Category: The Mighty Boosh
Pairing: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Length: 1-5k words
Notes: The events will not be in the right order. For instance, this is the meeting of the jazz maverick and the beautiful, electro poof/Goth fairy/king of the mods/self-proclaimed prince of Camden, but next chapter might be their birth or death or troubled teenage years. I don’t know. We’ll see what I feel like writing.
When 2 Halves became 1 by nicki_baybee
Author’s Notes: The events will not be in the right order. For instance, this is the meeting of the jazz maverick and the beautiful, electro poof/Goth fairy/king of the mods/self-proclaimed prince of Camden, but next chapter might be their birth or death or troubled teenage years. I don’t know. We’ll see what I feel like writing.
I met him when he’d just moved down from Leeds. Just 18 years old and already a jazz freak. AND he had a pathetic excuse for a moustache. I think I was 15, something like that. Anyway, I was on this school trip thing to this zoo (biology study), and that was when I saw him for the first time. He was in a trance, a jazz trance! I was going to go up and try and snap him out of it but the teacher called me along quickly. He found me later, talking to the iguana. He couldn’t tell what I was saying though. THANK GOD! I was telling the iguana that I thought this guy was quite sexy. Well, that and how Gary Numan’s a pop star but he’s got a pilot’s licence. I mean, that’s a complete icebreaker. But anyway, there I was, and there he was. I suddenly felt an urge to just go over there and snog him. And, well, you know me. I follow my urges.
I got up from where I was crouching. I’m sure I heard the iguana say “go on, do it.” So I did. He was so shocked. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was even his first kiss. I stopped for a split second, took a pen out of his pocket, wrote my number on his arm and kissed him again. God only knows what we would’ve ended up doing if my class hadn’t chosen that specific point to come through the door.
That was when the bullying started. Most of the guys at my school were pricks, thick pricks, and they couldn’t even be dignified about that ‘cause, if there’s anything worse than a thick prick, it’s a thick homophobic prick. They punched me, kicked me, Hurt me. One guy nearly raped me. I fought him off, just, but he still said, “Bet you liked that didn’t you, you fucking faggot!”
I went back to the Zooniverse. He found me crying on a bench. I told him everything. I told him my name was Vince Noir. He introduced himself as Howard Moon. Then he said, “Well, there’s a job here. You get free accommodation and quite a good wage. GCSE’s aren’t exactly important anyway.” The moment I said, “Okay”, was the moment I knew. The moment I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with him.
End Notes: So what do you think? Should I carry on or shrivel up and die in HELL! Review please. Go on, just click the little button in the corner.
4th June 1985 – Camden
Mr. And Mrs. Noir had been trying to have a baby for all of 3 weeks when she found out she was pregnant. Then, 9 months later, in their amazingly coloured bedroom, in a small flat, I came along. From what I could get out of my mother, I believe the birth was practically painless. She said I was seriously small though. That might be why. I opened my big blue eyes and saw a brilliant sight. Candles, glitter, a Gary Numan poster on the wall, genius. All of this with a small double bed JUST crammed into the room. My parents told me later they wanted to spoil me, by giving me the bigger bedroom. Quite lucky they decided to do that really considering the size of the wardrobe I ended up saving up for. It took me 3 months (working – every night after school and all weekend – and pocket money) before I could afford it. Even than I had to assemble it myself. I liked being young. It was so simple. Actually, it was simple until I met Howard. Then love made my life so complicated. But I can’t tell him. I just can’t…
6th September 1982 – Leeds
Mr. And Mrs. Moon were quite young when they got married, but very respectable people. Both into jazz, both teachers – Mr. Moon taught Geography, Mrs. Moon taught Maths. My mum said that giving birth was the most painful thing in the world, and she was glad she’d had a boy because she didn’t want her baby to go through that pain. My passion for jazz-rock fusion led me down to Camden when I was just 17. I got a job in a Zooniverse and met a rather annoying electro idiot. I liked being young. It was so simple. Actually, it was simple until I met Vince. Then love made my life so complicated. But I can’t tell him. I just can’t…
End Notes: So what do you think? Please Review! Even favourite it if you want?!
Author’s Notes: A/N – Sorry, I’ve had writers block. But I’ve got chapter 4 in the works already.
Dedicated to my Maths Homework, without whom I would not have been bored enough to break my promise of not turning on my computer.
Disclaimer: NOT MINE!!
As usual I woke up first, but this was a record even for me.
3 o’clock. And that’s AM! But I wanted to look perfect.
I crept over to my wardrobe and opened it, silently begging the doors not to creak.
Of course, me begging them meant they had to do it.
Fortunately it didn’t wake him.
I stood there sorting though my clothes until 4:20 before finally choosing an outfit.
Skinny black jeans (yeah, the practically sprayed on ones, don’t really leave much to the imagination but, hey!, that’s the point.
And, no, I can’t fit any underwear in there.), a red t-shirt (plain for once), a seriously cool black, diamante-studded jacket and some black shimmer-y boots.
I took my stuff and locked myself in the bathroom.
I was in there till 7, when I heard Howard wake up.
I heard him go into the kitchen and decided to make my entrance.
I felt 3 pairs of eyes (Howard’s Naboo’s and Bollo’s) turn towards me as I did.
I met Howard’s with a twinkle in mine.
Once a year, every year, he lets me touch him.
Just to give him a “Christmas hug”.
I’m gonna save it for later though, and take advantage.
We sat on the sofa.
Me, curled up, leaning on his chest, his arm around my shoulders.
I watched as the clock turned slowly to 11:59.
I raised my head up an looked at him levelly.
I felt the urge again.
Like the one so many years ago, when I was 15.
I leaned in, and our lips met as the clock chimed 00:00.
“Merry Christmas, Howard.”
“Merry Christmas, Vince.”
And d’ya know what?
It was the best Christmas I’ve ever had.
Author’s Notes: Disclaimer: I am not Mr. F. or Mr. B. sooooo… you figure the rest out.
WOAH! I’m completely off my tits on drink, sex and… okay, I might have tried a teensy bit of drugs. One spliff. Nothing else. Apart from an Ecstasy tablet. And I snorted some coke. And me and Leroy may have injected some heroin. But nothing else! My hand’s shaking all over the place as I write. I’m gonna find Howard, tell him I don’t feel well.
I had to take you to hospital. The nurses say you might die from the amount of drugs you took. I spoke to Leroy as well. He said he wasn’t with you all evening. Said he was with his new girlfriend instead of at your 25th birthday party.
They say you, MY Vince, my precious beautiful Vince, are in a coma. You’re on fucking life-support machines. This isn’t like you. My sunshine kid.
2 months later…
“See, the thing is Vince. I mean, I don’t want them to. But they’re going to switch off the machines keeping you alive. But, I don’t think I could live with myself if I let you die before I told you this… I’m in love with you, Vince. I think I always have been.”
That was when your eyes snapped open.