Category: Real Person Fic
Pairing: Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt
Warning: Violence - Mild
Length: 1-5k words
Notes: Inspired by paolo nutini’s song rewind.
Un- betaed so any mistakes are all mine. Second story!
Rewind by weekendgothgirl
He couldn’t believe it.
How could he? How could Noel break his heart like that?
“You might blame it on me
but you insisted that we fall
wiped your hands of me
and said you needed more”
“Ju, I just cant cope with this anymore”
“Cope with what?”
“Us! I don’t feel the same about you anymore. I can’t keep pretending, this has to stop”
“Stop? What do you mean keep pretending?”
“I don’t love you anymore Ju, I can’t keep pretending I do. I need more than this, more than you”
“I don’t understand, where has this come from? I thought we were happy!”
“I told you I was pretending- I was acting!”
“Then your a better actor than I thought. Yesterday you told me you loved me more than anything and didn’t want anything to end. Now your breaking up with
me, what’s going on?”
“I told you i’m sick of pretending day after day. I want this over. Your not good enough for me.”
That hit Julian like a physical punch, he tried to hide it but he knew it wouldn’t work. Noel knew him too well. He knew he should speak to Noel, tell him to stop and that he loved him. Tell him he just wanted to stop arguing and hug him. All that would come out was a quiet “why?”
“I told you why” was all Noel said coldly before storming out of the house. On the way he knocked over a picture frame and he didn’t even glance back.
A tear started trickling down Noel’s face as the door slammed shut.
“Picking up the pieces
of the wreck you went and left
and i’m dealing with dillemas
in my now so stressful life.”
Jullian bent down to clean up the glass and picked up the picture.
He allowed tears to flow freely as he looked at the photo. It was a photo taken by Dave on his and Noels anniversary, they had decided to have a meal with their closest friends and family, to as Noel put it, “share their happiness with those closest to them”. He thought that was so amazing and sweet of him but he didn’t want to say that so he teased him by saying that he only wanted to show off his new top. He knew Noel would know what he truly meant.
He sighed and put the photo on the table. He hoped Noel would come to his senses soon.
“Oh the crazy drunken night we had
when I kissed you in the hallway
Then I took you straight to bed”
Every night after the fight Julian would tourture himself with thoughts of Noel.
After he eventually finished drinking he’d think of the times they had together.
He remembered the first time they had told each other how much they loved one another, how he thought his heart would burst from the sheer volume of his feelings.
He remembered the beautiful smile on Noels face, when he lifted his head up and told him he felt the exact same way, and he’d never have thought in a million years that Noel would share those feelings.
He remembered the very first kiss after that, that wasn’t anything to do with the Boosh or a joke but a show of how much they loved each other. The fierce longing of each other making the kiss more intense. One wanting to dominate the other entierly and the mini fight that ensued which ended with Noel stradled over him. The taste of Noel’s lip gloss and his mouth mingling on his tongue, spuring him to take things further. Wanting to see and touch Noel’s body completely, mapping every slant and slope that occured.
The awkwardness of getting tangled in their clothes in their rush to undress and the laughing fit afterwards. He never felt embarrassed around Noel, he was the only one who could do that to him. The only one who could make him feel full and loved. He never felt anything bad around Noel it was like anything negative melted in his presence.
Most of all he remembered the way they fit so perfectly together and how they never had any real fights, well untill now he thought bitterly.
Another sigh and another slug of whiskey. He wished that each slug would take away the pain, hurt and loneliness Noel had left in his wake. Then he would curse Noel for all he was worth, cry and wish he was back before falling into a drunken stupour.
“No sleeping at night
but i’m going from bar to bar”
Two weeks after the fight Julian had began to get even more depressed as there was still no sign of Noel, as the days went by he was going out at night drinking, partly so he could go around the clubs and bars in london trying to find Noel and partly to drown his sorrows. He’d then started going out every night getting wasted hoping for some release from all the pain. He even had a couple of one night stands at the begining but that made him feel even worse and made him feel as though he was betraying Noel, even though his not around and he doesn’t give a shit about me he reminded himself, angrily slamming down another pint.
“And i’m drinking stronger spirits
I made my home here on the floor
and i’m losing all ambition and goals”
Now two months had passed and still Noel hasn’t contacted him. Julian looks at the glass full of amber whiskey he’d bought earlier.
He couldn’t believe how far he’d sunk without Noel.
At first everything carried on as usual because Julian was convinced that after a few days Noel would have had enough time to cool down, he would come back, apologise and everything would be back to normal.
As the weeks went by without Noel, Julian sank deeper into darkness, at first nobody was too worried they just thought he was upset by the split. Then Julian let his work slip, he stopped going out with mates eventually he stopped leaving the house altogether unless he had to buy more fags or booze. He stopped eating and looking after himself.
That’s when people started to worry.
“Come on Ju, you need to do something. It’s not good for you staying in here all the time just drinking and smoking.” said Dave “Yeah Ju, I know your upset and everything but you need to eat to keep your strength up.”
“No Mike, what I need is your brother, he was everything and now he’s gone without a proper goodbye- i didn’t even merit that”
“I know what he said and that he was out of order, but i’m his brother and i’m sure he has his reasons”
“Yeah he wanted to hurt me as much as possible before he left, in fact next time you see him”, Julian lurched drunkenly toward Mike and Dave “you tell him that I don’t need him and that i’m glad he left”. Each word punctuated with a poke to the chest for Mike.
“Ju, i’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt you so much”
At this Julian snarled at both of them “he knew exactly what he was doing, he was doing what he does best, being a selfish, childish bastard!”
“Ju” Dave began while glancing at Mike but he wouldn’t let them finish.
“Get out!” he yelled throwing his empty glass past them at the wall.
Dave and Mike exchanged worried glances and left, fearing for their friend.
Mike and Dave went back to Mike’s to talk about the mess Julian was in.
“I just don’t know how to reach him anymore it’s like he needs your brother to function.”
“I know, I want Ju to be back to normal as well, i’m not sure what to do.”
“Can’t you get in touch with Noel, talk to him, tell him what Ju’s like?”
“I haven’t been in touch with him for weeks, not since the split he came round told me he and Ju had fought and that they had split and he was an arse to Ju. He told me he was gonna go away for a while get his head sorted. I’ve tried reaching him but he’s not answering. I’ll try again though, god knows we need him back.”
“That’s all you can do Mike, hopefully we can still help Ju.”
“Can’t we just rewind”
It had now been three months since The Fight as it was now know to Julian. He knew he shouldn’t think it or hope it but there was still a part of him that thought Noel would come back to him and beg for forgiveness. He would like to think he would be strong enough to refuse but he knew if Noel begged hard enough, cried enough, pleaded and gave him certain looks with his big blue eyes he knew he would fold like paper. Then again he thought having Noel beg for mercy would be something he’d enjoy watching. He shook his head, I have to stop thinking of him, there’s no point. At least that’s what his brain was saying his heart and groin were saying otherwise, but then he wondered when have they been relliant in these maters?
His moping was interupted by quiet insistant little knocks at the door as though the person on the other side wasn’t sure they should be knocking but knew they had too. To right, he’d spent enough energy trying to get everyone to leave him alone and now he has to waste more getting rid of who ever was out there. He sighed and dragged himself up from behind the kitchen table where he’d been working out the annoying detail of being sober.
He pulled the door open and abruptly slammed it shut again. Come on Julian take a deep breath, you could have been hallucinating just now, just open the door again and tell them to piss off.
He opened the door again and realised he wasn’t hallucinating Noel was actually standing there, looking slightly worse for wear but still amazingly gorgeous. He wondered why there was no justice in the world as he knew he looked like shit. He heard a sigh and he had no idea who did it, Noel was looking at him with shining blue eyes, corners crinkled in sadness.
“Can I come in?” was all he said in a timid voice Julian just grunted in reply trying to hide the fact his hands were shaking and his heart was beating furiously.
He opened the door wider and turned, walked back to the table downed the whiskey in his glass and slowly refilled it before turning around and looking at Him.
He was standing by the sofa nervously ruffling his hair and watching Ju.
“what don’t like what you’ve turned me into?” Julian sneered.
“I’m sorry” Noel whispered looking dejectedly at the floor. “I didn’t mean to cause all this pain for you and I didn’t mean those awful things I said, I just had to end it and you wouldn’t let me. I thought that if I hurt you a little, you would want to end with me and carry on with your life and I wouldn’t bring any more pain into your life. I hate that I just bought more instead, I hate what i’ve done to you and put you through.” He looked up and tears were falling down his face he took a step towards Julian and seeing that he didn’t move away walked to stand in front of him. “Then why did you do it?” he whispered to Noel, lips inches from his ear feeling tears prickling in his eyes.
“To save you” Noel replied looking into Jullian’s eyes “I had to end it with you or he would have hurt you and I didn’t want that, I never want that, your the most important thing to me.”
“Who would have hurt me?” Julian was secretly pleased with what Noel had said but he thought, what was this about me being in danger?
“Do you really want to know who would hurt you?”
“Yes, I do if they were so bad that you had to turn me into this” Noel flinched “the least you could do is explain it!”
“Do you remember James?”
Oh Julian remembered James, he was a psycho fan who stalked Noel. It got so bad that at one point he saw Noel hug Julian goodnight and he broke in to Noel’s place and started beating him up because he was with another man. Julian could never forget walking back into Noels house laughing because he forgot his bag and seeing noel laying curled up on the floor while James kicked him. He would never forget the nights until James was locked up away from Noel, the terrified looks he would see everytime he left the room it took months for Noel to get back to normal. It was heartbreaking.
“I remember” Ju said eyes darkening.
“Well he escaped and he threatened to kill you if I didn’t break up with you. He said that we should be together again and that nothing would stop it and either I ended it or he would- permanently. He was watching the day we broke up, he told me if I didn’t have the guts to end it he’d do it for me. Thats why I said what I said, I had to protect you. I love you too much.” He looked at Howard fresh tears rolling down his cheeks.
“You did all this for me little man?” Noel smiled and nodded. “You’ve been gone for three months though? Were have you been all this time?”
“I would have come back sooner but he was watching me too much, I had some luck though we were in a club and a guy started chatting me up, he want psycho, beating the guy up. The police recognised him and they put him back in jail, that’s when I came back to find you and explain.”
Julian smiled, the action feeling alien on his face after all this time and pulled Noel into a hug, kissing the top of his head “I understand little man. I just wish you could have told me sooner.”
“Ju,” Noel said bitting his bottom lip “do you think we could rewind back to before the fight?”
“I think we can, it might take some time but well get there” grinning now Noel hugged Julian back and sighed “you have no idea how much i’ve missed you, missed this, missed everything!”
I think I do Noel, I think I do”
“Ju I really am sorry for what I said, if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you i’ll do it I swear”
“Anything at all you name it”
“Shut up and kiss me”
Noel smiled “alright” with that he pulled Julian towards him and pressed his lips onto him hungrily claiming every part of his mouth again, reminding himself of what he’d missed those long months away.
Both pulled away gasping for breath and smiling at each other when Julian grinning said “wow, we should break up more often!” before pulling Noel in for another kiss.
End Notes: Well that’s the end, it maybe a little unbelievable but hey, it’s fun! =]