Into the Deep

this time, Rich goes too far

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frailty

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frailty

“You absolute idiot” Noel shucked his glasses to glare at the cab driver “we’ve passed the turn.” agitated fingers tugged at his fringe and his knee bounced rapidly. “We needed to be in Camden twenty minutes ago.” lots of sighs and tuts didn’t earn a response from the cabbie, but he did press harder on the accelerator.

“Come on little man” Julian placed a hand on the frantic red leather clad thigh to still it. “We’ll be there soon enough, here” he shuffled around in his bag “would you like some bootlaces?” Noel couldn’t resist smiling; Julian always calmed him down and knew exactly what to do regardless of where he was or why he was upset. That coupled with the warmth spreading through him from that hand perched on his leg, the agitation leached out quickly.

“Sorry Ju, pass em over yeah?” he indulged; slowly sucking on the strawberry sweetness, forgetting his edginess as the candy slowly disappeared behind sticky lips. Glancing over, Julian seemed fascinated with something out his window, staring intently while tugging at the hem of his shirt and swallowing roughly.


“CHRIST YOU TWO!” Paul called to them from down the hall as soon as they exited the lifts. It must have been hot already, sweat was glistening off a red forehead and nose and steam may have been coming from his ears. “You’re almost an hour late, we’ve still got the ‘fountain’ scene plus a full day of filming” he launched into a full on rant. Even from a hundred meters away, Noel was sure he could categorize all the shades of red their director was turning. “Noel I don’t care how much of a princess you are, be here on ti” he was cut off by Julian stepping in front of the smaller man protectively.

“Whoa there, don’t you be smarting off to him” voice more a growl than anything. “He was ready, we both were, but the bloody driver you ordered never showed so we cabbed it, don’t you be havin a go at him!” rage, barely controlled, tripped up his words. “Don’t you” he spat, venom leaking onto the floor. Paul held up his hands defensively.

“Whatever, just be on set in ten.” loosing interest in the late comers, the director switched gears and went to hunt down Spencer.

“Berk.” Julian hissed under his breath, spinning to face the man behind him. “Sorry, he shouldn’t have…” He was silenced by two delicate hands playing with the buttons on his shirt. Fingers pressed gently on the hard muscles. Something passed behind those golden eyes too quick to decipher. Noel looked up into them shyly before starting.

“That was pretty cool, would’ve gone on for ages if you hadn’t” he could feel himself going on a tangent “thanks” he finished lamely. Unashamedly, a smile broke across that beautiful northern face and Noel couldn’t help returning an identical one. It was rare to ward off explosions from Paul. More of a diva than anyone else on set, it was a triumph to be standing in the aftermath of one of those narrowly avoided explosions. Now, he didn’t know what was happening. There was an undercurrent of feelings flowing just below recognition. The familiarity of crinkling laugh lines, the unhindered passion he’d just displayed in defending him, whichever, it made him take a step forward almost crossing an invisible line into Julian’s space.

“Vincy my prince” Noel’s face fell. Momentary understanding trampled by a heavy American accent as Rich came bounding up to meet them both, nearly knocking Julian aside. He placed himself betwixt the two. “Where ya been? I can’t wait to start our new episode today.” everything about him was so annoying today; smelling like stale jerky, he stupidly rambled on unheard. Noel watched Julian’s smile wilt as he turned from Rich’s back and headed towards the dressing rooms alone. Making to go after him, Rich thwarted movement by gripping his arm uncomfortably.

“Hey!” bad breath enveloped Noel’s nose. “I’m talkin here.” lights streaked across his irises as hairy arms shook him violently, trying to regain attention.

“Oi, cool your boots” jerking away, he straightened the leather coat slipping from his shoulders after going through that human washing machine. Grubby fingers roughly relinquished their hold. “I’ve gotta change.” The waifish man attempting to squeeze past the heavy sack of skin. He made it two steps before he realized he was being followed. “What you doin?”

“Oh, I just told Paul that I’d make sure you’re on time”

“Right, well I’ll be on in a minute, you can let ‘im know yeah?” but Rich didn’t move, just sort of stood there, looking for something to say. Uneasiness dropped like ice into his stomach; something was off, didn’t feel right. Something inside was screaming just out of earshot. Rich took an unwarranted step forward, eyes narrowing.

“Noel, ya dolt! Better get a move on” that lisp, never so beautiful. Noel let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding as mike appeared from around the corner. “Paul’s already in a right state, we’re moving the flat scene from yesterday to the end of the shoot today to save time.”

“Right.” Noel quickly latched on to his brother and followed him down the hall leaving his creeper staring stupidly after them. They reached the dressing room just as ‘Howard’ was walking out. Noel was rewarded with an instant smile as Julian’s eyes found his.

“Definitely like my other costume better, this roll neck is already 100 degrees.” he fidgeted with his collar a moment, then “lucky you got that dress of an outfit you git.”

“Wanna trade? That’s polyester; there is a good chance I’ll suffocate.”

“Well, if I see you asphyxiating, I’ll step in and start cpr.” his blush didn’t go unnoticed. “Come on, before we get sacked, and I don’t mean fired. I’ve already pulled your stuff. I’m going to see Christine, maybe change to a Hawaiian, I really can’t breathe.” Julian had trouble maintaining eye contact and left his partner standing alone in the hall as he quickly shuffled to makeup.


The day was going pretty fast, all things considered. The midday break came almost as a surprise when Spencer called time. The general consensus was to order out for lunch. It was nice, that meant there would be no cold coffee or soggy sandwiches.

“Hey Ju” Noel called as he jogged to catch up before he disappeared down the hallway. “Wait up.” Julian stopped finally; he looked like he’d been staring too long at a computer screen: eyes showed the faintest tinge of red, watery and tired.

“Sorry little man didn’t hear you, what’s up?”

“Nothing I was going to ask” he was going to ask if they could escape the chaos of the crowd and sneak out together but he stopped, noting the trembling in Julian’s bottom lip. “What’s wrong?” silver and pink Jagger boots stepping closer. He lifted a hand to rest against a smooth, unusually pale cheek; thumb brushed over them, trying to still the quiver, willing calmness.

Shaking lips parted and innocent chestnut eyes drooped, just for a moment – almost leaning into the touch – before he jerked away freezing into a stone façade.

“Nothing.” His eyes fixed to the floor “just was goin to get some air.” His voice cracked, then he was running down the hall as Noel stared after him.

Fifteen minutes later the food arrived and still Julian hadn’t returned. Noel was sat on the benches outside studio 4 watching the beads of condensation chase each other down the side of his water bottle. Rich had placed his overly generous hind very close, talking about how incredible his night had been. Nothing coming out of his mouth could have interested Noel in any way, his mind was elsewhere. Plus his night was beyond comparison.

“But then after three rounds, I finally turned in. Chicago can’t compare or Cali… Vincy, Vince… NOEL! You even listenin!” Noel cocked his head slightly to look in Rich’s direction.

“Hmm, yeah go on.” Eyes finding their way back to the water bottle.

“You look like your brain was sucked out.” The sweaty man moved closer, thighs flush against purple paisley. Again, a weird feeling crept through his bones.

“Have you seen Julian at all? He said he was going for air but…” he surveyed the area desperately one more time, still came up empty.

“Oh?” fake “he’s not around huh?” Rich’s tone was strange, gleeful and alarming. “He uh, actually told me a bit ago he was going to use the phone.” Mousy eyes darted about. Noel didn’t believe that for a second, who would Julian call while filming? Everyone was here. He just sat silent and stared directly at the man who eventually started to blubber. “Look, he’s probably upset at what I said.” Azure eyes narrowed, glare intensified.

“What did you say?”

“Eh, well… it depends on how you int…”

“What did you say!” his voice bordering on yelling, but he was quickly becoming angry and upset.

“I might have said… well I sorta told him you didn’t want him hanging around during break, that you needed some space like um, well that he was crowding you.”

No, no no no no no please don’t let that be true. Noel was sure he could taste blood in his mouth.

“You jerk off! Why would say that?” the anger that he’d been holding back rose so fiercely, he felt like throwing something heavy at Rich’s stupid face, knock him down a peg or two. Standing so quickly, his water bottle tipped and flooded the table. Find Julian was all he could think, find him and explain. He knew how sensitive and gullible the man was, how easily he could be tricked. That actually made him angry, how could Julian believe Rich! How could he doubt their friendship, and why wouldn’t Julian just ask him if it were true.

Thinking on it as he stalked the halls for the missing Northerner, he realized that Julian thought that way because Noel never did anything to show, or prove his feelings for him. They laughed, joked played around but it was all friendly. During a party, if someone else came along, he would leave Julian standing awkwardly in the corner. Not on purpose, he had a large demographic of friends to please. Undoubtedly he would believe Rich because he was always being left behind. The anxiety tripled as he blundered through the hallways, looking for a familiar flash of Hawaii or a jazz tune hummed lightly.

How could he not have known, in the hall he looked so sad; so sad he ran to get away. And Rich had caused it all. Noel couldn’t tell which emotion was winning, rage, anger, worry… he decided on worry because any other would distract him from finding hid mate and fixing this mess. He completely ignored the strained apologies and excuses oozing from yellow teeth and chapped lips.

Noel finally found Julian in a store room sitting a top a counter, feet crossed, staring sightlessly at a book Noel knew he’d read a hundred times before. He was deep in thought, always tugged at the corners of his mustache when he was.

“Been lookin for you for a bit” words spilling softly, not wanting to startle him, but desperate to fill the air with unnecessary apologies and comfort. Pulled from his reverie, Julian looked up and smiled automatically but then revoked it in exchange for a grimace.

“Oh, hey.” it was a lifeless reply; nothing about Julian had ever been lifeless or passionless.

“What you doin in here?” Chrome shined boots stepped fully into the room coming to stand in front of the seated man. Somber brown eyes fell to their owner’s lap as Noel moved closer.

“You should have told me you wanted me to back off.” his voice, barely above a whisper, broke Noel’s heart.

“If I wanted you to, I wouldn’t have spent the last half hour lookin for you.” he stepped even closer. “Rich told me what he said to you, it was absolutely ridiculous.” he closed the gap between them, circling his arms around Julian’s neck and rested his forehead against his. It was like a machine full of cogs clicking into place. All the uneasiness ebbed away and a beautiful peace settled between the pair. Strong arms came up and encircled Noel’s slender waist, pulling him closer. Heat radiated up from the touch and for the first time in a long time, the suave socialite felt his breath catch.

“I should have guessed.” Julian whispered between them and while Noel expected to feel relieved, he was not expecting the weird skip in his heartbeat.

Oh… He was really thick sometimes.

The other man pulled away first and conceded to his watch telling them it was time to head back. Noel was almost tempted to just blow off filming for a few more moments alone but Julian had already disengaged himself and was heading towards the door.

“I’ll never want you to” He called after his partner, not too sure why he was saying so, but knew if he didn’t, his tongue might turn to dust. “You, know… back off.”

Julian stopped completely, not really saying anything but expressing everything at once… but of course no moment could ever exist on its own in perfection. Something always diminishes it. This time was no different, it was an announcement over the floor for all Boosh cast to return to the set. This time though, they headed there together. Before the last onslaught of scenes, Julian asked Noel to come back to his flat again, with no work related stipulations attached.


Noel could tell how irritating the grizzly beard ‘Lucian’ had was to Julian; his nose and upper lip kept twitching. Thankful to still be in his purple outfit and not swathed in Old Gregg paraphernalia, he sympathized with that terrible irritation and tried to get through the scenes quick smart. Neither fancied doing any scenes with ‘Ramsay’, they passed mechanical and almost humorless; Paul oblivious to the seething rage both were projecting.

The air, of course, grew uncomfortably hot. A couple times ‘Matilda’ had to take her face off to prevent blackouts and Christine with an arsenal of makeup artists took to perching around the cameras ready to fix any silver eye shadow melting off.

“Okay that’s a wrap for Old Gregg for today.” Paul peeled himself off his chair and walked to the middle of the set. Naturally, everyone gathered around. “We’ll finish the rest tomorrow but now we’ve got two hours left, lets start on the flat scene before we call it a day.” He clapped his hands and everyone magically dispersed to set about changing the props and what not.

Julian divested himself in record time, all too happy to exchange heavy sweater and wool facial mask for his Magnum P.I. get up.

“God that’s loads better.” Relishing the feel of the warm air on his bare skin as ‘Lucian’ fell to the floor “Whose idea was this wicked thing?” he joked as he threw the crazy animal fur Noel’s way, missing him by millimeters.

Eager as well to get out of his furnace of a costume, Noel shed his clothes down to his pants and sat in front of the mirror to start on the crazy Jagger boots. Julian had gone very still.

“Ju you o” before he could finish, the other man bolted for the door muttering some excuse about not feeling well. He didn’t return until several minutes later, looking like he’d fallen in the sink.

“Sorry, just needed some water, hot in here yeah?” yeah, Noel thought to himself, and you missed and it ended up on your head. So, yesterday when he was changing, Julian fled and then again today. Parts of the day and week were clicking into place again; continuously sliding into a riddle that Noel hadn’t realized he’d been close to solving until now. He was very familiar with hidden glances but… there was something he just decided to try. He needed to know if this was going where he thought it was; where he was afraid to admit where he wanted it to go.


The flat had been rearranged in the studio when they both arrived. Suddenly it seemed more surreal and everything was moving in slow motion. Noel swallowed nervously, thinking about what he was about to do and nowhere on the list of erratic or rational emotions was hesitation on the bill. The scene unfolded before the camera almost seamlessly as the lines progressed towards the end of the act: everything still moving as if it were under water. Finally, they reached the part where he and Julian would be sitting on the polka dotted sofa: where everything was about to change.

The lights changed, dimmed to make a more dramatic effect. Julian sat first, one leg crossed over the other, ankle resting on his knee. Arguments filtered across the sidelines about boom shadows and camera angles. Noel followed, sitting closer than script called for, tugging another button free. Julian was so focused on maintaining a calm face; he didn’t hear Paul call time and desert them for the mess that production was making. Noel kept going with it as well, using the distraction to his advantage as most of the crew wandered off to find caffeine.

“You know Howard, you don’t look old at all really” bring his tone husky “it’s just all those books you read that adds years.”

“Vince, you don’t appreciate the beauty of verse.” Lines altered and were cut short as Noel placed a hand on Julian’s bare thigh. So naïve and thinking it was innocent, Julian shook his head struggling for control and tried to concentrate.

White leather slid closer as Noel boldly moved warm fingers up, brushing just underneath the hem of the silky shorts: his own breath dissolving into pants. He kept up the charade.

“You know, I actually think that you’re quite handsome.” The line between Vince and himself blurred. Julian shuddered, eyes slipping closed.

“Wh-what you on about?” stumbling over his words, it was apparent that Julian had forsaken Howard all together, Howard would have jumped up a long time ago screaming “don’t touch me” or telling Vince he was off his tits. More deliciously, Noel could see how much his actions were affecting the unsuspecting man; Hawaiian silkies accent the bulge pressing against them.

Not expecting the reaction in himself, Noel found himself growing painfully aroused. Flooded with his and Julian’s desire, he dropped the act completely, moving ever higher up, thumb pressed against defined muscle. A more primal instinct took over, driving him.

It was one of those moments where everything else fades into the background and it’s so classically perfect. Spending all this time fending off mad fans and beautiful women, it was strange making the first move. That’s what he was doing and it terrified him, thrilled him and completed him all at the same time. Noel was trying to make a move on Julian, was turned on by the very idea, by every sound.

He moved his other hand to play with the soft brown curls at the base of Julian’s neck. Shiny fabric shone in the overhead lighting as its owner’s chest moved up and down. Actually looking at him: eyes still closed, erratic breaths, sun drenched skin, poorly manicured mustache atop slightly parted lips, lips that suddenly seemed all too kissable…

“Beautiful.” Noel whispered hoping Julian would know Vince was nowhere around. In that moment, fingertips disappeared beneath the shorts completely, Julian’s head fell back into the palm lost in his brown smoke and let the faintest of whispers escape.

“Noel.” In the infinitesimal amount of time between the synapse of nerves, everything had changed. Julian had shifted their delicate cosmos and the rules crumbled in their fingers. Noel wasn’t serried to Julian to see if Julian had feelings for him, but because Noel had feelings for Julian, he was in love with him. This divulgence of his subconscious made the room feel too small, he wanted to leap off the couch and run away with Julian beside him. But, of course, truly marvelous moments are always broken in their frailty.

“Okay guys, we’re cutting the couch scene and leaving off where Dave mentions the Fountain.” Paul’s voice a tarnish on the crystal of the moment. Julian jerked his head back to reality: eyes snapping open face flushing violent scarlet. He wouldn’t meet the imploring azure gems trying to desperately get his attention. The spell was broken.

People quickly rushed about pulling props down and moving set pieces. Julian was going to back out, pretend it didn’t even happen; wasn’t going to say anything at all!

“Julian” Noel said sharply – sick of this alluding game. His head shot up, russet met cobalt and Noel unleashed everything he was feeling, thinking. The scarlet deepened in Julian’s cheeks but was accompanied by the most incredibly beautiful smile he’d ever seen grace that face. It was real, genuine. The gold sparkle made Noel ache for the last scene.

Finally it came and the two rushed to get to the dressing rooms. Walking down the hallway, Noel let his fingers tangle in Julian’s before being stopped in the middle.

“Hey Julian, Paul wants to talk to you a minute.” Rich grumbled as, like usual, he stepped between the two, lodging himself as close as possible to the shorter man. Julian didn’t want to go, and the look in his partner’s eyes said the same, he was inclined to ignore it, but Rich insisted it was very important.

“Right.” Aggravation clear on his face, the taller of the two turned and stalked off back towards the studio. Noel ducked into the dressing room before Rich could say anything else.


He was already changed and ready to go before Julian ever returned. Impatience got the best of him and Noel tugged the door open finding himself face to face with the person he’d left out there a bit ago.

“What you still doin here?” Trying to keep the disgust out of his voice, “it’s getting late.”

“Oh, I just have a message from Julian” that accent unnerved him. Mentioning Julian’s name mixed a savage thrill with a toxic churning he’d never felt before. “He asked if you’d meet him down in studio 7, wants to talk to you about somethin.”

“Alright, cheers.” The fat man didn’t move. “Uh, g’night.” He ended quickly and made his way around the protruding stomach and towards the stairs. Studio 7 was in the basement and he had no idea why Julian would want to meet him there. Being a very self assured person, Noel didn’t even entertain the idea that Julian wanted to talk about earlier and how it might not be a good idea. The stairs were dark and filled the spaces in his head with foreboding.

Going to see Julian never felt like this, no matter what. Even if they had fought, he was never afraid; this just felt wrong. Trying to brush it off as paranoia, he pulled the door open to studio 7; most of the lights were out: the majority of the luminescence coming from a large, glittering pool casting and eerie green glow over the voluminous room. The water was still as glass. He remembered vaguely this room being used to tape a game show, but he’d never actually been in here before.

“Ju?” he whispered, not wanting to break the silence of the room. “You here?” he stepped fully into the room, searching for a light switch. “Ju?” he called again, voice echoing off the rafters. Eyes slowly focusing in the dim incandescence, Noel noticed a large metal bridge suspended across the pool. Besides that and some bleacher seating off to the right, the room appeared to be empty.

There was a heavy ‘chink’ as the door behind him swung shut. Quickly turning towards the sound, he felt dread boil over. “Julian?”

“Vincy my Prince” a figure loomed out of the shadows and advanced on him.