Choose-your-own-adventure 1

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The boys are filming the third series and something unexpected happens to Noel. Noel isn’t happy and he ends up at a party.

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Intolerance

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Intolerance

Author’s Notes: Readers voted “A: Get completely out of his mind drunk”

Don’t own, no money

Thank you to the lovely Lizard for her ever amazing beta-ing

Noel climbed the stairs and headed straight for a table which groaned under the copious bottles of drink. Grabbing an empty glass he plunged it into a bowl of dirty pink punch and filled it halfway. Scanning the table, he spotted a bottle of vodka and filled the rest of his glass with it. Downing the cool and now slightly less pink liquid quickly, he refilled his glass and gulped it down again.

Two hours, and too many pale drinks later, Noel was out on the balcony, leaning against the rail, steadily making his way through a bottle of whiskey. His mind was too fuzzy to dredge up the memories he was so eager to forget, but still there was a very empty feeling in the pit of his stomach. He hoped to fill the aching void with further slugs of whiskey.

Feeling a hand on his back, he span around. A thin, dark haired girl smirked at him.

“Why don’t you stop being a loner and come dance with me?”

Noel’s large, bloodshot eyes darted from the bottle in his hand to the brunette in front of him.

“Oh come on!” she said, taking the bottle from his hand. She placed it on the balcony rail and grabbed his wrist, leading him back into the house, towards the pounding music. Noel wasn’t really in the mood to dance, but he was too sloshed to protest and was led willingly.

Very soon, Noel was in the centre of the room dancing suggestively with… Ella, or Bella, maybe it was Ava. He couldn’t really remember or care. With the girl grinding into his tiny hips he felt uncomfortable. He shouted something in her ear about getting another drink and traipsed across the room towards more alcohol.

Leaving the skinny brunette feeling abandoned and hard done by, he unashamedly shrugged off her attentions and poured himself a glass of champagne. Knowing he’d regret it in the morning, downed the contents glass and refilled it hastily.

A large, balding man stood near the table, eyeing Noel suspiciously. He gulped down the last of whatever he was drinking and strode purposefully towards Noel.

“You’re that guy, aren’t you? From The Mighty Bush?” he slurred.

Noel looked at the tall, intimidating man through blurry eyes.

“Yeah, I’m from The Mighty Boosh“ he said, emphasising the last word bitterly before taking another gulp of his champagne.

“I saw you dancing with that woman,” the man said nodding his head towards the centre of the room.

Noel frowned, “So?”

“So…” the man continued “You didn’t look like you were enjoying it.”

Noel shrugged, unsure of where the man was going with this.

“I heard that that’s not the kind of thing you like, if you know what I mean.”

The man had a twisted grin on his face that said two things. One: He was going to start a fight, and two: he was going to win.

“I don’t think I do,” Noel said stonily, placing his empty glass carefully on the table.

“What I mean is,” he pressed, his smile widening, “you don’t swing that way.”

Noel sized the man up. He was huge, taller than Julian and probably three times as wide.

“I’m not gay, if that’s what you’re getting at,” Noel said, raising his voice a little.

“‘S not what I heard,” he smirked, “I heard that you get a little too excited around that co-star of yours.”

“I don’t know what it is you heard exactly, but it’s not true,” Noel raised his voice further, close to shouting.

The raised voices had caught the attention of a few people standing nearby and they watched the two men cautiously.

“Nah, I got it from a reliable source, I did.” The colossus raised his voice too, sounding very pleased with himself.

“I doubt it!” Noel snarled.

The dancers slowled and stopped as they became aware of the imminent fight.

“I know you’re a bummer,” the man sneered at Noel, “You’re a stupid little faggot, in love with your co-star. You make me sick!”

Noel clenched his jaw and pulled his hand into a fist. He wanted so desperately to hurt this moronic mountain of a man. Suddenly he felt a strong hand curl around his arm. Tensing up, Noel snapped his head round to look the owner of the hand.

Julian restrained him, looking from Noel to the aggressor.

“Noel,“ Julian gently warned.

The podgy faced, balding man’s tiny, pinprick eyes twinkled with glee.

“Ooooooh, your boyfriend’s here to protect you, to make sure you don’t do anything… stupid,” he sniggered, venomously.

Noel took a step forward, narrowing his eyes, breaking free of Julian’s grasp. Barely able to control his anger, he shook.

“What did you say?”

Everyone in the room was now watching them, waiting for the confrontation to take a more physical, violent turn.

His smile fading, the man looked down his upturned nose at Noel and said quietly, “Why don’t you just go home, cuddle up to your…” he glanced at Julian, “ugly boyfriend there. You don’t want to get yourself into any trouble now, do you, pretty boy?”

Noel was not a violent man. He was the kind of person to just let things slide, to be the bigger man. He almost never acted on his anger, and never did he take it out on anything living. Sure, he’d been known to throw the odd temper tantrum and sometimes he’d chuck inanimate objects around, and sometimes they’d hit people, but he never meant it.

Dutch courage, he thought, or at least would have, if he’d been thinking clearly.

Noel spat in the man’s face; a large, wet glob of saliva landing just below his eye.

“YOU FUCKING PIG!” Noel screamed.

The now red-faced man grabbed at Noel’s neck, intent on breaking him in any way possible.

“You little…” he growled through gritted teeth.

As Julian’s fist connected with the attacker’s nose, there was a sickening crack. He released his grip on Noel and grasped at his own face, blood spurting from his broken nose. Julian grabbed Noel and pulled him away, knowing there wasn’t much time before the bloodied man recovered and sought revenge. Noel tried to break away, wanting to attack the man further but Julian held him back strongly.

Almost carrying Noel, Julian rushed down the stairs and out the front door into the cool night air. Only then did he let Noel go. Noel collapsed onto the floor. Julian helped Noel back up onto his feet. He studied the red marks on Noel’s neck, then his pale, blank face and shining, defiant eyes.

“Noel, you’re coming home with me,” Julian said firmly.

Should Noel:

A: Go home with Julian

B: Ask Julian to take him back to his own house

C: Refuse Julian’s offer and get a cab home.