Dixon Bainbridge Was Pissed Off (Aftermath Story 1)
Category: The Mighty Boosh
Series: The Aftermath Series
Characters: Dixon Bainbridge, Howard Moon, Vince Noir
Pairing: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Challenge: Challenge 05: Picture Challenge
Challenge: Challenge 05: Picture Challenge
Notes: Written for the picture challenge. I’ve chosen to interpret the picture as Howard and Vince fending off people rather than doing their funny dance.
I’ve used Matt’s Bainbridge rather than Richard’s since Matt’s is quite a lot eviler. This fic is wrong, so please be warned. Dedicated to ailcia because she poked me to post it, the odd little girl. Sorry.
Dixon Bainbridge Was Pissed Off by thymeth
Dixon Bainbridge was pissed off. And no-one pissed off Dixon Bainbridge without paying for it.
He stood with his hands on his back looking out of the window as he waited in Fossil’s office for them to come. Fossil was watching him. As always. What a prick. But pricks could easily be manipulated. And that Naboo person was sitting there too, mute. As he should. He would be in deep trouble if he did not follow orders.
There was a knock at the door and Bainbridge turned to see Moon and Noir enter in their green coats, Noir with the stupidest hat ever on his head.
“You wanted to see us, Mr Fossil,” Moon said.
“No, I did,” Bainbridge said, glaring at him through menacing eyebrows.
“I don’t much care for being interrupted while I’m lecturing,” Bainbridge said and walked towards them, “I don’t care for it one bit. You must be punished.”
“I’ll demote them, Bainbridge,” Fossil chirped in.
God, how annoying could one man get?
“Do what you want,” Bainbridge said, turning to him, “But I’ll punish them as I see fit.”
He surveyed the room a moment, glaring at each in turn. Moon was frowning, slightly uneasy, it seemed. Noir was unconcerned, more occupied with his boots. And Fossil’s face was the usual moronic blank.
Bainbridge knew it had to be Noir. And it wasn’t only because Moon was completely unappetising. He knew what Moon thought about this nancy boy, he recognised the looks he kept sending off; they were the same ones Fossil was always sending him.
It had to be Noir.
What was Bainbridge looking at Vince like that for? Howard scowled. If frowns could kick arse, Bainbridge would be half-way to Mexico by now.
“Right,” Bainbridge said and clapped his leather-gloved hands together, “Fossil, you’ll hold Moon and I’ll have Noir.”
“Right-ho, sweetmeat,” Fossil said.
“What? No!” Howard exclaimed as the two men came closer.
“Get away from me,” Vince said, backing away, hands outstretched towards Bainbridge, fending him off.
“Fine,” Bainbridge said, “Naboo, bind him.”
“But he’s…” Fossil began. But he was cut short by Bainbridge’s fist in his mouth.
“Now, you drag-clown, or I’ll sell you to the circus!”
Naboo turned towards them, as if in slow motion and suddenly Howard’s arms were stuck to his side and feet nailed to the floor. He could not move.
“And you,” Bainbridge said to Vince, “will be punished. Trousers off.”
“No way,” Vince answered.
“Oh, way!” Bainbridge sneered, “Trousers off or you’ll end up like Fossil there: no teeth.”
“But I…” He got no further, though, because Bainbridge took hold off his face with one hand and began unbuttoning his trousers with the other.
“Fuck you!” Vince spluttered and squirmed, “What the fuck’s wrong with you?!”
“Oh, there’s nothing wrong with me,” Bainbridge said, as he pushed Vince towards Fossil’s desk, “You, on the other hand.” And he twisted Vince’s arm up his back until he was bent over the desk, groaning.
“Stop!” Howard shouted, struggling futilely with Naboo’s invisible bonds, “Stop! Bainbridge, please! Vince hasn’t done anything! I was the one interrupting your lecture!”
“I can’t say I care,” Bainbridge said, unzipping his own trousers.
“Stop!” Howard shouted again, “You’re mad!”
“Naboo, shut him up,” Bainbridge ordered and Howard could no longer speak. He tried to shout but no sound came out of him.
He could not watch this.
He tried to turn away, but now his head had been frozen too, leaving him staring right at… at…
Vince turned to him, unaware, it seemed, of Bainbridge’s heavy breathing. His face wasn’t screwed up in pain. He wasn’t crying. Not even frowning. He just looked sad, sadder than anyone Howard had ever seen, and the look in those eyes was more painful to him than any beating ever could be.
After the longest time Howard could ever remember, Bainbridge pulled Vince up from the desk and threw him to the floor where he landed, curled up, noiselessly.
“And let that be a lesson to you,” he said, pulling up his trousers and stepping over him towards Howard, “And you too, Moon. I trust you won’t cross me again.”
Howard, still unable to speak, glared at him.
“Oh, don’t think you can scare me with your eyes, Moon, you pathetic little louse. Fuck with me and I’ll fuck with you. Naboo, release him.”
Howard’s limbs suddenly gave way and he fell to the floor.
Bainbridge glanced down at him a moment then left the office.
“Fuck you, Bainbridge!” Howard shouted after him.
“Continue you subordination and you’ll find it’ll be fuck you, Moon,” he heard from the distant corridor.
But he could not care about that now; Vince was still on the floor.
Howard, legs refusing to co-operate, somehow managed to pull himself over.
“Vince,” he said, shaking his shoulders, “Vince. Vince!”
Finally, Vince opened his eyes.
“Howard,” he whispered.
“I’m sorry,” Howard said, brushing hair out of his face, “Vince, I’m so sorry.”
Vince had every right to turn away and never speak to him again. Howard almost wished he would. But Vince reached up and touched his cheek with his fingers.
“Don’t, Howard, please.”
“I’m so sorry, Vince, I’m so sorry.”
“Please don’t. Help me up.”
And they got to their feet. Vince’s trousers were pulled up and just before they left the office Howard turned to see Fossil still passed out on the floor and Naboo’s stool… empty.
And with his arm around Vince’s waist he closed the door, swearing fiercely from now on to take better care of him and to make life as difficult as worldly possible for Dixon Bainbridge.