Category: The Mighty Boosh
Characters: Bollo, Howard Moon, Naboo, Vince Noir
Pairing: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Warning: Smut (graphic sex scenes)
Length: 1-5k words
Notes: Prompted from a Boosh anon-meme! It… got a little long, as you can see 😉
Three Days by fecklesslyfine
“Vince… Vince… Vince!”
The panicked voice tore Vince from his slumber, cutting through his lovely dream about riding a motorcycle made of glitter with Gary Numan snug behind him, arms wrapped around his waist. He jolted awake, blinking blearily and looking around. “Wha’?”
Howard was standing in front of him, swathed in an overcoat and looking vaguely constipated. “Vince, where’s Naboo? I need to find him right away!”
Vince groaned, sitting up in bed and bringing a hand up to his hair out of habit. “Howwshould I know where he is? Him’n those shaman mates of his could be… be anywhere by now.” His brain wasn’t working properly, it was just too early. A glance at his alarm clock revealed the time to be 3:14 am.
Suddenly concerned, realizing Howard wouldn’t have woken him for something trivial, Vince frowned blearily. “Whass’going on, exactly?”
Howard was uncomfortably shifting his weight from foot to foot, hunched over himself oddly, looking around the room critically as if Naboo might pop out any moment from inside Vince’s wardrobe.
“Er. Um. Nothing. Sorry, little man. Go back to sleep.”
This was good enough for Vince. He mumbled something unintelligible, and was asleep again before he even hit the pillow.
Howard sighed, looking down at his groin.
Great. Just great.
Later that morning…
Vince awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and children laughing. He reached over to flick off the alarm clock, relishing the quiet that followed. Stretching like a cat, he looked over to Howard’s bed and noticed the bedclothes looked rumpled. Howard always made his bed upon rising, that was odd. Shrugging, he rose and wrapped his kimono around his bare torso, shuffling to the bathroom for a warm shower to wake him up.
He was surprised to find Howard sitting on the toilet lid, still wrapped in his coat, staring at the wall with the kind of unfocused intensity that comes from staying awake all night against one’s will. Vince leaned against the doorframe, knitting his brow.
Howard jumped, as if he hadn’t heard him approach. “Oh. Uh, hey Vince.”
Vince frowned further. “Howard, have you been in here all night? Your bed’s not made.”
Howard looked sheepish. “Er, yeah, sorry about that.” He paused, as if wondering why he was apologizing, then added, “I’ll just be getting out of your way, then.” He rose, trying to squeeze by Vince without touching him, but Vince reached out and caught his arm, blocking his escape.
Howard jumped back as if he’d been burned.
“Howard, what is going on?” Vince persisted. “You’re not acting yourself at all!”
Howard tried to hide in his overcoat. It didn’t work very well.
“Don’t worry about it, Vince. Just something I need to talk to Naboo about. I’m just going to have to wait until he gets back.”
Vince huffed. “Why not talk to me? I’m here and he’s not. C’mon Howard, I could help!”
Howard sighed deeply, sitting back down on the toilet lid. “Alright,” he said, finally. “But you have to promise not to laugh, okay?”
Vince nodded, leaning up against the counter. He was really curious now as to what was eating at Howard. It must be something either very serious, or pretty ridiculous. “I promise.”
Howard looked rather uncomfortable. “Well, er. You probably remember I had a headache last night and the paracetamol I took wasn’t working.” Vince nodded. He’d been a grouchy git because of it. “Well… I thought maybe Naboo might have something a little stronger that could work. But he wasn’t here to ask, so I kinda… rummaged through his stuff, a bit. I stayed away from the dangerous ones, so I thought…”
He trailed off, sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. “I took something called Heads Up. It looked just like headache medicine, right? I mean, the light was a bit dim, it was late, but it looked all right. So I took some. But, er… well, my headache did go away, but now I have a new problem.”
Vince put his hand on his hip. “Well, what is it, then?”
Howard blushed. “I don’t really want to say,” He murmured, looking at the floor.
Vince sighed in exasperation. “Howard, I can’t help you unless you tell me what’s wrong. C’mon, I already promised not to laugh. Can you at least show me?”
Howard looked up at him and sighed. “All… all right.” He seemed to be bracing himself, then drew apart his overcoat to expose a massive erection tenting his pyjama pants. Vince’s eyebrows rose a good inch.
“It’s been there since last night and it won’t go away,” Howard mumbled, going red.
Vince blinked, trying not to stare. “So that’s why it’s called Heads Up, then?”
Howard nodded, sighing. His hands fell by his sides, uselessly. “I went back and read the rest of the directions. Apparently it just gets rid of your headaches as a bonus. I didn’t read the first bit about, er… you know. From the amount I took, it’s supposed to last… erm…” He trailed off.
“Last how long?” Vince asked, nonchalantly crossing his legs. All right, it was horrible of him, but he hadn’t pulled in two weeks and right now, looking at the impressive bulge was turning him on rather shamefully. He’d never seen Howard with a hard-on before and he was surprised at how quickly his body had reacted to the sight. It was a bit unexpected, to say the least.
Howard drew his coat over him once more and Vince almost groaned in disappointment.
“Three days. That’s how long it’s supposed to last.”
Vince hid his sudden, aroused inhale with a laugh. “Oh wow. Those shamen, they are really something, yeah? Don’t worry, Howard. We’ll figure something out.”
Howard sighed, buttoning up his coat. “Let’s just make some breakfast, shall we?”
Vince was finding it increasingly hard to concentrate on anything but the thought of Howard’s erection hidden under that ridiculous coat. They’d made breakfast with the usual, light banter—the main difference being that Vince was far more awake than usual, and he was sure Howard noticed the odd tension that hung in the air despite their attempts at normalcy.
After eating, Vince scooted to the bathroom and started his shower, jumping in as soon as it was hot enough, and sighed. He was painfully turned on by the situation and only hoped Howard was too distracted by his predicament to notice how Vince was reacting. He squirted some body wash into his hand, rubbing his palms together to warm it up, then wrapping his fingers around his already-hard cock. Vince bit his lip, trying not to groan as he thought about Howard sitting on the toilet seat, his dick jutting up from his groin, taunting him. Vince didn’t know where all this was coming from, but he suddenly wanted to taste Howard, take him in his mouth, suck on the rigid shaft until Howard was trembling with need and imminent release.
Vince’s hand pistoned up and down his slippery cock, and he leaned against the wall of the shower to brace himself. He fondled his balls, letting out an involuntary groan as he thought of Howard’s hands on him, Howard’s lips on him, Howard’s hard cock pressing against his entrance until it was inside him, filling him, fucking him into oblivion.
The fact that Howard probably didn’t know the first thing about fucking, much less fucking to oblivion, didn’t deter Vince. It was over all too soon, the thought of Howard’s mouth and cock and arse too much to handle, and his hot cum spilled over his hand as he moaned and shuddered.
The water streamed down on him, as indifferent as ever, while Vince just stood there in shock, blinking. Had he really just wanked over his best friend, just because he had an erection? A three day erection, he reminded himself, then sighed. How on earth was he going to spend that long alone around Howard like this?
Vince sighed, rinsing his hands off under the spray before reaching for the shampoo.
This was going to be interesting, to say the least.
When he emerged from the bathroom well over an hour later, having finally finished his hair (which seemed to take longer to do than usual, owing to his distracted state) Howard was sitting on the couch, watching the telly. His expression was glazed and dull and didn’t change when the news programme switched to adverts. Vince padded up to him, barefoot and clad only in his kimono. His heart fluttered about like a crazed squirrel in his ribcage as he came to stand in front of Howard.
Howard looked up at him blankly. “Hey Vince.”
Vince gave him a tight smile. “Hey Howard. Look, I was thinking, there might be a way to help your… uh, you know. We should go look at Naboo’s stuff and see if he’s got anything to help.”
Howard shook his head vigorously. “No thank you, I don’t think so. I don’t want to end up covered in purple spots or growing extra limbs on top of what I’ve already got. I think I’m just going to wait for it to go way.” He sighed. “Naboo and Bollo won’t be back until Tuesday, right? So it should be gone by the time they get back. I hope.”
Vince settled down on the couch next to Howard. “I guess…” He paused. “Does it—I mean. Does it feel like it normally does when you have one? Or is it not the same?”
Howard shrugged a shoulder, the faint flush rising to his cheeks belying his casual gesture. “Er… it’s about the same, I suppose.” He looked like he really didn’t want to be talking about this, but Vince persisted.
“Well, maybe it might go away if you get rid of it the normal way, you know what I mean?”
Howard pulled a slight face. “I, er… I already tried.”
“Oh.” Vince pulled his knees up to his chest; he could see Howard’s bulge even under the coat, and it was starting to have the predictable effect on him again. “Well, I mean, I’d offer to take some too, just so you wouldn’t have to be alone, but er… I don’t think I’d be able to get my trousers on.”
Howard actually laughed at this, turning to smile at him. “Ahh, it’s okay, Vince. I appreciate the gesture but… well, you’re probably right.” He patted Vince’s thigh in a friendly manner, not realizing that Vince was trying to restrain a shiver as his cock reacted.
“I don’t know how I’m going to tend to the shop,” Howard sighed. “Guess I could just sit behind the counter. Just don’t want anyone to see it and think I’m some sort of… pervert.”
“Aww, Howard.” His arousal pushed aside, Vince was overcome with the urge to hug his friend, he looked so shamed and sad at the thought. Before he thought better of it, Vince rolled over onto his knees and enveloped Howard in his arms. “Don’t worry, nobody will think that. I’ll tend the shop for you, or maybe you can wear one of my capes! We’ll figure something out.”
There was a pregnant pause, and then Howard mumbled, “Er, Vince?”
Vince then realized something: he could feel Howard’s hardness. And the only part of him that would be close enough to Howard’s groin was…
He blushed, pulling back. “Sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say: “That really just turned me on, could we do it again?” was probably not the best option, given the situation. Howard was giving him an odd sort of expression he couldn’t quite read.
“Did you take some too, Vince? I thought you said you couldn’t…” Howard trailed off as he saw Vince shake his head.
“No, I didn’t take any,” Vince admitted, coloring even further. “That was, um. That was all me, actually.”
Howard just stared at him for a moment, blinking.
Vince bit his lower lip, letting his eyes fall to his hands. He looked back at Howard from beneath his lashes, knowing it was one of his better angles. He didn’t know when he had started trying to seduce his best mate, but too late to stop now.
Howard drew in a sharp breath, a flush rising to his cheeks as well.
And Vince could recognize that tone of voice; it had never come from Howard before, but he knew it well, and it sent a thrill through him. Not waiting for any other signs, as he was an impatient boy, Vince crawled forward, straddling Howard’s lap and cradling his jaw with one hand as he leaned in to kiss him for the second time in their lives.
Howard stiffened at first, but it only took a moment of Vince’s lips plying his own before he relaxed and let Vince slip his tongue inside. Vince groaned into his mouth as Howard’s hands tentatively came up to rest on his hip, his back. Howard wasn’t the best kisser, didn’t seem to really know what to do with his tongue yet, but he seemed to be picking it up rather quickly; he was already a good deal better than last time.
And it didn’t really matter to Vince, anyway. He just knew he had to have him, or he’d go insane. He sighed happily when one of Howard’s hands slid up to tangle in the still-damp hair at the nape of his neck, pushing them together even more. The hand on Vince’s hip was gripping him firmly now, and Vince sucked on Howard’s tongue, rocking his hips.
Their erections rubbed together through the overcoat, but it wasn’t nearly enough. Vince impatiently shoved the heavy fabric out of the way. There was only his silk kimono and Howard’s flannel pyjamas between them now. Howard broke the kiss, gasping as he felt the heat of Vince’s cock against this own. Vince grinned devilishly, running one hand up underneath Howard’s shirt to graze his skin with his fingertips. Howard’s mouth made a perfect ‘o’ and Vince smirked.
“You like that, huh?” He asked, already knowing the answer as he ran a finger over one of Howard’s nipples, which hardened almost instantly under his touch and elicited a hip jerk and a sigh from Howard. He nodded in response to the question, pulling Vince back to him to kiss him once more. Vince rutted against him, the delicious friction between their cocks almost unbearable.
Howard’s hand slowly drifted up from his hip to the sash of his robe, tugging tentatively. “Can I?” Howard mumbled against Vince’s lips. Vince pulled back, wanting to feel the full intensity of Howard’s dark, lust-filled gaze upon him.
He nodded, lips feeling hot and swollen from the scratch of Howard’s moustache—something he’d never thought he’d actually enjoy. Howard, emboldened, pulled the sash from Vince’s waist, but seemed shocked when the robe fell away to reveal Vince’s rather extensive nakedness. He reddened, trying not to look down.
“Er, I didn’t realize that was all you were… wearing…”
Vince laughed, tilting his head. “It was all going to come off eventually,” he teased, taking Howard’s hands and placing them on his torso. Howard tilted his head back, his eyes squeezed shut with pleasure as his hands explored Vince’s nakedness. Vince gasped when Howard rubbed his nipples at the same time, crying out and tensing. Howard stopped, opened his eyes and looked at Vince with concern.
“Was that bad?” He asked, timidly. Vince shook his head, hair tickling his collarbone.
“No. It was good. Really, really goo—“ he didn’t even finish his sentence as Howard rolled his nipples, making him buck his hips and choke back a groan. It was good, but it wasn’t enough. Vince took one of Howard’s hands, guided it down between them.
“Look at me, Howard.” Howard met his gaze, but Vince shook his head, nodding down to his crotch. “No, look at me.”
Howard hesitatingly let his eyes drift further south than he had before, took in the sight of Vince’s throbbing, hard cock nestled next to his own, fabric-bound erection. Vince savored the desire in his eyes, brought Howard’s hand down to wrap around both of their dicks. Thank god for men with big hands. Howard let out a low groan, and Vince leaned in to whisper against his lips,
“We might as well get some fun out of this whole thing, right?” He licked Howard’s lips, making the other man groan and sigh emphatically. “Jerk us off together, Howard.”
Howard’s hand began to move, grinding their erections together, and they were both in fits within moments. Vince took advantage of Howard’s open mouth to slide his tongue inside, feeling like he needed to explore every inch of Howard’s body or he would explode.
Howard was making a series of little noises against him, noises that sent a jolt of desire straight to Vince’s cock. Vince realized how perfect this was; it was Howard’s first time, so understandably he probably wouldn’t last too long, but with Naboo’s miraculous drugs at work, he would be able to go again, and again…
Vince flushed with heat at the thought, grasped at Howard to try and pull him closer as he dutifully worked their cocks, up and down, pressure in all the right places.
“Come on,” he murmured, trying to push Howard’s coat from his shoulders. “Let’s get a look at you.”
Howard blushed, and it became clear that Vince would have to get up to get him out of the coat and his flannel pyjamas. Regretfully, Vince backed up off his lap and pulled Howard up, divesting him of his coat as soon as possible. He unbuttoned Howard’s flannel shirt as fast as he could, hands trembling with need. Howard’s hands were stroking his back, running fingers through his hair, and Vince found he didn’t actually mind. Soon, Howard was just in his pyjama bottoms, and the shade of pink he had turned was rather delightful.
“Er,” was all he said as Vince took a step back to look at him.
Vince gave him a wolfish grin. “I think those need to go, too. Why don’t you take them off?”
Howard seemed a bit out of his element, but the moment he slid the pyjamas down his hips and let them fall to the floor, his dark, engorged cock bobbing up against his stomach, Vince let out a little, wanting noise and touched his own erection without thinking, which seemed to be to Howard’s liking.
“This better?” He asked, seemingly emboldened. Vince nodded, biting his lip. He moved in close to Howard, reaching his hands around to squeeze his bum. As their naked cocks touched for the first time, Vince felt his knees might buckle, so intense was the feeling. Howard’s arse was warm and firm beneath his hands, and he wanted more. He bloody needed more.
“Come on,” he tugged at Howard’s hand, leading him toward their bedroom. After a moment’s indecision, he settled on Howard’s rumpled bed, pushing his friend down on it. He made sure to give his hips a little extra sway as he walked to his bedside table, pulling out a condom and lube, setting them down next to Howard’s bed.
He looked down at Howard, still sprawled on the mussed sheets. Legs splayed apart, chest rising and falling and covered with a light sheen, his hair messy and stubble framing his slightly-open mouth, his dark eyes dilated… Vince wondered why he hadn’t realized before what was lurking beneath all those cardigans and corduroy trousers. Really, Howard probably didn’t even know, himself. This was genius.
He gave Howard a coy smile, sinking down on top of his legs, nestling in between them. Howard propped himself up on his elbows, anticipating, not daring to speak. Vince reached out to touch Howard’s cock, shivering at its girth and wondering what it would feel like inside of him. He gave it a few good tugs, making Howard’s knees tremble and a low, “Vince—“ escape his lips.
Vince leaned forward, tasting the head with the flat of his tongue. Howard cried out, toes curling, back arching as Vince swirled his tongue around the shaft, then took the head into his mouth while pumping Howard’s cock with his fist. Vince couldn’t help touching himself just a little; the sounds Howard was making were turning him on to a ridiculous degree. And Howard tasted good—his clean, musky scent; the salty tang of his precum, the velvety skin of his cock in Vince’s mouth was like heaven.
Vince pumped Howard’s shaft harder, teasing him by sucking hard, then releasing the pressure and lapping at his slit, tongue pressing at the sensitive underside of his head. Howard gripped the sheets, chest heaving. Vince brought his other hand up to stroke Howard’s balls, which sent the other man just about through the roof.
“Vince, I’m—“ Howard panted. “Oh Vince. Vince. I’m going to—“ He tried to motion for Vince to pull away, but Vince just stroked him harder, swirled his tongue faster, stroked the inside of Howard’s thighs, his balls, his perineum, until Howard let out a cry and came hard into Vince’s mouth. Vince tried not to choke as he swallowed, then swallowed again as the hot, milky fluid shot into his mouth. Howard sank back onto the bed bonelessly, while Vince sat up and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, grinning. He let his eyes wander over Howard’s body once more—he had a feeling this was going to become a favorite pastime—before deciding he’d had enough time to recover.
“You’re not tired yet, are you?” Vince nodded towards his own erection, raising his eyebrows and smiling coyly. Howard sat up with some effort, matching his grin. His cock was still rock hard, with no signs of waning.
“I think I could get used to this,” Howard murmured, leaning in to bury his face in Vince’s lap.
That day, they had sex on Howard’s bed for the first time, Vince trying to go slow, but eventually losing himself completely and fucking Howard with wild abandon. Howard didn’t seem to mind after the initial shock, taking it like a man with a newly-discovered insatiable sexual appetite. When Vince came with a shout and slumped against Howard’s chest, Howard just grinned, pulling him closer for a languid kiss.
After they took a short break for tea, Howard decided it would be a good idea to bend Vince over the kitchen table. Vince, finally getting his wish, spurred him on as he pumped into him, gripping his hips so tight as to leave bruises. He apologized after, against the sweat-slicked skin of Vince’s back, but Vince just laughed and said he liked it, although Howard was crushing him, a bit.
Throughout the afternoon, they managed to fit in another blowjob each, and Howard fucked Vince once more–this time up against the wall in the hallway–before they decided they’d better call it a day. Vince was exhausted and so was Howard, though his erection still was strong as ever. They went to sleep together in Vince’s bed, Howard spooning Vince at his request. Vince had giggled, said he wanted to wake up in the morning with Howard’s erection at his back. Howard didn’t see any problem with that, though the temptation to stroke Vince’s arse proved too strong to resist, and he ended up with Vince riding him for a good twenty minutes more before they finally collapsed in a heap.
Vince sighed, stroking Howard’s arm. “This has been,” he concluded, “A bloody good day.”
Howard grinned, pulling his friend closer. “Just think, two more to follow.” A thought occurred to him. “Er, Vince?”
Vince looked up with a soft smile, hair rather tangled and mussed from the day’s activities. “Hmm, yeah?”
Howard felt a bit dumb for asking, but he just had to know. “Are we… going to do this after it wears off?”
Vince responded by snogging him. Pulling back for breath, he laughed. “Of course we are, you nitwit. There’s no way I can keep my hands off you now.”
Howard chuckled, shaking his head as he settled back against Vince’s plush pillows. “And to think, you didn’t believe me up there on the roof. Now you’re the one coming to me. I could get used to this.”
Vince swatted his arm. “Don’t get too cocky, there. You still have a lot to learn, Howard Moon. Just wait ‘til I teach you about rimming.”
“You’ll just have to wait and see tomorrow, now won’t you?”
On Tuesday, Naboo and Bollo returned home from their holiday to a suspiciously spotless house.
“What’ve you jerk-offs been up to?” Naboo asked, looking around.
Vince and Howard exchanged glances.
“Eh, not much, really.”