Velcro & Poppers
Category: The Mighty Boosh
Characters: Howard Moon, Vince Noir
Pairing: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Genre: Fluff, PWP (porn without plot)
Warning: Smut (graphic sex scenes)
Length: 1-5k words
Velcro & Poppers by samjen
“Howard. Howard. Howard. Howard. Howard. Howard”
Howard continued to read his newspaper, trying his best to ignore Vince’s repeated calls for his attention. There was a particularly interesting article about Eastern European film making that he was keen to finish. All right, so he didn’t really understand anything that the writer was trying to say but he was sure that it must be interesting and, besides, it was the kind of article he felt that a man such as himself should be reading. So whatever Vince wanted his attention for would have to wait.
“Howard. Howard. HOWARD. HOWARD. HOWARD” The final shouted calls eventually forced Howard up from his paper, deciding that he’d get no peace until he let Vince say whatever mindless drivel he was so keen to share. Perhaps sharing another stupid idea. What was the last one? Oh yes, he remembered ‘In the fridge, when the door’s closed, do you think that the food and the drink are like rival gangs? Like something out of West Side Story, the orange juice and the butter are in love but the others just won’t accept it?’
“What d’ya think of my outfit?”
Howard looked Vince up and down once over and said “It’s your mirrorball catsuit. I’ve seen it before. In fact, I think you might be loosing your touch little man, it’s not like you to wear the same outfit twice.”
He made a show of moving back to his newspaper but Vince, keen to keep Howard’s attention now that he had finally got it, replied quickly.
“It’s my mirrorball catsuit Mark II. The all new and improved mirrorball catsuit.”
Howard made no comment, just raised a skeptical eyebrow as Vince continued.
“The original catsuit was pretty amazing, but it was bit of a nightmare to get on and off, all that having to twist your arm up your back to reach the zip.”
“Vince, how would you know? You always got me to zip the bloody thing up.”
And unzip it too sometimes. They both thought this, but neither of them said it.
“Well, anyway” Vince continued “the genius of the Mark II outfit is velcro.”
“Velcro? Surely that’ll be just as awkward. I mean you said yourself it wasn’t the zip that was the problem, it was having to reach up along your back.”
“I’m way ahead of you there. Look.”
He proceeded to turn to the side and pull at the material just below his neck. With that familiar velcro sound a sequined flap at the front came apart from the back of the suit, revealing a milky white shoulder.
“See, the velcro’s down the sides. Essentially what you’ve got is two halves of a suit joined together at the sides with velcro. So I can just pull at the neck and the whole suit will split in two. Genius.”
Howard realised he’d be staring a Vince’s exposed shoulder for too long and, flustered, dragged his eyes back to Vince’s who was smiling at him, clearly pleased with himself for this new breakthrough on the sewing machine.
“Well, I can see how that’ll make it easier to get it off, but won’t it be a bit tricky putting it on? Getting all the velcro to align down your arms, sides and legs?”
“Hmm, yeah, it did take me quite a while to put it on this morning. But I figure you can always help me with that. The important thing is being able to get out of it quickly. Like, if I’m upstairs in the flat with a goth girl or a Camden dollybird I won’t have to be messing around with any complicated mechanisms.”
“A zip is hardly compli-”
“It”ll be just one quick pull and then the suit’s on the floor. It’s like you and your poppers.”
“Yeah, the poppers on your shirt.”” Howard instinctively raised a hand to his shirt as Vince continued “No messing around with buttons. Just one quick pull and the shirt’s open.”
They both fell to silence, each thinking about how quickly the other could get naked. Finally a customer came in and broke the silence. From the look of her she’d be one of Vince’s customers. He could already hear him telling her about the velcro catsuit and her giggling in return.
Howard turned his attention to Stationery Village which was in dire need of a tidy-up. The sellotape tree was a full quarter of a inch out of place, just how did it get in such a mess he wondered. He worked on it for a few minutes and then chuckled quietly and happily to himself when he was finally satisfied that each item was exactly where it should be.
His mind then turned to Vince and his, what did he call it, Mirrorball Catsuit Mark II? Unbidden the thought of ripping the catsuit off Vince came into his mind. He quickly tried to push it away, only for it to be replaced by the thought of Vince popping open Howard’s shirt.
These kind of thoughts were not that new to Howard. At least not since his birthday party. Since they’d shared that rooftop kiss thoughts like that popped into Howard’s head alarmingly often. He wondered if Vince ever thought about the kiss. Probably not he admitted.
Later, after they had shut up the shop, or more accurately after he’d shut up the shop, (Vince having said he had to finish up early to get ready for a night out) they were alone in the flat.
From the kitchen where he was making tea Howard could hear the sound of velcro as Vince, sitting on the sofa, played with the cuff of his catsuit.
Howard walked through to the living room and said “I thought you were going out.”
“Yeah I was, but, um, I think I might just have a night in instead.”
“But you never have nights in.”
Vince looked up at Howard as he sat himself down on the armchair cradling his cup of tea. There was a strange expression on Vince’s face. Howard could usually tell what Vince was thinking, reasoning that he was too shallow to be anything other than an open book. But this was a look he was unfamiliar with.
“I thought it might be nice to have a night in, you know, just us. Thought we could have a few drinks, listen to some music.”
Howard quickly gulped down his tea too quickly, burning his throat on the way down. Vince never wanted to have a night in. Especially not with him, but Howard wasn’t going to miss an opportunity to spend more time with his friend.
Three hours and countless drinks later they were sitting together on the sofa, drunk and giggly, reminiscing about past adventures.
“Remember that time we found the funk?” Vince asked.
“Remember?” Howard replied. “How could I forget. I was nearly molested by that sea-freak.”
“Yeah, till me and Naboo rescued you.”
“And then a week later you swapped the funk for a Gary Numan poster.”
“Ha, yeah” Vince giggled “I’d forgotten that. But it was a great poster.”
A moments silence. Then Vince, feigning nonchalance, asked.
“Remember your birthday party? The Head Shamen wanted to kill me.”
“Of course I remember it, it was only a few weeks ago.”
“Remember what we had to do to prove to him I wasn’t after his wife?” Vince had sidled up beside Howard on the sofa as he asked the question.
Howard felt as though the temperature in the room had just risen about 20 degrees. So Vince had thought about their kiss. Where was his question going? Did, did he want to kiss again? Don’t get your hopes up Moon. All these thoughts going through Howard’s mind, he realised he hadn’t answered the question.
Vince had how placed his hand on Howard’s knee and said “Do you remember Howard, on the rooftop, what we did?”
He nodded quickly, a sharp intake of breath as Vince moved his hand up Howard’s leg.
“I remember too. I liked it. Did you like it?”
Howard nodded again.
Vince moved even closer, bringing his other hand up to Howard’s collar, pulling at it so the top popper came undone.
“Would you like to do it a-”
Before Vince could finish the question Howard had pulled him closer pressing their lips together. This kiss was different to their first one, Howard’s first kiss, where Vince had taken the lead and he and just tried to hold on as a rush of new feelings exploded through him. New feelings towards his friend. But this time Howard knew what he was doing, or at least he hoped he did, and Vince certainly seemed to be enjoying it judging by the little moans and gasps he was making as Howard’s tongue pushed into his mouth.
Vince pulled back and with a delighted look tugged at Howard’s shirt which came apart with a satisfying series of pops. Vince’s mouth was then on Howard’s chest, nibbling at his collarbone, then licking and sucking each nipple while his hands trailed down over his stomach and skirted under the waistband of his trousers. Howard’s hands were coursing through Vince’s hair, reveling in the sensations before pulling him back up for another kiss, this time hard and fierce both tongues fighting for dominance.
Vince continued to work his fingers under Howard’s waistband, before moving to unbutton and unzip. Howard gasped when he felt his friend’s hand make contact with his cock. Hardening it even further than he thought was possible.
He pulled at the neck of Vince’s catsuit breaking the kiss to watch as the two halves of material fell apart exposing the skin down to his naval. Vince pulled them both to their feet and quickly pulled down Howard’s trousers and pants. Howard continued to pull at the sequined catsuit until the two pieces were lying separate on the floor He had to conclude that Vince had been right. Velcro was a genius idea.
Both naked and fully aroused Vince pushed Howard back onto the sofa and wrapped his hand firmly round Howard’s cock. Moving steadily up and down the shaft as Howard groaned and bucked into his fist in response.
“Oh god, Vince. Faster.”
Vince obliged, leaning down to pepper kisses up Howard’s neck and jaw. It wasn’t long before he felt Howard grab him by the shoulders and tense up, and Vince felt the hot stickiness against his fist as Howard climaxed, his breaths shallow and uneven.
Vince gave Howard a moment or two to get his breath back before, pointedly, taking his hand and placing it over his own cock. Howard didn’t need any further encouragement. The angle felt a bit weird at first, as Howard was only used to doing this to himself, but he quickly set up a rhythm as Vince spluttered words out, not able to form complete sentences.
“God.. So good…”
Howard rubbed his thumb over the head of Vince’s cock causing the younger man to squeal in pleasure. Wow he thought to himself. I’m doing this to Vince. I made him hard and now I’m making him writhe about. I want to do more.
He took his hand off Vince’s cock and got down off the sofa. He heard Vince begin to protest at the lack of contact until Howard licked around the top of his cock before wrapping his lips fully around it. He felt two hands grab at his hair forcing him down further. He licked and sucked as far down as he could go without gagging and wrapped his hand round the base of Vince’s cock bringing it up and down to meet his lips all the while continuing to lick and suck. It didn’t take longer than a couple of minutes before Vince was pulling hard on his hair and shouting out a mixture of his name and curses.
He pulled back slightly as he felt the first wave of come hit his mouth, continuing to pump with his hand until Vince was done.
Afterwards they both lay on the sofa, Vince making idle circles along Howard’s chest with his fingers, while Howard placed gentle kisses on his forehead, before finally falling asleep.
Early the next morning Naboo and Bollo arrived back at the flat to find them both entwined and sleeping on the sofa.
“What is this?” Bollo asked. “How this happen?”
Naboo looked at the clothes still lying on the floor and said “Velcro and poppers. That’s how.”
Bollo grunted in response as Naboo said “Lets go, I don’t want to be around when they wake up and decide it’s time for round two.”
And there would be a round too. And three. And four. And….oh well, you get the idea.