My Bird

It's inspired a little by an interview I heard, a little by Noel Fielding's stand up at Amused Moose and a little from my own head.






Length: words

Notes: My first ever RPS slash fic, and probably the first to my memory that doesn’t involve a lot of dialogue.

My Bird by cailenbraern

Rich always asks him if he ever misses doing stand up. In a way he supposes he does. It’s true he never had much of a following, but he nearly always went down well with an audience.

He misses the thrill of not knowing what to say at one particular stage in his routine. The adrenaline sends his brain into overdrive as he improvises weird and strange new stuff. No two gigs were ever the same.

But that chapter of his life was finished now. He wasn’t a youngish man, fresh from dropping out of Uni. anymore. Time was ticking ever on, and now was the time to do all the things he wanted to.

There was the TV show to think about as well as other TV work, if and when it comes his way. He’d quite like to be in another full-length film, but he’d have to wait and see. Maybe he’d write a few serious songs, put an album together. Noel could help him…

Noel…Julian smiles as he turns to the bar and flicks ash into the ashtray. The crowd laughs and Julian picks up his beer, turning back to the stage.

Noel hasn’t quit the world of stand up. Noel still possesses that unlimited energy that allows his material to still work, and Julian admires him for that.

He realises he doesn’t miss it. Watching Noel perform gives him the same surge of excitement as he got when he was up on stage.

The audience laugh again. He recognises the story because he was talking to Noel about it weeks back.

He exhales a stream of smoke and smiles. His comedy was still being inflicted upon the audience whether they liked it or not.

Stubbing his cigarette out, he thinks about the first gig they did together. It was years ago. Julian heard that one of the performers had dropped out and he asked Noel, who was adamant that Julian saw him perform, to stand in.

Noel had been the act before him. He went down a storm and the audience loved him. Julian remembers standing in the wings filled with dread. There was no way on this earth that he could top that performance.

Noel was finishing up. Julian had to do something fast. Taking a deep breath he grabbed a mike from the stagehand and stormed onto the stage whilst rapping. The audience laughed, but they weren’t really sure what was going on. They were probably laughing at Noel’s face, which was a picture of astonishment.

He was interrupted by Noel, who asked him what he thought he was doing. The audience laughed again.

From then on the gig went smoothly. The two men bounced ideas back and forth seamlessly as they improvised. When they finally said their goodbyes, the audience cheered them for all they were worth.

When they got back stage, Julian was preparing himself for Noel’s anger at interrupting his routine. Instead Noel grabbed him, drew him close and pressed a feather light kiss upon Julian’s lips. Julians breath hitched as he felt light-headed.

“You were great, Julian!” Noel said as he broke away from the embrace. “We’ve gotta do more stuff together! It’ll be amazing! We’ll take on the pubs, clubs, theatres; we’ll take on the World! They won’t know what’s hit ‘em!” And then he turned and walked away.

Julian stared after him for a long time before a stagehand nudged him, hinting at him to get lost.

He smiles, finishing his beer and fishing another cigarette out of the packet. Noel is still going strong on stage. He looks around at the young ladies in the audience; staring up at Noel with fascination, and he laughs to himself, knowing that he is the only one in the room who could have him. Who does have him.

Noel starts on Seruvial Brooks, and Julian smiles once more, knowing that he is whom the man with the back to front rams legs is based on. Noel mentions Lionel the Otter and the crowd cheer.

“Yes, we love Lionel!” Noel says, and Julian speaks quietly in unison with Noel, glaring at the audience.

“Don’t cheer him, he’s my bird!”

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