Old Gregg’s Revenge
Category: The Mighty Boosh
Series: The Hurting to Protect Series
Characters: Bollo, Howard Moon, Old Gregg, Vince Noir
Pairing: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Genre: Episodic/Missing Scene, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Warning: Violence - Mild
Length: 1-5k words
Notes: Sequal to Hurting To Protect
Old Gregg’s Revenge by MB4ever
As the gang sped away from the fisherman town of Black Lake, they never notised the strange merman creature on top of the roof, standing up straight in a white wedding dress. Howard made a deal that if he took the Funk, he would marry Old Gregg, and Gregg was going to make sure that would happen.
A few hours of driving later, Old Gregg notised that he was in a much bigger town, with many tall buildings surrounding him. The vehicle stopped outside one of the tall buildings and he heard voices as the three humans and the gorilla got out and in though the front door. Gregg decided to wait out for awhile until all were asleep to see his precious Howard again.
As soon as they entered the flat, Howard suggested that he was going for an early night- escaping a near merman-rape can take it out of you. Vince also said he was going to, making the shaman and his familar roll their eyes. Since they left the Zooniverse, the two lovers had never been apart, even at night. When Howard was taken by that old Gregg character, Vince was so worried about him Naboo and Bollo couldn’t help but help him get Howard back.
Howard took Vince by the hand and lead him into the bedroom. As soon as the door closed, Vince felt himself being pressed againest it while Howard pressed his lips against his gothic lover. He started pulling Vince’s shirt off, while directing him towards the bed, then starting stripping him of his trousers.
Soon the goth fairy was completely naked looking up at his jazz lover. Soon Howard, in record time, stripped himself off and lay on top of Vince, hungerily gathering Vince’s lips onto his, his tounge claiming what’s his. Howard straddled Vince while easing the goth’s legs apart, getting to the spot he wanted. Once he found the spot, Howard thrusted into Vince, causing his lover to moan in both pain and pleasure. Howard then grabbed a hold of Vince’s length and was stroking it in time as his thrusting, making the goth writh and grab the sheets underneath him. After five sweat and moan filled minutes, they both came together.
Howard went into the bathroom, got a wet cloth and clean himself and Vince down. Then he gathered his lover in his arms and kissed him hard “Goodnight Vince, thanks for rescuing me. And I have something important to tell you, I wish to marry you”.
“Of course I’ll marry you, I love you too, Small Eyes” Vince replied, before drifting off. Unknown to them, a certain green skinned merman was watching them though their bedroom window with a look of disbelief and sick facination on his face “If that dark haired woman thinks she can steal my Howard away from me, she can think again” Gregg told himself, as he stalked away from the window.
The next day, Vince decided to do some shopping and Howard invited himself along. It would be the only time he could get a proper ring for his gothic lover and himself. They went down London together and spent half the day in jewellery shops, trying on different engagement rings.
“I’m going back home now Vince, you staying around here?” Howard asked.
“Yeah, I’ll be back in about an hour. Thank you for the ring, it’s lovely” Vince replied, holding his hand up, showing a simple gold band with a small black diamond in it. He then lead Howard towards an alleyway, with a lust filled gleam in his eyes. Vince pressed his jazz lover againest the wall and claimed Howard’s mouth with his own, with a hard and passion filled kiss. “There will be more of that later” The goth suggested, Howard was having difficulty keeping in lust filled moans.
As Vince paid the taxi that dropped him off outside the flat, a figure crept around in some bushes to the sides of him. He turned around as he heard the rustling of the leaves.
“Hello?” Vince called out, only to find himself on his back with a green skinned man straddling him “Oi, get off me. Who are you?”
The merman just smiled at him and yelled “I’m Old Gregg” as loud as he could, before raising a large rock above Vince’s head and then landed it right on Vince’s forehead, knocking him out completely.
Half an hour later, Howard was pacing the floor of the living room, glancing at the clock every few seconds. Naboo walked into the room, his brow creased in worry.
“Calm down, he might be stuck in traffic” The shaman replied.
“No, Vince would walk if he could never get a taxi, he’d really hurry up in case it rains and he’s never late” Howard said, even more worried.
Naboo sighed “I’ll ask Bollo to get the carpet out and we’ll go find him”
Howard gave a small smile “Thanks Naboo, I’ll wait outside” He opened the door and looked outside… only to see a couple of shopping bags around the pavement “Naboo! Quick!”.
The shaman ran out, with Bollo close behind him. They saw a red stain on the floor, on which closer inspection was blood. Howard then inspected the shopping bags which contains two suits, one black and one white ‘He must have bought them for our wedding’ He thought.
“Howard…” He looked up towards where Naboo was pointing. A knife was lodged in the door, holding a card in place. Howard’s hand shook as he pulled down the card and let out a gasp when he saw what was written on it: ‘I’m Old Gregg’.
Vince Noir groaned and slowly opened his eyes, taking in his surroundings. He was in a damp cave, water dripping slowly from rocks on the ceiling. He tried moving his arms, but found them to be tied behind a huge spiked rock sticking out the floor. His feet were also tied together tightly, restricting his movement. It didn’t matter anyway, any movement caused his head to hurt worse. It felt like a heard of bufflo were trampling over crisps in his head.
Vince heard a sound behind him, and quickly panicked. He wished for Howard to be here and save him for once. He then felt something touch his hand and rush off again, causing Vince to gasp in shock. The suddenly in front of him was a green skinned man, wearing a silver jacket and a pink tutu. His hair was made mainly of seaweed and his face covered in thick make-up. The green man’s smile widened, as he saw Vince was awake.
“Hi there. I understand you’re the one who stole Howard away from me” Gregg smiled.
“No, you were the first who stole Howard first, the time we were on Black Lake” Vince answered back “He is mine now, and will never be yours again”
Old Gregg’s smile dropped, and he quicked went over to Vince and slapped the goth across the face hard, causing the lip to bleed. He then walked back and held up Vince’s engagement ring “He will come for you soon, and when he does he will be mine again” He then walked off into the shadows.
Vince couldn’t speak in pain and shock. He could feel the tears prickling behind his eyes, and didn’t let them stop as he feared for his and Howard’s life.
Howard, Naboo and Bollo were on the flying carpet, rushing to Black Lake and hoping they were in time. They landed just outside of the town and walked over to the lake edge. Naboo then pulled out of his pocket a small box “This is the newest model of submarine for shamans. Just drop it into water and it grows instantly” He dropped a small grey pebble into the water, and the guys watched in amazement as a huge submarine appeared in front of them.
They all got in and were soon off in search of Gregg’s cave. A few minutes later, they soon found a tunnel going into a cliff and found themselves at the other end inside a huge cavern. They got out and started looking for the goth, Howard soon spotted him, tied to the rock.
“Vince!” He yelled as he went to his lover. He took Vince’s face into his hand and forced Vince to look him in the eyes “What has he done to you?” Howard asked, as he took in the gash above his lover’s eyebrow and the bleeding lip.
“Howard, I knew you’d return to me” A voice echoed. Howard panicked at the voice, but stayed next to Vince, calling for Naboo and Bollo to help free him “Back away from the woman, or else”
Out of the shadows, stepped Old Gregg. On his right hand was Vince’s engagement ring, glistening in the moonlight coming from the ceiling. His left hand was behind his back, and a smile was plastered on his face.
Howard didn’t back away, in fact he stayed close to his lover, all the while trying to undo the knots in the rope. When Gregg got close enough, he pulled out a large knife from behind his back “Do not make me have to hurt you, Howard. But if you don’t back away I will”
“Do what he says, Howard” Vince said softly “I don’t want you hurt now” Howard looked shocked, then walked away from Vince to where Naboo and Bollo stood. Gregg walked closer to Vince and cut the ropes that bonded his feet and which bonded his arms round the rock, then tied them up again behind his back. He pulled the goth up by the back of his shirt and wrapped an arm around his neck.
“Now, you will marry me or she will be killed” Gregg said, proving his point by slicing Vince’s upper arm, not too deeply but enough to make it bleed. Vince gasped in pain, and said “No Howard. I would rather die then see you marry him” Gregg’s smile dropped again and he bought the knife to the goth’s neck, pricking the skin and making a dribble of blood appear.
“No, alright. I’ll marry you, just let him go with the others” Howard argued.
“No, if I let her go, you’ll run off with them. I have a better idea” Gregg dragged Vince backwards and up a medium sized rock, with a deep pool of water at the bottom of it “If you don’t marry me, I will be sure that she drowns” Vince grew angry at this and kicked out behind him, catching Old Gregg in the midrift. Gregg let him go in shock, which cause the goth to fall forwards over the edge of the cliff. He banged his head on a rock going down, which caused him to black out before he hit the water.
“Noooo!” Howard cried out, before cursing Old Gregg. He then tore off his jacket and dived into the pool, hoping to reach him in time…
Howard had just reached the pool of water where Vince had gone under, until Gregg jumped down and landed on Howard’s chest, knocking him down to the floor. He straddled the jazz lover and prevented him to getting to Vince “I knew you’d come back to me, Howard” Gregg smiled, bringing his face closer to Howard’s.
Bollo growled loudly as he ran over to them and smacked the merman upside the head, making him fly off Howard’s body. Howard didn’t waste any time and automatically ran towards the pool again. Naboo stood in front of him “Vince will be far down into the water now. You better take this to help you” He handed Howard a small blue pill, then made his way towards the fallen merman.
Howard quickly ate it and dived in the water. As soon as he made contact, he felt a tingling sensation on his neck. He put his hand up and felt two slits appear, forming into gills. He could also see better in the dark, merky water and noticed a small stream of bubbles coming for beneath him. Howard swam downwards and discovered his gothic lover drifting slowly downwards, his eyes closed and his hair floating around his head. Some blood was seeping out of a cut on his forehead, his face pale.
Howard collected Vince in his arms and started to swim quickly towards the surface, hoping he wasn’t too late.
Gregg got up slowly and held a hand to his head, feeling a lump forming on the side of it. Bollo stood in front of him, still growling and Naboo walked over to him calmly “You’ve hurt two of my friends today, I’m gonna have to turn my back on you” He turned around so his back faced Gregg, then he faced him again holding his didgarioo. He then blew out some brown powder that landed on the merman’s face and knocked him out.
Naboo and Bollo then turned around when they heard the sound of water splashing. Howard was dragging himself out of the pool, one of his arms around the lifeless body of Vince and the other grasping for large rocks to pull himself up with. Bollo rushed over and helped the two lovers out of the water, while Naboo checked Vince over once he’d been laid on the floor. Howard felt his neck again and found the gills had disappeared, then he knelt next to his lover.
“He has no pluse or heartbeat, Howard” The shaman said, worry in his voice and eyes. Howard gasped in horror and placed his hand on Vince’s neck, trying to fine a pluse. He withdrew his hand when he felt how cold and clammy the goth’s skin was, it was usually so warm and soft. Howard then placed both his hands on Vince’s chest and pushed down hard five times, Then he opened Vince’s mouth and blew air in it. He kept this up for a few minutes, tears of worry dripping down his face.
He decided to do it one last time and if it didn’t work, he would just have to admit that Vince wasn’t coming back. As he finished the CPR, his gothic lover started coughing up water, spluttering and coughing until no more came out. Howard prayed thanks to anyone who was listening and gathered Vince into his arms, rubbing his back until he finished coughing. They just sat there like that, glad to be in each others arms again.
“Howard? God, I was so scared when I saw the water coming towards me, then I hit that rock and darkness came, but I knew I was in trouble somehow. I just didn’t want you to marry that freaky merman” The goth babbled out, tears dripping down his face as he told his fears. Howard just stroked his hair and placed a kiss on his forehead, telling him that they were going to be fine now, he was going to protect Vince now no matter what.
A noise bought them around and they noticed Old Gregg writhing around on the floor, muttering to himself “No, not giant Bailey bottles, not with the Funk as their leader, no, no…” The four of them just looked at him, then made their way back to the submarine (Well, Vince was still weak and Howard had to carry him, not that he minded).
A few months later, Howard found himself the roof of the flat, dressed in his white tuxedo. He paced nervously in front of a table Naboo stood behind, the shaman dressed in his usual blue robes and turban. Two candles were lit and a small shamanic bible lay in-between them.
“What if he says no now, Naboo?” Before the shaman got a chance to say anything, the door leading towards the downstairs opened and Bollo stepped out, holding the door open for Vince to step out. The goth was dressed in the black tuxedo he bought before Gregg kidnapped him, his raven hair straightened and his face covered in his black makeup.
Bollo bought him forwards to the table and Howard held out his hand, which Vince gladly accepted. Naboo smiled at the pair and began the ceramony from his bible. When it ended, the newly-weds kissed passionatly in the moonlight and they lived more happily then ever.