Category: The Mighty Boosh
Warning: Violence - Mild
Challenge: Challenge 10: Vamp!Boosh
Length: 1-5k words
Notes: my first boosh fic..please be kind.comments and constructive crtisism will be greatly appreiciated .enjoy =]
disclaimer- characters created by noel fielding and jullian barrat, (except derek the wonder deer,he’s mine)
Blood lust by electro girl 182
Vince slowly opened his eyes and looked around. Where was he? What happened? Why was he laying face down on the floor? He pulled himself up and looked around again taking in his surrounding. It was dark there were walls all around. There was a door in one them. He appeared to be in some enclosure. A faint rustling noise behind him told him that he wasn’t alone and as he turned his head to have a look he was greeted with a sharp stinging pain. He winced and instinctively brought his hand up to where the pain was in his neck. He’d been bitten, there were two small but deep punctures near the base of his neck. He heard a bat squeak nearby. It sounded like he was in the Moonlight World. That’s when he remembered. Fossil had sent him to check on the new arrival of Transylvanian Vampire bats. Upon hearing him enter they had panicked and attacked him, thinking he was a threat and in defence one of them had bitten him, he could remember the searing pain as its teeth had pierced his skin. He had passed out and then woken up here on the floor a few hours later. How long had be blacked out for? Why had no one come looking for him? He was interrupted from his thoughts by a loud rumbling that suddenly erupted from his stomach. Remembering that he hadn’t eaten since lunchtime and it was now about 11pm, he left the Moonlight World and headed in the direction of the zookeeper’s hut.
“Hey Vince” Howard greeted him as he entered the small yet surprisingly cosy hut they shared together. “Hey Howard” he replied joining him on their rather battered brown, leather sofa. “Where were you?” Howard asked, sounding not quite as concerned as Vince had hoped he would be. “The Moonlight World” he replied. “What all this time?” Vince nodded. “You’re bleeding! What happened?” Howard asked spying the wound on Vince’s neck and gently reaching up and touching it causing Vince to wince slightly. Howard got up and began rummaging around for the first aid kit, he found it sitting under a copy of “Minky Monthly and brought it over to the sofa along with some cotton wool. “How did this happen?” he asked as he began cleaning Vince’s wound. “Well Fossil wanted me to go check on the new family of Vampire Bats, you know make sure that they were settling in OK. So I wander over to the Moonlight World and they all just started attackin’ me, all pullin’ me clothes and getting’ in me hair, ah it was a nightmare. Then one the little buggers decides to bite me and I black out and the next thing I know I’m waking up laying on the floor.” “That’s strange”, “yeah. “Errrr! What is that stuff?” Vince asked covering his nose as Howard poured some foul smelling liquid onto a piece of cotton wool and started wiping Vince’s neck with it. “It’s TCP. It’s an antiseptic, stop it getting infected”. “It stinks!” “Stop fusing. There you go all done”, Howard said sticking a piece of gauze over it. “Thanks Howard”. “No problem. I’m off to bed now. Night”. “Night”.
The next day. Howard and Vince have been sent to clean out the ape enclosure. “Hey Mike! How’re you doin’?” Vince asked the small, black ape who was sat in the tree, surrounded by banana skins. “Grrr, you’re not Vince!” he snapped, baring his teeth. “What do you mean? Of course I am. Who else would be able to understand you?” “You don’t smell like Vince” the ape replied.” Yeah, well I am”. He picked up the shovel and went over to help Howard.
Over the next few days, Howard noticed that Vince had begun to change. He got annoyed easily, he’d stopped eating, he got up much later and stayed up all night and he’d even started to develop a bit of an attitude. He seemed a completely different person and Howard didn’t like that, he didn’t like that one bit. He wanted the real Vince back, his Vince. The Vince he loved..in more ways then one, but never had the guts to tell him. However he did have the guts to get the real Vince back, he just didn’t know how. But he knew someone who might.
“Hey Naboo. How are you?” Howard asked as he walked through the door and into the hut where Naboo lived with his familiar, Bollo the gorilla. The tiny Shaman who was sat on a beanbag, smoking his hookah looked up, “what do you want?” he asked. “ I need your help”. “why”, what have u done this time?” , “No one’s done anything. It’s Vince”. Naboo looked concerned, ”Vince? What’s wrong with him?”, “he’s gone wrong” , he’s not himself”. “How do u mean?” , “well, he’s different, ever since he got bitten by that bat. He’s lost his appetite, he sleeps all day and gets up in the evenings and he’s become quite moody and self contained. Earlier Joey asked him if he’d help him polish the reptiles and he just told him to do it himself and walked off”, Howard explained. “That doesn’t sound like Vince at all” , “I know. That’s why I suspect that there’s some bad juju going on”. Naboo thought for a moment,” I suppose I could check it out, do some research.” “Brilliant! Thanks Naboo” Howard replied getting up and making his way to the door. ”If I find anything I’ll let you know”, Naboo added, “great! Thanks again” Howard replied closing the door behind him.
Later that evening. Vince pulled back the duvet and stretched. He felt energised, relaxed, and little bit horny. He got out of bed, smoothed down his bed hair and opened the door. “Hey Howard”, “evening”, Howard replied looking up from his T.V. programme, “Jazz pioneers and their struggle to reach the top”. Vince was standing there leaning against the doorframe, wearing only a pair of tight fitted jeans, white cowboy boots and a silver guitar necklace, grinning. He had a strange look in his eye. Howard couldn’t take his eyes off him and as he began to walk towards him, his heart began to beat faster. “We’ve been friends for a while now haven’t we Howard?”, “yeah, about six years now” Howard replied uncertain of where the conversation was headed. “Do you ever wish we could be more than that?” Vince asked, still slowly advancing on him. “Wha..what do u mean?”, “I’ve always loved you Howard. Both as a friend…and as more than a friend.” Howard was frozen to the spot his eyes not leaving Vince’s, “really?” he replied trying to keep his voice as casual as possible. “Yeah” Vince replied almost in whisper, straddling Howard’s lap and planting a soft but passionate kiss on his lips. Howard was too shocked to react. Vince started a trail of small kisses down his neck and Howard moaned quietly, “come on Howard. Don’t you want me?” he breathed into his ear. “Absolutely” Howard whispered. Vince smiled and continued his kiss trial. “But not like this”, Vince stopped what he was doing and looked at him. Howard pushed Vince off his lap and walked over to the door, “you’re not Vince” he said before closing it behind him and walking off into the night.
Vince stood there for a minute, staring at the door, until a sudden hunger pang distracted him. But instead of walking over to the fridge and getting something to eat, something was telling him that what he needed was somewhere outside. As he opened the door and stepped out into the cool, night air, he noticed that he felt different. One of the things he noticed immediately was that his senses were a lot sharper, he could hear and smell everything around him, from the roaring of the lions to the scurrying of the ants and even though it was pitch black he could see as clearly as if it were day. He also noticed how powerful he felt. He sniffed the air, food was close. As he walked past their enclosures the animals hid and glared at him. Another hunger pang, much stronger this time. He carried on walking until finally he found what he was looking for. He stopped in front of the deer paddock and climbed over the fence. The deer sensed that something was wrong and ran away. Vince gave chase, like a lion hunting it’s prey, that was what he was now, a hunter, a dangerous predator. Everything human about him had disappeared and all he could focus on was satisfying his hunger. He leapt at one of the smaller deer, dragging it to the ground. He felt his teeth elongate to become a pair of sharp, pearly white fangs as he brought his mouth to the creature’s throat. Finally his hunger would go away.
Howard sat alone on the bench outside Fossil’s office, thinking about what had just happened and getting more confused by the minute. Why did Vince kiss him? Had he meant it or was it just one of the effects caused by whatever it was he was going through. He sighed and stood up. He was just about to leave when Bollo came rushing up to him, “Naboo want to talk to you” he said in his gruff, gorilla voice. “What? Now?” Howard asked, Bollo nodded, “it urgent” he replied turning round so Howard could follow him. A few minutes later they arrived at Naboo’s hut. “What is it?” Howard asked bursting through the door, “it’s Vince, he’s in danger” Naboo replied. He was clutching a “Spotlight for demons” book. “How?”, Howard asked, “you said he was bitten by a bat yeah?”,” yeah..”, “ was it a vampire bat?”, “he…mentioned something about a vampire bat yeah. why?”, Howard asked worriedly. In answer, Naboo showed him the book. On the page there was a picture of a vampire bat, then a plus sign, then a picture of a neck with bite marks then an equals sign, then a picture of a vampire. As Howard read it his eyes widened with fear. “Is there a cure?!”, “yeah but it has to be given before he tastes human blood, once he has he’ll become a vampire forever”, Naboo explained. “Well what’s the cure?!”, “there’s a special potion that he must drink but unfortunately I don’t have any of the ingredients needed to make it”. Howard looked like he had just been hit in the face with a shovel, “well then you’d better go and get them then!” Howard snapped. Naboo turned to Bollo, “get the magic carpet would you?” Bollo nodded and disappeared for a moment, he returned carrying small rolled up carpet and handed it to Naboo. “Now listen to me Howard, don’t let Vince near anyone, keep him in the hut until I can give him the potion”, Naboo told him. “OK”. Naboo and Bollo boarded the magic carpet and flew off into the night. “Where are you going?” Howard shouted after them, “Shamansburys”, Naboo shouted back as they disappeared from view.
Howard arrived back at the hut to find it empty. Oh no! Where the hell is he? “Vince!, Vince!” he called out to the darkness not really expecting an answer. Nothing. Oh well, I guess just have to wait until he gets back and hope that he hasn’t done anything bad, he thought turning on the T.V. and sitting down to watch “Collbos the Crab”. Several hours later, just before dawn, Vince returned home. Howard watched him warily as went straight to his room without even saying hi. Good, he’ll be asleep all day now. Still, best to be on the safe side.
Vince woke up to find himself chained to the radiator. “What the hell? Why have you chained me up?”, “ I can’t have you leaving the hut Vince” Howard replied. “So you chained me to the radiator?”, “yeah”. Just then, Fossil came screaming over the intercom, “Moon! Noir! Get your butts over here!”. Howard turned to Vince, “I’ll be back in a minute”. The door slammed shut behind him.
Howard poked his head round the office door. “You wanted to see me?”, Fossil looked up from his colouring book, “yeah. There’s been an incident here at the zoo, one of the….where’s Noir?” , he asked realising Vince wasn’t there. “He’s back at the hut….he’s not feeling too good”, Howard replied entering the office. “Oh, well I hope he feels better soon. What was I talking about?”, “you were saying that there’s been some kind of incident?” Howard reminded him. “Huh? Oh yeah. Hecter the Wonder Deer has been killed!” “No! That’s terrible! Who did it?”, Howard asked. “Dunno. But it looked like something had attacked him, had this strange bite on his neck, like some kind of snake bite”. “Oh, maybe it was one of the snakes, maybe one them escaped and attacked him” Howard suggested. “No, I already checked with Mrs. Gidian”, “Oh, well, what do you want he to do about it?”, “I dunno, just thought I’d tell you” Fossil said. “Ok, well I’ve got to get back to the hut. See you later”, Howard replied, leaving the room.
That night. Vince was restless, he needed to be outside, in the night. More importantly he needed to feed. He wriggled around, pulling at his chains in an attempt to get free. Frustrated, he began to pull harder, one of the chains broke loose and he was able to wriggle free. He walked over to the door, it was locked, so he tired the windows, they were locked too. He cursed the fact that Howard had been so precautious and punched the wall. The familiar hunger for blood began to build up inside him once more, he needed to feed. The trouble was that all the animals were outside and there was no way of getting out. He looked around for some means of escape and spotted Howard lying fast asleep on the sofa. He’d never tasted human blood before. He didn’t really like the idea of feeding on his friend but instinct soon took over. As be began to walk towards him, his boot caught in a nail in the floorboard, tripping him and he fell on Howard, waking him up. “ What the..? Ahhh! Vince! How’d you get free?” he asked, jumping up and backing away. “The chains were rusty” Vince replied slowly edging towards him. Vince now looked completely different Howard noticed. His skin was extremely pale and there was a terrifying look in his eye that wasn’t there before, even his hair was darker, he looked positively evil. “Sta…stay away from me!”, Howard stammered as Vince continued to move towards him, grinning like some psycho killer. Howard continued to back away, wanting to put as much distance between him and Psycho, Vampire Vince as possible. All of sudden he felt the wall behind him, Vince had managed to back him into corner. “There’s no escape now” Vince hissed closing in on him. Howard was frozen to the spot, “Don’t kill me. I’ve got so much to give” he whimpered as Vince grabbed him by the shoulders and pinned him against the wall. Howard screamed.
Naboo and Bollo returned from Shamansburys, they were just passing over Vince and Howard’s hut when they heard Howard scream. Realising that he was in some kind of trouble, they swooped down. Naboo ran over to the door and tried the handle, it was locked. “Quick Bollo! Use you amazing monkey strength to break the door down”. Bolo nodded and charged at the door, breaking it’s hinges.
“I’m gonna enjoy this” Vince whispered close to Howard’s ear. Howard scrunched up his eyes as Vince lowered his mouth to his neck and prepared to bite him. Suddenly the door burst open and Naboo and Bolllo ran in. Quick as lightning, Naboo pulled out his pipe and shot a tranquilliser dart at Vince. It hit him in the buttock and he fell to he ground like a sack of potatoes. Howard breathed a sigh of relief, “thanks Naboo”, “no problem. Are you ok? Did he bite you?” he asked. “No, you got here just in time. Did you get the ingredients?” “Yeah. Just need to make potion now” Bollo replied holding up a plastic carrier bag. “Right ,well er..you go and make the potion then and we’ll stay here”, Howard told them. “Ok. Be back in a bout half an hour” Naboo said as they left. Howard looked at Vince laying there asleep at his feet. God I hope this works he thought kneeling down beside him and cradling his friend’s head in his lap. Twenty five minutes later, Naboo returned with the potion. He handed it to Howard, who removed the stopper and carefully poured it into Vince’s mouth. “Make sure he drinks it all yeah?” Naboo told him. Howard emptied the last of the potion. “That’s the last of it. Help me carry him” he said lifting him under the arms, Naboo took his legs and together they moved him over to the sofa. “How long before it’ll start to take effect?” Howard asked. “Few hours I expect” the shaman replied. “Right”. Naboo let out a long yawn, “I’d better be getting back. You gonna be ok with him?” “Yeah, I’ll be fine” Howard replied. “OK, I’ll see you later then” Naboo said walking over to the door. “Hey, thanks” Howard said, Naboo smiled and closed the door behind him. Howard lifted up Vince’s head so he could sit down, letting it drop gently back into his lap, he sat there looking down at him and gently stroking his hair until, eventually he too fell asleep. Next morning. “Howard?” Howard opened his eyes, “Vince! You’re awake! How do you feel?”, “Like I’ve just woken up from a really intense dream”. “So you don’t feel hungry or thirsty and want to kill me anymore?”, “Well now that you mention it, I could do with a bacon sandwich” he replied with a cheeky grin. “Sure”, Howard smiled and walked over to the kitchen. Vince was back. “Mmm…that’s better”, Vince put his empty plate on the floor on top of Howard’s and rested his head on his shoulder. “Vince?”, “yeah?”. “Do you remember anything that happened while you…weren’t yourself?” Howard asked. Vince thought for a moment, “kinda. I remember feelin’ really strange and moody ,not myself at all. And I remember trying to attack you and then something sharp pricking me in the bum. And..”, he sat up and looked at Howard. “And.. I remember telling you that I loved you and then kissing you”. “Yeah, well that was just one of the effects of the vampirism wasn’t it?” “No. That was me”. Howard looked at him, “what? You meant all that?” “Yeah. I love you Howard”, Vince replied deadly serious. Howard couldn’t believe it. “I …. Love you too Vince” he replied awkwardly. Vince smiled and kissed him again and this time Howard kissed back.