Board Room Business
Category: The Mighty Boosh
Length: 1-5k words
Notes: Why hasn’t this pairing been thought of? Dennis and Saboo! It’s perfect and needs to be told by someone more gifted then I am! But, anyway…these are not my original characters. They are property of the geniuses Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding. And I have no affiliation with them, other than being an admirer of their work. However, the plot of this particular slash is mine.
This is a dialogue I wrote to get the feel of the characters and also to set up the beginning of the actual fan fiction.
Board Room Business by Loki_Blackfang
Dennis: All right, unless there are any other pressing matters that we must see to, I call this meeting of the Board of Shamen to a close.
Tony: It’s about time, you burk. I’m going to be late for my plans because you couldn’t decide on a theme for a staff party. All of me mates are going to be furious. This is an outrage.
Saboo: Shut it, you deformed worm. We all know that you’re going to Glastonbury to score some poppers. Your friends are probably already off their tits and completely oblivious to your absence.
Tony: That’s just like you, closet case: sticking up for Dennis so you can pork him a little harder. You are whipped, my friend. (Dennis and Saboo blanch slightly, unnoticed by the other shamen.)
Saboo: Get stuffed, you pink nightmare!
Dennis: That’s enough! This meeting is adjourned already! (The shamen begin filing away from the table, Tony wriggles away into the brush, muttering something about bum whores. Saboo stays. Kirk remains, in a drug-induced stupor.) Kirk…Kirk! You’re free to go now, Kirk. (To green lady shaman, exasperated.) Get him home, please. (She nods and takes Kirk by the arm, leads him out of sight.)
Saboo: Were things getting too racy for your modest ears? I saw you pale back there. Did the cleft make your knickers twist?
Dennis: I would like to remind you, that I am married to a beautiful woman, nay, an Extreme Sports model.
Saboo: Nice cover. (Saboo begins to walk away. A panicked look covers Dennis’ face.)
Dennis: But what about you? I saw your composure crack for an instant there. Perhaps you are a closet case, after all. (Saboo turns around and faces Dennis again, angered like he always is.)
Saboo: More like sickened at the thought. You flatter yourself if you think I’d even be mildly interested in a feathered freak show like you.
Dennis: Same to you, you…you…
Saboo: (Snorts.) Don’t strain yourself. (Saboo starts walking away again. Dennis becomes desperate as well as angry.)
Dennis: (Mutters just loud enough for Saboo to hear.) Your behaviour doesn’t help your plight… (Saboo whirls around, rushes Dennis and grabs him by the collar, lifting him up with his super-human shaman strength.)
Saboo: What is it about my behaviour that gives you the bloody right to judge me? (Saboo’s grip tightens on Dennis’ collar. Dennis coughs slightly, then grabs Saboos hands and wrenches himself free.)
Dennis: (Rubbing his neck.) You’re always the last to leave when meetings are adjourned; you are the only one who listens to me even when I list of the pointless minutes from the last meeting; and you are always the first to stick up for me when I’m insulted. (He pauses, looking at Saboo warily.) I shouldn’t have said that before. Those are qualities that should be admired.
Saboo: I didn’t think it was a crime to be the only productive member of this Board.
Dennis: It isn’t. It was wrong of me to say that. However, you didn’t need to be so defensive. (A strange look flashes in Saboo’s eyes.)
Saboo: I have been dealing with this idiocy for years. My nerves are paper-thin.
Dennis: You do have a point there. (They share an awkward, uncomfortable silence. Dennis then becomes aware that Saboo is still extremely close and his heart begins beating rapidly.) Well, I had better get going…Methuselah is waiting.
Saboo: Right. (Dennis takes a step back and Saboo turns and, once again, starts walking away. Saboo pauses at the edge of the clearing, a few feet across from Dennis. His head turns sideways, showing his distinct profile – his back is still to Dennis.) That bitch doesn’t love you, Den. (He continues on, leaving Dennis alone in the clearing in a confused stupor.)