Clandestine Romance

A peek into Vince's head, his thoughts and feelings towards Howard during Kileroo


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Notes: My first attempt at Boosh fic… be gentle with me!

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or The Mighty Boosh, please dont sue me.

/* */ = Thoughts

Clandestine Romance by ruby_sarksgirl

He got up for her.

He knew that this whole escapade was about impressing Gideon. He wasn’t THAT stupid, forget Fossil, forget that *thing* on his chest – it was a chance to impress her.

That stung the most.

Hadn’t he given him enough? He left school so he could be with him, gave up any chance of having a regular career. Not that he wanted that, it would take him away from Howard.

With the benefit of hindsight it was easy to see he’d always loved him. Right from the moment they met in the playground on Howard’s first day. He’d just moved from Leeds and as their eyes had met across the yard he’d fallen hard.

He had never told him of course, Howard was just too straight. He could just imagine what would happen, Howard would blush, then stammer apologies about how Vince was his friend then make excuses about being needed around the zoo and run off.

Then things would be awkward and he would loose his best friend as well. Not even a poncho and sombrero combo would be able to take away that pain.

So he’d resolved many years ago to never tell Howard and thus risk their friendship, telling himself that it would be enough just to see Howard happy, and it worked for a while. To be fair they spent most of their time together and with no romantic relationships it was easy for Vince to convince himself they would stay in their easy platonic relationship and it would be enough for him, even though each accidental brush of skin made his heart ache reminding him what he could never have.

Until her.


He never worried about her too much, it was quite clear she wasn’t interested in Howard. But the look of admiration on her face as Howard beat the kangaroo, the way he screamed her name… the way he pushed him away to go to *her*

That hurt more than he imagined, he couldn’t breathe.

Vince leaned against the barrier of the ring dangling into the crowd, cheering, trying not to look at Howard afraid he might just break down.

He saw Howard going to pull of his vest and yelled for him to stop, he made a move forward to grab his arm but something made him pause.

/*Let him take it off, let her see him. She won’t want him then.*/

He knew it was vindictive, spiteful and extremely childish but the satisfaction that ran through him as silence filled the room due to Howard’s gruesome unveiling was indescribable.

Shrugging out of his beloved jacket he ran forward and flung it round Howard’s defeated form, tenderly placing an arm around his shoulders he began to lead him out of the ring.

“What you lot starin’ at?! Go on! Nothing to see!” yelled Vince at the few stragglers that followed them as they moved towards the keepers hut.

Fumbling with the door, Vince managed to get Howard inside and sat on the sofa.

“Tea?” he asked.

Without waiting for a reply Vince put the kettle on desperately not wanting to look at him for the fear of every insecurity about the fight, himself and Gideon to come spewing out of his mouth in a rush of verbal diarrhoea.

Brewing a cup of Howard’s favourite he placed it in front of him and sat down receiving a muttered ‘thanks little man’ in return.

Gently placing a hand on his knee Vince pushed aside the butterflies in stomach, more concerned about Howard’s sullen silence.

“She hates me now doesn’t she?” asked Howard quietly as he took a mouthful of tea.

“Nah, I’m sure she doesn’t” Vince said, glad Howard wasn’t looking at him to see the pained grimace on his face.

“She does, I’m a freak” he replied, meeting Vince’s eyes.

Vince momentarily forgot every bad and selfish thought he’d ever had at the pain in Howard’s eyes. Acting on instinct he gripped his hand rubbing his thumb over the worn skin of his palm.

“There is such a thing as cosmetic surgery you know,” teased Vince with a grin, in a vain attempt to lighten the mood. Much to his relief Howard gave him a small smile.

“And how would you know about that you electro pixie?” asked Howard a grin gracing his face.

“I have my sources you northern fiend!” exclaimed Vince snatching his hand back in fake offence. Howard’s smile broadened as he raised his hands in mock surrender.

“What am I going to do about Gideon?” asked Howard, the grin slipping from his face. Vince felt his chest tighten. He slid his arm around Howard’s shoulders pressing himself against his side.

“If she likes you, she’ll come around and if she doesn’t – she isn’t worth your time Howard… besides you still have me,” replied Vince timidly.

“Yeah of course, you’re my best friend,” whispered a defeated Howard as he returned the one armed hug.

Sitting wrapped around the best friend he ever had and the one person he loved unconditionally Vince tried to convince himself that was enough.

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