After The Glitter Fades.

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each chapter is named after the song that inspired it - includes how 'The Tears' was written.

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As The World Falls Down – David Bowie

Contents

As The World Falls Down – David Bowie

Julian feels rejected…
I woke alone on my floor, cuddled up to the crumpled shirt which, at first, I had thought was Noel. I yawned and reached out, expecting my finger-tips to touch him at any moment, and feel the relief and warmth flooding over me.

When I didn’t, I opened my eyes lazily, and glanced around the room. I couldn’t see him anywhere, so I called out, “Noel?”, my voice cracking slightly after all the shouting the previous day. There was no reply, and I couldn’t hear anything but the street traffic buzzing outside my window. He was gone, leaving no trace that he had ever been there, except the lingering smell of sugar and sex and cigarettes on the carpet beside me, and patch of dried blood on my shirt from when he’d used it as a pillow. What was going on?

I sat up, suddenly afraid to be without him, and pulled the shirt on over my head hurriedly, breathing in his heady aroma as I did so despite myself. He had left, left me there alone in the cold apartment. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t take it. I needed to be with him now more than ever, needed to smell him, to taste him, to feel his warmth, and gaze deep into those huge, expressive eyes. Now, and for the rest of my life. I loved him! I thought he loved me…

I could feel hot tears stinging my eyes and blurring my vision for what seemed like the hundredth time over the last three days as I called out to him once again, though I swear my voice was incoherent.

I began to realise just how cold I felt, and pulled the blanket we had slept on tighter around my shoulders, but it did nothing to warm me. It wasn’t the coldness of the room that I could feel chilling me ‘til I was no more than a solid, frozen statue.

Suddenly, I heard a bang outside my front door, followed by a loud “Fuck!” I stood up instantly, stumbling slightly as I attempted to untangle myself from the blanket, and ran for the door. Please, let him have gone to the shops. Let it be him bringing me coffee or breakfast from the café. Let it be him…

I flung the door open. It was him.

But he wasn’t clutching coffee or bagels, he wasn’t even looking at me. He was half way down the stairs, and had banged his shin against the railings. He was standing there rubbing his leg and cursing. He hadn’t heard the door open, or me coming out into the hallway. He was trying to sneak away, pretend it had never happened.

He didn’t love me, and now he couldn’t even look at me. I had lost him forever. I felt as though my world was crashing down around me, leaving me standing in an empty space, with no one to love, and no one who loved me. No one who cared. Every fibre of my being was wrenching at me, my mind screaming for me to run down to him, grab him, fall onto my knees before him and plead with him to stay! Anything! But I couldn’t even breath, let alone move or call down to him.

I watched in frozen silence as he stood up again, and, without looking back, walked out the door at the bottom of the stairs, letting it swing slowly shut behind him. I ran back inside the flat, not bothering to even shut the door. I rushed to the window, leaning my head against the cold glass as I watched him walk down the street, hail a cab, and drive away from me.

I collapsed into a frenzied fit of tears, clawing at the window and sobbing out a string of words that didn’t fit, as I slid down onto the floor, unable to handle what was happening.

There’s such a sad love deep in your eyes.
A kind of pale jewel open and closed
Within your eyes.
I’ll place the sky within your eyes.

There’s such a fooled heart beating so fast
In search of new dreams, a love that will last
Within your heart.
I’ll place the moon within your heart.

As the pain sweeps through,
Makes no sense for you.
Every thrill is gone,
Wasn’t too much fun at all.
But I’ll be there for you,
As the world falls down.

Falling, falling, falling in love.

I’ll paint you mornings of gold, I’ll spin you Valentine evenings.
Though we’re strangers til now,
We’re choosing the path between the stars.
I’ll leave my love between the stars.

As the pain sweeps through,
Makes no sense for you.
Every thrill is gone,
Wasn’t too much fun at all.
But I’ll be there for you,
As the world falls down.

As the world falls down.
As the world falls down.

Falling, falling, falling in love
As the world falls down.

Falling, falling, falling in love
As the world falls down.

Makes no sense at all.
Makes no sense to fall.
As the world falls down.
Falling, falling in love
As the world falls down.
Falling, falling, falling in love,
As the world falls down.