But I guess we’ll never know
Category: Real Person Fic
Characters: Dave Brown, Mike Fielding
Pairing: Dave Brown/Mike Fielding
Rating: R
Status: Complete
Length: 1-5k words
But I guess we’ll never know by crazie_chix
This is not my first slash fic but out of all I have written it is my favourite out of the ones I finnished.
“Here I stand alone with this weight upon my heart, and it will not go away,”
Dave bit his lip, trying desperately not to cry, however he was failing. He watched from the door , Mike storming off down the road, and out of view around a corner. He had stopped calling out his name when it became obvious he wasn’t going to come back. How could he do this? He didn’t mean everything he said….did he? No, of course not. He still loved him. But did he…..if he could say things like that. He turned and re entered the hall, letting the tears flow freely.
“In my head I keep on looking back, right back to the start”
Dave collapsed on the couch, just lying there, staring at the wall opposite. He remembered when all he wanted was to protect Mike from anything like what just happened. Now look, he had chased him away. Dave remembered the tears of hurt and anger in his deep, dark, shining eyes.
Across the road Mike had stopped walking and lent against a wall. Now he was here, now he was away from Dave just like he wanted, he didn’t want to be. He wanted to be safe, secure in Dave’s strong arms. He wanted Dave to whisper to him, everything would be okay. Mike realised then it was a long time since him and Dave had just sat with each other, enjoyed each other’s company. Since Dave had whispered such calming things in his ear. He looked up at the darkening sky. He wanted Dave, yes. He turned to go back but a thought struck him. What if Dave didn’t want him anymore? What if Dave didn’t need Mike, like Mike needed Dave? Something had changed.
“Wonderin’ what it was that made you change”
~“You just don’t care anymore!”
“You’re one to talk!”
“At least I don’t need my family to get me a decent job.”~
The argument echoed around in Dave’s head, always exactly the same. He hadn’t meant to say it. He knew Mike didn’t need Noel to get him a job; he was a damn fine DJ without Noel. So why had he said it? He punched a nearby couch pillow angrily as he remembered Mike’s response. Mike had stared up at him, tears forming, eyes wide looking like a child who had lost his favourite toy.
“so…that’s what you really think of me?” He had squeaked. Looking back on it, no, Dave didn’t think that. But at the time he was so angry.
“Yeah.” He said casually. At the time he wanted to really hurt Mike. Why though? He did still love him. He did! So he didn’t understand why he said what he said next. “Kinda useless really, aren’t you?” Why did he call him useless? He wasn’t. Dave had regretted it instantly. Mike had a look of shock and hurt. It was the last thing he said to him. His phone pulled him out of this thoughts. Clumsily picking it up he answered.
“Dave?” For a second he thought it could be Mike.
“Hello?” He replied cautiously.
“Dave what the hell just happened? Mike’s called me but he didn’t make much sense. All I know is he is scared of going back.” Noel, Dave registered. Well they sometimes sounded quite similar on the phone.
“Argument” Dave mumbled. He heard Noel sigh.
“Go after him.” Noel suggested.
“I tried but-”
“No Dave go. He’s calmed down. He told me he still wants you. He needs to be shown you still want him.”
Dave sighed.
“Okay” He hung up and headed out of the door.
“Well I tried but I had to draw the line.”
It had been so romantic. Dave called out Mike’s name, the rain soaking the pair of them. The way Mike ran to Dave. The way Dave felt completed by Mike’s small frame pushed against his. The way Mike felt safe, held by Dave. The midnight kiss they shared in the downpour, full of love, security, tenderness. The look of childish innocence Mike always seemed to pull off. The way Dave’s eyes shone. That had been a few weeks ago. Dave had whispered calming, loving things in Mike’s ear, tickling Mike’s skin. But now, Dave was back to shouting. Again. He didn’t stop to look at Mike flinching at every syllable. He felt angry and insecure about the lack of information Mike gave him about where he went every so often. Dave felt like there was a breakdown in communication. Mike had tried to talk to Dave but they had now gone past talking. Starting to feel annoyed at the lack of trust and the verbal abuse hurled his way he stood up.
“That’s it!” He yelled anger bubbling to the surface.
“What’s it?” Dave asked angrily.
“Us!” Mike snapped back, silencing Dave.
“I thought we could work it all out. But I was wrong. Now I have to draw a line. Can’t you see Dave. It’s over.” Mike choked on the last bit. Dave stood shocked.
“There’s no point anymore. No point pretending.” Mike sighed and turned away sadly, knowing it had to be forever. After a minute Dave broke out of his shocked state and legged it to Mike. Through the darkness it was hard to spot him. When he eventually did he called out his name, making Mike turn around just as the car with no headlights on zoomed around the corner.
“And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind.”
Dave sat on the uncomfortable plastic chair not really thinking about the ache starting to form in his lower back from sitting there for so long. Noel had been and gone, after Julian had decided he couldn’t stay, leaving Dave alone in the white room. Well not really alone. He looked across at the crisp white sheets holding the small frame between them. The small frame that had not moved for two days. The small frame that Dave wanted so desperately to hold, although he knew awake or not, he couldn’t. Still he couldn’t leave him.
It was all my fault, he thought sadly.
“What if I had never let you go”
His head repeated the same what if’s over and over. What If Dave had gone after Mike sooner? What if Dave had not yelled but listened? What if Mike had stayed not ran? And worst of all what if Dave never saw those beautifully captivating eyes shine with laughter again?
“Would you be the man I used to know?”
Dave’s mind began to wonder as he stared at the statue like Mike.
~Mike laughed as he lounged carelessly on the couch. Dave watched him, thinking of how beautiful he looked. The smile could brighten anything, even Scrooge after losing thousands in a poker game. His laugh like sweet sugar in his ear. Mike looked over at Dave unaware of the lust building up in his friend.
“Alright over there?” Mike grinned his blisteringly hot grin. Dave just shrugged. No he wasn’t alright. He was sat by someone he desperately wanted but could never have. Mike seemed to realise something was up. He stood and perched on the arm of the chair Dave was on.
“Sup hey?” He asked Dave caringly. Dave turned and looked into his eyes, Mike stared back into Dave’s. Before of them realised, a new feeling was rising in both of them. Dave’s hand was gently stroking Mike’s face. Mike was leaning into Dave’s touch, his eyes gently closing. Their faces were slowly getting closer. Closer. Closer. Their lips met, an explosion of lust erupting through their bodies. They held each other close. Dave pulled Mike onto him. Mike’s arm slowly slid around Dave’s neck as he straddled his hips. Dave’s hand slipped up Mike’s shirt. The moment was so fast, so magical and captivated both of them.~
That moment had never really let them go. Until now.
“If I stayed, if you tried”
~“Why did you go?” Dave asked stroking Mike’s face.
“Coz if I stayed, one of us would’ve been really hurt.” Dave nodded understandingly.~
Staring in the mirror, in the hospital toilets Dave stared hollowly at his reflection. He looked terrible. His was messier and more unkempt than usual, his eyes were red and tears had dried on his cheeks.
“Well done.” He scolded his reflection. “If you had just tried a little harder not to get jealous or over protective, Mike wouldn’t be in this mess.” When was Dave going to realise Mike could take care of himself? He looked at himself with disgust again.
“If we could only turn back time.”
Dave remembered times not long ago with Mike. At the time he wished they would last forever. Now he wished he could go back into them. Like when he got Mike back a few weeks ago. When they had got back to Dave’s, Mike had jumped on him, pushing him into the wall desperately kissing Dave. After the shock Dave kissed back, getting into the fast rhythm. He slipped his hands around Mike’s back pulling Mike’s body close to his own. They both knew they were forgiven and they needed each other equally. Dave so badly wanted to turn back time and be there again. Feel that again. To feel Mike. To taste him. But when Mike woke up he would be able to again…..right?
“But I guess we’ll never know.”
“There’s no point anymore.” That’s what he had said. He made it clear it was over. If Mike woke up, would he have Dave back?
Maybe I should go, Dave thought. If he hates me, he won’t want me here. He won’t want to see me. Dave stood up, tears falling down his face onto Mike’s as he lent down and gently kissed his lips.
“I still love you more than I can say.” He whispered. He stood up. “If I could take you back would you still be mine?” He asked quietly. Looking down he whispered, “I guess we’ll never know.” Before turning and leaving the only person he could truly love. The only person who made him whole. The only person who he needed and the only person he could never have again.
Chapter End Notes:I left this open for a sequal should anyone thik it would be a good idea or if anyone wants to know what happenes to Mike.
