Who Knew Snow was an Aphrodisiac?
Category: The Mighty Boosh
Characters: Bollo, Howard Moon, Naboo, Vince Noir
Pairing: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Genre: Fluff, Humour, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Length: 1-5k words
Who Knew Snow was an Aphrodisiac? by MB4ever
It was a cold November night, the street lights making the fallen snow of that day glowing an earthly orange. Howard Moon, man of action, awoke to find sleep impossible to get back to. It was cold, the heater got broke after Bollo ate another batch of Naboo’s home-made hash brownies, and thought the devil was trying to rip his heart through his kneecaps. He tackled what he thought was the devil, but turned out to be their only means of warmth in the flat, it was just painted red by Vince when he was bored once.
Speaking of Vince, he wondered how the thin Goth was coping in this coldness. His mind drifted to an image of holding his friend in his arms during the night, kissing and smelling that raven hair he was fasinated with-
‘Woah now, where did that come from?’ Howard thought to himself. He liked his friend, but not in that way, he didn’t think anyway…
He made his way to the Goth’s room and opened the door, expecting to see vince under his covers, tucked up nicely. But no-one was in there, the covers were roughly tossed aside and the neon yellow and pink pyjamas that Vince usually wore were scattered on the floor. Confused, Howard went downstairs to see if his friend was around.
He turned on a light and saw no-one in the kitchen or the front room, but his eyes did fall on a note on the table in front of their retro sofa.
‘Howard, if you read this, I couldn’t resist going out in the snow now. If you need me I’ll be in the park behind the flat, Vince’
The jazz mavarick rolled his eyes as he thought of Vince out there, playing in the snow and slowly freezing himself to death. He got his coat and thicks boots on and went out to look for him.
Vince Noir, rock and roll star, was wearing his red glam rock ski suit from when he and Howard went to look for that stupid egg, and was currently working on a snowman in the shape of an elephant wearing a party hat and a tutu, until he notised a figure watching himself. He stood still as his mind wondered would it could be, friend or attacker. The figure came close to him, making the Goth step backwards until he fell over into his white powdery statue, the whole thing falling on top of him and covering him from head to toe.
He knew the figure was next to him, so he tried to yell for help, only for the figure’s hand grab his wrist and help him out of his snowy prison. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it was just Howard, looking slighty annoyed.
“What are you doing, you idiot?” He snapped, but regretted it when he saw the hurt look on his friend’s face.
“I wanted to play in the snow in the dark, my mates can’t see me being childish then when I’m meant to be cool” Vince answered back, bending down to gather snow up to remake his elephant.
Howard sighed “I’m sorry little man, I just want to get back into the cold, and I was worried about you-” His words were cut of by a handful of snow landing in his face and mouth. When he cleaned it off, he saw his friend doubled over with laughter. Howard saw this as his chance and tackled his Gothic friend to the ground.
“Think that was funny, lets see how much you do love the snow” Howard smiled, in a playful angry way and proceeded to shove handfuls of snow down Vince’s ski suit, making the goth shout and jump about, but Howard straddled his thin frame to hold him down as he kept piling the cold white powder.
Soon Vince couldn’t wriggle anymore from becoming tired, and just lay still under Howard. The jazz maverick then notised Vince’s body shuddering and his lips going blue and realesed him. He gathered his friend in his arms and rubbed Vince’s arms, trying to get warmth into his system.
Vince was enjoying the feel of the larger man hugging him, he’d always thought what it’ll be like if they did this in bed together, sleeping spooned together and waking up to each other, happy. Once he felt warm enough, he gave Howard a kiss full on the lips.
Howard jumped away from Vince, pushing him to the snow covered ground. His horror-stricken face was the last thing Vince saw before his friend ran back towards the flat “Howard, wait…” He called out, but Howard didn’t come back.
“I love you…I’m sorry…” He said quietly, feeling the tears starting to form in his eyes. His wiped them away and ran the opposite way to the flat, towards the forest behind him.
Howard ran through the white snow, trying hard not to slip as he got away from Vince. He soon made it back to the flat, shrugging off his coat and boots and started pacing the front room floor.
‘God Vince kissed me. Why me though? Surely there’s other good people out there for him’ Howard thought, then made his way into the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea. Tea always made things better in England, it was a unwritten rule, but today it just wasn’t working as the jazz mavarick sorted out his feelings. He sat down on the sofa when he heard a noise from upstairs and was surprized to see Naboo standing at the bottom of the stairs, rubbing his eyes from sleep.
“What you doing up?” Howard asked the tiny shaman. Naboo just shrugged as he went into the kitchen, making himself some tea.
“Heard the door shut quickly, knew it was you somehow” Howard looked away guilty “Where’s Vince? I knew you went to find him”
“How’d you know that?” Naboo settled himself next to Howard on the sofa “Saw the note on the table just, you never threw it away” Howard mentally cringed at his stupidity “Well?”
“I’m not sure, I just left him out there” The shaman’s expression from calm changed to anger.
“Why’d you leave him out there? It’s freezing and middle of the night. Anything could happen to him” He stopped his rant when he saw tears in the jazz mavarick’s eyes.
“I know, if anything happens to him, it’ll be all my fault” Howard said, his voice breaking. Naboo looked at him sympathically and placed a hand on Howard’s knee “What excatly happened?”
“We were just playing in the snow, then Vince got too cold so I held him to get warmth into his body. Then he kissed me, so I got confused and ran, leaving him there. I just didn’t know what to make of it-” Howard broke of with a sob.
Naboo gave him a small smile “And what do you make of it now? Do you love Vince as a friend still, or could you love him much more then that?”
“I’m not sure, I mean what is there of me that Vince would even love?” Howard answered, burying his face in his hands. Naboo was at a loss what to do until he remembered something Vince confined to him.
“Wait here” He said, making his way up the stairs to Vince’s room, taking a small black and red striped book from under the pillow. Naboo took it back downstairs, opened it to a certain page and gave it to Howard, who took it of him and glanced down at the colorfully drawn page.
Things I love about Howard.
1. Even though he loves jazz, he can stand at least some of my favourite electro music which is sweet.
2. His small crab-like eyes are always cute when they shine like stars when he’s happy.
3. He’s always been there for me, through thick and thin, since we’ve first meet. I hope he’ll never leave me.
I must not tell him my feelings, it could destory our friendship forever. And losing that would be the worst thing ever, I couldn’t live with myself if that ever happened.
Howard read and re-read the page, disbelief on his face. His heart swelled with pride and happiness at what his friend said about him, tears gathering in his eyes. Naboo notised this and asked again “Do you love Vince now? Or are you keeping your feelings in check too?”
“I- I never had feelings for him” Howard said defencively, the shaman just gave him a ‘I’m-not-beliving-you’ look.
“Liar, I’ve seen a list the same as Vince’s in your room under your pillow. Your’s even said you wouldn’t like your friendship wreaked if you told him your feelings. Now you do know he loves you, why don’t you take him up on the offer of a realtionship?”
Howard looked away and desided to listen to his heart for once. His mind thought back to when he and Vince were in the zoo, going on adventures. The way when at night while they were camping in their hut, he wanted to hold Vince close to him and play with his soft hair. To kiss him and keep him safe from the dnagers and problems of the world, to keep his world bright and non-scary.
“Yes, you’re right. Thanks Naboo” Howard smiled at his friend, then frowned at a recent memory “I pushed Vince away, he’ll probably think I hate him now. His note, I’ve got to go and find him” He jumped off the sofa and shoved his boots and coat back on “Thanks again Naboo” He yelled as he ran out the door.
Bollo soon came down the stairs and joined his master on the sofa, who was currently lighting up their hooka “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” He said, Naboo giving him a knowing nod.
Vince ran through the dark forest, snow falling off the branches and on top of him, making his hair wet and stick to his head. He couldn’t see the roots and rocks sticking out the ground, for the tears settling in his eyes, rufusing to fall.
‘He hates me now, I knew never to reveal my feelings. He’ll probably never talk to me again now’ He thought as he stumbled his way towards a small stream, half covered in ice and never notised the huge root sticking out the ground. His boots caught it and he went flying forwards, falling down the bank of the stream, banging his head on a large rock. He blacked out before his body hit the icy cold water.
“When you are the moon…you shine down on the white…earth planet…m-making the world glitterful and…slivery. Some p-people love the moonlit snow, it seems…sexy to them and so the moon is more sexy during the w-wintery time. Epsically the full moon, who rules best. I’m the moon…”
Howard ran back to the park, in hopes of finding Vince before he froze to death. There was no-one there, the elephant snowman still destroyed on the floor. He went over and saw footprints heading towards the white covered woods behind the park, he knew they were Vince’s, only the goth would have his name printed on the bottom of his boots so they’d leave an autograph-like impression in the snow.
He followed them inside the dark forest, keeping his eyes peeled as the tracks started getting less and less. Small piles of snow layed down fresh from the branches, as though they were ment to fall and hit someone. Howard got to the end of the trail in a small clearing, with the small stream flowing with lumps of ice going down it.
He looked around in a panic, wondering where his mate could be. An ice block fell into his stomach as he feared the worst, when he turned around and looked down the stream bank, gasping in shock and horror at what he saw.
Vince was lying on a large rock sticking out the middle of the stream, the lower half of his body in the freezing waters. His raven hair was stuck to his head, as the current flowed past him. Howard scrambled down the bank, and got quickly into the waters, his breath catching in his throat at the coldness. He waded his way to the fallen goth and gathered him in his arms, dragging him back to the bank.
Lying him down, Howard could see Vince’s lips were a sickly blue-purple. His eyes were closed and his skin had a blue-ish tinge to it, deathly cold to the touch. Shivers racked his body, as he had difficulty breathing, and blood was slowly trickling out of a cut on his forehead. The jazz mavarick was at a loss what to do, and gathered his friend in his arms and ran back to the flat, hoping he could keep Vince as warm as he could and keep him alive.
The flat door once again opened, but more forcefully. This woke the stoned shaman and his familar out of their drugged-up slumber, watching in shock as Howard bought the limp body of Vince to them.
“Help him, he’s so cold to the touch and he’s not breathing properly” Howard almost yelled with worry, the goth in his arms shivering violently.
“Get him back to his room and strip him down. Get him into a warm bath and get him some warmer clothes, me and Bollo will check him in a bit” Naboo ordered. The jazz mavarick nodded, before moving up the stairs to Vince’s room. Inside, he gently laid his friend down the bed and covered him with the blue and yellow quilt, before moving into the bathroom.
He ran the hot and cold taps, then moved back into the bedroom when he heard voilent coughing noises. He watched in horror as Vince curled up on himself, coughing up some yellow phlegm on his covers and gasping for breath. Howard moved closer to him when he’d finished and rested his hand on the goth’s white cheek, then moving it back in shock at the heat coming of his skin, even though he was still shivering.
He gathered Vince in his arms and moved him into the bathroom. He took off the black boots, then started peeling the ski suit off, causing Vince to moan both in pain and in shock “…Howard?”
The jazz mavarick looked up to see the goth’s eyes open, blue tinged with pain and bright from the fever he was suffering “Listen Vince, you’re ill. I have to take this off or you’re gonna get worst, understand?” Vince nodded, as he allowed Howard to take of his outfit, gasping when the cool breeze in the bathroom hit his blazing, but pale skin.
When he’d finished stripping him, Howard agthered Vince in his arms once more and placed him in the bath, wincing when he heard the sharp intake of breath from his friend. He then started helping Vince to wash himself, notising the pale skin, almost like marble- smooth and beautiful. As he washed Vince’s back and torso, Howard felt ribs and shoulder blades protuding out. As he was mesmorised, he didn’t notised the yelp of pain the goth gave when he pressed his hand on Vince’s ribs.
He moved his hand to reveal brusing where the ribs were “Must have been where you struck the rock in the water” Howard said, more quietly to himself. When he’d finished washing Vince’s body, Howard started washing his hair, enjoying the way his fingers glided smoothly through the raven locks, being careful not to damage it.
Howard then took Vince out of the bath, wrapping a large towel around the small body and keeping him as warm as he can “Howard?” A small voice called out to him. He looked Vince in the eyes, and gasped at the sadness and pain in those blue eyes he loved so much “I’m sorry..about b-before…” A fit of coughs cut him off, before he started gasping for breath again. Howard, unknowing what to do, gently hugged the smaller man and rubbed his hand down Vince’s back, soothing him with caring words.
“It’s not your fault Vince. None of this is your fault. I shoudln’t have just left you there, or reacted like I did. It my fault really” Howard said, tears starting to well in his eyes. He gently rocked the body until he was sure Vince had fell to sleep, then laid him down and covered him with a blanket while he found warmer clothes.
He took out what looked to be purple and red fleecy pyjamas with a picture of Colobus the Crab on them, taking them back over to the bed and placing them gently onto his friend before easing him into bed. He heard the door open and saw Naboo and Bollo behind him, with medical equipment “How’s he fairing?” the shaman asked.
“He keeps shivering, he has a high temperture and he won’t stop coughing. He keeps gasping for breath, oh God he is dying is he?” Howard asked, panicking.
“Stop worrying Howard, you’re not helping like that. It’s probably nothing, but you should wait outside while me and Bollo look him over” Naboo said calmly. Howard was torn from leaving Vince, but knew Naboo knew better and left the room.
Five minutes later, the shaman and his familar left Vince room with concerned looks on their faces, causing Howard to start panicking again “How is he?”
“Vince has pneumonia by the looks. He’ll be having this fever and coughing fits for a few days by the looks, also he will be having some headaches and chest pains to come. It’ll be a hard few days for him” Howard nodded and went back to his friend’s room. He sat by the bed and held Vince’s hand while the goth’s skin was clammy and sweaty at the same time, moaning slightly at what seemed to be a chest pain Naboo said about.
“Please Vince, get well, for me. I love you, come back to me” Howard whispered, placing a kiss on the cold hand in his hand, tears slowly trailing down his face.
Vince woke himself up with an awful coughing fit, leaving him for breath and a terrible chest pain. When he calmed down, he notised Howard sitting next to him, holding his hand and lying his head on the goth’s legs. Vince smiled as he ran his fingers gently through Howard’s short brown hair, like wispy smoke. Then he remembered what happened when he kissed the jazz mavarick and dropped his hand, afraid.
He then felt his stomach rolling around, making him cringe and slowly get off the bed and into the bathroom, lucky getting to the scared porclin bowl before everything he ate before came out. Howard heard this and rushed into the bathroom, kneeling next to his friend and holding the raven locks out of the way “You should have told me you were gonna be sick, Vince” He said, worried.
When the goth had finished, Howard helped him back into his main room and back into bed. He was about to sit back down when he heard weakly “I’m sorry…” Vince was looking at him sadly, his eyes large and filling with tears.
“What are you sorry for, little man?” Howard asked, standing next to his friend.
“…That kiss, I shouldn’t have done that without asking. I understand if you hate me now…” Vince said, looking away from Howard’s stare. He was shocked when his mate lay down next to him and put a arm around his shoulders.
“If I hated you, would I have helped you while you are ill?” Vince shook his head “…No”
“And if I hated you, would I do this, even though you’ve just thrown up?” Howard said gently, as he pressed his lips to Vince’s just as gently. He pulled away and saw the goth’s blue eyes wide open in shock “But…how?…I…” Vince just stuttered.
“I love you, Vince Noir. I should have told you my feelings before, but I was afraid about what you’d say to it. Is that why you never told me your feelings?” Howard asked. Vince looked away from his friend and spoke so quietly Howard nearly missed it “…Yes. I love you too, I just couldn’t tell you in case…”
The jazz mavarick was surprised to see tears rolling down the goth’s pale cheeks, so he gathered him up into his arms and pressed a kiss in the raven hair “Oh, Vince. It’ll be alright now, we’ve spoken our feelings. We’ll be fine now, I promise” They just laid there for a few minutes before Vince spoke up.
“I just wish I wasn’t so sick now, I had good plans for when we did say our feelings…” Making Howard chuckle quietly and move his fingers through the shiny locks.
“Come on Vince, you have to eat something” Howard said, pushing a bowl of carrot and corriander soup in front of his new lover. Vince just took one quick look at it, then pushed it away when his stomach did a flip “I can’t”
It has been a rough couple of days, including coughing fits and a lot of visits to the toilet, holding back Vince’s hair. But the goth was starting to feel better and was allowed out of his room, only to be placed on the sofa with his green and silver striped blanket covering him. The new couple were sitting at the kitchen table, having what seemed to be a quick dinner.
“If you don’t eat, you won’t get better, and we won’t be able to do any of your suggestive plans…” Howard said, sly like. Vince looked at him for two seconds, then dug right into his soup, not caring if his stomach was protesting againest the fisrt sign of food in two days. When he had finished, Vince allowed himself to be lead by his lover back to the sofa and laid down, the blanket covering him once more.
Howard placed his hand on Vince’s forehead, then took it away happy “I think you’re gonna be fine now Vince. Maybe another day or so, and you’ll be back to your electro pouncing ways in no time” Vince couldn’t help but smile back, but the smile dropped when the jazz mavarick walked back to the kitchen “Don’t leave me” He almost shouted.
Howard moved back to him and knelt down so he was face-to-face with Vince “I’ll never leave you, I’m just taking the dishes to the sink before Naboo has a go at me for not cleaning up while he’s gone” He ruffled his lover’s hair, earning him a pout that made Vince so adorable “Fine then, move your head up, you soppy git”
Vince smiled as his lover sat down were his head was, and laid it down on Howard’s lap, his rewards being his hair stroked. No matter how much he hated people touching his hair, when Howard did it, it was just magical. Soon he felt his heavy eyelids drooping and fell into a deep slumber. Howard notised this and smiled, bending over to place a kiss on the goth’s forehead “Night Vince, I love you. Don’t you ever leave me either, or else” He joked to himself, before lying Vince down and lying himself down next to him, gathering the younger man close to him, drifting into contented sleep.