What If?
Category: The Mighty Boosh
Characters: Bob Fossil, Bollo, Bryan Ferry, Dixon Bainbridge, Howard Moon, Naboo, Neon, Other, Ultra, Vince Noir
Pairing: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Genre: Angst, Drama, Fluff, Romance
Rating: G
Warning: Character Death, Violence - Mild
Status: Complete
Length: 1-5k words
Notes: I don’t own anything from the boosh. I also don’t own ‘Paint It Black’, The Rolling Stones do.
What If? by MB4ever
It was a dark night, only a few stars filled the dark blue sky. A taxi drove outisde Westminster Abby, the large building itself covered in shadows giving it a gothic look and a lone figure got out the vehicle, reassuring the driver that he wouldn’t need to wait or need picking up. As the taxi drove off, the figure walked slowly up the pathway in the graveyard, knowing excatly where he was going. In one hand were two bouquets of flowers- black roses and blood red roses and in his other was a plastic carrier bag.
‘I see a red door and I want it painted black, no colors anymore I want them to turn black. I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes, I have to turn my head until my darkness goes…’
The man soon made his way to two gravestones in the furthest corner of the graveyard, stood next to each other. He placed the bouquet of red roses on the first grave and felt tears welling in his eyes as he read the inscription.
Here Lies Micheal James Noir
Born 1958- Died 1983
Loving Husband and Father
Dearly Missed Friend
Here Also Lies Isabella Marie Noir
Born 1960- Died 1983
Loving Wife and Mother
Dearly Missed Friend
Both Will be Truely Missed
+++++++Flashback+++++++
Outside ‘Diamonds’, Vince and Howard made their way down the road, holding each other’s hands as they made their way back to the zooniverse.
“Howard? Do you think there’s an all night supermarket open close by?” Vince asked, his blue eyes full of hope.
“There might be Vince. Why?” Howard asked back, curious.
“I want to get some flowers…to place on my parent’s graves” The answer was so sudden and spoken so softly, Howard felt his heart breaking for his boyfriend “Of course Vince, we’ll go and find one. Come on little man”
He wrapped an arm round the electro poof’s shoulders and walked around London until they found an open all hours supermarkey. Vince picked out a beautiful bouquet of red roses “My parent’s favourite flowers, used to decorate the whole house full of them” He said, as they made their way to Westminster Abby. The sky was darkening with rain clouds and a light drizzle had just started, as they made their way up the graveyard path and to the corner Vince’s parents were buried.
Vince placed the flowers gently down upon the earth, tears gently falling down his face “Since I came to London when I was eleven, I’ve always been coming here every day to visit them. I’ve always felt I’d be much closer to them again when I place flowers down, even at the zooniverse before we went out, before I lost my memories, I used to place flowers then”
“So every time you went out for the night and came back late, it was because you came here?” Howard asked, keeping an arm wrapped around his boyfriend comfortly.
“Well, sometimes I went out for the night, but most the time it was to come here, to see them” Vince then wrapped his arms around Howard tightly, crying in his chest “I miss them so much, why did it have to happen to them?”
The jazz mavarick could only hold Vince close and rocked him gently, storking his hair and kissing his forehead “I don’t know Vince, I really don’t know”
“Howard, if I ever die young, promise me you’ll bury me here, next to my parents” The jazz mavarick’s heart broke at that plea, but couldn’t help but say yes, epsically when Vince looked up at him with those large, watery eyes.
They stayed like that for an hour, letting Vince ride out his sobs as the rain grew more heavier “Come on Vince, let’s get home before we either drown or die from hypothermia” The smaller man gave a small laugh as they left the abby and down the road.
++++End Flashback++++++++
‘I see a line of cars and they’re all painted black, with flowers and my love both never to come back. I see people turn their heads and quickly look away, like a new born baby it just happens ev’ry day…’
The man then turned to the next grave, placing the black roses down gently, tears running freely now down his face as he knelt down on the soft grass, his hand running over the inscription.
Here Lies Vincent David Noir
Loving Son, Godson, Boyfriend and Friend
Truely Missed by All- Human and Animal.
+++++Flashback++++++++
The rain came down harder making watching where you were going more difficult. Vince suggested they raced back to the zoo and ran off before Howard got a chance to stop him, the zoo wasn’t that far away anyway. He heard tyres screeching in the distance as the rain suddenly slowed down, making some view clearer.
Howard watched in horror as a car came fast around a bend, swaying and serving dangorusly to suggest the driver was drunk. He never got a chance to yell at Vince to watch out as his boyfriend raced across the road, not seeing the car coming at him. The horn blared loudly, making Vince stop and stared fearfully at the vehicle. Whatever thoughts he was thinking then were cut short as the car rammed into him hard, making him fly across the bonnet and smash into the windscreen, before sliding off onto the wet tarmac.
The driver stuck his head out the window and slurred loudly “You stupid prick, watch where you’re going” Before racing off down the next corner, screeching away from his crime. The rain finally stopped to show a sky full of stars, the half moon shining brightly. It took all of Howard’s nerves and courage to move from where he stood on the pavement, to where Vince was lying in the road, not moving.
“Vince?” The name came out as a whisper as he crept closer to the still figure “Vince?” He knelt down and and reached a hand out, gently shaking Vince’s shoulder “Vince? Please, wake up” He was relived when he heard a groan come from his friend, so he gently turned him over, nearly gagging at the sight.
Vince was covered in blood, large pieces of glass were sticking out of his chest and shoulder. His breath was coming out in short, painful gasps as his thin body trembled gently “H…Howard?”
The larger man gathered him in his arms “It’s alright Vince, I’m here, you’re gonna be fine”
“Howard, my chest hurts” Vince then coughed loudly, blood dribbled down his lips. He then started gasping for breath “I can’t breathe, Howard I..I can’t breathe…”
Howard didn’t know what to do, he’d never been in this situation before, but he knew Vince’s lung had burst and he didn’t have enough time. He just held Vince to his chest as tears fell down his face, stroking the soft hair of the injured man “It’ll be alright Vince, I promise you you’re gonna be fine. I’m not letting you go yet” They stayed like that for a few minutes before the sound of sirens filled the air “Hear that Vince, help’s coming” He smiled down at his young lover, but the smile dropped as he saw the blue start to disappear from Vince’s eyes, his breathing getting slower and slower.
“Howard, I love you so much, remember that and remember my plea…”
“What do you mean? You’re not going anywhere little man” Vince gave a small smile with his almost pale lips “It’s good you hear you call me that one last time…but…I must go. It hurts so badly and I’m so weak, I can’t stay awake…please let me sleep” Howard’s heart broke as the soft words made him realise he wasn’t being fair, he was making Vince suffer for his happiness, so he wouldn’t be alone.
“Of course Vince, you go to sleep now and always remember I love you too. I promise to live up to your plea” He knew he did the right thing as Vince gave one last weak dizzy smile, before his eyes finally shut and his last breath left his body, making him still and silent. Howard placed a loving kiss in his lifeless hair and buried his face in it, sobs taking over his body as the ambulance came closer, only too late.
+++++End Flashabck++++++++
‘I look inside myself and see my heart is black, I see my red door and it has been painted black. Maybe then I’ll fade away and not have to face the facts, it’s not easy facin’ up when your whole world is black..’
Howard kept on sobbing as the memory played in his mind, his eyes burning and his throat raw from cries of pain.
“God Vince, I’m so sorry, this was all my fault. I’ve often wondered what would happen if I’d changed things. What if I pulled you back? What if we did catch a taxi instead of walking back? What if that bloke wasn’t drunk while he was driving? What if he broke in time? What if the ambulance came quicker?”
He stopped speaking as he reached into the carrier bag he had with him, pulling out a bottle of vodka and another bottle of pills “Naboo won’t be missing these for a while, besides they’re for a good cause” He popped open the vodka and took a long swig, the alcohol burning his throat “I can just hear you now, saying I’m a lightweight with my drink and I shouldn’t be drinking the hardcore stuff”
His mood soon changed, anger fuelled by the drink “Why did you leave me? You stupid electro ponce, I hate you! I hate you so much for leaving me. Why did you leave me?” He broke down into sobs once more, guilt filling his heart “I don’t hate you, I love you so much. I just want you back so much, I just want to be with you again and I will soon”
He opened the bottle of pills and started tipping it into his mouth, chewing the bitter tablets, nearly throwing them back up. He washed the taste away with the vodka and felt his eyelids dropping heavily, his limbs and body feeling heavier “I remember the day we meet. You were just sitting there in the park in your school uniform, just finished your final year. You were telling a passing pidgeon your results, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, like the bird was listening to every word with his head bobbing up and down, cooing away…”
He paused to place more tablets in his mouth, chewing and swallowing with great difficultly now “I went over to you and you immediatly trusted me, telling me your near enough life story, about growing up in the forests and you ability to speak to animals. You were so cute then too, your youthful good looks that never changed over the years, your adorable childish-ness and fashion wisdom that made people fall in love with you, but it was the whole of you that made me fall for you…”
He broke off with a sob, before drinking more vodka, his breath getting weaker and weaker “I wasn’t going to leave you, so I offered you the job. I was so happy when you accepted it, when you said you’d stick by my side every day. I was so glad to teach you things, as you taught me things, I was glad at every opportunity we had together…”
He popped more tablets into his mouth, knowing the end was coming closer “I’m glad that lion attacked you that day, otherwise we might not have ever discovered feelings. I was over the moon when you said you loved me, I thought we’d never get together, but I’m glad we did. And now, we’ll be togther again, I promise”
Howard looked into the bottle to see only a few pills remained, so he chewed them and swallowed them down with the remainder of the vodka. He then laid on his back next to Vince’s grave, looking up the the sky, smiling as he saw one star shining more brightly then the others “I’ll be with you soon…” His mind played one last memory before it shut down and his breathing ended.
‘No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue, I could not foresee this thing happening to you. If I look hard enough into the settin sun, my love will laugh with me before the mornin comes…’
++++++++Flashback+++++++++
A week after the accident, hundreds turned up for Vince’s funeral, Howard stood beside the vicar giving the sermon and gazed across the guests. Naboo and Bollo stood next to him, the shaman dressed in black robes. It was him who called the ambulance, he found out about the accident in his tea leaves, but they told him a few minutes too late.
Next to them were Ultra and Neon, dressed in black, purple and deep red. Their faces were covered in smudged make up as they cried for their new friend. Sure Vince did ruin their first gig, but they forgave him and even enjoyed performing with him. They admitted to Howard that before the accident, they were gonna ask Vince to be a part-time singer for them and even Howard himself to be on backup keyboard. They had heard about the Spirit of Jazz and believed that he was possessed the spirit at the time of the ruined gig.
Scanning acroos, Howard was surprised to see Fossil and Bainbridge in the crowd. He knew Fossil liked Vince, but he was shocked to know Bainbridge came in his own free will. Turns out he did like Vince a bit, felt bad not knowing him well enough, but he just never wanted to admit it. Said a man of action like him would never be friends with a stupid electro ponce like Vince, so Howard continued to hate him.
Others among the guests were Leroy, Vince’s friend growing up on the streets, Mrs Gideon, Joey Moose, who appeared after being gone for all that time and the rest of the keepers from the zoo. They even allowed Jack Cooper to come with them, as long as he stayed in his carrier.
On the other side of the grave was Bryan Ferry, who bought along Vince’s animal family- Jahooli the leopard, Colto the deaf horse and the other animals from the forest. The singer glanced up at Howard and gave him a small, sad smile, as though saying ‘none of this is your fault, I will never blame you’ before glancing back down again as tears flowed down his face.
Howard himself couldn’t cry, he ran out of tears ages ago. He just glared sadly as the white, pink and light blue coffin holding his love, was lovered down into the ground, before the dirt was tossed on it and covered it up well. As the guests left, he stayed at the grave, running his fingers gently over the tombstone “Well, I did as you asked, you and your parents will never be apart again…” He whispered, before placing a gentle kiss on the cold rock “I’ll be back later, I promise…” He turned away and walked to where Naboo and Bollo were waiting for him. Howard paused and looked back over his shoulder to where Vince was now laid to rest “Goodbye, my love”
+++++++End Flashback+++++++++
‘I see a red door and I want it painted black, no colors anymore I want them to turn black. I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes, I have to turn my head until my darkness goes…’
When Howard opened his eyes, he notised at once he was still in the graveyard of the abby, but he wasn’t alone. Looking up, he saw Vince smiling sadly down as him, dressed and looking as he did before he died, before he was hit. His blue eyes were once again filled with color, glowing in the moonlight and sparkling like the stars above him “Vince?”
“You idiot Howard, you didn’t have to kill yourself for me…” The electro poof sighed, but smiled at the same time. He held out a hand, which Howard took a tight hold of and felt himself being lifted quite easily by the smaller man. Vince pointed down and the jazz mavarick gasped as he saw his body lying there, still and pale “So…I’m dead then…?”
He turned to his boyfriend who looked slightly angry “Why did you do that? You had your whole life to live, you didn’t have to die yet…” He was silenced when Howard placed a finger on his soft lips, his small brown eyes filled with tears.
“I did it because I couldn’t live withoout you. That week before your funeral was my worst, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. Not knowing you wouldn’t be there to do it with me, I couldn’t do anything without you there. We’re too connected now, we’re meant to be together in life and death” Vince looked deep into his eyes before breaking down into tears “I’m sorry Howard, I’m so sorry for leaving you. I missed you so much…I…”
They held each other closer, crying into each other’s shoulders, whispering words of love and truth. Vince pulled away and gave his lover a small smile, holding out his hand “Come on then, together in death we’ll be” The jazz mavarick took his hand and pulled him close, kissing him gentle, but full of love. Their spirits became bright and floated upwards towards the sky, before becoming two brights stars close togther, side by side.
‘I wanna see it painted, painted black, black as night, black as coal, I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky. I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black’
