Category: Real Person Fic
Characters: Julian Barratt, Noel Fielding
Pairing: Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt
Genre: Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort
Warning: Violence - Mild, Unspecified Warning
Length: 1-5k words
My Precious by plainjane
Julian watched Noel as he walked through the pub towards the toilets. Or rather, he watched Noel’s arse as it swayed invitingly as he walked. Julian couldn’t keep his eyes off of it, and he felt almost bereft when Noel disappeared through the door to the bathroom.
Julian took a big gulp of his beer and planned the rest of the night. As soon as Noel came out of the bathroom, they were going to leave, go back to Noel’s place and fuck all night. It was a very simple plan, yes, but a plan nonetheless.
Julian looked around the pub as he waited. It was an average sort of place, dim and smoky, but clean and it served good beer. And the general patronage of the pub weren’t the type to hassle them for autographs, which was a plus.
Having finished his beer, Julian settled for watching the bathroom door. He was anxious to leave, half hard from watching Noel’s arse and from the planning of exactly what he was going to be doing with it, when the little imp came out of the goddamn toilet. What was taking so long?
The door opened and Julian twitched with anticipation, but no, it wasn’t Noel. He glared at the man who had exited the bathroom, as if it was his fault that Noel was taking his time. He watched as one man, and then another got up and went into the bathroom.
Julian lit a cigarette and waited.
Noel smiled to himself as he walked to the bathroom, deliberately swaying his hips because he knew Julian was watching and that it was a sure-fire way to turn him on. Noel decided to take his time in the bathroom to make Julian restless, and then by the time he came out, Julian would haul him out the pub, rush back to his place and fuck him ‘til he was raw. Noel smirked to himself in the mirror. Ah yes, it was going to be a fun night.
Noel waited for the other occupant of the bathroom to leave before going up to the urinals and taking a much needed piss. Noel lost himself in his thoughts about Julian and sex and when the door opened, he almost thought that Julian had given up waiting and had decided to have sex right here. It was wishful thinking on his behalf, and he was disappointed when two relatively stocky men came in.
The first was taller than the second, and fatter, but they both looked quite strong, the type to do manual labour or a trade, like carpentry and bricklaying. Noel imagined they’d make good blacksmiths, if blacksmithery was still common job.
They nodded to Noel and took their places at the urinal, one on either side of him but they made no move to unzip their trousers. They both smelt heavily of cheap booze. Noel started when one of them spoke to him.
“Alright darlin’? What’s a pretty thing like you doing in a place like this, eh?”
Julian had finished his cigarette and Noel was still not back. He’d been staring at the door the entire time and he was starting to get antsy. Why was Noel taking so long? Was he sick? Was he more drunk than Julian realised and had he passed out in there? Had he been cornered by crazy Boosh fans? Had he slipped in a puddle and hit his head?
Something must have happened to him. It wasn’t like him to take this long in the bathroom.
Come to think of it, those two men hadn’t returned either. And they definitely didn’t look like Boosh fans.
Julian stood abruptly. He had a very bad feeling about this.
Noel looked at the one who had talked to him. It was the taller, fatter one.
“Wha’?” Noel said, clumsily. It then occurred to Noel that he was standing between two large, intimidating men with his dick out. He made to put it away, but the shorter man caught his arm.
“Uh, uh, uh,” the taller one shook his head, “Ya don’t wanna be doing that.”
Noel’s heart hammered in his chest. This was not good.
“Listen, mate,” Noel said, trying not to sound as nervous as he really was, “Just leave me alone, ok?”
The taller man smiled. Noel shivered.
“Leave ‘im alone, he says. We can’t be ‘aving tha’, now can we?”
The shorter man squeezed his hand around Noel’s arm, showing, in that small gesture, just how strong he was.
“No,” the shorter man echoed in Noel’s ear, “Can’t be havin’ that.”
The shorter one pulled Noel towards him and wrapped his arms around Noel, trapping his arms to his sides. The taller one smiled predatorily as him.
“Ya see, boys like you, they ain’t got no business lookin’ so good. Ya wanna look like a ponce? Ya gonna ‘ave to act like one too.” The taller man said, reaching for Noel’s trousers.
At this, Noel began to struggle, the adrenalin that had been coursing through his veins finally forcing him into action. But it was no use, the arms around him were like steel bands and his trousers and pants were around his knees, restricting his movement. And then there was a hand on his cock, squeezing so hard that tears sprung to his eyes.
“Ya better keep still, slut, or I will turn you into a fucking woman!”
Julian made his way through the pub in a flash, his instincts telling him that Noel was in danger and he needed to get there NOW. He crashed through the door to the toilets and quickly took in the scene. Two big men looming over Noel threateningly. That was all he needed to know before jumping into action.
“Get the fuck away from him!” he snarled, grabbing the larger one’s shoulder and wrenching him backwards.
The man, caught by surprise, fell to the floor. Julian turned to the other man and stopped short when he saw Noel, trousers and pants ‘round his knees, face pallid and eyes wide and wet.
Oh god, no.
The man took Julian’s hesitance for cowardliness and he let go of Noel before taking a menacing step forward.
“Ya picked the wrong man to mess with, son.”
Julian narrowed his eyes.
“No,” he said, curling his hand into a fist and pulling it back, “You did.”
Julian punched him, feeling the satisfying crunch of the man’s nose breaking beneath his fist. The man reeled back, clutching his face. Immediately, Julian turned his attention to Noel.
Noel felt like time alternatively going in slow motion and at fast-forward. The time between when the taller man had put his hand on his cock and when he let go lasted an eternity, and even after the hand was gone, he could still feel the ghost of the fingers squeezing him.
But everything else was going too fast for Noel to make sense of it. The man holding his arms had gone, and there was blood and talking and movement, but all Noel could think about was pulling up his fucking pants, but his hands were shaking and his fingers wouldn’t move properly.
Then Julian was there and Noel stared at him dumbly as Julian gently pulled up his pants and trousers.
Noel was shaking, and Julian knew he was in shock. He carefully did up Noel’s trousers. Christ, how Julian wanted to kill those fucking wankers. But Noel was his first priority, revenge had to come later.
There was a thump behind him, and Julian turned around. The barman, who was a tall, muscular man, was standing with a foot on the taller man’s chest.
“Alright, Julian,” the barman said with a nod, “I’ll get someone to call the police then, yeah?”
The police came fairly quickly and within half an hour Noel and Julian had given their statements and the two perpetrators had been taken away. Noel had stopped shaking as soon as the adrenalin had worn off, and he easily answered the policeman’s questions. He seemed alright, if not a little quiet, but Julian was concerned about him.
They went home when they had finished with the police. Quietly undressing, they slipped into bed together, Julian wrapping his arms around Noel. They didn’t say anything for a while, taking comfort from each other.
“Thank you,” Noel whispered eventually, “If you hadn’t…” Noel’s voice cracked.
“Hey, it’s ok,” Julian softly kissed Noel’s neck, “I’d never let anything happen to you.”
Julian ran his hand over Noel’s stomach and began pressing gentle kisses over Noel’s shoulder.
“You’re mine,” Julian said, linking his hand with Noel’s, “And I’ll always keep you safe.”