Category: The Mighty Boosh
Characters: Vince Noir
Pairing: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Genre: Holiday - Halloween
Warning: Drug Use
Length: 1-5k words
Notes: i made this like two weeks ago, but my friend just gave me the link to this site.
A Booshy Halloween by themightybooshlover
Vince Noir is dancing around the room, “Cars” on the radio, decorating for his favorite holiday, Halloween. Hanging fake cobwebs, putting out jack-o-lanterns, and putting fake, plastic spiders all over the tiny flat. Four bowls of candy on a table, one for trick-or-treaters, the other three for the costume party later that night. Vince finished his decorating by hanging a few more cobwebs on the fireplace and mixing fake spiders into the candy bowls. Admiring his work, he smiled. He turned off the radio, put away unused deorations, and walked into his room. His costume was laying on his bed. He turned on his straightner and set to work on his makeup. He dabbed white makeup all over his face and neck, leaving no fleshy colour. Vince grabbed his eyeliner pencil. He applied the liner evenly. “ Fuck! “ Vince cursed when his hand shook and poked his eye. When he recovered from the painful poke, he put the pencil away. He searched for his fangs in the mess of makeup. Finally finding them under a jar of purple dust, he put them in his mouth. Dabbing fake blood on his teeth and around his mouth, Vince looked in the mirror, smiling at his work. “ Genius.” Vince said to himself. He grabbed his straightner, straightning every strand of hair. Turning off the straightner, he wrapped his cap around his neck. Tying the ribbon into a neat bow. While he was walking out of the room, Howard bumped into him. “ Easy, don’t smudge the makeup.” Vince told him, stepping back quickly to his mirror to check his makeup. “ Your lucky you didnt smudge me.” Vince said. “ Sorry, can I borrow some of your makeup for my costume?” Howard asked. “ You, Howard Moon, are actually dressing up for Halloween?” Vince said. “ Yes. Is it so odd I want to dress up?” Howard asked. “ Very, you didn’t even eat candy last Halloween let alone dress up. Who doesn’t eat candy on Halloween?” Vince asked. “ I don’t, now can I have some of your makeup or not?” Howard asked, losing his patience. “ Yes, fine. Take what you need.” Vince said, stepping aside so Howard could pass by. Howard grabbed a few tubes, jars, and pencils and walked out of Vince’s room. Vince walked back to his mirror, reapplying some fake blood to his fangs.
A few minutes later, Howard walked out of his room. “ What the hell did you do? You look like an old lady!” Vince said, as he looked in horror at Howard’s bad makeup job. “ Vince, I’m supposed to be an old lady.” Howard said. “ You picked a bad costume, mate.” Vince said, shaking his head. “ Why?” Howard asked. “ Your mustache. Old ladies dont have mustaches! Maybe a little lip hair, but not a mustache! If you want to be a grandma, shave it!” Vince said. “ Woah, there! You’re not touching the ‘stache” Howard said, touching his precious mustache. “ What? Why?” Vince asked. “ Because I said so, sir.” Howard said. “ Than change your costume. What have you got in your closet that you could wear?” Vince asked. “ Nothing. Unlike you, I have sensible clothes that couldn’t be mistaken for a Halloween costume!.” Howard said. “ Lets go down to Naboo’s shop and see if he’s got something” Vince said.
Howard and Vince walked down to the Nabootique. “ There’s hardly anything down here. Naboo got cleaned out by Halloween junkies like you.” Howard said. “ Don’t worry, there’s enough to make an awesome costume for you.” Vince said. Vince walked around, examining the items. He picked out a costume for Howard. “ Here, go try these on.” Vince said handing Howard the clothing. Howard went upstairs and Vince grabbed the latest issue of “Cheeckbone” magazine of the counter. Howard descended down the stairs and stared at Vince. “ What the hell are you thinking, Vince? I look like a male hooker.” Howard said, reffering to his costume. Vince gave Howard a tight, pink top, short jean shorts, pink and purple high heels, and a multi-coluored feathered boa. “ I know, that’s what I was goin’ for. Now you don’t have to take of your makeup or shave your moustache.” Vince said, giggling. “ Ha ha, now pick me out a different costume.” Howard told Vince. “ Fine, fine. Hold on.” Vince said, as he got up from his chair. He walked around as he had done previously. Vince grabbed more clothing. “ Here.” Vince said, handing Howard the clothes. Howard went back upstairs. He came down a few minutes later. “ What am I now?” Howard asked. Yet again reffering to his costume. This time, Vince gave had given him brown pants, a brown shirt with a plaid sweatervest, sensible shoes, and a pair of glasses. “ You’re a librarian, the most boring costume I could think of.” Vince said, still reading “ Cheekbone” magazine. “ I don’t want boring, I want fun and scary.” Howard said. “ I did. A cross dressing hooker is fun and quite scary, trust me.” Vince said, giggling. “ Why don’t I just throw a sheet over my head with two eye holes and call myself a ghost?” Howard asked. “ Please, a sheet? I could do a lot better, all we need is a white gown and some of my white makeup.” Vince said. He found a white gown and the two went back upstairs to Vince’s room. “ Sit down and let me work my magic.” Howard sat down on Vince’s bed. Vince got his white makeup and set to work. “ Sit still, Howard.” Vince instructed. “ Why do I even need liner?” Howard asked. “ I’m doing your makeup, trust me you’ll look great.” Vince said, pausing for a moment. He put the end of the pencil between his teeth and smiled. Vince finished his work with a brush of purple dust under Howard’s tiny peepers. “ There, now go put the gown on and hurry. The party starts in a half hour.” Vince said, shoving the gown into Howard’s hands and cheaking his makeup. Vince dabbed more white makeup on his left cheek and around his neck.
Howard walked out of his room and looked at himself in the mirror. He was pleased with his costume. Bollo the ape walked into the room, dressed in a suit with a human mask on. “ Hey, Bollo, nice costume.” Vince said. “Thank you, Vince. Bollo is lawyer.” Bollo said. “ Cool. What’s your human name?” Vince asked. “ Dave.” Bollo said. “ Cool.” Vince said. “Hey, where’s Naboo? I want some potions and lotions to make this party a little more interesting.” Vince said. “ Naboo is in room, stoned. Bollo worry about Naboo, been stoned since six. Not good for little shaman health.” Bollo said. “ Great, typical of Naboo. Stoned when I want him.” Vince said, heading for Naboo’s room. He opened the door and a cloud of smoke greeted him. He backed away, waving the smoky air away from his face. “ Woah, Naboo, go easy on the hookah.” Vince said, coughing. “What the hell do you want, Vince? I’m kinda busy here.” Naboo said. Vince breathed in a lung-full of the smoke and went dizzy for a few seconds. “ Could you cast one of your spells so tonights costume party would be a little more frightning?” Vince asked. “ Sure, whatever,” Naboo said, “ Calla mao ho hilli tie.” Naboo said in Xooberonian tongue. Vince’s plastic teeth suddenly felt a little more hard. He pulled on his fang, they wouldn’t come out. Suddenly, he had the craving for the metallica pang of blood on his tongue. He looked down at his hands, they were now pale white. He had not put makeup on his hands or arms. He also tried to rub off some of the makeup he had put on, it didn’t rub off. Naboo took another puff on his hookah pipe. “ Naboo! What did you do? I can’t get my teeth out!” Vince siad, trying again and again to get the once fake teeth out. “ I made your, Howard’s, and Bollo’s costumes real. Have a Happy bloody Halloween, Vince. The spell ends at midnight.” Naboo said, returning to his pipe. Vince walked out to the front room, Howard walking through doors and walls, and Bollo sitting on a chair, cellphone to his now fleshy,non-hairy ear “ I’m very impatient, I need the information now!” Bollo, Dave, still talked like a human now. Howard, who is now transparent, is walking through chairs, walls, doors, anything he could. “ Howard, Naboo changed us into our Halloween costume. Let’s go out and cause some havoc.” Vince said, with a devious smile on his face. Vince stepped back and stared at the blank mirror in front of him. “ Cool.” Vince said, baring his fangs.
Vince and Howard went around Dalston, scaring all the trick-or-treaters and adults they could find. They were very unsuccessful in there attempts to scare. “ Howard, this is boring. Let’s go back to the flat. We’re missing our own costume party.” Vince said, twirling his cape. “ Alright, fine.” Howard said. They were walking in the direction of the flat, when Vince suddenly had another strong craving for blood. “ Howard, I need to find someone to bite. I just have this weird, strong craving. Just one little bite, one tiny droplet of blood, and I will be fine.” Vince told Howard, staring at is neck. “ Woah there, Dracula. I’m a ghost, and your best mate.” Howard said. “ I don’t care, I want blood.” Vince said. He started running for Howard’s neck. Howard didn’t flinch, Vince ran right through Howard. “ I told you I’m a ghost, you idiot.” Howard said, turning around to look at Vince. “ Fine, I’m off to find a victim.” Vince said, running off into the night. “ Vince, wait. You idiot, we’re having a costume party. Tons of people, plenty of necks to bite.” Howard yelled at Vince. “ Oh, yeah.” Vince said, stopping in his tracks. Vince turned around and joined Howard walking back to the flat.
Howard and Vince walked up the stairs to the flat, a party raging in the front room. Bollo, Dave, still sitting on the same chair as before, talking on his cellphone. “ You’re really pissing me off! Get the information now or you’re fired!” Bollo said, then hanging up. The DJs are Saboo and Tony Harrison. Vince scanned the room full of people he could prey on, Howard went off to scare more people. Vince locked on a woman dressed as frankenstein’s bride, he ran across the room. He was about to about to bite her, when she turned around. “ Oh, hey, Vince. Nice costume.” the woman said. “ Yes, thank you. Let us go back to my room.” Vince said. “ I have a boyfriend, jerkoff.” She said, walking away very angry. Vince found another victim. One who could not see him when he approached, Lester Corncrake. Vince walked near Lester, about to attack, when a witch grabbed him by the hand and started slow dancing with him. “ Damn.” Vince said to himself. He slow danced untill the song ended, then he asked the witch to accompany him to his room. She accepted, and let Vince take her off to his room. Vince did not notice the time on the clock, eleven fifty-eight. Vince closed the door behind him. Eleven fifty-nine The two sat on the bed. They leaned in for a kiss. Two inches from her lips, Vince dodged her lips and went for her neck. But, before he stuck his teeth in her neck, the clock struck midnight. The spell wore off immedietly. Vince was no longer a vampire, Howard was no longer a ghostly spirit, and Bollo was no longer Dave the lawyer. Vince bit the witch on the neck with just his plastic fangs. “ Ow, you berk! What was that for?” the witch said, as she shot up from the bed and headed out of the room. Howard, who has not scared a soul, is still attempting to. Not realizing he is his fleshy, human self once more. “ Fuck off.” a devil told Howard. “ Go away, creep.” a guy dressed as wolfman said. Vince went out into the front room and found Howard. “ Howard, the spell wore off. You’re not a ghost anymore.” Vince told him. “ Damn, I was just about to scare someone good.” Howard said. “ Whatever, Howard. Let’s party!” Vince said. We leave the whole room dancing to “Cars”, Bollo getting angry calls from a guy in jail he claimed was “Dave’s” client, and Naboo crashed out in his smoke-filled room.
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