Category: The Mighty Boosh
Pairing: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Length: 1-5k words
Notes: After thymeth posted her fic, I remembered this one that I had started way back in October. My thanks for _phoon_ for all her help in finishing this one. Remeber how my fics are usually light-hearted, funny scripts? Not this one. I’m going out of my skin for this one.
Possession by cailenbraern
“Come on Vince! Pick up the phone!”
The phone continued to ring. With every ring, Howard’s panic escalated.
“Alright? You’ve reached Vince!”
“Vince! Look, I haven’t got long…”
“I’m not in at the moment. I’m probably doing a gig somewhere, being a rock and roll star and all…”
“You better not be fooling around!”
“So um, listen leave me a message right, and I’ll call you back when the fame wears off.” BEEP.
“Vince! Where the hell are you? Look, I need your help, ok? I’m in trouble…”
Howard leapt up from the hard bed and sidestepped Crazy Carlos who growled under his breath.
“You’ve really done it this time, haven’t you?”
“Get me out of here!”
“I can’t believe you’re in prison! I thought you were supposed to be a law-abiding, boundary respecter?”
“What are you in ‘ere for then?”
“Look, I’ll explain all that later, yeah? Just get me out of here.”
“The Bail’s 5000 Euros. I haven’t got it.”
Howard groaned and headbutted the prison bars.
“But listen, right, I’ll get the money! I’ll get Naboo to help, or Fossil!”
“Fossil won’t help you!”
“What d’you mean?”
“Look, he won’t, ok? Ask someone else.”
“What’s going on Howard?”
“What’s going on? I’m in prison you berk! And I’d very much like to not be in prison.”
“You’re not telling me everything.”
“Vince? Where are you going? Vince?”
“See you later!”
Crazy Carlos muttered something in Spanish that didn’t sound friendly. Howard backed nervously against the bars.
“What do you want?”
“Don’t be like that! The thing is right -”
“Howard’s in jail.”
“Yeah, and I need to get him out!”
“What do you need?”
“About 4000 Euros?”
“Who do you think I am? Bill Gates?”
“You’re a shaman right? There must be something you can do, Naboo?”
“You still owe me for those imitation crocodile fur boots.”
“Yeah, I know! This is more important! I need to rescue Howard! What? Are you having visions again?”
“Howard’s in danger.”
“You’re joking right? I’ve just told you that!”
“It’s worse than you think.”
“Well, that’s why I’m rescuing him. I’ve got to get the money first. Are you going to help me or not?”
“…I’ll give you a thousand.”
Howard lay on the cold, hard bed. He trembled all over, though not from the cold. His hessian blanket scratched and bit at his sore and bruised skin. ‘Why me?’ He thought to himself. ‘Why do I get trapped with Crazy Carlos and Bainbridge…’
He shuddered once more and pulled the rough material up to his chin. He wished more than anything for Vince to swoop in and rescue him, as he always did. To make the pain go away, and the sun rise again, and to take him far away from this place…
“Beautiful Vince! Come in, pull up a beanbag. Go on, sit that pumpkin ass down. It’s great to see you Vince, without that jerk, Moon following you around!”
“Actually, Mr. Fossil, I wanted to-”
“We don’t have to worry about him, Vincy. He’s gone now. It’s just you, and your Bobby.”
“I want money, Mr. Fossil.”
“Well, sure Vincypoo!” How much do you need? Wait, let me get my chequebook and pen. Do you like my pen? Hey, check it out! It’s just like a clicky top, but the top twists instead of clicks! Look! Twisty, twisty!”
“I need about…ooh, 3000 Euros?”
“Sure thing. Twisty….there you go! Hey, what do you need it for?”
“Thanks Mr. Fossil! See ya!”
“Vince! What’s it for?”
Vince closed the door of the office and turned round, coming face to face with Dixon Bainbridge.
“I’ve been looking for you all day. Where have you been?”
“I went to see Howard. What’s happened to your face? You look like Purple Ronnie. You’re grotesque!”
“I find that rich coming from you, pointy features. Nevertheless my appearance is no thanks to that idiot Moon. That’s why he’s in prison.”
“Your brutish boyfriend went mad. Started coming at me like a lunatic. Smashed my arm up. I had no choice but to lay charges on him.”
“Why would he do that?”
“Clearly, he’s insane. Anyway I fired him, and you’re fired too.”
“You see, I can’t bear to look at you. Your ridiculous hair, your stupid clothes, that constant inane, chirpy expression. What’s worse is you’re a distraction to the more deluded members of staff here. So pack up and ship out!”
Vince surveyed Bainbridge’s badly bruised face and his arm in a sling. Whatever Howard had done, he had done hard. Maybe Bainbridge was a little more wary of Howard now. Vince decided to have a little fun.
“I’m not going anywhere! I’m waiting for Howard!”
“Moon’s in jail!”
“Not any more he isn’t. I paid his bail this morning.”
There it was. A little glint of fear in Bainbridge’s cold, blue eyes. He laughed, though it sounded forced.
“Where on Earth did you find the money?”
“Fossil gave it to me?”
“Without an argument. I flashed my eyes and he just handed it over, no questions asked.”
“Right! I need to have words with that man! I shall see you later, Vincent!”
Dixon Bainbridge threw open the door to Bob Fossils office and slammed it shut behind him.
“Moon! You’re free to go!”
“I said you’re free to go. Bails paid. Get dressed and be ready in five.”
Howard scrabbled beneath the coarse blanket to dress himself. Having managed to succeed he got up and headed to the door. Before he knew it, Crazy Carlos had grabbed him by the neck and slammed him against the wall. Muttering something in Spanish that Howard, despite his lineaggionic could not understand. The sound of a key turning in a lock was heard, and Carlos released him, backing away into the shadows.
“Move it, Moon!”
Howard stepped out of the cell and followed the guard down the corridor. They came out in the reception area, where Vince stood waiting.
Nothing else mattered. The guard disappeared. The very walls around him melted away as he crossed the distance between him and Vince. Dropping to his knees, he buried his head in Vince’s coat, and sobbed.
“Howard? Howard, what’s happened?”
“You came. You came for me.”
“Are you mental? As if I’d leave you here! Come on, get up.”
He didn’t mind staying this way forever, but he let Vince help him up to his feet.
“Take me home.”
“I will. Come on!”
“There you go, Monsoon Moon!”
Howard looked up, startled by the sound of his voice, but settled when his eyes met Vince’s. He accepted the cup of tea and cradled it as if it were precious.
“Are you going to tell me what happened with Bainbridge?”
“What have you heard?”
“Well I’ve seen his face for starters. And his arm! What happened Howard? You’re not a violent person. You’re the least violent person in the world! Ever!”
“I just lost it, ok?”
“No. I want to know why Howard. You’ve got to be honest with me.”
“You want to know, do you?”
“Everything? With my utmost honesty?”
“Right. You know Bainbridge hates me, right?”
“Wrong. He hates you Vince.”
“What? What did I do?”
“It’s not what you did, it’s who you are. Fossil loves you, yeah? Now we know Bainbridge hates Fossil, but he thinks he owns him. He possesses him. Knowing that Fossil is chasing after you, it makes him angry, Vince. He sees you as a threat.”
“That is ridiculous!”
“No, it’s not! People do ridiculous things when it comes to people they love, when it’s to protect what’s rightfully yours.”
“Is that it, then? Bainbridge doesn’t like me, so you go insane on him. Beat him down to a purple mess.”
“No! It wasn’t like that!”
“Well, what was it then?”
“I overheard him, with his mate, I don’t know who he was, probably another poncey, man-of-action type bloke. They were discussing ways to get rid of you.”
“Rid of me?”
“Yeah. They were coming up with all sorts of things. Shipping you off to another country, facially disfiguring you. Even murder.”
“Yeah. I stepped in, told them I wasn’t happy with their tone of conversation and I’d take it up with the police. That’s when Bainbridge said he had another plan.”
“What was the plan?”
“What do you mean?”
“See its about possession Vince. He owns Fossil, and the way he sees it, you own me. He wanted to damage me, in a way that you wouldn’t want me anymore.”
“Yeah. Rape. So I kicked the shit out of him there and then. And his mate. I couldn’t see anything. Just went red.”
Howard felt the bile rising in his throat and brought his mug to his lips and swallowed the warm tea. It didn’t get rid of the foul taste left there.
“It didn’t work though.”
Howard broke off, and stared across the room, his eyes reddening as tears threatened to fall.
Howard dropped the mug. The mug did not shatter, but the tea spilled out onto the carpet. Howard leant forward and sobbed into his palms. Vince drew his arm around him, but Howard shrugged him off.
“Don’t touch me!”
“What are you on about?”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry…”
“For what? Beating up Bainbridge? He had it coming.”
“He got me Vince!
“What d’you mean?”
“In that prison, in that cell, there was a man…he…”
Howard couldn’t bring himself to finish, but Vince understood. He tried to wrap his arms around him once more but this time Howard flinched and leapt up. He paced the room nervously, wrapping his arms around himself.
“Ssh, it’s ok Howard. It’s alright, you’re with me.”
“I’m so sorry! I’m so weak, I couldn’t stop him.”
“Hey, don’t be stupid, come on.”
“I’m not yours anymore. I’m broken.”
Howard stopped pacing and stared at the wall beside Vince. All life seemed to fade from his brown eyes.
“It’s all his fault.” Howard’s voice was barely heard, a mere whisper.
Howard turned and fled from their flat, slamming the door. Vince rushed to follow him.
“Fossil. Get the handcuffs, I’ll meet you at home later.”
Dixon left Fossils office, his moustache twitching in anger. He headed for the gates unaware of the figure watching him.
Dixon stopped on the spot, but refused to turn around.
“I knew you’d turn up eventually. Try anything else, Moon, and I’ll throw you back in jail.”
“Not if I kill you.”
Dixon laughed and turned around to face Howard.
“You don’t have the balls.”
“Are you sure?”
Dixon’s eyes fixed Howard with a cold stare, but there was a glimmer of fear.
“Fossil won’t save you. Not even your mate saved you yesterday.”
“Yes, but the thing about me Moon, I have more than one friend.”
“I don’t see any of them here.”
“Enjoy your stay in prison did you?”
Howard stepped forward, bristling with fury.
“Go away, Vince.”
“No way, I’m not letting you do this.”
“Ah, look. The Princess’s arrived. You’re just in time as well. Moon here was just going to talk about his new friend, Carlos.”
“I’m not talking to you, freak. Howard, come on – ”
“That was you, you bastard!”
Vince tried to hold Howard back, but the taller man proved too strong for him. He tackled Bainbridge to the ground and pummelled him left, right and centre.
“Get this brute off me!”
“Howard, stop it!”
Vince grabbed hold of Howard’s arms, but he couldn’t keep a grip. The Yorkshireman was too strong for him to restrain.
“Howard, look at me! Howard! Please, stop this!”
Howard ignored all of Vince’s entreaties and punched and kicked until he had no energy left. He fell back, and dropped to his knees, sobbing.
Vince crouched down besides him, and squeezed his shoulder gently.
“What do you see in that thug, anyway?”
“You shut your face.”
“Isn’t it funny? He can beat the shit out of two men, but can’t fend off the advances of one guy in prison? Your man is a whore, and he knows it. Look at him, he’s pathetic. He knows he’s worthless, I’m surprised you can’t see it either.”
Vince stood up, and walked over to where Bainbridge was lying on the ground.
“I told you to shut your face.” Vince kicked the head zookeeper at the side of his head, and Bainbridge was knocked unconscious. He walked back over to Howard, and helped him to his feet, wrapping his arm around Howard’s waist.
“Come on you, let’s get you home.”
Vince led Howard back to their flat, murmuring encouragement and declarations of love to him all the way. This fell on deaf ears, as Howard’s expression never changed thoughout the journey. They finally got home, and Vince sat him down on the sofa. He bent down to pick up the cup Howard dropped earlier.
“Cup of tea?”
Howard made no sign of acknowledgement. Vince sighed and headed to the kitchen to put the kettle on.
When he was alone, Howard blinked and realised where he was. He brought his hands up to his vision. He hated being practically unscathed after all he had been through. He needed to be as broken as he felt. He started to scratch his nails along his arms, drawing blood. He stormed over to the drinks bar and started smashing the bottles and the glasses on the floor. He threw various objects across the room with a frustrated scream.
Vince rushed into the living room, and observed the scene with horror.
“What’s going on?”
“Broken…need to be broken.”
Vince walked over to him. He held Howard by the chin and lifted his head to look at him. Howard tried to pull away but Vince held him firm. Eventually Howard calmed down, and looked at his feet. Vince leant forward and kissed Howard on the forehead.
“You’re not broken.”
“I didn’t stop him.”
“You couldn’t. Don’t listen to Bainbridge, all right? He’s a ballbag. Listen to me.”
“Do you love me?”
“Then that’s all that matters, isn’t it?”
“Am I yours?”
“You are, and always will be mine, forever all right? I love you, and nothing will ever change that!”
Vince pulled Howard down onto the sofa and drew him into a hug, comforting him while Howard sobbed on his shoulder. They remained that way for an hour, until Howard, exhausted fell asleep. Vince tucked his legs underneath him and wrapped his arms around Howard, holding him tight. He kissed Howard once more on the forehead, and laid his head on Howard’s chest, drifting off to sleep.