Category: The Mighty Boosh
Length: <1k words
Notes: There’s no rule on this site to say self insert fanfiction is not allowed. Written a while ago. Enjoy!
Unexpected by FlyingTanuki, MoonNoir and BizznessBarrattFTW
Jocund was walking through the streets of Camden town one night, darkness had fallen and the streetlights were twinkling as the cool breeze ruffled her hair. She shivered as she rounded a corner, her trenchcoat puffed up and her hair flew backwards in the strong breeze that met her. As her eyes gradually adjusted to the darkness, she could swear she saw the shadows moving up ahead, something or someone was there…
She had to see who is was. So, without thinking, she ran.
“evening squire!” the sudden voice shocked her and she stopped dead, she had ran past the mysterious speaker without realising, it was almost as if he was part of the shadows lurking in the abandoned doorway.
Jocund spun round, nervously. “H….h…hi,” she stammered.
The stranger walked briskly towards her, she couldn’t see his face, but she could make out he was wearing a top hat and a long black coat. Who was this man? What was he doing in this part of town? What was she doing in this part of town for that matter?
As soon as the man had reached her, she blushed. She was glad of the darkness now, she didn’t want him to notice she was blushing – but she was so intrigued by this stranger, she wanted to know what he looked like.
“‘Scuse me!” she called out, half walking, half running towards him. The man turned round, and grinned, baring his old, broken, yellowing teeth at her. She stopped in her tracks, and stared up at him, still blushing. He had long, unkempt, thinning grey hair, dark green skin and a polo over his left eye.
“Alright sunflower, what do ya want?” She didn’t know what attracted her to this strange man, but she couldn’t seem to walk away from him now. “Erm…hi…,” she said, grimacing. “I’m Jocund…” The mysterious green, polo-eyed man looked at her, then laughed
He leered at her, “They call me th’ Hitcher, pleased to meet ya.” Jocund looked up at him. He’s sexy, she thought to herself. Blushing even more, and debating wether this was right or wrong, she grabbed hold of one of his hands, they were cold and clammy, but she didn’t care.
He looked straight into her eyes and sent a shiver down her spine, it was if he was questioning her, but right now she couldn’t speak, caught in the moment – lost in his eyes, she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed his neck.
He quickly turned his head and kissed her passionately on the lips, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight, this wasn’t exactly how she’d planned but she wasn’t complaining. The Hitcher wasn’t too bothered either, he didn’t mind the girl, he thought she was quite pretty. He didn’t usually get girls throwing themselves at him, especially girls that were this pretty.
He ran his hands down her spine and moved his tongue across her teeth, he wasn’t going to let her get away now. He pulled her closer and sheltered her from the cold, Jocund moaned slightly. This felt good, she didn’t give a damn who he was, he was attractive, and that’s all that mattered.
She pushed herself closer to him and practically melted into his chest, it was perfect, until her phone went off. She stopped what she was doing, and fished her phone out of her pocket. Her eyes took a while to adjust to the bright light on her phone display, She answered the call breathlessly. “Hi mum, I’ll be home soon.” Then she hung up.
Her mum sounded worried, and she could see why as she looked around and saw how dark it had became while she was otherwise engaged with this man who called himself the Hitcher.
“I guess I’ve got to go, mums worrying” she grinned sheepishly up at the Hitcher, and he grinned back. She gently kissed him on the cheek one last time before she slipped out of his arms and hurried off, he stared at her back as she ran lightly down the road away from him.
“Bye, Mr!” she called out, The Hitcher turned round and walked away, a tear in his eye, and a memory which would be with him forever.
End Notes: enjoy 😀