn’t make out what was said-and then fumbled in his pocket, pulling out some money. He gave it to the man, who pocketed it quickly and produced a small bag of white powder. Noel took the bag, examined it and nodded to the man, then walked back to Julian.

“Alright, Julian.” Noel smiled and waved the bag in front of him. “You ready?”

Julian hastily grabbed Noel’s hand, shielding the bag from view. “Will you stop showing off,” he whispered urgently, “It would be better if no one else knew about this.”

Noel nodded. “Ok.”

Julian released Noel’s hand and took a deep breath. “Right, let’s do this then.”

Julian walked back into the club with Noel, a goofy smile on his face. He felt light and fluffy, but above all he felt free. He looked up at the flashing lights above the dance floor, fascinated by the colours and shapes. He started when he felt a hand on his arm, then Noel was pulling him into the middle of the room.

Noel danced with Julian, his arms around Julian’s neck, his hips swaying and grinding against him. Julian stood still, just staring at him, mesmerised by Noel’s movements. He looked sexy, very sexy. Noel slipped his right hand around Julian’s waist, pulling him closer, while his left hand remained around Julian’s neck. Julian momentarily wondered what the people around them must think about two men dancing together like this, but the thought quickly evaporated when Noel leaned in and whispered into his ear.

“Come on Ju, dance with me properly. I’m doing all the work here.” Noel gave Julian’s ear a quick nibble before pulling away, a naughty smile on his face.

As always, Julian couldn’t resist Noel and began moving with him. He mirrored Noel’s hands, his right at Noel’s neck and his left on his waist. They established an easy rhythm, swaying and bumping together, lost in each other’s movements. Noel knew they were attracting attention, but Julian seemed oblivious, too focused on Noel to notice.

Noel watched as a tall, thin and amazingly good-looking man came up behind Julian, eyeing him appreciatively. He ran his hands over Julian’s bottom and squeezed, making him jump. Julian turned slightly to look at him, his hold on Noel loosening. The man was beautiful, long blonde hair, high cheekbones and perfect lips. The lights shone across his face, casting angular shadows, making his face into an artwork. Julian thought he looked like an angel.

The blonde man smirked and pressed his body firmly against Julian’s. Julian marvelled at the heat his body created. Then the blonde slid his hands around Julian’s waist, pulling him closer, making Julian sway to his beat instead of Noel’s. The blonde smiled at Noel over Julian’s shoulder, clearly issuing a challenge as Julian’s hands dropped away from Noel.

Julian lent against the man, melting into him, happy to be supported by his sinewy frame. He let his head fall back and looked sidelong at the man. His profile was just as beautiful as the rest of him. Julian huffed out a sigh and watched bemusedly as the blonde hair which flowed over the man’s shoulders parted briefly. He took another breath, this time blowing it out purposefully, enthralled by how the hair parted and then fell back into place. Julian marvelled at how great he felt to be in control; how the hair moved according to his will. He felt like an elemental pagan god; powerful, being able to change things with merely an exhale.

Then someone’s hand was on his face, grabbing it gently, thumb pressing his cheek into his teeth, coaxing his head forward. Julian allowed the hand to lead him, slowly focussing on what was before him. A familiar face swam into view, clear blue eyes rimmed with coal eyeliner, sharp cheekbones, pointy nose and dainty lip-glossed lips. Noel. Home. Suddenly the heat at Julian’s back felt wrong, too tall, too strong, too… foreign.

As Julian stared adoringly at the face he’d known and loved for years, Noel leaned in and kissed him. A hard, passionate kiss; all tongues and lips and teeth. It was hot and wet and then Noel was pulling back. Desperate for more, Julian followed, breaking away from the arms that held him to the foreign heat.

Noel led Julian away from the blonde, glaring triumphantly at him as he went. Holding Julian’s hand, Noel pulled him through the crowd, towards the back of the room, and into the bathroom. Once inside he pulled Julian towards him and began kissing him. The kiss was all encompassing, deep, hard and possessing. Then Noel moved down to Julian’s neck, eliciting small moans from him as he manoeuvred Julian towards the tiled wall.

Julian hardly noticed as Noel pushed him between two basins, not even flinching when his head hit the mirror behind him. He was too focussed on the wet suction on his neck to feel pain. Noel’s hands were at his groin now, unfastening his jeans. Julian sighed has his erection was released, and his trousers and pants tugged down around his ankles.

Noel span Julian around to face the wall. Within seconds Julian felt a spit slicked finger probing his hole. Julian braced himself against the mirror, pushing back against the small intrusion. Soon another finger had joined the first, stretching and preparing Julian for entry.

In a few short minutes the fingers were removed. Julian’s heartbeat increased when he heard the sound of Noel’s zip and then the rustle of fabric. He felt the blunt tip of Noel’s penis against him and the slow pressure as he slid it inside him. Julian’s sole focus was on his arsehole and the delicious stretching as Noel sank further and further into him.

Noel went slowly at first, pressing in gently, then pulling out slightly before thrusting in again. Julian could feel the soft pants of Noel’s breath on his neck as he restrained himself. Once Noel was fully seated in Julian’s arse, he stilled, allowing Julian time to adjust to his girth.

Noel adjusted his hold on Julian’s hips and then pulled out of him until just the head of his cock was encased in Julian’s arse before pushing back in, in one strong thrust. He continued the measured movements, quickening them each time. Noel’s hands on Julian’s hips tightened the faster he went and soon he was thrusting wildly into Julian, hitting his prostate with almost every stroke. For a while all that could be heard was the gasping and grunting from both men and the echo of skin slapping against skin. Julian revelled in the raw animalistic coupling, rocking against Noel in a timeless rhythm. He enjoyed the simplicity of it, how the world faded away and all that was left was the cold mirror beneath his hands, the hardness of his cock and the pressure in his arse. Then Noel changed the pace from rapid shallow thrusts to slower deep ones. Julian could tell that Noel was close to coming. Then Noel started to talk.

“God, Julian! You feel so good. So hot. So tight.”

Julian moaned in answer as Noel hit his prostate again.

“No-one else makes me feel this way.” Noel panted. “No-one else.”

“Yessss.” Julian hissed through his teeth.

“You. Are. Mine.” Noel growled between each thrust.

Julian’s eyes snapped open and he stared at Noel’s reflection in the mirror. “What?”

“You won’t dance with anyone else. You won’t touch anyone else. I will not allow it!”

Julian felt like the bottom of his stomach had dropped out.

Noel continued to thrust brutally into Julian, his hands grasping at his hips, making finger-shaped bruises. Julian braced himself against the mirror, clenching his teeth and moving with the thrusts. Suddenly fucking in a bathroom like some drunken whore didn’t seem such fun any more. In fact, after what Noel had just said, fucking anywhere didn’t seem appealing at all.

“Mine!” Noel moaned as he emptied himself into Julian, biting down on his neck, marking Julian as his. Julian, however, didn’t ejaculate, his erection having wilted somewhat, Noel’s words affecting him deeply. Noel pulled out of Julian with a satisfied groan, then wrapped his arms around him, running his hands over Julian’s sweat dampened shirt, down to his groin. Noel locked eyes with Julian in the mirror.

“You didn’t come.” Noel sounded shocked.

Julian wriggled out of Noel’s embrace and began pulling up his pants and trousers.

“Yeah, well, you said a few things that I found… disturbing.” Julian said icily, zipping up his jeans. Wincing slightly as he tucked his half-hard penis into his underwear.

Noel stood dumbstruck, a hurt expression on his face, watching Julian dress. “Disturbing?” He asked angrily.

Julian took a fortifying breath and then turned around to look at Noel, who was now hastily pulling up his jeans, hopping from one leg to the other, trying to pull the tight fabric up over his sweaty skin. He looked ridiculous and Julian would have laughed if he hadn’t been so angry.

“I’m not a piece of meat, Noel. I’m not a toy. And I’m not a possession. You don’t own me and don’t you dare tell me what to do. I’ll dance with whoever I want to dance with and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s a bit hypocritical of you to even try, seeing as you’re out almost every night, getting trashed and doing god-knows-what.”

Noel fastened his trousers and opened his mouth to speak, but Julian cut him off.

“You come home so high some nights that you can hardly remember your own name. You don’t know who you’ve met, or what you’ve done. Maybe you don’t know who you’ve done either. And not once have I asked you to stop. Well, do you know what, Noel? Fuck that and fuck you!”

Noel’s expression changed from confused to shocked to indignant, finally settling on furious. Julian knew he was in for an almighty explosion of wrath from Noel, but he found it hard to care. He’d said what he needed to say and now it was Noel’s turn to scream and shout. Then maybe they could work this thing out.

“You know what, Julian. You’re right.”

“What?” Julian spluttered. This wasn’t how things were meant to go.

“You should be free to do what ever the hell you want,” Noel continued, “Just like I should be free to do what I want.”

“Noel, I…” Julian started saying.

“No, it’s ok Julian. Please, be my guest. You can dance with whoever you want, touch who ever you want. You can even fuck whoever you want. I’m done.”

And with that, Noel walked out, leaving Julian standing alone and confused in the dirty and dimly-lit bathroom.

Should Julian:

A: Go after Noel and try to sort things out, running after him like always.

B: Go home; he can talk to Noel in the morning once he’s cooled down and no longer intoxicated.

C: Stay and have fun at the club, Noel made it perfectly clear how he feels, he and Julian are through.

There will only be one or two more chapters to this CYOA. Please choose carefully as these choices will affect the entire outcome of the story. Not all endings are happy endings.

[nextpage title=”Where do you go when I sleep?”]
Where do you go when I sleep?

Author’s Notes: Thank you to Planetbanjo for betaing. Thanks to everyone who has commented. Don’t Own. No Money. Don’t do drugs.

Julian went home, lost in his thoughts, the buzz of cocame leaving faster than it had arrived. He tried not to despair; Noel could be a bit rash sometimes but his anger was generally quick to fade. He was hopeful that they could both be reasonable and sort this mess out by the morning.

Exhausted, he climbed into bed, but sleep was frustratingly evasive. Julian’s mind whirled with thoughts. He replayed what had happened in the bathroom, over and over. He wasn’t sure why Noel’s words had bothered him so much. Perhaps it was because the entire situation had been intense, but Noel’s domination had disturbed him. Julian was easygoing by nature but not submissive, and yet with Noel, Julian catered to his every whim. The little things didn’t bother him much, such as seeing the movie Noel preferred or going clothes shopping when all Julian really wanted to do was stay at home and write music. He did these things willingly because, honestly, making Noel happy was more important. But then the little things got bigger and the bigger things became greater and Julian ended up sacrificing more and more of himself for less and less a reward. Noel didn’t seem happy and they were spending less time together. What was the point?

Julian’s mind returned to the bathroom and what Noel had said. He remembered the effect the words had had on him, how vulnerable he’d felt. He’d become emasculated, not just because of the words or because he was in a submissive position, but also because of all the little occasions when he’d given up, all the times when Noel’s wants had taken preference over his own. It had all come crashing down on him at that moment and without a second thought he’d let Noel know exactly how frustrated he was with everything. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything, but that would just been delaying the inevitable. Ignoring the problem wouldn’t make it go away and probably would have made things worse in the long run. No, Julian surmised, he had done the right thing in telling Noel how he felt, even if the delivery was a little… untimely. With this thought in mind, Julian drifted into sleep.

He woke up feeling groggy and disorientated. He rubbed his hands across his face, trying to stave off the headache that was creeping up on him. Groaning, he climbed out of bed and checked the time. 08:21. It was way to early for his liking. Nevertheless he knew that he wouldn’t be able to get anymore sleep. He went about his morning ablutions in a daze, his mind slowly piecing together what he was going to say to Noel.

Julian got dressed and headed to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Sighing, he sat down on the couch with his mug and sipped at it slowly, debating whether he should phone Noel or wait for Noel to contact him. Finishing his coffee, he placed the cup in the kitchen sink and went back into the bedroom to get his mobile phone, hoping there would be a message from Noel. There usually was after they’d had a fight.

His phone was disturbingly message-less. No drunken voice mail, no angry text, just the fuzzy picture of the phone’s menu screen and the time. 08:57. His impatience won out and he decided to phone Noel. He wanted to sort things out now.

He dialled Noel’s number and waited for him to pick up. It clicked straight into voicemail. “Hiya. This is Noel’s phone. There’s gonna be a little beep in a few seconds, leave me a message after it, yeah?” Julian cancelled the call without leaving a message and decided to try Noel on his home number. The phone seemed to ring for the longest time and there was no answer. Julian frowned in annoyance. It wasn’t often that Noel was unreachable. Maybe he was still sleeping, or maybe he was too angry to answer. Julian tried Noel’s mobile one last time, just in case. There was still no answer, so Julian made himself another cup of coffee and slumped down on the couch, trying to decide what to do next. Should he wait until later to call again? What if Noel was purposefully not answering his phone? Maybe he had meant what he’d said last night and they really had broken up. Julian shook his head, refusing to believe it. Julian was anxious and he knew if he didn’t speak to Noel the situation would just get worse. He set down his half-finished cup of coffee, deciding to go over to Noel’s apartment and settle this properly. He really couldn’t sit here all day waiting.

Grabbing his keys, Julian went out the door, happy he had made a decision but still a little apprehensive about having to deal with Noel.

Julian stood outside Noel’s apartment wondering if he should just let himself in or knock first. He settled on knocking, reasoning that if Noel was still angry he wouldn’t appreciate Julian just barging in. He waited, feeling tense, but there was no answer forthcoming. He knocked again. After another further minute of waiting Julian gave up and decided to let himself in.

As soon as he’d opened the door, Julian sensed something was wrong. He entered, closing the door behind him.

“Noel?” He called.

The harsh morning light streamed through the window opposite the door. It was unusual for Noel to forget to close the blinds. The building next door was close, the window looking straight into his neighbour’s bedroom. Walking further into the apartment, the acrid smell of vomit filled Julian’s nostrils. He felt like he was in a trance, unable to walk faster than a snail’s pace, his sense of dread growing stronger. Making his way to the lounge, Julian saw a small, square and almost empty bag of white powder on the coffee table. Going further in, Noel came into view. Julian gasped. Noel lay collapsed on the floor, vomit pooling around him. His face was ghostly white, beads of sweat adorning his forehead.

Time seemed to speed up and Julian found himself kneeling next to Noel, cradling him in his lap, his knees wet with sick. Without thinking, Julian phoned an ambulance, his brain on autopilot. He didn’t notice the streaming tears down his face.

Julian sat by Noel’s hospital bed, holding his hand. Julian had hardly moved in the 36 hours he’d been there, only leaving Noel’s side to use the bathroom. Mike had visited earlier, along with Noel’s parents. They didn’t seem surprised by the way Julian watched over Noel, or the fact that wouldn’t let go of his hand. Perhaps their relationship wasn’t so secret, Julian mused. Noel was in a coma. He had overdosed on cocame and the large amount of the drug in his system had caused his brain to haemorrhage. The doctors didn’t know when he would wake up, but his vital signs were improving and they were optimistic. Julian had found him quickly so any long-term brain damage was unlikely. The vomiting, according to the doctor, was due to the large amount of alcohol he’d consumed that night and was ‘nothing to worry about.”

Still, Julian did worry. He worried that Noel wouldn’t wake up. He worried that if Noel did wake up, he would hate him. Hate him for the harsh words he’d said in the bathroom. Hate him for not being strong enough to stop Noel taking drugs. And Julian wouldn’t be surprised if he did. Julian blamed himself, why shouldn’t Noel?

Julian rested his head on the bed. He hadn’t slept since he’d found Noel and it was beginning to take its toll. Julian struggled to keep his eyes open, afraid of the images he saw whenever he closed them; images of Noel’s pale, lifeless body slumped across the floor surrounded by vomit.

Julian brought Noel’s hand to his lips, kissing the perfect skin, trying to reassure himself that Noel, if not awake, was at least alive. The skin was cool to the touch and incredibly smooth. Julian brushed his lips over it again. The hand twitched and he heard a coarse voice.

“Julian?”

Sitting up, Julian looked at Noel who was blinking sleepily.

“Noel?”

Noel’s hand curled around Julian’s and squeezed lightly. Julian squeezed back. Noel gave a weak smile, closing his eyes again.

“What happened?” Noel’s voice was soft now.

Julian gulped, momentarily lost for words. He still couldn’t believe Noel was awake.

“You, er…” Julian said, shaking his head as if trying to clear it. “You overdosed. Cocame. You were in a coma.”

“How long?”

“A day and a half.”

There was a long silence, both men trying to figure out what to say next. It was Julian who spoke first.

“Christ, Noel. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologise. You were right. I’ve… I’ve been such an idiot.” Noel’s voice broke on the last word, tears running down his face.

Julian moved from the chair to the bed and gathered Noel into his arms. He rocked Noel back and forth as he sobbed. Rubbing his hands over Noel’s back, Julian tried to calm his distressed lover by whispering soothing words of love and support.

Noel eventually calmed down, but still clung to Julian, whispering “I’m sorry” over and over. Julian tried hushing him, still running his hands over Noel’s back, comforting himself as much as Noel.

Noel pulled back so that he could look at Julian. He blinked the moisture from his eyes and sniffed.

“I need help, Julian.”

Julian bustled around his apartment, humming. Noel was coming home today after his month in rehab. Julian was excited, to say the least. The last month had been hard on him, his apartment felt cold and lonely without Noel there to brighten it up. Julian had also been having nightmares about the day he’d found Noel, waking up sweaty and scared, alone in his bed.

As if conjured by his thoughts, there was a rattle of keys in the lock as Noel opened the door. He stood in the doorway for a moment, unsure how to proceed after a month of absence. Then Julian was pulling Noel into a hug, gripping him tightly as if afraid that Noel would disappear.

Pulling back, he looked Noel up and down, greedily. Not much had changed in a month, how could it? But there was glow of healthiness about Noel that hadn’t been there a month ago.

“I’ve missed you,” Noel murmured.

Julian leaned forward and kissed Noel slowly, as if rediscovering the feel of his lover. Pulling away he said “I’m missed you too.”

Julian pulled Noel against him and closed the door.

“I’ve got a surprise for you.” Julian smiled.

“Yeah?”

“Mmm. In the bedroom.”

Noel pressed his body against Julian. “Ah, that kind of surprise.”

Julian led Noel into the bedroom. As Noel sat on the bed, Julian stood before him and began to strip slowly, teasing Noel as he did so. Noel ran his hands over Julian’s chest, sighing at the feeling of the skin beneath his fingers. Julian leaned into the touch slightly and then swatted the hands away and took a step back. Turning his back to Noel, Julian removed his trousers and revealed the pink pants he had bought over a month ago for their anniversary.

The silver, sparkly words “Property of Noel Fielding” flashed at Noel, who blinked in disbelief before falling back onto the bed in a fit of laughter. Noel laughed until his stomach hurt and tears streamed down his face. He calmed down eventually, wiping the tears from his face and propping himself up on his elbows.

“That’s fucking brilliant.” Noel chuckled.

“I bought them for our anniversary,” Julian admitted.

Noel frowned at this, looking away; ashamed with the way he had behaved on that night. Seeing Noel’s change in mood, Julian cupped Noel’s face, turning it so that he was looking at him.

“I’m so sorry, Julian.” Noel whispered, avoiding Julian’s eyes.

“Hey, it’s ok little man. Everyone makes mistakes.”

“But, I was so horrible.”

“Well, I forgive you.” Julian leaned forward and peppered Noel’s face with tiny kisses.

“I love you Noel. No matter what.”

“I love you too.” Noel lent up to whisper in Julian’s ear. “Make love to me.”

Smiling, Julian began removing Noel’s clothes, kissing every inch of skin. Once Noel was naked, Julian mapped out his body with his fingers, lips and tongue. He sucked Noel’s nipples until they were hard peaks and fondled his balls until his cock was aching with need.

Then Julian slipped off the bed, shimmied out of his pants and grabbed the lubricant. Getting back on the bed, Julian coated his fingers and with painstaking slowness prepared Noel. Slipping first one, then two fingers into Noel, he stretched him thoroughly, rubbing his prostate and coating him with the slick oil.

When Julian finally removed his fingers and settled between Noel’s leg, Noel was almost weeping with frustration and need. Julian entered him slowly, easing his way in like he had all the time in the world. Noel gasped at first, but by the time Julian was fully sheathed he was panting and moaning at Julian to move.

Julian set a slow, firm pace, stroking Noel’s prostate with practised position. Noel rocked his hips in time with Julian, urging him to go deeper with each thrust. Their bodies slid together, slicked with perspiration and Julian sped up his thrusts as he neared climax.

Reaching between them, Julian found Noel’s cock and pumped it steadily, slipping his thumb over the head, just how Noel liked it. Noel moaned and gasped; every bit of his body singing with pleasure. He wrapped his legs around Julian, pulling him closer. Noel came with a choked cry, splattering Julian’s hand and both their stomachs. Julian captured Noel’s lips with in his own and with a few more thrusts was coming deep inside Noel.

They stayed entwined in each other, both too exhausted to move as they gained their equilibrium. Noel was almost asleep when he felt Julian’s soft cock leave him as Julian made to lie next to him. He grumbled a bit, but was soon pacified as Julian pulled Noel against his chest, his hand splayed across his stomach.

Noel sighed contentedly. Things may not be perfect, and they still had a lot of stuff to work through, but at the moment it didn’t matter. He’d been told in rehab that he had to take one day at a time, and with days like this Noel didn’t really think that would be a problem.

plainjane
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