Where Did You Stay Last Night?

Claire's spent the night at Nathan's and Dan's convinced he fucked her. Therefore Nathan must die.


Characters: , ,



Warning: , ,


Length: words

Notes: Slight non-con. Lots of swearing. This fic begins right at the end of episode 3 (aka as the one where Nathan gets Claire into bed but fucks it up by rapping at her).

Where Did You Stay Last Night? by thymeth

Claire came up the street towards him.

“Hi,” Dan said.

“Alright, Dan?” she said. She seemed very pleased with herself.

“Yes,” Dan answered, “Where did you stay last night?”

“Nathan’s,” she answered as if it were the most natural thing in the world, “I’ll see you later.” And she left him. Left him standing there convulsing in horror and disgust.

How could she?

How the fuck could she have stayed the night with an idiot?

She was doing this to spite him. She was doing this to get back at him for that camera business.

Women! They always had to make such a fuss out of everything. He had said he was sorry, hadn’t he? Or had he? He had, right? Anyway, he’d let Jonatton and Nathan dress him up in that ridiculous costume, hadn’t he?

“Yeah!” he answered, almost spewing the words after her, “Oh! Oh!” He shivered as he watched her continue up the street.

His beautiful sister who could have anyone she wanted had ended up fucking an idiot.

Dan shivered again. This was too much to bear.

Nathan would have to pay for this.

Dan rang Nathan’s bell and waited impatiently for the door to open, rocking backwards and forwards on the balls of his toes.

Nathan had to die. Die painfully.

The door opened, revealing a messy-haired Nathan in a very loud green t-shirt.

“Hey! Preacher Man!” he said, “Fucking Dan Ashcroft at my door. Dude!”

“Shut up, Barley,” Dan snapped and pushed past him, “I heard a rumour Claire spent the night here.”

Nathan stared at him a moment before closing the door.

“You wanna come in, yeah?”

Dan didn’t answer but followed Nathan into the kitchen.

“So?” he said.

“So what?”


“Oh, yeah,” Nathan said and stretched his arms above his head, almost showing off his stomach, “Yeah, she did the moon-walk. I fucked her in the arse.”

Dan stared at him, frozen to the spot.

“You did what?”

Nathan rolled his eyes at him.

“Her bumhole, my cock,” he said slowly, forming a circle with his thumb and index finger and driving the other index finger through it, in and out, “Fuck, fuck.”

Dan could not believe this. His sister!

And before he quite knew what he was doing, he had Nathan pinned to the wall, hand around his neck, glaring at him.

“You’re dead, Barley,” he hissed, “I’m gonna slice you up and sell you on eBay.”

“Look, Dan, man,” Nathan spluttered, his arms flailing wildly, “I didn’t fuck her, dude, I didn’t, I swear.”

“Don’t you be trying to get your arse out of it like that,” Dan said.

“I didn’t fuck her, I swear!” Nathan stammered, his eyes panicking, “I hardly touched her!”

“Stop lying, Barley. ‘Hardly touched her’ isn’t good enough.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Nathan wheezed, “I’m sorry, Dan. Let me go. Please let me go.”

“You’re ruining my life,” Dan said, finding a perverse pleasure in seeing Nathan so helpless, “You’re gonna pay.”

He smashed Nathan into the wall again and tightened the grip on his throat. He could feel Nathan’s pulse under his thumb and Adam’s apple moving frantically against his palm. A couple more squeezes just there…

Dan didn’t know how to kill anyone. He could give it a go, though. It would mean a hell of a lot of explaining to be done afterwards…

He frowned to himself. He supposed he could just give Nathan a good kicking.

Then something warm touched his face and he looked up find Nathan grinning between wheezes. His hands were on Dan’s cheeks.

And suddenly Nathan lunged forward and smashed his mouth into his and before Dan could react, Nathan’s tongue had slipped between his lips and was roaming his mouth.

Dan wrenched himself away and smashed Nathan back against the wall.

What the fuck?!

Nathan was grinning now, lips red and swollen.

Dan stared at him. What was going on in that head?

“Yeah,” Nathan said, nodding, seeming very pleased with himself.

And Dan understood. Nathan thought something drastic like this would unsettle him, did he? Well, two can play at that game. He was the one calling the shots around here. He would not let Nathan dictate where this was going.

He tightened his grip on Nathan’s throat again and leant forward and kissed him. Nathan gasped and tried to pull away, but Dan held him in place, sucking on his lower lip and biting it, letting his tongue wander Nathan’s warm mouth.

Nathan’s breath was growing faster and one of his hands crept to Dan’s arse.

Dan could have none of that. He grabbed Nathan’s wrist and pinned it above his head. But almost instantly Nathan’s other hand splayed out on Dan’s arse, two of the fingers almost slipping between his thighs.

And pulled Dan close.

And this time it was Dan who gasped.

Nathan was hard.

He was enjoying it, the prick.

Dan would show him. Show him what it was like being fucked in the arse. And just the thought of it, combined with Nathan’s tongue in his mouth, Nathan’s hand on his arse and Nathan’s erection at his hip, intoxicated him completely and he grew hard in a matter of seconds.

He pressed himself against Nathan, drawing a moan from him. His shirt was suddenly much too warm.

He sucked on Nathan’s tongue a final time and broke the kiss. His trousers were too tight, hard material rubbing against his erection.

“Hey, Preach,” Nathan began.

“Shut up,” Dan answered, “Strip.”

Nathan looked up at him, a hint of fear in his eyes now.

“Don’t you understand?” Dan snapped, “Trousers down.”

He needed this. He needed him, to fuck him, to revenge himself on him. To hurt him.

Nathan met his eyes, pleadingly, but began fiddling with his flies anyway.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Dan exasperated. He wrenched Nathan’s hands away and pulled his trousers and pants down.

“Dan,” Nathan gasped, “You’re not…”

“Shut up,” Dan answered, “On the table.”

“Dan, please…” Nathan pleaded. But Dan didn’t listen, just grabbed him by the arms and pulled him to the kitchen table and bent him over it.

And Nathan didn’t protest.

Dan unzipped his trousers and pulled them down quicker than he’d ever done before.

He ran his hand up Nathan’s arse and up his back, pushing the t-shirt out of the way, feeling the soft skin beneath his fingers.

“Dan,” Nathan moaned as Dan’s hands returned to his arse, “I don’t…”

“You don’t what?” Dan asked, almost whispering, leaning over him, “You don’t know what it’s like being fucked in the arse? You fucked my sister.”

Dan had the power, Nathan was his. He could do what he wanted.

“Technically…” Nathan began, but Dan wrapped his hand around his cock, “Oh!”

“Or didn’t you?”



“But surely you’ve had someone stick their fingers up your arse.” Dan tightened his hold on Nathan’s erection and watched him shiver.

“Er, yeah?”

Dan trailed a finger, feather-light, down Nathan’s spine and between his legs.

“So you haven’t?”

Nathan’s knees buckled.

“Once. Only once,” he stuttered.

Dan grinned. Nathan wasn’t as well-versed in the world as he tried to pretend.

Dan spat in his hand and slicked himself. It didn’t help much.

But this was only Nathan. Why should he care?

He pushed in, roughly and Nathan let out a sound half-way between a moan and a whimper.

He was here. Nathan Barley was here, bent over the table for him. The idiot who’d made the last few weeks of his life hell was here, helpless.

Dan rammed in harder. God, that was good!

Nathan groaned beneath him, wriggling in pain, but Dan couldn’t care. Warm, tight and almost-painful friction clawed at his cock, making him forget everything, as if he was transferring all his anger and frustration to Nathan like some sort of post-modern exorcism.

He pushed further, pinching Nathan’s hips, holding him in place. Not that he needed to, really; Nathan wouldn’t be leaving any time soon, he’d dropped his head on his arms on the table, whimpering.

Dan hated him. Hated him so much. He deserved this.

A final thrust sent him over the edge with a groan.

“Oh, god, Nathan,” he breathed.

“You like that, yeah?” Nathan answered thickly. Dan would have frozen hadn’t his body been twitching almost by itself, still riding the orgasm.


He’d liked it! He’d liked fucking Nathan. Nathan!

Fucking hell, what had he gotten himself into?

Dan jerked away and pulled up his trousers. He had to leave. He rushed out of the door, leaving Nathan still bent over the table, trousers around his ankles.

“Hey, Preacher Man,” Ned called as Dan came up the stairs to the office. Dan ignored him and sat down at his desk, nodding at Sasha who pointed at the clock.

He knew he was late. He had had to go home, he couldn’t have come in here still sticky from… from that… thing that had just happened. Not that the shower had helped much; Nathan’s words still polluted his mind.

“Hey,” Ned said as he and Rufus came over, “Is it true?”

“Is what true?”

“What Barley wrote on his webpage.”

“What did he write?” Dan asked, rolling his eyes. He wasn’t interested.

“He said you bummed him?” Rufus said, as if it was a question.


“Yeah, that you bummed in the arse?” Ned said.

“Yeah, like fucked him in the arse?” Rufus said.

“Yeah, like arse-fucked him?” Ned said and laughed his empty-headed laugh, “He says it’s like the coolest thing ever.”

Oh, god!

Dan hid his face in his hands. This was not good.

Ned had already found the video and peering from between his fingers, Dan could see Nathan’s face grinning at him. He was in the kitchen, just a few minutes after Dan had left, from the looks of him.

“What’s up, fuckwits?” he said, still grinning manically, “You’ll never guess what the fuck just happened! Dan Ashcroft, fucking Dan Ashcroft, the Preacher Man himself, just fucked me! He fucked me in the arse! Well lethal! Laters, virgins!” And the screen went black.

Ned and Rufus were laughing and Dan looked up to see Jonatton looking at him with the usual moronic expression on his face.

“Fucked him, yeah? Cool and shit? Write an article about it?”

Dan left then.

Before he really knew what he was doing, he found himself ringing the bell to Trashbat Industries.

Claire opened the door.


“Well, I hope you’re happy,” he snapped, pushing past, “Where’s Nathan? I’m going to kill him.”

“He’s not come in yet,” she said, “What’s going on, Dan?”

“Have you seen the thing on his page?”

He sat down at Nathan’s desk and turned on his computer.

“That’s… Nathan’s computer…” Pingu tired but Dan ignored him and played the clip for Claire.

“Is that true?” she asked when it finished, “You fucked Nathan?”

“Look who’s talking,” he answered sullenly.

“I didn’t fuck him,” Claire said, snapping Dan out of his trance.


“I didn’t fuck him,” she repeated, “What kind of person do you think I am?”

“Oh, god,” he breathed and let his head drop down on the keyboard, “Oh, god.”

But then suddenly an idea hit him.

Less than two hours after Nathan posted the video where he told the world he’d been fucked by Dan, another video appeared on his webpage.

A stubbled, messy-haired, frowning man sat behind a desk, eyeing the camera darkly.

“Hello, idiots,” he said, “I’m Dan Ashcroft. Or as you tits know me: the “Preacher Man”. I just want to say that yes, I fucked Nathan Barley in the arse and that it’s the worst bloody shag I’ve ever had. Now fuck off!”

And the screen went black.

+ posts