Concussion
Category: The Mighty Boosh
Characters: Howard Moon, Vince Noir
Pairing: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Genre: Humour
Rating: PG
Status: Complete
Length: <1k words
Notes: Yup, it’s time for another dialogue type fic. One that I’ve been holding onto for quite a while.
Concussion by cailenbraern
“Alright?”
“Hey Vince, how’s it going?”
“Not bad, I mean I’ve had the strangest day!”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah! Billy’s off sick so I had to clean out the elephant enclosure. It was mad in there! They’d broken off bits of the fence right? And used their trunks to pick up cups that the public had dropped outside the enclosure. Then they’d made their own skateboards! They were whizzing past me all over the place!”
“Yeah?”
“Hey, have I got any grey hairs?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it was terrifying! I thought the shock may have frightened my hair.”
“Your hair is fine, Vince. Anyway, worrying causes grey hair.”
“I’m not in much danger then, am I?”
“No, sir!”
“So what have you been up to?”
“What have I been up to?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ve been… skiing with Marjorie Biananlana.”
“What? You went skiing with Marjorie Bianalana?”
“Did I?”
“Are you alright, Howard?”
“No. I’m half left!”
“What’s the matter with you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you’re all… weird.”
“Weird?”
“Yeah.”
“How?”
“Ok, right… what’s your favourite… music?”
Howard leans his head back and scrunches his face up in deep thought. Bob Fossil leans out of the window behind them.
“Moon! You haven’t fixed my aerial yet! I thought I told you to do it this morning. I want you up on the roof, pronto! And wear a hat! Your hair’s all weird.”
Fossil goes back into his office while Howard feels his hair with his right hand.
“Howard… your arm’s in a sling.”
Howard looks at his right arm. Vince rolls his eyes.
“The other arm!”
Howard looks at his left arm, yelping in surprise.
“Where did that come from?”
“How can you not know that your arm is in a sling?”
“Well it wasn’t there this morning!”
“Turn around.”
“Why?”
“Just turn around!”
Howard does, and Vince runs his hand though his hair.
“Ow!”
“You’ve got congestion.”
“But I’m breathing fine!”
“You’ve banged your head, it’s all lumpy!”
“That’s concussion Vince, not congestion.”
“It’s great to see that you haven’t forgotten completely who you are.”
“What? I’m Howard Moon! Yeah?”
“What, Howard Moon, Jazz maverick?”
“What?”
“Howard Moon, Genre spanner, colon explorer.”
“What are you on about?”
“I think you better take the afternoon off!”
“Why? What do you mean?”
“You’ve got concussion! You’re all over the shop. And your hair’s sticking out in all directions. You’re a mess!”
“Why have I got concussion?”
“Fossil made you climb up on the roof. He’s mental. That ladder’s been around since Moses. Half the rungs are missing. You have to go up counting in prime numbers. You good with maths?”
“No, I’m not as it happens. Yeah, it wasn’t my best subjects, I was more a creative type than mathematical.”
“Yeah. That explains why you fell off the ladder and hit your head.”
“Did I?”
“Yep.”
“Right then.”
Howard gets up to leave.
“Howard, where are you going?”
“Fossil asked me to fix his aerial. I’m going to get the ladder. Fancy giving me a hand?”
“This is insane. Look Howard, Fossil told me to give you a message.”
“What was it?”
“He said not to worry about the aerial, he was going to get Joey Moose to do it. And he’s giving you the afternoon off.”
“What for?”
“What?
“Why have I got the afternoon off?”
“Oh… for… your outstanding work with… the… hyenas?”
“Really? Wow. I didn’t think anybody noticed that.”
“Hey, you’re a legend around here. Wait there a sec, I’ve got to talk to Fossil then I’ll take you home.”
Vince knocks on the window and Fossil pops his head out again.
“What do you wan—oh it’s you, Vince. Moon, why are you still here?!”
“Mr Fossil, you made Howard climb up the ladder to your roof without assistance. He fell and bashed his head, and twisted his arm or something. He needs medical attention for his congestion.”
“Concussion.”
“Right! Concussion. You’re lucky he probably won’t remember any of this or he’d sue you!”
“Yeah! Wait, who’s Sue?”
“We’re taking the afternoon off. We’ll see you Monday! Come on Howard.”
“What was all that about?”
“What was what about?”
“… I don’t know…”
“Come on. Let’s go to the hospital.”
“Why? What’s wrong with you?”
