Into the Deep

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this time, Rich goes too far

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Notes: Noel and Julian’s relationship gets closer

Into the Deep by SplendidGenesis

[nextpage title=”oh… of course”]
oh… of course

SUMMARY: Julian and Noel’s relationship gets closer. real person fic.

The costumes were always so hot. That’s why Julian never minded stripping down to his pants to get into character. Today it was a slave to a race of homicidal blue Zooberons led by a sexually deranged midget. The inner workings of their minds still brilliant.

Regardless of the insanity, he was glad to be donning nothing but a burlap loin cloth and some cool metal chains. The only article that wasn’t pleasant was the thick fabric around his neck protecting him from the prop chains. It made him feel slightly claustrophobic, like he was choking. Still it was worlds better than his “sand” costume he was wearing yesterday. He shuddered at the memory.

Makeup was always the first part of the day, and while Julian sat there getting his face all arranged, his mind took a familiar turn towards uncertainty. Since the beginning of series 2, he felt something inside changing: an apprehension growing. Of course we was all too happy to disregard it as nerves and lack of clothing but still it nestled itself somewhere inside his brain and fell asleep.

The cracked grey leather of the makeup chair was sticking to the backs of his thighs, making an odd squelching sound every time he shifted. Christine set about finishing the heated “pre-burial” (as she so lovingly dubbed it) look, rambling about another pot of colour going missing. She left him to rally a search party. Julian stifled a laugh as one of the costume managers nearby had started arguing with Dave about the condition of the Bollo suit.

“Yeah well I keep telling everyone its 4000 degrees in here; I can’t stop myself from sweating”

“No, but you can at least make sure it’s rung out or washed… something!”

“Sorry mate, not my job. I’m monkey and photos.” In a dramatically childish gesture, the costume manager threw down the suit and turned on his heel, stomping away. It couldn’t be helped, Julian let the laughter break through and chuckled at the drama. He loved it, knowing that he might not be the only one high strung. It relaxed him somehow.

“Worse than when you and Paul have a go.” A warm voice ghosted across Julian’s ear, smooth as the prickles on Julian’s skin were sharp. The tightening of his stomach disconcerting, he turned to his friend that had sidled up next to him, smile unavoidable.

“That suit is pretty rank; I can smell it from here. That or it might just be you spoiled chosen one.” Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the grin spread across Noel’s face, one of those mischievous smiles that made it momentarily hard to breathe. Raven silk brushed his cheek as Noel rested his head against Julian’s briefly before Christine returned, ushering him into his own worn out chair. There was something wrong with Julian, there had to be. He found himself staring too long as another makeup artist brushed gloss across slightly parted lips. It was a compulsion, like he knew it was wrong but his body…

Tearing his gaze away, flustered brown eyes turned towards the opposite end of the studio, focusing on a blue skinned, robed figure who was staring intently at the eccentric man now getting his eyes kohled.

“Hey Rich,” Julian called over “wanna do lines with me?” He really didn’t want to but for some reason the way those eyes seemed to be slightly devouring or predatory made his skin crawl. Rich snapped out of his trance, crazed look fading to dull stupidity.

“Nah, I’m gonna find a sandwich.” He hovered between staying and going until his large stomach made the decision for him and pulled him away towards the lunch table. Julian turned back towards the man next to him, his body again having trouble adjusting. Noel, fashioned in his white guitar flares and studded black top, a perfect fit – but Julian found his eyes straying inappropriately to the flash of pale skin where the top few buttons went forgotten. It took a moment to realize Noel was talking.

“Oi, you listenin?” freshly made lips pulling into a gentle pout.

“Sorry, just uh…” he shook his head clear of daydreams. “What you on about?”

“I said we need to finish the music for Old Gregg tonight” uncrossing long white leather legs, he grew restless in the chair, giving the girl backcombing his hair an impatient look. It was more humorous than threatening. “We’re filming it tomorrow.”

“Oh, right! Alright do you want to just ride home with me after” a giddiness swept through him like a child asking to have a sleep over, strange, and then apprehension slithered somewhere around his middle.

“Alright, sounds genius.” Finished with his Vince transformation, Noel winked at his artist and took the mirror she handed him, admiring the final product. “Cheers!” flashing that smile again; the slim man pulled himself off the chair and fixed his hat on. “Almost done Chris? I don’t want my hair to fall flat; it’s well hot in here”

Christine just laughed and brushed another few bristles across Julian’s forehead. Julian turned his attention to the tops of his bare feet, they were dirty and cracked. But he just couldn’t look at his co-star any more, uncomfortable feelings spreading from his stomach to other places.

“I’ll be along in a minute, round up Dave and Mike so we can get started on…” He trailed off as Noel had taken one of the prop chains in his hands and was following the links down to the bare skin of his torso. Long slender fingers brushed lightly against Julian’s ribs. He decided to forgo breathing all together knowing the alternative would be hyperventilating. A maelstrom of thoughts and emotions poured across his brain, none making sense and some he wasn’t prepared to deal with.

“Julian, are these hurting you? Your skin is all red” His fingers still sweeping across slightly angry skin gently, looking upset. Fighting to talk properly, Julian sucked in a breath and assured his friend it was just the heat. Seeming appeased, Noel relinquished his touch, almost hesitantly, and disappeared behind the green screen to find Paul.

“I was sure I had the red contrast perfect.” Christine fussed, dabbing at his cheeks, Julian too embarrassed to admit he may be blushing.

“Do you have anything else? I do like gifts”

“Cut” Paul shouted, letting out an irritated sigh. “Rich back up; you’re to close to Noel – okay people once more”

“Do you have anything el”

“Cut!”

“Oi Fulcher! What you doin? You’re practically in my lap” Julian noticed him trying to squirm backwards.

“We’re going to try it one more time” annoyance vibrated from one corner to the other, Paul commanded a few quick lighting changes before calling action.

“Do you have anything else, I do like gifts.”

“Oh yes, Peppo!”

“CUT!” Paul threw his copy of the loose script down. “Let’s take a break yeah? Rich come talk to me.” Getting off his knees, the grumbly American stumbled over to where the director sat hunched over in his collapsible chair.

“What do you reckon is the matter with Rich?” Julian asked as he reached out a hand to pull Noel from the ground.

“Dunno” he brushed off the back of his trousers “but he’s been creepin me out all day, starting to go a bit wrong”

“What do you mean?”

“Somethin bout him lately is all, I dunno, wonky.” He tilted his head in Rich’s direction. “Keeps givin me these looks like he’s angry at me, then switches to happy again.” Strange possessive feelings flitting about his ankles, Julian shrugged. Not knowing really how to react just yet.

“Cuppa tea?” he offered instead

“That’d be genius” The taller man stalked the lunch table for some Earl Grey. Nicking two bags, he headed for the microwave. Julian really didn’t understand the ferocity of his emotions lately, severe and acute all at the same time. He felt like a switch, flicked in an instant and all these weird unexplainable feelings rush like a current. Deducing the instances, his partner seemed to be at the center of it all.

He really was trying to pinpoint the moment it all started, but the jumbled mess of memories caused more confusion than good. Julian settled for dividing the origins into two separate categories: the time before and after starting series two, and began his all too Howard-like analysis. Before, while they were touring and on break everything still seemed normal, but things started changing right before filming. Now, they didn’t spend as much time together. No late nights out at the pub, no weekend parties at each others’ flats, just working all the time. He loved it, of course, but not seeing Noel like he had, it made him restless. The nights that Noel did come home with him and they’d sit on the couch listening to music neither liked because they couldn’t decide on a genre were the only times he felt normal, relaxed, content.

Honestly, he was being foolish in trying to reason with himself that all this was is need for more consistency. But the whole charade tumbled the second that Rich gave Noel that possessive look. It sparked a chain reaction of memories ending with an epiphany he though his denial could stamp down hard enough to be buried where no one would ever find it. Julian wanted Noel, in the most primal of ways: he loved him.

It was so simple and obvious, almost as obvious as the rage boiling just below the surface for that obscene American. The thought, mere suggestion, that anyone else would share those types of thoughts of him twisted everything inside. Why hadn’t he realized it sooner? Everything seemed so captivating: the way that shiny black mane framed flawless ivory skin; relentlessly innocent eyes that just…

The beeping of the microwave snapped him from his stream of thoughts. Plunging the teabags unceremoniously into two polystyrene cups, he headed back to where he left Noel standing thoughtfully at the green screen. Relinquishing one cup, he prayed that his face didn’t betray his revelation.

“Cheers” Julian attempted to stifle a gasp as those long, slender fingers brushes against his own.

“Lots of sugar” was all he had to offer back while he chastised himself for overreacting.

“You’re the best.” Noel stepped closer and slid his arm around Julian’s waist pulling their bodies closer than he was prepared for. Hot breath cascaded over his neck as Noel buried his face just above his shoulder. This proximity was suddenly overwhelming and then just that careless whisper…

“Ju.” It was like a purr, shivers coursing from the kiss of heated skin to the centre of his body. Julian stiffened, trying desperately to gain composure, very aware of the public setting and that there would be no worse time than now, to get excited in front of everyone he had ever met but…

Noel had pressed himself up against Julian’s chest, slender arm securely wrapped around his waist still and ridiculously pouty, tea warmed lips just millimeters away from brushing overheated skin. “Look to the left, he’s doin it again.”

Better than an icy shower, all the brazen lust and overload that had been steadily building became instantly inundated by white fury. As he pulled his gaze towards the Californian slouching sloppily next to Paul, he saw the same look from this morning fixed on the man clutching onto Julian. The hungry stare flickered between rage and madness as he moved his eyes to lock on to the taller man’s, a deadly challenge erupting between them.

Unspoken but decidedly violent, a strange electricity crackled between the Brit and American. It was almost as if Rich was competing in a contest that the other never consented to. Julian instinctively wrapped his own arm around Noel protectively and pulled him closer. Noel didn’t complain. The slight tremble didn’t go unnoticed either. The bumbling man turned off all expression and floundered his way over to the pair.

“Vincy my prince.” He started, blank look swept away to make room for nauseating adoration. “Paul wants us to have one more go before the end of the day.” Those strangely beautiful aqua eyes flashed up panicked at Julian as a big meaty hand encircled Noel’s tiny wrist and tugged roughly, pulling him from the safety of Julian’s arms. He watched helplessly as, like a doll, Rich dragged him across the studio and pushed him to the floor. The music started again and action was called. Colouring the air around him with obscenities, Julian adjusted the chains around his neck and followed.

The rest of the day’s filming went rather smoothly. It was possible the whole fiasco with Rich existed solely in his head, with everything still trying to processed through his neurons, it may have been an over exaggeration. Still, that look that Noel had given him was genuine and not to be discredited. The only scene left to film was the one they couldn’t finish because the Bollo suit was still ‘wet’. It could be done most likely in an hour the next morning. Definitely glad for the reprieve, even wearing next to nothing, Julian still felt like he was cooking. Abandoning the top half of his costume, he set off towards the dressing rooms.

“This costume is absolutely deplorable” that painfully familiar voice crept up behind him as they both reached the door. “I feel like I’m meltin in here.” Tossing the cowboy hat aside, Noel fussed in front of the mirror for a moment, frowning at his limp hair, before he started to disrobe. The black studded shirt fell heavily to the floor. Julian again deciding that breathing may not be an option, shifted the waistband of his shorts that had become significantly more restricting. He tensed and made for the door. Unbidden, dread coursed its way through his veins; what if Noel notices? It would all be over.

“I’ve forgotten something.” Julian shot out into the hallway leaving a confused and semi-naked man in his wake.

“Yeah, so what was all that about earlier?”

“Hmm? What do you mean?” Julian’s tea cup clinked heavily on the table top. He was so hoping this wouldn’t be brought up; suddenly the living room seemed too small.

“You makin a beeline on me as if Charlie Parker was in the parking lot signing autographs in all his zombie glory”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Blush. After dashing from the small broom cupboard of a dressing room, Julian had locked himself in the bathroom dousing his face in icy water and changing in the safety of solitude. It was almost twenty minutes before he was presentable again. He reappeared finding a slightly miffed Noel waiting in the hall: arms crossed over his chest, leaning back against the wall… god it was sexy. The gentle scowl on his cherry lips faded immediately when Julian appeared looking apologetic and slightly guilty. Thinking that he’d lucked out, Noel hadn’t asked for an explanation; just linked his arm around the taller man’s and led him towards the parking lot.

Now they were both sat on the sofa, indulging in a cup of Twinnings, listening to Gary Numan.

“Get stuffed, I was talking to you then you ran off like I lit your pants on fire.” Ugh he didn’t know the half of it.

“I told you, I left something in the studio and I didn’t want it getting nicked.” The tea was hot and soothing against his lies, making them go down easier. But there was this awful feeling lying in the pit of his stomach knowing he was being deceitful. Honestly, it was a lie to cover up what… it was useless, lying would get him no where. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have… um I”

“Alright Ju,” Noel held his hands up “just giving you a hard time ya tit.” And like that, the budding tension snapped and the boa constrictor hugging Julian’s insides withered as quick as it’d come. “Now let’s get started on that song, I think I actually might have some pretty funny ideas.”

Julian visibly relaxed as both went into autopilot and began pulling lyrics and cords out of thin air. It was nearly 2am when they had all the music for Old Gregg finished. Noel stood up and stretched, joints popping from prolonged hunching, the older man creaking a considerable amount more when he followed suit. They both decided to call it a night.

The crux of nocturnal life was at its fullest: crickets, owls and many other oddities making their presence known. Julian despised it, he knew once Noel left, those sounds would swallow him whole. The unhappiness that lurked around the edges would creep back in. before his brain could catch up with his mouth…

“It’s pretty late, might as well just stay here and we can fetch the driver in the morning.” Childish bit of pink blowing his cool demeanor.

“Cheers Ju, I’m well tired” eyes lighting up jovially, “but I have no intention of crashing on this crappy sofa” the corners of his lips pulling up into a mischievous smile “so you’d better not steal all the covers.”

“Now wait just a” Julian’s defense a lost cause, Noel had already disappeared up the stairs and he couldn’t follow fast enough.

Noel wasn’t really sure what had caused his strange behavior last night. There was something about spending last night with Julian that was so recharging and refreshing. There was a playfulness that awoke between that had been missing. No tension, no friction, no one else bothering the flow between them. He found himself prolonging the completion of the scripts and songs. It had been really late, and filming was taking its toll, but he couldn’t seem to mind.

The tea rings on the mahogany table were the only indicators of time passing. It was like another world descended upon them, encased in the area surrounding the decaying golden sofa. This wasn’t Julian’s flat, it was their home. Music blanketed the walls and floor with colourful melodies and laptop wires became entangled with limbs, their creation become a part of them. Somehow after all this time it seemed so surreal and complicated but never less than perfect. So it was vaguely unnerving to find himself stealing sideways glances; more often than not, was rewarded by his partner doing the same only he turned colours when caught.

Unfortunately, the last cord of “love games” was written and saved to the zip drive; the chiming of a distant clocking jabbing them with the reminder that there were only 5 hours left until the makeup room would beckon to them one more. He was going to ask to stay but Julian offered first. He wasn’t sure why there was so much hesitation in his invitation but there was a rare glimpse of vulnerability in those shifting brown eyes so, naturally, Noel had to take advantage of it. Nothing could have been a better decision.

The weak morning light filtered in through the slats of the blinds, falling soundlessly against the two lying in bed together. Raven tresses hung messily across Noel’s forehead. Blinking slowly into the predawn light, he took in his surroundings. He was lying on his side in Julian’s bed, Julian’s arm draped over his waist securing him to a firm chest. Sleep had been so remarkable: dreams vivid, bountiful and illogical. All of which had alluded him for a while now. Recalling the events leading up to this were so strange. Julian had bounded up the stairs behind him so energetically then was zapped and deflated, like so often lately that it decidedly deserved some detection work on his part. Julian faltered.

Worried that the tension would ooze back into the room, Noel quickly took to balking at the selection of pj’s available to him and opted for his vest and pants. Julian on the other hand, looked like the next cavalry kid in his suit of armor passing for sleepwear. They both slid into bed, like so many times before, but now there was a thick band of tension stretched across the two. Why? What had happened to create this feeling between them? Suddenly noel was worried that he’d done something to piss Julian off and he just wasn’t saying. Regardless, they both fell asleep relatively quick on opposite ends of the bed and somehow woke up in each other’s arms: Julian clutching his bed mate and a faint smile gracing his features, easing the lines and making him youthful.

No weirdness or uneasiness came, it hadn’t before either when they awoke like this. Noel just felt safe and peaceful with his back pressed up against Julian’s familiar warmth. He didn’t want to move. The softness of the blankets, the chill breeze pouring in through the window and strange complacency lulling him into a bliss so rarely felt.

It was broken by the obnoxious blare of the alarm clock screaming its siren song of morning and lateness if they didn’t get up soon. That serenity in the twilight of sleep shattered and well acquainted tension filled the bed thickly, threatening to strangle the air from his lungs: Julian had woken completely. Clumsy limbs tangled the sheets as he mumbled apologies and leapt out of the bed like it was on fire. Before Noel could even roll over and tell him not to worry, the bathroom door was clicking shut. Surprisingly, Noel was disappointed. If only they had the day off, or could blow off filming, they could have stayed there a while longer, could have stopped Julian from running, but it couldn’t be helped. Pulling himself out of bed, he rubbed the sleep and confusing thoughts from his eyes and headed to the kitchen for some English Breakfast.

End Notes: Cheers for reading! next chapter up soon

[nextpage title=”frailty”]
frailty

“You absolute idiot” Noel shucked his glasses to glare at the cab driver “we’ve passed the turn.” agitated fingers tugged at his fringe and his knee bounced rapidly. “We needed to be in Camden twenty minutes ago.” lots of sighs and tuts didn’t earn a response from the cabbie, but he did press harder on the accelerator.

“Come on little man” Julian placed a hand on the frantic red leather clad thigh to still it. “We’ll be there soon enough, here” he shuffled around in his bag “would you like some bootlaces?” Noel couldn’t resist smiling; Julian always calmed him down and knew exactly what to do regardless of where he was or why he was upset. That coupled with the warmth spreading through him from that hand perched on his leg, the agitation leached out quickly.

“Sorry Ju, pass em over yeah?” he indulged; slowly sucking on the strawberry sweetness, forgetting his edginess as the candy slowly disappeared behind sticky lips. Glancing over, Julian seemed fascinated with something out his window, staring intently while tugging at the hem of his shirt and swallowing roughly.

“CHRIST YOU TWO!” Paul called to them from down the hall as soon as they exited the lifts. It must have been hot already, sweat was glistening off a red forehead and nose and steam may have been coming from his ears. “You’re almost an hour late, we’ve still got the ‘fountain’ scene plus a full day of filming” he launched into a full on rant. Even from a hundred meters away, Noel was sure he could categorize all the shades of red their director was turning. “Noel I don’t care how much of a princess you are, be here on ti” he was cut off by Julian stepping in front of the smaller man protectively.

“Whoa there, don’t you be smarting off to him” voice more a growl than anything. “He was ready, we both were, but the bloody driver you ordered never showed so we cabbed it, don’t you be havin a go at him!” rage, barely controlled, tripped up his words. “Don’t you” he spat, venom leaking onto the floor. Paul held up his hands defensively.

“Whatever, just be on set in ten.” loosing interest in the late comers, the director switched gears and went to hunt down Spencer.

“Berk.” Julian hissed under his breath, spinning to face the man behind him. “Sorry, he shouldn’t have…” He was silenced by two delicate hands playing with the buttons on his shirt. Fingers pressed gently on the hard muscles. Something passed behind those golden eyes too quick to decipher. Noel looked up into them shyly before starting.

“That was pretty cool, would’ve gone on for ages if you hadn’t” he could feel himself going on a tangent “thanks” he finished lamely. Unashamedly, a smile broke across that beautiful northern face and Noel couldn’t help returning an identical one. It was rare to ward off explosions from Paul. More of a diva than anyone else on set, it was a triumph to be standing in the aftermath of one of those narrowly avoided explosions. Now, he didn’t know what was happening. There was an undercurrent of feelings flowing just below recognition. The familiarity of crinkling laugh lines, the unhindered passion he’d just displayed in defending him, whichever, it made him take a step forward almost crossing an invisible line into Julian’s space.

“Vincy my prince” Noel’s face fell. Momentary understanding trampled by a heavy American accent as Rich came bounding up to meet them both, nearly knocking Julian aside. He placed himself betwixt the two. “Where ya been? I can’t wait to start our new episode today.” everything about him was so annoying today; smelling like stale jerky, he stupidly rambled on unheard. Noel watched Julian’s smile wilt as he turned from Rich’s back and headed towards the dressing rooms alone. Making to go after him, Rich thwarted movement by gripping his arm uncomfortably.

“Hey!” bad breath enveloped Noel’s nose. “I’m talkin here.” lights streaked across his irises as hairy arms shook him violently, trying to regain attention.

“Oi, cool your boots” jerking away, he straightened the leather coat slipping from his shoulders after going through that human washing machine. Grubby fingers roughly relinquished their hold. “I’ve gotta change.” The waifish man attempting to squeeze past the heavy sack of skin. He made it two steps before he realized he was being followed. “What you doin?”

“Oh, I just told Paul that I’d make sure you’re on time”

“Right, well I’ll be on in a minute, you can let ‘im know yeah?” but Rich didn’t move, just sort of stood there, looking for something to say. Uneasiness dropped like ice into his stomach; something was off, didn’t feel right. Something inside was screaming just out of earshot. Rich took an unwarranted step forward, eyes narrowing.

“Noel, ya dolt! Better get a move on” that lisp, never so beautiful. Noel let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding as mike appeared from around the corner. “Paul’s already in a right state, we’re moving the flat scene from yesterday to the end of the shoot today to save time.”

“Right.” Noel quickly latched on to his brother and followed him down the hall leaving his creeper staring stupidly after them. They reached the dressing room just as ‘Howard’ was walking out. Noel was rewarded with an instant smile as Julian’s eyes found his.

“Definitely like my other costume better, this roll neck is already 100 degrees.” he fidgeted with his collar a moment, then “lucky you got that dress of an outfit you git.”

“Wanna trade? That’s polyester; there is a good chance I’ll suffocate.”

“Well, if I see you asphyxiating, I’ll step in and start cpr.” his blush didn’t go unnoticed. “Come on, before we get sacked, and I don’t mean fired. I’ve already pulled your stuff. I’m going to see Christine, maybe change to a Hawaiian, I really can’t breathe.” Julian had trouble maintaining eye contact and left his partner standing alone in the hall as he quickly shuffled to makeup.

The day was going pretty fast, all things considered. The midday break came almost as a surprise when Spencer called time. The general consensus was to order out for lunch. It was nice, that meant there would be no cold coffee or soggy sandwiches.

“Hey Ju” Noel called as he jogged to catch up before he disappeared down the hallway. “Wait up.” Julian stopped finally; he looked like he’d been staring too long at a computer screen: eyes showed the faintest tinge of red, watery and tired.

“Sorry little man didn’t hear you, what’s up?”

“Nothing I was going to ask” he was going to ask if they could escape the chaos of the crowd and sneak out together but he stopped, noting the trembling in Julian’s bottom lip. “What’s wrong?” silver and pink Jagger boots stepping closer. He lifted a hand to rest against a smooth, unusually pale cheek; thumb brushed over them, trying to still the quiver, willing calmness.

Shaking lips parted and innocent chestnut eyes drooped, just for a moment – almost leaning into the touch – before he jerked away freezing into a stone façade.

“Nothing.” His eyes fixed to the floor “just was goin to get some air.” His voice cracked, then he was running down the hall as Noel stared after him.

Fifteen minutes later the food arrived and still Julian hadn’t returned. Noel was sat on the benches outside studio 4 watching the beads of condensation chase each other down the side of his water bottle. Rich had placed his overly generous hind very close, talking about how incredible his night had been. Nothing coming out of his mouth could have interested Noel in any way, his mind was elsewhere. Plus his night was beyond comparison.

“But then after three rounds, I finally turned in. Chicago can’t compare or Cali… Vincy, Vince… NOEL! You even listenin!” Noel cocked his head slightly to look in Rich’s direction.

“Hmm, yeah go on.” Eyes finding their way back to the water bottle.

“You look like your brain was sucked out.” The sweaty man moved closer, thighs flush against purple paisley. Again, a weird feeling crept through his bones.

“Have you seen Julian at all? He said he was going for air but…” he surveyed the area desperately one more time, still came up empty.

“Oh?” fake “he’s not around huh?” Rich’s tone was strange, gleeful and alarming. “He uh, actually told me a bit ago he was going to use the phone.” Mousy eyes darted about. Noel didn’t believe that for a second, who would Julian call while filming? Everyone was here. He just sat silent and stared directly at the man who eventually started to blubber. “Look, he’s probably upset at what I said.” Azure eyes narrowed, glare intensified.

“What did you say?”

“Eh, well… it depends on how you int…”

“What did you say!” his voice bordering on yelling, but he was quickly becoming angry and upset.

“I might have said… well I sorta told him you didn’t want him hanging around during break, that you needed some space like um, well that he was crowding you.”

No, no no no no no please don’t let that be true. Noel was sure he could taste blood in his mouth.

“You jerk off! Why would say that?” the anger that he’d been holding back rose so fiercely, he felt like throwing something heavy at Rich’s stupid face, knock him down a peg or two. Standing so quickly, his water bottle tipped and flooded the table. Find Julian was all he could think, find him and explain. He knew how sensitive and gullible the man was, how easily he could be tricked. That actually made him angry, how could Julian believe Rich! How could he doubt their friendship, and why wouldn’t Julian just ask him if it were true.

Thinking on it as he stalked the halls for the missing Northerner, he realized that Julian thought that way because Noel never did anything to show, or prove his feelings for him. They laughed, joked played around but it was all friendly. During a party, if someone else came along, he would leave Julian standing awkwardly in the corner. Not on purpose, he had a large demographic of friends to please. Undoubtedly he would believe Rich because he was always being left behind. The anxiety tripled as he blundered through the hallways, looking for a familiar flash of Hawaii or a jazz tune hummed lightly.

How could he not have known, in the hall he looked so sad; so sad he ran to get away. And Rich had caused it all. Noel couldn’t tell which emotion was winning, rage, anger, worry… he decided on worry because any other would distract him from finding hid mate and fixing this mess. He completely ignored the strained apologies and excuses oozing from yellow teeth and chapped lips.

Noel finally found Julian in a store room sitting a top a counter, feet crossed, staring sightlessly at a book Noel knew he’d read a hundred times before. He was deep in thought, always tugged at the corners of his mustache when he was.

“Been lookin for you for a bit” words spilling softly, not wanting to startle him, but desperate to fill the air with unnecessary apologies and comfort. Pulled from his reverie, Julian looked up and smiled automatically but then revoked it in exchange for a grimace.

“Oh, hey.” it was a lifeless reply; nothing about Julian had ever been lifeless or passionless.

“What you doin in here?” Chrome shined boots stepped fully into the room coming to stand in front of the seated man. Somber brown eyes fell to their owner’s lap as Noel moved closer.

“You should have told me you wanted me to back off.” his voice, barely above a whisper, broke Noel’s heart.

“If I wanted you to, I wouldn’t have spent the last half hour lookin for you.” he stepped even closer. “Rich told me what he said to you, it was absolutely ridiculous.” he closed the gap between them, circling his arms around Julian’s neck and rested his forehead against his. It was like a machine full of cogs clicking into place. All the uneasiness ebbed away and a beautiful peace settled between the pair. Strong arms came up and encircled Noel’s slender waist, pulling him closer. Heat radiated up from the touch and for the first time in a long time, the suave socialite felt his breath catch.

“I should have guessed.” Julian whispered between them and while Noel expected to feel relieved, he was not expecting the weird skip in his heartbeat.

Oh… He was really thick sometimes.

The other man pulled away first and conceded to his watch telling them it was time to head back. Noel was almost tempted to just blow off filming for a few more moments alone but Julian had already disengaged himself and was heading towards the door.

“I’ll never want you to” He called after his partner, not too sure why he was saying so, but knew if he didn’t, his tongue might turn to dust. “You, know… back off.”

Julian stopped completely, not really saying anything but expressing everything at once… but of course no moment could ever exist on its own in perfection. Something always diminishes it. This time was no different, it was an announcement over the floor for all Boosh cast to return to the set. This time though, they headed there together. Before the last onslaught of scenes, Julian asked Noel to come back to his flat again, with no work related stipulations attached.

Noel could tell how irritating the grizzly beard ‘Lucian’ had was to Julian; his nose and upper lip kept twitching. Thankful to still be in his purple outfit and not swathed in Old Gregg paraphernalia, he sympathized with that terrible irritation and tried to get through the scenes quick smart. Neither fancied doing any scenes with ‘Ramsay’, they passed mechanical and almost humorless; Paul oblivious to the seething rage both were projecting.

The air, of course, grew uncomfortably hot. A couple times ‘Matilda’ had to take her face off to prevent blackouts and Christine with an arsenal of makeup artists took to perching around the cameras ready to fix any silver eye shadow melting off.

“Okay that’s a wrap for Old Gregg for today.” Paul peeled himself off his chair and walked to the middle of the set. Naturally, everyone gathered around. “We’ll finish the rest tomorrow but now we’ve got two hours left, lets start on the flat scene before we call it a day.” He clapped his hands and everyone magically dispersed to set about changing the props and what not.

Julian divested himself in record time, all too happy to exchange heavy sweater and wool facial mask for his Magnum P.I. get up.

“God that’s loads better.” Relishing the feel of the warm air on his bare skin as ‘Lucian’ fell to the floor “Whose idea was this wicked thing?” he joked as he threw the crazy animal fur Noel’s way, missing him by millimeters.

Eager as well to get out of his furnace of a costume, Noel shed his clothes down to his pants and sat in front of the mirror to start on the crazy Jagger boots. Julian had gone very still.

“Ju you o” before he could finish, the other man bolted for the door muttering some excuse about not feeling well. He didn’t return until several minutes later, looking like he’d fallen in the sink.

“Sorry, just needed some water, hot in here yeah?” yeah, Noel thought to himself, and you missed and it ended up on your head. So, yesterday when he was changing, Julian fled and then again today. Parts of the day and week were clicking into place again; continuously sliding into a riddle that Noel hadn’t realized he’d been close to solving until now. He was very familiar with hidden glances but… there was something he just decided to try. He needed to know if this was going where he thought it was; where he was afraid to admit where he wanted it to go.

The flat had been rearranged in the studio when they both arrived. Suddenly it seemed more surreal and everything was moving in slow motion. Noel swallowed nervously, thinking about what he was about to do and nowhere on the list of erratic or rational emotions was hesitation on the bill. The scene unfolded before the camera almost seamlessly as the lines progressed towards the end of the act: everything still moving as if it were under water. Finally, they reached the part where he and Julian would be sitting on the polka dotted sofa: where everything was about to change.

The lights changed, dimmed to make a more dramatic effect. Julian sat first, one leg crossed over the other, ankle resting on his knee. Arguments filtered across the sidelines about boom shadows and camera angles. Noel followed, sitting closer than script called for, tugging another button free. Julian was so focused on maintaining a calm face; he didn’t hear Paul call time and desert them for the mess that production was making. Noel kept going with it as well, using the distraction to his advantage as most of the crew wandered off to find caffeine.

“You know Howard, you don’t look old at all really” bring his tone husky “it’s just all those books you read that adds years.”

“Vince, you don’t appreciate the beauty of verse.” Lines altered and were cut short as Noel placed a hand on Julian’s bare thigh. So naïve and thinking it was innocent, Julian shook his head struggling for control and tried to concentrate.

White leather slid closer as Noel boldly moved warm fingers up, brushing just underneath the hem of the silky shorts: his own breath dissolving into pants. He kept up the charade.

“You know, I actually think that you’re quite handsome.” The line between Vince and himself blurred. Julian shuddered, eyes slipping closed.

“Wh-what you on about?” stumbling over his words, it was apparent that Julian had forsaken Howard all together, Howard would have jumped up a long time ago screaming “don’t touch me” or telling Vince he was off his tits. More deliciously, Noel could see how much his actions were affecting the unsuspecting man; Hawaiian silkies accent the bulge pressing against them.

Not expecting the reaction in himself, Noel found himself growing painfully aroused. Flooded with his and Julian’s desire, he dropped the act completely, moving ever higher up, thumb pressed against defined muscle. A more primal instinct took over, driving him.

It was one of those moments where everything else fades into the background and it’s so classically perfect. Spending all this time fending off mad fans and beautiful women, it was strange making the first move. That’s what he was doing and it terrified him, thrilled him and completed him all at the same time. Noel was trying to make a move on Julian, was turned on by the very idea, by every sound.

He moved his other hand to play with the soft brown curls at the base of Julian’s neck. Shiny fabric shone in the overhead lighting as its owner’s chest moved up and down. Actually looking at him: eyes still closed, erratic breaths, sun drenched skin, poorly manicured mustache atop slightly parted lips, lips that suddenly seemed all too kissable…

“Beautiful.” Noel whispered hoping Julian would know Vince was nowhere around. In that moment, fingertips disappeared beneath the shorts completely, Julian’s head fell back into the palm lost in his brown smoke and let the faintest of whispers escape.

“Noel.” In the infinitesimal amount of time between the synapse of nerves, everything had changed. Julian had shifted their delicate cosmos and the rules crumbled in their fingers. Noel wasn’t serried to Julian to see if Julian had feelings for him, but because Noel had feelings for Julian, he was in love with him. This divulgence of his subconscious made the room feel too small, he wanted to leap off the couch and run away with Julian beside him. But, of course, truly marvelous moments are always broken in their frailty.

“Okay guys, we’re cutting the couch scene and leaving off where Dave mentions the Fountain.” Paul’s voice a tarnish on the crystal of the moment. Julian jerked his head back to reality: eyes snapping open face flushing violent scarlet. He wouldn’t meet the imploring azure gems trying to desperately get his attention. The spell was broken.

People quickly rushed about pulling props down and moving set pieces. Julian was going to back out, pretend it didn’t even happen; wasn’t going to say anything at all!

“Julian” Noel said sharply – sick of this alluding game. His head shot up, russet met cobalt and Noel unleashed everything he was feeling, thinking. The scarlet deepened in Julian’s cheeks but was accompanied by the most incredibly beautiful smile he’d ever seen grace that face. It was real, genuine. The gold sparkle made Noel ache for the last scene.

Finally it came and the two rushed to get to the dressing rooms. Walking down the hallway, Noel let his fingers tangle in Julian’s before being stopped in the middle.

“Hey Julian, Paul wants to talk to you a minute.” Rich grumbled as, like usual, he stepped between the two, lodging himself as close as possible to the shorter man. Julian didn’t want to go, and the look in his partner’s eyes said the same, he was inclined to ignore it, but Rich insisted it was very important.

“Right.” Aggravation clear on his face, the taller of the two turned and stalked off back towards the studio. Noel ducked into the dressing room before Rich could say anything else.

He was already changed and ready to go before Julian ever returned. Impatience got the best of him and Noel tugged the door open finding himself face to face with the person he’d left out there a bit ago.

“What you still doin here?” Trying to keep the disgust out of his voice, “it’s getting late.”

“Oh, I just have a message from Julian” that accent unnerved him. Mentioning Julian’s name mixed a savage thrill with a toxic churning he’d never felt before. “He asked if you’d meet him down in studio 7, wants to talk to you about somethin.”

“Alright, cheers.” The fat man didn’t move. “Uh, g’night.” He ended quickly and made his way around the protruding stomach and towards the stairs. Studio 7 was in the basement and he had no idea why Julian would want to meet him there. Being a very self assured person, Noel didn’t even entertain the idea that Julian wanted to talk about earlier and how it might not be a good idea. The stairs were dark and filled the spaces in his head with foreboding.

Going to see Julian never felt like this, no matter what. Even if they had fought, he was never afraid; this just felt wrong. Trying to brush it off as paranoia, he pulled the door open to studio 7; most of the lights were out: the majority of the luminescence coming from a large, glittering pool casting and eerie green glow over the voluminous room. The water was still as glass. He remembered vaguely this room being used to tape a game show, but he’d never actually been in here before.

“Ju?” he whispered, not wanting to break the silence of the room. “You here?” he stepped fully into the room, searching for a light switch. “Ju?” he called again, voice echoing off the rafters. Eyes slowly focusing in the dim incandescence, Noel noticed a large metal bridge suspended across the pool. Besides that and some bleacher seating off to the right, the room appeared to be empty.

There was a heavy ‘chink’ as the door behind him swung shut. Quickly turning towards the sound, he felt dread boil over. “Julian?”

“Vincy my Prince” a figure loomed out of the shadows and advanced on him.

[nextpage title=”fear and perfection”]
fear and perfection

Author’s Notes: Finale

Julian trumped down the hallway furiously. After nearly twenty minutes of searching for their director, someone finally told him he’d already left for the day. Grumbling his way back to the dressing room; he became frustrated that Rich had lied and worried that Noel would come to his senses and snap out of the moment of insanity they’d shared.

He couldn’t stop replaying every detail: every touch, every sound. The instant soft warm fingers grazed his bare skin; it took everything in him to stay seated. Noel’s smooth chocolate voice coaxing out all his inhibitions as Julian surrendered to the moment completely. Shivering at the memory, he pulled open the door. No one was there, room empty and his partner’s stuff gone – he deflated.

He’d been only twenty seven percent sure that his beautiful costar would be waiting for him but the way those rich cerulean eyes spoke to him… maybe he thought a little more that he’d be waiting. His grip loosened from the handle.

“Hey, what you doin up here?” a voice broke through the slow procession of thoughts.

“Oh, hey Mike. Just gettin ready to change and head home.” Mike gave him a weird, impatient look.

“No, I mean what you doin right here. I thought you were downstairs.”

“Downstairs? No wh.”

“I just passed my brother in the hall and he was headin down to studio 7 to meet with you, said Rich told him you asked him to.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Did you two have a row? Are playin a joke?”

Mike was still firing questions at him when Julian started off down towards the stairs. Immediately he felt a terrible feeling, like something he should have known all along. Bad thoughts began breeding with all other conscious effort and he was submerged in darkness. Why had Rich lied to both of them? Why did he feel so scared? Why was Noel downstairs alone or worse: not alone. He needed to get there quick smart. Hurried footsteps echoed off the walls in the deserted stairwell, mimicking the emptiness that had taken up residence in Julian’s chest.

The corridor in the basement was eerily empty, at the end in the distance, stood the large steel doors to studio 7. Shoes pounded heavily in the stillness as the door finally fell within reach. The handle didn’t budge, the fire extinguisher off to the left said otherwise. Bits of shrapnel bit into his arms and wrists as the latch gave way to violence. Ominously, the door swung open revealing a room so dark, he could barely see.

“Rich, what… please stop.” Noel’s voice sounded from across a vast green pool. Barely able to make the figures out, the fear in his voice shaped the image awfully. It compelled him forward, a deep rage ruptured and turned predatory. Moving closer to the edge of the pool, he soundlessly crept towards the wall making his way around to the other side. The two finally came into focus as Julian’s eyes adjusted to the darkness – the sight made his stomach twist.

The slight frame of Noel’s body was pinned to the slick, marbled tile; thick, rough legs straddling him. Those thin frantic arms flailing relentlessly at Rich’s face, a vain attempt to dislodge him. A well of disgust and sick lurched inside at this horror scene.

“Gerrof me, what you doin ya psycho!” it wasn’t playful, he was really scared.

“I’m not blind” the disgusting American bit out, capturing those slender wrists and crushing them down on either side of Noel’s torso, bringing his porous face uncomfortably close. “Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean everyone else can’t.” viscous bits of saliva flying from his sour mouth.

“What you on about, you’re hurtin me.” the tiny frame writhed beneath the weight, voice cracking.

“But if that’s the way it’s going to go then…” the brute pressed his body closer “Julian is a fool, never makin a move.” Ruddy brown eyes locking onto fearful blue ones. A vein protruding grotesquely from his forehead. “Well his loss then, I’m finally going to get there first.” faces just a breath away, Noel twisted his to the side, squeezing his eyes shut: tears slipped down his cheeks.

“Julian.” He whispered, like a prayer. Rich growled, Julian lunged from the shadows; a guttural roar erupted from his throat. Venomous fury collided with the unsuspecting monster. He gripped the flannel of Rich’s shirt and lifted him, bodily off of Noel, sending him sailing across the floor. The two rolled dangerously close to the edge of the emerald fluid, Julian barely noticed as he recovered first and began landing blows on every surface of the bastard beneath him. Blood pounded so loudly in his ears, it drowned out the obscenities streaming from his mouth.

Finally realizing what was happening, Rich reacted with unexpected force. Getting his knees up, he flung Julian’s body back, knocking his head against the tile, leaving the Northerner stunned. Taking the opportunity, Rich turned towards Noel who was still prostrate on the ground.

Seeing his attacker returning, Noel scrambled to his feet and made for the back exit; Rich was too fast. A large hulking body slammed the smaller man up against the wall, face pressed into dirty grout and tile. Noel yelped; the air forced out of his lungs by the crushing weight impacting him. Panic began to set it. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t believe what was happening. Thinking if he just closed his eyes tight enough, the nightmare would dissolve into Julian’s arms wrapped tightly around him and it would be over.

He felt Rich’s sweaty hand move up his thigh slowly; dragging those dirty, grimy fingers up towards his hip and lingering on the waist of his trousers. The sickening sensation redoubled as thick digits pulled themselves across the bare skin just below his navel. Heavy sour breath poured down his neck as he felt cold, dry lips scratch against his ear.

“Please” Noel begged quietly “let me go.” It came out pathetic and whispered but surprisingly, Rich’s entire body let up. Air rushed into hungry lungs as he peeled himself off the wall and timidly turned to look where Rich had gone: stunned to see Julian atop of his attacker, literally trying to wring the air from his throat. Julian didn’t look up, just kept his face on the man he seemed intent on killing.

“Noel” Julian’s voice usually so cheery and sensual was now a deadly calm “run.” Noel could see the grip on Rich’s neck tightening, even though the beefy man had stopped struggling. He wasn’t going to wait to be told twice. Turning towards the back door, Chelsea boots slid against the tile as he collided with the emergency exit: it didn’t move.

“Christ! Now what?” he quickly weighed the options: the door all the way across the room where he’d originally come in or there was a flimsy metal staircase that lead to the bridge suspended twenty feet in the air above the pool, over to a set of vents. Option one definitely looked better.

Abandoning the uncooperative door, Noel started for the entrance only to be brought to a stop almost immediately. He watched in utter horror as Rich brought his head up and crashed it into the front of Julian’s skull; he could hear the sickening thud from where he stood. Brown curls flung back as his head snapped from the impact.

Conscious thought ebbed away as the scene unfolded in slow motion. Beautiful sparkling eyes dulled and rolled into the back of Julian’s head, Noel watched as he went limp in Rich’s arms. The cruelly deranged, or perfectly sane (he didn’t know which) beast tossed him aside like a toy and made a start for his original target. Option two then.

Thought and purpose flooded back: get out, get help. He didn’t know how bad Julian was hurt but he knew he’d never seen someone crumple like that before. The suspended staircase shifted and swung with the hurried movement, it wasn’t sturdy at all. Thankful for making it there before Rich did, he wasn’t going to be too critical of the escape route. A survey of the entire studio could be taken from up here, the relative quiet of the cavernous room, corrupted by the loud protests of the groaning steel.

He’d made it to the middle of the bridge before realizing he wasn’t being followed. Looking down, unconcerned with heights at the moment, he saw Julian begin to stir. Relief engulfed his insides and he took a second to scan the rest of the area: nothing.

“Noel look out!” Julian had screamed, but there was no time to react. Several things happened at once: there was a grinding sound followed by heavy chains rattling. Julian was yelling something but the ground had just given way. There was nothing to grab onto as the bridge opened up and Noel fell freely, breaking the glasslike surface and plunging into the depths of the luminous green water.

It seemed so deep, sinking for hours in a blink. The tile finally rushed up to meet his shoes. The water was bordering icy and a portion had breached his lips, settling into his stomach and lungs. Eerily silent, the liquid universe consumed him; a heavy darkness surrounding and pressing in. Strange, he thought to himself, strange because the pool was lit. No, there was definitely a shadow closing in on him.

Springing off from the bottom, Noel kicked his ruined silver boots violently to get back to the surface. That shadow grew, morphed into a physical entity. No, it wasn’t a shadow at all. It was the bridge itself loosed from the ceiling, crashing down into the water – onto him! There was no where to go. A heavy bar from one of the platforms missed his face by a hair but caught the leg of his trousers and dragged him back down. The mass fell soundless against the bottom, trapping him beneath.

Noel knew he was going to die. Regardless of how much he tried to pry his leg free, it was useless. Lungs becoming alight with flame as they began starving for oxygen that was less than 4 meters out of reach, he stopped fighting. Tiny bursts of light flickered in front if him, then darkness spreading and enveloping. There was a distant splash. Maybe it was better this way. If he drowned, Rich couldn’t get to him. Then a terrible sadness filled him, colder than the entombing water, when his last thoughts drifted to Julian. So many regrets, so much time wasted. He’d been too wrapped up in himself to see what was really in front of him and now it was being stolen away before he had the chance to discover it.

Through the glittering lights of the water, something was filtering down; a shape, undefined. Noel closed his eyes, happy to pretend it was Julian there wrapping his arms around him and breathing life into him one last time before it was extinguished.

This was not happening. It was a grotesque nightmare. Julian had pulled himself into a sitting position, nausea rolling over him in waves. His head was pounding from where that thick forehead had bashed into his moments before. As he cracked his eyes open, memory seeped back into him: Noel, Rich.

Rattling metal from above made it easy to find the former. Almost relieved, he assumed Noel would be safe up there until Julian could render that fat psycho completely harmless. He pulled himself up completely, room spinning, and spied Rich on the opposite wall fiddling with something that looked like a giant pirate ship wheel. His eyes followed the chains wrapped around the wheel along the links, up to where they connected. His gut wrenched tightly, there was a keening noise as the gears shifted and released.

No time, not to get to Noel, not to stop Rich. No time to do anything but watch. Watch while it felt like his soul was being ripped away.

“Noel, look out!” but it had already been too late. The chains dropped and the floor of the bridge fell away, taking the completely unsuspecting man with it. And just like that, he was gone; sucked down into the water. Following suit was the bloody bridge, collapsing from the disturbance. Julian hadn’t realized he’d been screaming. It felt like something else had taken over his body: dizziness forgotten, pain forgotten. Forsaking control of his body, Julian gave into something feral and hungry. Hands reached for a large bit of metal chain that had landed nearby and, careless of the weight, launched it easily at the figure heading towards him. They collided with one other beautifully, Rich relinquishing all movement completely, dotting the ground with scarlet.

Then Julian wasn’t breathing – but gliding weightless as cool liquid moved against his skin, propelled downwards by the gravity of his feelings for the man waiting down there for him. Arms encircled the slight frame as he pressed his lips to blue tinged ones and passed the last of his last breath into the other. With all his strength, he tore Noel free from the confines of the watery grave and surged upwards, rendering the surface like a barrier of whom he was before this moment and who he was after.

Noel felt so small in his arms, pulling himself and the lifeless waif onto the slippery tile, he willed with everything for him to not fade or vanish.

Hey lay Noel flat on his back, skin cold and pallid, perfect lips turned blue, vibrant spark snuffed out. With every particle of conscious effort, he fought the urge to panic and worked on remembering his brief catalogue of first aid knowledge. It was a blessed memory, he knew how to pull the water quickly murdering his love out. Only a few breaths into it, Noel sputtered and coughed. Foamy water leaked out between gurgles. Julian gently turned Noel’s head to the side, more thick fluid pooled out around his mouth.

Colour seeped back into the sickly white skin and movement darted behind closed eyelids. Momentarily, Julian’s thoughts strayed from the brush with tragedy to admire the still beauty of the man beneath him. A whisper escaped partially pink lips.

“Ju.” There was really only one thing left to do. Gathering a shivering Noel into his arms, Julian headed towards the exit unsure of what would happen next, but not wholly concerned.

There was a blissful simplicity to Julian’s room. Unlike the rest of the flat, his bedroom was filled with richly coloured linens and romantically modern artwork. No telly, no desk. It was devoid of most typical bedroom furniture. There was a guitar in the corner resting on its stand and opposite it was an old fashioned turntable. The adjacent wall housed bookshelves crammed with books: old, new and all spanning endless genres. Noel had once told him that his room reminded him of what his brain would look like; he guessed it was a fair assessment. If it were true, his room now would be black and covered with pictures of his best friend.

Noel lay on the bed next to Julian; back to him, covers pulled off – typical. Pajamas reduced to a black vest and pants. Moonlight reached through the blinds to caress impossibly alabaster skin. Julian lay fully awake, propped up on one elbow, staring quietly at the sleeping form beside him.

After what had happened in studio 7, he had carried Noel all the way to the parking lot and waited for a cab to pass, not daring to set him down. It was easy to ignore all the questioning looks from people. Only when they were both in the safety of his flat, prominent ‘chink’ of a deadbolt sliding into place, did he return him to the instability of his own feet. Noel seemed reluctant to get down, but didn’t complain.

Steam enveloped both as Julian drew a hot bath for the other, now taciturn man who spoke only to ask if Julian would stay. Even in this terrible situation, a blush crept into Julian’s cheeks. His consent earned him a weak smile and he slowly helped peel off the still wet clothes, plastered to Noel’s lean body. The blush burned brighter as the delicious man in front of him stood in just his pants, averting his eyes quickly as those too were removed. Then the body giving him so many wicked emotions disappeared behind the opaque curtain; relief and disappointment danced around the spaces that had emptied out in his brain.

Neither seemed to like the idea of not being able to see each other because the silence broke and a torrent of silly babble broke out between the two. Noel dried while still hidden, sensing the uneasiness in the other man and emerged only when the white terrycloth towel had been secured around his slender hips. Julian’s breath still caught in his throat as he stared at the glistening expanse of a damp ivory chest and flat stomach. It wasn’t like he’d never seen Noel naked before, but this was so much more intense. That, plus stormy eyes were staring down at him with a look that could melt glaciers.

“Thanks, I feel a lot warmer.” It was noticeable; blue tinge vanished, all the elegance of white roses remaining contrasting rhythmically with the jet colour of dripping hair.

“Hungry?” the bathroom suddenly seemed too small, as well as his trousers. He needed some distance to stop himself from doing something inappropriate. But Noel just shook his head. “Cuppa tea? I’ve got that mint you like.” A smile spread revealing the answer without words. Julian stood from the toilet and headed for the kitchen, the kettle already waiting on the stove.

He set about keeping himself busy, trying not to think too much about what he might be doing now if things had gone differently. Already he longed to be back beside his mate, violently aware that a span of heartbeats could have composed a completely different outcome.

The hairdryer sounded from upstairs. Julian’s thoughts strayed to the feel of Noel’s icy lips pressed against his; the memory pulling too many emotions for him to handle. His composure fell to the floor, too stretched out to do any good; tears fell as his body wracked with sobs he knew would go unheard.

When the tea had been brewed to perfection, copious amounts of sugar added to one cup, he ascended the stairs. The bathroom was silent, panic not really setting in, but an auto reaction of fear stirred up in his gut. Passing the still steamy, but unoccupied room, he continued down the hall to where the bedroom door stood slightly ajar. That’s where he found Noel fast asleep in the makeshift pajama set. Julian set the two mugs down and crawled in next to him.

The barrier that had been keeping Julian physically separated (except for necessity) from Noel began to crumble. He inched closer, becoming enshrouded in the warm, heady scent of the body next to him. So perfect, the gentle rise and fall of his chest… he looked peaceful. The moonlight bathed him a beautiful silver glow.

So much of his life revolved around the person lying next to him, but he never took the time to see what his world hade been reduced to: existing on smiles, slight touches and sideways glances. Thinking on it now, he’d become more like Howard than thought possible. Courage was something Noel took care of. All the risks, crazy publicity, stage shows… he wouldn’t have done any of it with out that borrowed courage. And now, here in the eyes of stars, he was alone, about to take a step with nothing borrowed.

This would be his own: His own bravery, his own desire. Wanting everything about this moment to be this way – everything to be his own, including the man sleeping beside him.

Julian reached out, hand trembling, and let his fingertips rest lightly on the satin strip of bare skin between the pants and shirt. Thinking that once the initial contact had been made, there’d be no more pretenses, no more fear. After all, Noel hadn’t shattered or turned to ash like he’d imagined. But he was unprepared for the divine heat that raced from where skin met skin to every last particle in his whole body, erupting in pleasurable flame; swelling and consuming entirely. It was beautiful confirmation of all those feelings he’d attempted to destroy within himself. It felt so right, so perfect. Anyone else’s touch would feel wrong, unnatural. That was it exactly! Lying in bed, fingers ghosting over the curve of his side… this was natural, was how it was supposed to be.

Julian let his hands slide around to the flat, taut planes of Noel’s stomach, exploring tentatively. The muscles reacting instinctively, tightened and a small sigh escaped sleeping lips. Julian’s erection throbbed painfully at the delicious sound. He moved closer, nearly flush against the curve of his back, still keeping a layer of uncertainty between them incase it was unwarranted or too soon to become bodily entwined as desperately as he wanted to be.

Hands becoming more sure, he slipped beneath the ribbed fabric, traveling upwards. His fingers played along the slight ridges of protruding ribs. Another half sigh came from the now stirring man. Noel began moving, leaning back towards Julian, resting his shoulder blades against his chest almost like he was subconsciously allowing more access. Silky dark strands of hair brushed Julian’s shoulder, chills shook him. He ducked his head down and let himself get lost momentarily in a scent that was familiar and complicated. He wanted to stay here, buried just beneath the surface of reality because he knew he was dreaming, and since he was dreaming, reality really no longer held any appeal.

Slowly, his fingers began their descent down from his chest to just below his navel, stomach dipping slightly with a heavy intake of breath.

“Ju.” Noel whispered, becoming restless. Julian’s heart lurched at the breathy words, engulfed in a surge of arousal. “mmm” slender hips shifted, pressing against Julian’s body. He held his breath as the pressure of the semi sleeping man now had firm contact upon his body. If he were to wake, he would know the full extent of his ‘feelings’.

But Noel remained hovering between sleep and wakefulness, understandably exhausted from all that had happened. Somehow, knowing that he could have lost him today made that last barrier of uncertainty shimmer into moonlight unleashing a dull ache of longing. That warm sleeping body moved painfully and deliciously against his arousal; sultry lust reigned over Julian’s thoughts. Fingertips trailed to the dark strip of fur below his navel and the arm propping him up slid beneath Noel’s neck and wrapped around his chest. Julian closed the last breath of space between them and pulled that lithe form flush against his own. A moan elicited, louder this time, from a semiconscious mouth.

Julian held him tightly, almost willing him to sink beneath his own skin where he could keep him safe forever. Again, he buried his face in the thick raven tresses, tepidly allowing his lips to graze over the pale velvet of his neck. Julian’s kiss vibrated with the rumble of the other man’s moan, low and throaty. He could feel his own heartbeat pick up as those sighs turned to something more innate. Unexpected movement tensed him completely. A hand settled over his own resting just above the elastic of Noel’s pants. The last whispers of sleep lost to the drift of summery breeze spilling in through the window.

“mmm, don’t stop, that feels good.” Emboldened and entranced, Julian moved back and pulled the other man around to face him. Aqua lit irises regarded him curiously and trusting. It was almost too much to bear. With one hand resting on a narrow hip, the other tangled in black fringe, he let his body explain to Noel all the things he felt. He wasn’t going to rely on words to portray the intensity of his feelings. Letters, sounds, they couldn’t convey what force lie behind them.

Noel let one of his knees slip between Julian’s legs and brought his hands up to play with the front of his shirt. Julian’s thumb stroked Noel’s jaw as he brought up the last bit of courage he owned into his limbs and moved to gently press his lips against perfectly warm and yielding ones. The room exploded.

He really hadn’t remembered why he had ended up in Julian’s bed. All he knew is that he was lulled out of an indulgent dream by coarse shivers thundering through his body. Strange, incoherent thoughts filtered in, he didn’t want to wake. The dream he was in filled him with sensations so intense, no conscious memory could compare, even with all the people he’d been with before.

Strangely, with each moment that brought him round, the waves of pleasure increased. Noel found himself wrapped in Julian’s arms; a place he’d fantasized about being in without ever considering the meaning. The actual bliss was something that he could never have imagined. Julian, his Julian, was clutching onto him, doing wicked things that were impossibly innocent and sinister together. Afraid that if Julian knew he was awake, he’d stop, he tried to remain quiet but evil fingers played across his skin. He shifted, the shivers threatening to wrack his body.

Pressed so tightly against the other man, Noel could feel Julian’s erection, how painfully aroused he was, yet still trying to be gentle. Julian caressed his hand down the front of his flat stomach and continued further. Oh my god, he felt a wild slow burn as the first breath of a kiss singed just where his shoulder and neck met. Undeniably just as aroused, he couldn’t stop the moan escaping. There was no point in hiding behind the cover of sleep. He covered the hand shocking him with electricity with his own.

And it happened as he thought it would. Julian froze. So insecure of what should be happening between them. Noel didn’t really blame him, never realizing the potential of all those daydreams that he’d passed off as normal but meaningless, never realizing he wanted this strange erotic man until he’d seen the way Julian had wanted him. But the spell could not be broken now, not like the last time.

“mmm” his sinful moan filled the tension with laces of enchantment. “Don’t stop, it feels good.” Noel shivered both at his words and Julian’s fiendish touch, wanting him to know how pleasurable it was to have those strong northern hands so certain against his skin. He needed him to keep going. But the warmth was gone; arms vanished leaving an unwanted chill in their wake. Before bitter disappointment could slake the thrill, a strong grip was on his arm and suddenly he was face to face with this person he’d seen everyday yet had never seen before at all. There was confidence, beauty, adoration and a dark lust that had gone unsatiated for far too long all blazing inside sorrel eyes. It was so new and dominant he felt, for the first time, he wasn’t in control.

Needing physical contact, Noel thrust his knee between Julian’s, lacing them together. He wanted to feel Julian’s body reacting, was reveling in the intoxication of that straining arousal he’d fueled. Slightly trembling, his hands secured to the front of Julian’s shirt, separating him from an expanse of tawny skin.

Julian’s thumb brushed along the corner of his mouth, tracing the line of his jaw. In the next breath infallible lips seared into his, branding him with a kiss so hot, so perfect that for a moment, and hour, and eternity, there was nothing else. This was not a stage kiss, or a press kiss, or a drunken night out kiss. It was real.

Not really wanting or able to keep it gentle, he was ready to concede to the sleeping desire that had been somnolent all these years, waiting for him to wake up and relinquish control. That’s what he did; he loved Julian, wanted him and was going to make sure he knew it.

Their tremulous kiss exploded into a wild clash of broken restraint and unleashed ferocity. Julian braided his fingers through onyx silk and parted his lips. Noel, taking the invitation, deepened the kiss; sliding his tongue against Julian’s, both men shivering at the new contact. Polished fingers finding their way to the bottom of the other’s shirt and slipping beneath. Noel tugged and broke their connection only to pull the shirt over Julian’s head.

Exploring the golden skin now on display, Noel committed every millimeter to memory with eyes and hands. Soon, his own shirt discarded, Julian ran his large hands up his bare arms, down his chest and back up again, thumbs stopping to brush against his throat, relishing the flawlessness of the ivory canvas. Breaking the kiss, Julian’s lips left a burning trail down to where his hands were playing. Noel moaned loudly as his head fell back, grip tightening around surprisingly large forearms. “Julian.” teeth grazing, breath coming in pants, Julian knew he wasn’t going to last much longer and he didn’t fancy getting off in his own pants.

He rolled over on top of the smaller man and kissed his way down, lingering on his collarbone then down the smooth planes of his chest. He stopped to tease rosy nipples. They hardened as he brushed his tongue over them mercilessly paying equal attention to both. Noel arched his back up, moaning loudly, and buried his hands in curly brown locks. All too soon, he moved lower, tongue tracing around his navel as thumbs hooked the sides of his pants and slowly drew them down. Noel lifted his hips, goosebumbs dancing on his skin as the cool air caressed his overheated erection that was now exposed. Julian growled at the delicious sight, admiring the smooth milky thighs and thick hard cock between them. He had no idea what he was doing, but turned animalistic and less gentle. He grazed his nails down those creamy white thighs, leaving faded pink marks in the perfect skin. Moans poured out of the other man and their eyes connected as Julian drew him into his mouth. Noel’s hands making tight fists in the sheets moans turned to loud gasps.

“Oh god, Ju.” it was incredible. Julian moved his mouth up and down, tongue swirling around the head and down his shaft. Noel thrust his hips instinctively as the pressure began building. “Yes, oh god Ju.” he moved his hands from quivering legs, one slid up and played again with his aching nipples and the other, down to stroke Noel’s tightening balls, feeling them becoming heavy, he squeezed and increased his speed.

“Want more.” came an erotic whisper from the man beneath him. Julian’s stomach flipped and his extreme erection twitched. Shaking hands pulled him up and he found himself staring into nearly black pupils. “Julian, I want you.” Noel pulled Julian up and kissed him roughly, using the distraction to disrobe the rest of the northerner before his self consciousness could protest. With unsuspected strength, the smaller man threw Julian down and rolled on top, switching positions. Julian seemed to be holding his breath, glancing down at the man on top of him just in time to see his length disappear into a wet hot mouth. Arching off the bed, there was no pleasure comparable to this. A wild moan shook from his chest as shiny lips moved up and down, cheeks hollowed, eyes closed in euphoria.

Julian could feel it building in the base of his spine, the single most intense orgasm he would ever have. It vibrated into every cell. And then… it stopped. As indulgent as the act had become, he opened his eyes to find Noel climbing his way up his body, straddling him. Their engorged cocks slippery, rubbing together.

He needed to be back in control, this was still his courage that had brought them here, and he knew where this was going. He gripped Noel’s shoulders and brought them face to face, delivering slow, seductive kisses as he again switched places. Julian shifted his hips so he was lying right between his lover’s thighs. He brought his fingers up to play across red swollen lips and Noel pulled them into his mouth, sucking greedily. Julian lifted himself up and Noel wrapped his legs around his waist to keep him from moving, but Julian had no intention of moving. He brought the slicked fingers down to play with Noel’s entrance.

Noel gasped and tightened his grip as the digits slid in further. “God Ju, what are you doing to me.” he whimpered as Julian rhythmically moved in and out. Too soon, he withdrew his fingers smiling at the disappointment on his lover’s face. He positioned himself carefully, brought his lips to Noel’s ear and whispered “I love you” as his pulsing cock entered. Noel’s lips locked onto Julian’s as he bucked his hips up to match each thrust.

Julian slid in and out, each time going deeper.

“Oh, Yes.” Noel cried out as he broke the kiss, arching up off the bed. Julian slid his hand between their bodies and stoked Noel’s swollen cock to the rhythm of their thrusts. A guttural cry escaped red lips and he crushed them to his own. Pleasure forced surrender as Noel came hotly into Julian’s hand and onto both of their stomachs.

Feeling the muscles clench around him, he came simultaneously deep inside his lover. Unable to hold himself up, he collapsed onto Noel’s chest, shivering from the intensity. Tremors passed through one another as if their nerves were connected. The gravity of what transpired between them clung to glistening skin, and they lie there together as erratic heartbeats returned to normal.

“I love you too.” Noel wasn’t sure why he hadn’t said it before when he had felt it all along. But now it seemed fitting enough. Chestnut curls tickled his chest and strong arms locked around his waist. He let his fingers get lost in those curls stroking them almost absentmindedly.

They stayed like that, content. Moonlight cast a halo on sable hair and stars sparkling in love struck sepia eyes until consciousness faded into a dream shared between two lovers: where the serenity of bliss erased all the horrible memories until all that was left were two complimentary heartbeats and a perfect kiss.

SplendidGenesis
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