Fish & Chips
Category: Real Person Fic
Characters: Julian Barratt, Noel Fielding
Pairing: Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt
Genre: Character Study/Reflection, Humour
Rating: PG
Status: Complete
Length: <1k words
Notes: Yes. I was just a little bit bored and told alicia to give me a fanfic to write. She gave me: “Noel gets a job at a fish and chip shop… a lightbulb breaks when Julian visits him… and it ends in sex.” This is what happened. 500 words exactly, which was part of the challenge.
Fish & Chips by Kewen
“You’ll wear this.” A pair of white trousers and a shapeless jacket was thrust at him, and he stared down at it mournfully. This was fashion suicide.
Roy took a final drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out on the filthy counter. “You’ll work ‘ere til ten tonight. An’ then seven tomorrow, yeah?”
Noel still couldn’t believe he’d done this for a bet. He’d honestly thought Julian wouldn’t have the courage to wear his Rudi “dress” down Oxford Street… But in their defence they had been very, very drunk.
But working in a chip shop? That was taking the piss. Noel looked like a large white sausage. There was no shape to his body, and if it weren’t for his hair all of his features would have blended into one. This was embarrassing.
When it was nearing ten his feet were hurting and he had burnt himself in several places. The smell of chip fat was making him nauseous and he wanted to go home and curl up with Julian. Although, he schemed wickedly, Julian now owed him for this. There were several intimate items of clothing he refused to wear in the bedroom, and this was just the excuse he needed…
Roy left Noel to shut the shop up, which Noel thought was unfair, not to mention dangerous. Hauling bags of frozen chips into the store room. He fumbled for the light, which came on for the briefest of seconds before buzzing and going out entirely.
He swore and reached for the light, in doing so dropping the bag he was carrying onto his foot, adding to the injuries he’d acquired after his first day of proper work in over a decade.
He was distracted from the pain in his toes when he heard someone walk into the shop. “We’re closed,” he yelled, “go away!”
“Noel?” the voice was familiar. A few seconds later, Julian’s shadow appeared in the doorway, illuminated by the lampposts and car headlamps from the street, making him look just a tad scary.
“The light just broke.” Noel hated the way his voice came out as a whine, and hated even more the way he could just sense Julian smirking at him.
“I just came to see how you were doing, I suppose you’ll want a bit of help?” there was a definite hint of amusement in his voice, but Noel was too exhausted to make a fuss.
But Julian didn’t do anything to help, choosing instead to rest his hand deliberately on Noel’s thigh.
“Can’t we wait to get back to the flat?” he protested half-heartedly as his friend’s fingers traced patterns through his stained and smelly uniform, and silencing any other protests he might have had with a rough kiss.
Noel was glad he’d wiped the surfaces of the shop earlier that afternoon as he was lifted by strong arms and dumped onto the counter.
He wrapped his arms around Julian’s neck and hoped Roy didn’t come back to check on him…
