Category: The Mighty Boosh
Series: The Bet/The Dare
Pairing: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Length: 5-10k words
Notes: My first Boosh series (and the one I still like the best!)
The Bet by jcheartsboosh
“Howard Howard HowardHowardHowardHoward…”
“Does this shirt make me look like a girl?”
Howard sighed and looked up from his typewriter to see Vince standing in front him wearing a pink (and yes, for the record, very girly) shirt. Having no wish to partake in a conversation about Vince’s dubious fashion choice, Howard simply screwed up the bit of paper in front of him and threw it at Vince’s head. Well, tried to, it landed about three feet to the left of his target, but it was the thought that counted.
“Vince, I am trying to write a very important letter here and I would very much appreciate it if you shut your pie hole for more than five seconds.”
Vince just grinned. It was that cheeky, toothy grin that made Howard realise that the last thing Vince was going to do was shut up.
“Who you writing to?” Vince asked, now peering over Howard’s shoulder as he tapped away.
“Who are you? Peeping Larry? Get away.” Howard growled, ripping the paper from his typewriter and stuffing it into the pocket of his trousers.
“Peeping Larry? Ain’t he the guy who hangs round the rabbit runs hoping to see if the phrase ‘at it like rabbits’ is scientifically correct?” Vince asked, sitting down next to Howard.
“Yeah but he doesn’t do that anymore, he got banned from the zoo after he tried to make the boy rabbits bum each other… but that’s beside the point Vince, you should never peep at another man’s work.”
“Oh God, you’re not writing Mrs Gideon another love letter are you, Howard? No matter how many freaky jazz poems you write her she’s never going to go out with you. She can’t even get your name right!”
“There is nothing freaky about my poetry Vince, you are just not cultured enough to appreciate it.” Howard replied moodily.
“What about the last one you wrote, ‘Ode to a wind instrument’?”
“What about it? Wind instruments are beautiful things Vince, they play haunting yet romantic melodies.”
Howard mimed playing a flute as if this was supposed to support his argument, when in fact just made Vince giggle.
“She thought you’d written her an abusive poem about farting. You actually used the line ‘wind rushes through me when I think of you.’ What’s that about you berk?”
“Oh shut up.” Howard snapped, standing up and throwing himself down on the sofa nearby. Vince giggled again and left his sulking friend alone, returning to the bathroom to carry on making himself look beautiful.
An hour later (well it was Vince after all) Vince walked out of the bathroom. Howard opened his eyes from where he still lay on the sofa and took in the view. Vince obviously had a date, his pink lady shirt was now teamed up with black skinny jeans and some dangerous looking sparkly white platform boots. Howard felt that familiar jealous feeling in the pit of his stomach. Vince had been going on a lot of dates recently, but never with the same girl. Howard knew this because Vince would come back to the hut at God knows what hour of the morning, wake him up and tell him all about it, which Howard hated. Howard used to think he just got jealous because Vince was the one getting all of the action, but that didn’t explain why he spent an unhealthy amount of time staring at Vince’s arse. Howard had come to terms with his not-so-platonic feelings for Vince a while ago, but had no intention of sharing them with him, what would be the point?
Howard was bought back to reality by Vince standing over him sheepishly.
“Sorry I called you a freak Howard.”
“Technically you didn’t call me a freak.”
“Didn’t I? Well I’m sorry for… whatever I did say. I’m a tool.”
“You were right anyway. Gideon will never go out with me; she calls me Barry for God’s sake.”
“I thought she called you Hilda?”
“No, that was last week.”
Howard swung his legs round and sat properly on the sofa, making room for Vince. Vince hopped down next to Howard, curling his legs underneath him, and pulled out a vanity mirror from his pocket and proceeded to fiddle with his hair.
“So you going out with Alexa again tonight? Or have you found another victim?” Howard asked, not able to take his eyes off his preening friend.
“Was feeding the owls earlier and some girl came over and just asked me out, couldn’t believe it. She had these genius earrings on… erm think her name was Jo or Joan. Or maybe Sheila.”
Howard rolled his eyes; trust Vince to not even know his dates name.
“How do you get all these women to go out with you, Vince?”
Vince put down his mirror and looked up at Howard like he’d just stolen his straightners.
“I can’t believe you just asked me that!”
“Was just a question, don’t get testy.”
“In case you hadn’t noticed Howard, I’m hot stuff. I’m Vince Noir: Rock and Roll Star.”
The idea that Howard hadn’t noticed how hot Vince was almost made him laugh out loud.
“Vince, exactly how many instruments can you play? I’m a multi-instrumentalist but you don’t see me going around calling myself a Rock and Roll Star”
“I look the part, that’s the most important thing. You look like Harold the hobo’s demented uncle.”
“Take that back.”
Vince just laughed, leaning forward and hugging Howard’s arm affectionately. With anyone else Howard would have pulled away immediately. But recently Vince had been less tactile than normal, so Howard had been savouring every bit of physical contact he could get.
“Well I certainly wouldn’t go on a date with you.”
Howard knew this was a lie but Vince didn’t, and Howard was determined to knock him down a peg or two.
“As if I’d ask you anyway!” Vince replied, letting go of his arm and sticking his tongue out at Howard in a childish manner. Howard couldn’t help but stare at his tongue, all shiny and wet. He forced his eyes upwards before his thoughts sunk any further into the gutter.
“I’m just saying, you couldn’t woo Howard Moon, no sir!”
Howard’s brain was shouting LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE! He made a mental note to have a stern word with his brain later.
“You’ve obviously not seen my moves.” replied Vince, giving Howard a cheeky wink.
“Your moves would leave me stone cold, little man.”
Vince frowned, looking a little defeated. Howard could hear the cogs in his brain whirring… ok, more like screaming.
Howard stood up and walked towards the sink. He doesn’t think he’s so great now, Howard thought to himself, smiling. Then he heard Vince move from the sofa and stand beside him.
Vince was grinning at him again.
“I bet if I took you out on a date I could get you to kiss me.”
“Woah now Vince, what makes you think I’d want to date you?”
“It’s just a bet Howard. A bet between two friends; it doesn’t mean anything.”
Yeah right, thought Howard. He had two options here, either he told Vince to forget the whole idea, which would make Vince think he’d won but would save Howard from a lot potential humiliation. Or he took the bet and tried his damn hardest not to kiss Vince.
Vince disturbed Howard’s inner monalogue by pressing his body against Howard’s side. He looked down at the sexy grin on Vince’s face and couldn’t help himself.
“I’ll take that bet.”
End Notes: Reviews are lovely!