Chinese Whispers

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A rumor is started, misinterpreted, and misinterpreted again until it's common knowledge in the Zooniverse that Howard and Vince are bumming. Only they're not.

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[nextpage title=”Chapter 1″]
Chapter 1

“What do you suppose he’s doin’ in there?” asked Craig as he plucked at a string on his zookeeper’s jacket.

“I dunno. Been in there all morning though, hasn’t he?” said David, pealing his eyes away from the door of the fox habitat.

Howard Moon, shortly after coming out of his daily jazz trance, had disappeared into the fox enclosure early that morning and not a soul had seen him since. Every now and again, a mop of brown hair or a glimpse of green jacket was seen poking through the brush, but that was as good as it got. Craig and David sat on a bench in the courtyard, eating their lunches and staring into the enclosure.

The eager new keeper, Tabby, was walking past with a bucket of grain for the zebras.

Craig tittered, a thought coming to mind.

“Bet he’s bumming that fox.” he said and the pair of them laughed as they stood up, chucking their leftovers into the bin.

They carefully sidestepped a spilled pile of grain and the wide-eyed Tabby as they went.

It took Tabby nearly 15 minutes to find someone to tell and as she walked over to Graham, tense with feigned nonchalance, the words nearly burst from her mouth.

“Have you heard about Moon!” she said, forgetting to make it sound like a question.

Graham started, turning off the faucet and shaking the excess water from his hands.

“Tabby. What are you doing in the men’s toilet?”

“That’s not important.” She said as they walked into the courtyard together.

It really was a lovely day. Birds sang, obnoxiously happy from their rooftop perches as a sweet, summer breeze curled through the Zooniverse. A child and his father looked searchingly into the elephant habitat while across the yard, Howard and Vince stood bickering lightly.

“Anyway,” Tabby tried again, “Have you heard? About Moon?”

Graham’s gaze flicked over to the odd couple, bits of stray conversation floating over with the wind. “… bit of hairspray… all it’d take…” Vince was pawing at Howard’s hair, who was in turn ducking away, hands raised defensively.

“Him? What about him?” asked Graham

“He’s…” Tabby lowered her voice, “bumming that fox!”

“Really?” said Graham.

This warranted a longer look in Howard’s direction. He was obviously lost in a powerful speech. Vince stood before him, hips cocked jauntily as he studied his nails. Graham glanced between the two of them. In those skin-tight jeans, Vince was gorgeous as always. It didn’t really add up.

“Jammy bastard. How’s he so lucky?”

Tabby tilted her head, looking politely confused.

“Are you kidding?”

“What?”

“That’s perverted!”

“Oh, so you’re homophobic now?” Graham raised his eyebrows.

“Homophobia’s got nothing to do with it! It’s bestiality, innit?”

Graham crossed his arms defensively.

“Now, that’s uncalled for. Sure, Howard’s not your standard looker but really.”

There was nothing polite left about Tabby’s confusion.

“Right. Well. I’ve got to go and, um…” She looked around for an escape. “I’ve just got to go.”

Graham’s version of things was a juicy one, and by three it had been gossiped throughout the zoo to everyone. Everyone apart from Howard and Vince.

“You’re quite lucky, you know.” Said Vince, pounding a choking Howard on the back. He took a step away as he noticed the pool of saltwater forming at Howard’s feet, not keen on ruining his new boots.

“That porpoise wasn’t pleased.”

Howard coughed up a mouthful of water onto the floor.

They were just outside the changing room in the aquatics house. Howard was still in his sopping wetsuit and swimming flippers. His goggles lay on the concrete a few feet away where he had tossed them in a strop.

Howard glared and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“And who do you think is at fault here?”

Vince offered him an uncertain smile.

“Miles Davis?” He said, wincing.

“Miles Davis! I don’t believe this.” Howard threw his hands up in exasperation. “Blaming a revolutionary musician for your cock ups!”

“It’s not my fault jazz enrages aquatic life! You’re the one forcing the issue here.”

Howard undid his zip a ways and pulled off his hood. His gentle curls were a tragic mess; Vince’s fingers twitched, itching to set it right.

“We were well synchronized before you showed up, thanks.”

“Were you? Because what I saw was you, poncing about in the water, trying to convince that porpoise to join you.”

“It was a heart-wrenching water ballet. I wouldn’t expect you to understand the intricate subtleties.”

“I understand that the poor beast was suffering! I did him some good.”

“What you did was set him on me!”

“How was I to know that not everyone’s prepared for the glory that is the Human League?”

“Enough!”

Howard turned on his heal to stride off, but Vince grabbed him round the arm.

“Howard!” He said, trying to catch his brooding eyes. “I was only trying to help!”

Howard fidgeted and looked away. Vince knew he didn’t want to admit that he understood. Vince knew that Howard wanted to be upset and storm off with a raincloud over his head. Vince also knew that Howard never stayed irritated with him.

“C’mon Howard. Lighten up, yeah?”

Vince noticed that his hand was still loosely grasping Howard’s arm and he took it back abruptly, looking down and stuffing the pair of them in his jacket pockets.

“It was… a bit funny.” Howard said, reluctant.

Vince grinned.

“A bit funny? It was hilarious! Never seen you swim so fast in my life. He nearly had your leg, too.”

After a moment of joking, they parted ways; Howard to dry off and change back into normal clothes and Vince to get a soda out of the machine in the courtyard.

“Noir!” Called out a familiar voice, just as Vince popped the tab on his soda can.

“Mr Fossil?”

Bob Fossil was walking toward Vince, arms outstretched.

“Vincey-boy. Walk with me. We need to have a heart to heart.”

Vince took a swig of his drink and nodded to say that he was listening. Fossil continued, arm not quite touching Vince’s waist as he guided him along.

“I know your secret, pal, and it gives me the willies!”

Vince held out his hands and looked to the sky in disbelief.

“You’ve caught me, alright? But I just didn’t see the point of keeping the lemurs if they had to have such bad hair, and–”

“What are you, stupid?” Fossil interrupted.”The tiny high-climbers look delicious. Very handsome. I’m talking about you and Moon playing hide-the-sausage.”

“What!” Vince said, stopping in his tracks.

“You know. Letting him touch your dirty pillows. Squeeze your lady lumps.”

“You’re off your nut!”

“Go ahead and play coy, sugar tits, but you can’t fool me. I’m in the know. And I want you to know to keep your hot, steamy man-love out of the Zooniverse.”

“But Mr. Fossil!”

“Good day, sir.”

Now Vince started to notice what had been happening around him all day. Wherever he went, there were whispers.

Vince was used to whispers about him, but they were generally jealous or longing whispers. Today, people ducked around corners when he walked by or turned their backs to him to put their heads together conspiratorially. It was altogether disconcerting, and what’s more; Fossil’s words had really gotten to him.

Vince had always thought that he kept his secret very well. Not that he and Howard were bumming, because that wasn’t happening, but that he… wished they were. Vince pulled the brim of his bejeweled cowboy hat down to further cover his face, something that he would usually never do. The stares were getting intrusive. He kept a hand on the brim of his hat as he walked. His eyes were downcast, darting suspiciously behind him as he went. Vince hadn’t always known he had a thing for Howard, in fact it was only recently that he admitted it to himself. In some ways it was easier being in the dark about it. Now he knew why he always needed to be tweaking Howard’s chin or messing with his hair, and now he tended to stop himself from doing it.

“Oi, watch out!”

Vince stopped dead, teetering a moment. Naboo sat cross legged on the ground in front of him, hands cupped limply on his knees.

“What you doin’ down there in the middle of the walk?” Asked Vince, forgetting about Howard.

“Having puppies.” said Naboo, “Really. What’s it look like? I’m meditating.”

“Right. Sorry.” said Vince, though he didn’t sound it at all.

“What’s bothering you, then?”

“Nothing’s bothering me.” He tugged at the cuff of his jacket absently. “Fossil’s a twit, that’s all. You wouldn’t believe what he–”

“I heard Howard’s bumming you.” Naboo interrupted. “How’s that going?”

Vince narrowed his eyes.

“Why does everybody keep sayin’ that!”

“It’s common knowledge, really.”

Vince whipped his head around to glare at a gaggle of keepers who’d gathered a ways back to peer at him. They scattered.

“It’s not true!”

“‘course not.” said Naboo, not bothering to sound sincere.

“You know,” he added, “I wouldn’t have thought this particular rumor would have bothered you.”

Naboo gave Vince a knowing look.

“Oh, get stuffed!” Vince said.

He stepped around the shaman, taking great, angry strides away as Naboo shouted after him.

“You can’t hide what’s inside!”

For his part, Howard hadn’t a clue what was going on. After a stressful afternoon in the porpoise tank, he now sat in the keeper’s hut with a hot cup of tea and an issue of The Global Explorer, which promised a hard-hitting article on the mating habits of the West-African water buffalo. He took a good moment to imagine himself as the man on the cover, splattered in drying mud and gazing off in the distance with the sparse savanna at his back.

One day.

He reclined back onto the sofa with a soft sigh and flipped open the glossy cover of his magazine.

The door to the hut flew open, recoiling as it thunked against the wall. Vince wasn’t far behind, looking frustrated and angry and a little of something else entirely.

If Howard thought his day was stressful in the beginning, he had no idea.

[nextpage title=”Chapter 2″]
Chapter 2

Howard sat up with a start, the magazine slipping off his lap and onto the floor. He glanced down at his cup, having sloshed a good bit of it down his front, and held it away from his body.

He shot Vince a bewildered look.

“Why-?” He began, but Vince was already talking.

“Since when have we been fucking?” Vince said, his voice a fraction too loud.

The tea slipped from Howard’s hand with a porcelain clatter and he stared.

“Right. Yeah.” Vince continued, “Since never, then? That’s what I thought too.”

Vince wasn’t expecting to be embarrassed just then. It was the way he ended up blurting out the question; like word vomit. It was also the way Howard was looking at him; like he was about to actually vomit. That pretty much did it. He could feel the heat blossoming up his neck and further, making his face feel like a glowing coal. He willed it away, knowing this wasn’t an actress’s pretty film blush. This was a spontaneous, ‘Did I just say that?’, sort of thing.

Embarrassment’s only redeeming quality at this time was that it made him forget his irrational anger over the matter. After all, it’s not as though anyone actually knew anything. It really was just a story going around.

Howard recovered quickly.

“Are you drunk?” He asked, scanning Vince’s eyes.

“I’m not!” Vince said as he sprawled out on the sofa next to Howard. He tilted his head back, resting it on the back cushion.

“Haven’t you heard what they’ve been saying all day?”

Vince certainly had. In fact, Naboo had been nowhere near the end of it.

“What who’s been saying?”

“Everyone! Everyone in the whole Zooniverse.”

Vince wished he was in a humor that would more fully appreciate his pun. As it were, he could hardly smirk.

“Well? What’re they saying?” Asked Howard, clearly not linking their entire conversation together.

Vince stared at him.

“You know.” He sat up and looked at Howard. “That we’re…” Vince waved his hand in a circular motion, as if to get the gears turning in Howard’s head. He wasn’t going to say it again. That uncomfortable blush was more than ready to return.

As Howard’s eyes widened, Vince knew someone flipped on the switch upstairs.

“Who started that!”

“Fuck if I know.”

“God, who’s heard about it?”

They were going in circles here. Vince obligingly ticked off the names on his fingers.

“Fossil, Naboo, an undetermined amount of random people,…” He wasn’t sure if he should say the last name.

“Mrs. Gideon.”

“Mrs. Gideon thinks we’re…!”

“Yeah.”

“So, she thinks I’m a…?”

“Pretty much.”

Howard visibly wilted. He rested his face in his hand dejectedly, making his cheek smoosh up to his temple.

“Brilliant.”

It was torture seeing him like this. Granted, Vince saw it pretty often. Howard was always setting himself up for some disappointment or other, but still. It didn’t make it any less sad.

“C’mon Howard.” Vince stood up, grabbing the spilled tea mug as he went and taking it to the sink. “I mean. She did seem pretty put out about it.”

“She asked about me?” Howard’s head snapped up

“Yeah!” sort of.

“And she was upset? Upset that I was with someone?”

“Of course!” Not… actually.

Vince busied himself rinsing and drying the mug so Howard couldn’t see his face as he lied.

In truth, he had spoken with Gideon

She had stopped him just after he had stormed away from Naboo. Really, an unfortunate time to catch up with him.

“Vince! Is it true? That you and your friend… Harold…?”

“Howard. And what about him?”

“I mean to say, are you… together?”

Vince didn’t know what came over him then. It was today combined with months of pent up emotion. It was the fact that Mrs. Gideon was the one who got the attention he wanted and couldn’t even remember Howard’s name. Most of all, he was feeling rather catty.

“Yes.” He’d snapped. “Got a problem?”

“No, no. Just, he is… very lucky.” She gave him little nod and went back about her business.

He pursed his lips together in a frown afterward as if afraid another lie would leap out of it’s own accord.

Now that he really thought about it, this was most definitely a problem; the fact that he and Howard were together not actually being a fact.

Vince watched Howard run anxious hands through his messy curls. If Howard ever found out he encouraged that rumor… Vince winced.

“You know, it’ll probably just blow over.” He said, but Howard didn’t reply. “People forget these kinds of things really quickly…” He added.

Nothing.

He puttered around with dishes on the counter, giving Howard his space.

“Hey, Vince…” Howard said after a moment.

“Hm?”

“I’ve got… an idea.” He said at length.

“What about?

“Mrs. Gideon thinks we’re together, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And she’s pretty jealous of you, yeah?”

“Er. Yeah.”

“So, she’s already started to realize what she’s been missing out on.”

Vince narrowed his eyes.

“Where are you going with this?”

There was a sparkle in Howard’s eyes that could only come from that mischievously high self-esteem he sometimes found himself with. Howard stood up just as Vince dropped down into a chair with his arms crossed over his chest in an unconscious defensive posture. Mrs. Gideon was definitely in Vince’s Top Five Things He Disliked Speaking With Howard About. Right after scat singing but just before Vince’s lack of appreciation for jazz in general.

Howard sighed in a self-satisfied way.

“I’m a hot commodity, Vince. It’s time I acknowledged that.” He placed his hands on his hips in a relaxed way. “Yep. Once the ladies start noticing me, there’s no holding ‘em back.”

Vince stared up at him in mild disbelief.

“Have you noticed you’ve gone mad?” he said conversationally.

“Obviously, I’m a wanted man, and Mrs. Gideon can see that now.”

“Right. What’s this ‘idea’ of yours then?”

“Just think about it, Vince. If this rumor’s got Mrs. Gideon itching for my manly visage, can you imagine what seeing it in person would do to her?”

Vince raised his eyebrows. This was sliding into dangerous territory…

“… Other than making her physically ill…?”

“Work with me here? She’d just have to see us together once, and I reckon–”

“I’m not snogging you in public for the benefit of Mrs. Gideon!” Vince interrupted. He found that he had risen out of his chair in his intensity.

Howard looked at him curiously.

“You wouldn’t have to. She’ll find us in a compromising position, get extremely jealous, and after a few days of her begging to be with me I’ll chuck you and go with her. Easy as that.”

It hurt to be so disposable.

“Absolutely not.” Vince said crossing his arms over his chest once more.

“What! Why not?” Said Howard.

“You’ll make me look gay!” Said Vince, fully aware that it sounded lame.

Howard scoffed.

“I think you’ll find you’re doing that quite well on your own, glitter-arse.”

Vince glared.

“Look. It’s just this once.” Howard pleaded. “And besides, I do all sorts of nice things for you!”

“Like what? Name one.”

“Like. Like that time in the Giraffe hut. With the Nike trainers and the spoons.”

A smile pulled at the corner of Vince’s lips.

“Still. I don’t know Howard…”

Of course Howard had won. Howard could cajole Vince into nearly anything.

Still, it wasn’t the best of situations for Vince. On the one hand, he’d be closer than he’d ever been to what he’d been thinking about for entirely too long now. On the other hand, he still couldn’t do anything even remotely similar to what he’d been thinking about doing.

Three days later, Vince was having trouble remembering to keep his hands to himself. It seemed that every thirty minutes Howard was tugging them into a doorway or against a wall at the click-clack of approaching heels. He’d pull Vince flush to his body, going “Hold on… any minute now… be ready for it…”, but it had yet to be Mrs. Gideon who stumbled across their clumsy little display. Possibly the worst shock of all had been when Bob Fossil walked into their trap, in pink pumps and a sun hat, to find what looked to be a happy couple… hugging awkwardly. They’d been smartly told off, though it didn’t really have the impact it would have if Fossil hadn’t had lipstick on his teeth.

As far as Vince was concerned, Mrs. Gideon would never believe their charade were she to happen upon them. Howard was too jumpy and weird. They didn’t look like lovers stealing a kiss so much as they did a father and son meeting for the first time as strangers. Howard was generally stoic and wary while Vince waited in his arms, tortuously pressed against him like Sellotape, hoping that it wasn’t Gideon round the corner just yet.

Everything changed on the fourth day.

“New plan.” Said Howard when they pealed themselves apart after another false alarm.

“We need to think this through a bit better.”

“You think so?” Asked Vince, adjusting his hat which had been knocked off kilter by Howard’s rush to appear nonchalantly playing tonsil hockey.

Howard chewed on his his bottom lip, obviously deep in scheming thought.

“Tonight,” he said “Mrs. Gideon will be leaving the reptile house round 7, yeah? So we need to be there waiting for her. Then, when she comes out, I’ll greet her, and act surprised.”

“Are you joking? It’s Saturday night, Howard! I’ve got plans, haven’t I?”

“You said you’d help me! It’s a sure thing this time!”

“Howard.” Vince rolled his eyes. “Even if she did see us this time, there’s no way she’d think we were going at it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you seen yourself? It’s like I’m hugging a statue. You’re stock still with your eyes all squinty, looking out for people. It’s not at all realistic.”

“It’s called acting. I’m watching out for people so I can act properly surprised.”

“Are you?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, your acting needs work.”

Howard looked skeptical.

“You think you can do better? You think your acting’s superior to mine? That you can make it realistic?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“Prove it then. Meet me outside the reptile house. 6:45. Be there. Or be square.”

Vince rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I will.”

He’d make it realistic alright. Vince’s heart gave an anxious little flutter.

It was late in the year and the sun was setting earlier and earlier. It was nearly dark already as Vince arrived at the reptile house, his breath ghosting out in front of him in the cold. Howard was there already, waiting against the wall and not looking so relaxed as he was trying to.

“Showed up, did you?” Howard said, nodding to Vince in greeting. He was still wearing his uniform khakis and green zoo jacket. Vince had changed into something more distinctly his style; dark jeans and a top that may as well have been painted on with a fitted leather jacket. He chose to forgo a hat as it would get in the way.

Vince didn’t reply. He stood in front of Howard, hands on his hips cockily.

“You ready for this, Moon?”

“What, now?” Howard pulled up his sleeve to glance at his watch. “We’ve still got ten minutes…”

“You want realism? You gotta slide into it. Paint the picture.” Vince took a step forward and Howard a step back, pressing himself right against the wall.

Vince sighed, “Look, if you’re not good at acting it’s fine. We can do it your way and hope for the best.”

“Keep your shirt on, yeah?” Howard said, rising to the bait, “I just need a minute to get into the groove, alright?”

Vince grinned, he couldn’t believe his luck. Obviously he couldn’t take this too far, but he was still going to enjoy what he got.

“You prepared?” Vince said after a moment and Howard nodded once.

Vince tugged Howard’s zip down slowly and slid a trembling hand, the only outward sign of his sudden nerves, into the open jacket. He looked up at Howard, who was curiously staring straight ahead.

“Howard. Lick your lips.” Vince said quietly. “And chew them a little… There. Now you look a bit kissed.”

Vince pressed in close, worming a leg in between Howard’s and sliding his other hand up to bury in Howard’s unruly hair. He licked his own lips absently as he pulled Howard’s head gently to the side and pressed a hot kiss to the spot just under the taller man’s jaw.

Howard cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably.

“What, ah, what’re you doing?” he asked as Vince kissed him again, just to the side of the first.

“Acting, Howard.” Vince said. He rubbed his hand up and down Howard’s chest, and then up again to pull the collar of his shirt down with a finger. He gave the collarbone a wet kiss, his slight pink tongue darting out daringly. He paused a moment, letting his warm breath linger over the exposed skin.

“Put your hands on me.” He instructed and Howard complied, mechanically moving them to Vince’s sides.

“Not like that…” Vince took his hand away from Howard’s hair and placed it over Howard’s own, sliding it up around his back. On a whim, he impishly moved Howard’s other hand down to his bum. Howard awkwardly cleared his throat again, and opened his mouth as if to speak.

“Acting.” Vince supplied before delicately licking a hot line up Howard’s neck to his ear, where he nibbled the lobe playfully. Howard sucked in a breath and unconsciously tightened his hold around Vince.

Howard had stopped staring blankly ahead. His head fell forward slightly as Vince continued to paint his neck with kisses. Something odd was happening. Vince had suspected the typical Statue-Howard to remain and endure his ‘acting’ while he watching for any sign of people. As it was, Howard was breathing faster than a statue should, his breath coming out in little puffs of smoke in the chill air. His hands began to twitch now and again and the one on Vince’s back had migrated up under his hair.

Howard’s hips also began to twitch, almost imperceptibly.

Vince stopped and glanced over at Howard’s face. His eyes were open but unfocused, looking at the ground. Vince slid a hand up to Howard’s neck, and after a moment he cradled his cheek. Vince licked his lips again in a second of indecision. He hadn’t meant to go this far.

Making up his mind, he tilted Howard’s face toward his and covered his mouth with his own. Vince’s eyes slipped closed as his tongue teased Howard’s lips into parting for him and deepened their contact. Howard pulled Vince as close as he could, having lost his sensible mind, and let himself be kissed. The velvet heat of their mouths, working to form a rhythm, was a pleasant contrast to the cold.

Vince distantly heard the sound of a door opening a closing and the ‘click-clack’ of heels on pavement. He sighed mentally and moved to pull away, but Howard was unmoving. They kissed a minute longer until it seemed that reality hit Howard square in the face. His arms fell away from Vince’s body like he were on fire and he jerked his face away like a startled horse. Vince nearly toppled over from the surprise. His eyes were hard to focus and his lips were slightly swollen from the night’s activities.

Howard looked no less dazed.

“… You forgot to call out to Gideon.” Vince said, chewing his lip absently.

“Yeah. Shit.”

Howard looked unsettled. Possibly at the fact that he’d just been snogging his best mate and enjoying it rather too much. Or enjoying it at all for that matter.

“There’s always next time…?” Vince said, looking away anxiously.

“Yeah. I suppose there is.” Howard stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I’ve uh. I should be going.”

“Yeah. I’ve got places to be.”

“Right.”

And with that Howard left, feeling chilled at the absence of Vince’s body against his own.

[nextpage title=”Don’t You Want Me, Baby? : aka Chapter 2.5″]
Don’t You Want Me, Baby? : aka Chapter 2.5

Author’s Notes: CW was supposed to stop at 2 parts, but it didn’t. Obviously. hah, This chapter was my Christmas gift to the BSH and could be read as a standalone, but is technically part of Chinese Whispers.

Howard was useless when it came to looking after the raccoons.

Vince didn’t know why, and he wasn’t sure even Howard knew why, but there it was.

Howard crouched there inside the raccoon enclosure, his face all squinty-eyed and his lips curled away from his teeth in uncomfortable distaste. He was leaning back slightly with his hands clutched to his chest and his gaze fixed on his tormentor. Ronald raccoon looked thoroughly disgusted. He’d have rolled his eyes if it was the sort of thing a raccoon would think to do.

Vince watched on in fascinated horror.

“Howard. What’re you doin’?” He stepped forward, twining his fingers in the chain-link surrounding the raccoon habitat. “Just give him a biscuit and get outta there.”

Howard shook his head. “He’s just going to take it over to the water and wash it away into nothingness.” He started to stand slowly but stopped as Ronald narrowed his eyes at him.

“I worked too hard baking these, you hear me?” He clutched his handful of biscuits closer to his chest.

Ronald looked to Vince and chattered angrily, punctuating his statement with a shake of his little raccoon fist. Vince tongued the corner of his mouth and nodded.

“Right.” He said, then turned to Howard. “He says dissolving that biscuit last Christmas was a mistake and he’s learned from it. Just give him another, Howard.” Vince glanced at the irritated twitch of his tail and quietly added, “Better make it quick.”

“What, you really thing I’m handing over another one of these babies to that ignorant berk?” Howard said, completely ignoring any sense of discretion he may have formerly possessed.

Ronald was on him in an instant, like a rocker on a mod.

Only quite more violently.

Vince sucked a breath through his teeth, wincing and looking away as Howard toppled backwards onto the ground with a furry demon tearing at his jacket. Howard shouted and panicked, raising his cupped handful of biscuits up out of the way.

“HurryVincetakethebiscuits!” He called out before shrieking and curling into a defensive ball. Vince made to climb the fence, testing his footing on the chain-link, when he heard a rustle in the bushes to his right.

“Oi, Vince!” said a hushed voice.

Vince hopped down off the fence and looked over curiously. A hand popped out of the bushes and waived him over.

“Yeah?” he said, squinting at the leafy mass. Slowly, the hand pushed down a few branches and a head appeared.

“Oh! Alright, Joey.” Vince said with a smile and a nod. “What you doin’ in there?”

Joey Moose put a finger to his lips in the universal signal to hush and held up a folded slip of fluorescent pink paper.

“Oh, right.” Vince whispered and crouched down closer to the bushes. He took the paper from Joey and restored it to its original size.

“Zooniverse Christmas party. Tonight. My house.” Said Joey. “Be there?”

“Brilliant. Yeah.” Said Vince with a nod and started to stand.

“Oh,” He crouched back down, a thought coming to mind. “What about Howard?”

Joey balked.

“Don’t tell Howard.”

“What? Why?”

Joey looked over to the raccoon enclosure and Vince followed his gaze. Howard was on the ground, rolling in the dirt and shrieking with the raccoon attached to his leg. Pieces of biscuit littered the ground around them and he was mashing them into crumbs with his body as he flailed.

“… right.” Vince said, his eyes sliding back over to Joey. “You’ve got a point.” He stood up and gave a little wave. “I’ll see you later then.” he whispered conspiratorially as he stuffed the invite into his back jeans pocket.

When they got back to the hut that evening, Howard was in a dreadful mood. He fiercely chucked a handful of crumbs into the bin, glaring at Vince as he did.

“Why didn’t you help me?” He said, turning on the tap with unnecessary force. Vince turned the knob back, reducing the ferocity of the water flow and earning himself another glare.

“I told you I was sorry!” He said, watching Howard splash water on his face and rub off the dirt that had accumulated there from his romp with the raccoon.

“Here… sit down.” Vince said, grabbing a hand towel and the first aide kit. Howard had scratches along his cheek and forehead that were actually still bleeding a little. He patted Howard’s face dry and wiped gingerly at the marks on his cheek.

“Got you good, didn’t he?”

“Yeah. Thanks to you.” Howard huffed.

“Look, I advised you to give him a biscuit. You’re the one who decided those biscuits were more precious than your face.” Vince said as he dabbed antibiotic ointment on Howard’s scratches. There was an awkward moment where their eyes met and held for a moment too long. Vince was leaning forward in his chair to better tend Howard’s wounds, their faces only inches apart. Ever since that night, nearly a month ago now, things had been ever so slightly off.

It had all been part of a ruse set in place to lure Mrs. Gideon into the wild jealousy Howard knew she kept in her heart. Standing in the cold outside the reptile house, they’d kissed. It hadn’t been a long kiss, but that wasn’t the point. The point was, Howard had let it happen. He’d seen it coming; felt Vince’s meaningful gaze, let himself be pulled into a passionate embrace. Howard cleared his throat and averted his gaze. For the most part, things went back to normal. They’d never talked about that night, and lord knows they weren’t going to open up that can of worms tonight, but every now and then a spark of something would catch them off guard.

Vince stood and took off his jacket with clumsy fingers. He tried to hang it over the back of his chair, but it slipped off and fell. As he bent over to retrieve it, something poked out of the pocket of his impossibly tight jeans and fell to the floor. Howard picked it up.

“What’s this?” He asked, attempting to clear the tension.

“Hm? Oh.” Vince turned and winced internally. “It’s nothing, really…”

Howard unfolded the invitation and frowned.

“A party tonight? Why wasn’t I informed?” He looked hurt behind his indignation. Vince put on an apologetic smile.

“Oh yeah, sorry… er, I thought I told you already?” Vince said. Howard narrowed his eyes in a way that said he wasn’t buying it.

“Really, I did!” Vince swallowed hard and glanced up at the clock on the wall. “You know, you’d better hurry up if you’re gonna go.”

“What?” Howard said, confused, “Aren’t you going too?”

“Well yeah,” Vince grinned. “But I have to arrive fashionably late, obviously.”

Joey Moose’s house was considerably larger than Howard would have imagined. How was it that Joey lived in something of a baby mansion when he and Vince lived in a hut at the zoo? It wasn’t right. He marched up the walk in his finest khaki trousers and garish, Christmas-themed button down, and rang the doorbell. He stood out there for a good while waiting for someone to answer the door. He could hear the confusion of thumping music and bodies in motion from his spot on the stoop and started to doubt himself slightly. Parties were always more awkward when Vince wasn’t around to do most of the talking. Howard just ended up cracking jokes than sunk like the Titanic and then staring until people felt uncomfortable. Finally, the door was pulled open by none other than Joey himself, smiling.

“Howard.” He said, his smile fading at the edges.

“At your service!” Howard said, thrusting a green and red wrapped package into Joey’s arms. “Brought a gift. It’s a toaster. My toaster, actually.”

Joey frowned down at the package in his arms and then frowned up at Howard.

“It was kind of late notice.” Howard said and cleared his throat. “Right. Anyway. Gonna invite me in, or just leave me out in the cold?” He said with a short laugh.

Joey looked like he hadn’t quite decided yet. It was constant motion behind him, and someone from the crowd called out his name. Joey looked over his shoulder and then reluctantly back to Howard.

“Yeah… Come on in. I suppose.”

Howard had never seen this many people at the Zooniverse in his life, which lead him to believe that this was not a small holiday get-together so much as it was a big, wild party. He awkwardly danced his way through an ocean of bodies, cringing at the pop song positively shaking the house. If Vince were here, he’d be having fun already. Gyrating his slender form through the crowd, flirting and drinking and telling Howard to loosen up. As it was… Well, Howard would just wait for Vince to get there. It shouldn’t take long, right? Fashionably late; what was that, like, fifteen minutes? Twenty? He accidentally knocked into a booty-shaking brunette. He smiled apologetically. She glared and flipped him the bird. Right. Maybe he’d best find a seat to wait in.

In the corner of the room sat a single, wooden, straight-backed chair and Howard sat himself down to wait for Vince to make his grand entrance.

Fifteen minutes came and went.

As did twenty.

Howard anxiously stared at the door, tapping out a rhythm on his knees and bobbing his head to it. No need to worry. It didn’t matter that people were starting to stare. It didn’t matter that his toaster was chucked out the window not even thirty seconds ago.

Vince would be here soon.

Thirty minutes.

A drunk tripped and sloshed his beer all over the crotch of Howard’s trousers.

Forty minutes.

An urgent feeling had started in Howard’s gut. Why hadn’t Vince gotten here yet? Howard stared at his hands in his lap, brows knit over worried eyes. He couldn’t possibly still be straightening his hair. Maybe… he hadn’t just wanted to get rid of him, had he? There was that tense moment at the table earlier, but… Howard rubbed his face with a hand and frowned. Parties weren’t fun without Vince. Vince lit up the room, Vince loosened all tension, Vince made Howard want to grab him and hold him and… Howard blinked rapidly. boredom was taking his mind to strange, dangerous places tonight.

An hour.

Howard got up suddenly. An hour. A bloody hour he’d sat here waiting for that stupid little ponce, and for what? His arse was numb, he had a cramp in his leg and he smelled like a beer that he hadn’t even had the pleasure of partaking in. Howard T.J. Moon was done sulking and thinking about things he had no business thinking about. He needed a drink.

Forty-five minutes ago, Vince had been ready to leave for the party. Wearing his best silver boots and a hat to match, he’d flicked of the lights, opened the door and ran straight into Bob Fossil.

“Vince!” Fossil said in obvious relief. “Do me a favor, fruit-pants. I need you to head over to the African Savanna. I left the gate open and all the little orange goats got out.”

“What? Mr. Fossil, I’m off duty.” Vince tried to push past him. “I’ve got a party to get to.”

“Was I asking if you wanted to?” Fossil shouted. “Do it now!”

Luckily the springbok were reasonable individuals once he found them. Still, it took nearly an hour to round up all seven of them and get them back to the Savanna. After a quick primp, he set off.

The party was well under way by the time Vince got there. He went round the back so he could pop in and find someone to announce him properly at the front, but he’d no sooner sneaked in the door when Naboo grabbed his shoulder and spun him around.

“Oi, Naboo, what-?”

“Vince, where’ve you been?” Naboo looked very grave. “Have you seen Howard yet?”

“No. Why? What’s wrong?”

“He’s in a right state, the tit. You need to get him under control.” Naboo nodded his head toward the next room over. “He was in there last I saw. Been asking for you.”

Vince frowned and glanced around, forgetting his grand entrance. If Howard was embarrassing himself, he’d be embarrassing Vince too. Everyone knew they were mates. He wove through the bodies into the next room, and his jaw dropped. Howard was in there alright, no mistaking that.

There he was in all his glory. Standing on an ottoman in nothing but little blue pants and knee-high old man socks with sandals, waving around an alcopop. Vince rushed over just as Howard was looking as if he was going to slip and steadied him.

“And thats when the duck said, ‘I haven’t got any marmalade!’“ Howard shouted, telling the punchline to a joke that nobody was listening to. “Hah! Y’see, because he’s a duck!”

“Howard!” Vince whispered urgently, “Can I have a word?”

“Vince!” Howard was obviously delighted as he stumbled down off his make-shift podium. “You’re here!”

Vince hastily pulled him to an empty corner where they could talk in relative private.

“Are you insane!” Vince said, looking him over in disbelief. “Where are your trousers? You look like a complete arse!”

“I didn’t think you were coming!” Said Howard with a happy, drunken smile on his face.

“And those sandals – Adding insult to injury, that’s what you’re doing!”

“I don’t think being this late is fashionable.” Howard said seriously, eyes not quite focusing anymore.

“You can’t even begin to school me on what’s fashionable, Howard.” Vince said.

Neither of them seemed to notice they were having separate conversations.

“C’mon.” Vince said, taking Howard’s hand and leading him through the crowd until they reached the kitchen. He sat Howard down at the table and took the rest of his drink from him, smelled it and made a face. Vince swallowed it himself, figuring he’d need it, and set the bottle aside. He filled a plastic cup from the tap and thrust it into Howard’s hand.

“Have some water.” He said, sighing and sinking down into a chair next to him.

Vince just stared at him for a moment, watching as he nursed his water and blinked his bleary eyes.

“You’re killin’ me here, Howard. What did you drink? Can’t have just been an alcopop.”

Howard shook his head.

“Swiped something from Naboo.” He grinned, “Good stuff.”

“Then you’re probably off your tits as well. Fantastic.”

“You know, I think I can almost smell colors.” Howard replied.

Vince snagged a passerby.

“Oi mate, have you seen Howard’s clothes?”

The stranger shrugged noncommittally and shouldered out of the room.

“Right.” Vince fluffed his hair absently. “I’m going to go track down your things. You stay here. For the love of God, stay here.” He got up, “Don’t even talk to anyone.”

Howard’s button-down was being occupied by an unattractive blonde and Vince nearly had to fight her to get it back. His trousers were folded neatly by the punch bowl.

“Did that ‘imself, he did.” Said a helpful man, taking a swig of his beer.

Vince rolled his eyes at that; trust Howard to fold his trousers after he’d taken them off on a drunken whim.

Howard rested his forehead on the cool oak table, closing his eyes. Vince didn’t have to be playing mother hen. After all, he wasn’t that smashed.

Well. Considering just what Vince had gone to look for, maybe he was that smashed.

It was hard to concentrate on any one thing for long.

Vince returned without fanfare, shaking Howard’s shoulder.

“Put these back on. Please.” He thrust Howard’s clothes into his arms, but Howard made no move to do so. He sat up, resting his head in his hand and smiling in a simple way.

“I’m glad you showed up, Vince.”

Vince bit his lip. Howard’s eyes were half-lidded and his hair was a mess… but in a good way if that was possible.

“I’m glad you showed up.” He said again, only quietly and more to himself it seemed.

Was he drunk? Absolutely. Obnoxiously embarrassing? You bet. Still maddeningly attractive?…. yeah.

“I’m… sort of glad I showed up too.”

Vince sighed and took Howard’s top back from him, helping his to get his arms through the sleeves.

“It was Fossil’s fault, you know, that I got here so late.” Vince said as he fastened a couple of Howard’s buttons so the shirt would stay on.

“Do you suppose they have whole….machines? Machines to make these?” Howard said, staring down at his buttons.

“I reckon they do.” Vince said. “You know, I think this party’s had its fill of you. Lets find you a place to crash, yeah?”

Vince wasn’t used to being the responsible one. In fact, were the universe to go by its natural order, their roles would likely be reversed. Vince thought this especially true as he struggled to haul Howard to his feet and, arm around his waist, steer him through the party. Vince knew he’d seen what looked to be a guest bedroom when he’d sneaked in the back, and that’s where they were headed when Howard stopped abruptly.

“Ah, Howard. You’ve got to work with me here.” Vince said, struggling to keep a teetering Howard on balance.

Howard pointed upwards.

“Mistletoe!” He said, smiling.

“Yeah?”

“There’s mistletoe just there.”

“And?” Said Vince, wincing as Howard leaned on him heavily for support.

“We’ave to kiss.” Howard said seriously, like it would be an actual crime not to. Vince glanced around them quickly. There were still dozens of people at the back of the house. Many were in fact watching their little display.

“I’m not kissing you, Howard.” Vince said.

Not when you’re nearly smashing me onto the floor. Not when all these people are staring at us. Not when you’ll be horrified about it when you sober up.

Vince tugged his arm. “C’mon, Romeo. Let’s go.”

“Not until we kiss pash… passh… passionately.” Howard said, and he wasn’t using his inside voice anymore.

“Easy, you lunatic…” Vince whispered, reproachful. His cheeks flushed as at least twenty other people turned their way.

“Ah… hah.” He forced a laugh and pressed a swift kiss to the corner of Howard’s pouting mouth.

“Now, shut your gob.”

Vince had been right about the guest room, thankfully. Getting Howard’s nearly dead weight there had drained him considerably. Once inside, he shut the door with a snap and leaned against it, breathing a deep breath.

“God, you’re an idiot.” Vince said fondly, looking Howard over again. He was still only wearing his button-down and a pair of rather small pants. He looked nearly ready to pass-out.

Vince sat him down on the bed and started to leave.

“Do it properly…” Howard said, staring at the wall next to Vince’s head.

“What?” Vince turned around. “Do what properly? Scold you?” He said, the look on his face calling Howard a nutter.

“No… no. Kiss me.” Howard said, and this time his eyes met Vince’s with unsettling certainty.

There was an immense pause.

Vince frowned. “You’re ridiculous.” He said at length.

Vince was adaptable. He’d been able to function fairly normally for months now while concealing a certain inappropriate affinity for Howard. He’d even been fine after that kiss.

Yet, enough was enough.

“But… I…”

Vince stalked over, his irritation etched on his face, and pushed Howard back on the bed.

“Stop.” He said, yanking back the covers and pushing Howard’s legs under them. “Just stop.” Self-control can only go so far.

“What?” Howard said, obviously not expecting to be rejected. “Why not?”

“Because you’re pissed.” Vince snapped, “And you don’t know what you’re saying.”

“That’s never stopped you before!” Howard said, half sitting up.

Vince knit his brows and pushed him back down. “What? You’re mad.”

“You do drunk people all the time!” He exclaimed. He was hurt, despite the fact that he really didn’t know why he’d asked Vince to kiss him or if he had been completely serious about it.

It was the principle of the thing.

“Tart.” Howard added, for good measure.

Vince rolled his eyes and Howard frowned.

“You really are a freak, you know.” Vince said conversationally. It was hard to stay mad at Howard when he had that unfocused quality to his gaze.

“But why?” Howard asked. By now it was more like word vomit.

“Do you really need to ask? You have to already know you’re freakish.” Vince bantered, knowing full well that’s not what Howard meant.

“You kiss everyone else.” Howard accused, closing his eyes.

“Yeah, well. That’s when I’m the drunk one.” Vince tucked the blankets in around Howard’s body.

“Even when you’re drunk…” Howard said, his voice drifting away towards sleep, “You wont… kiss me.”

He passed out, the beginnings of a snore trailing his breaths.

Vince watched him for a long moment before leaning down and pressing a light kiss to his forehead.

“That’s because I’m afraid I’d mean it.” He said, the corner of his mouth twitching into an awkward smile.

Vince sighed and left the room to find some booze of his own to drown in and dance.

[nextpage title=”Chapter 3″]
Chapter 3

He was pacing his cage in a way that bordered on panic, pushing his head against the sliding door that typically lead to the larger, secluded portion of his enclosure every time he passed by. Trapped. An anxious growl rumbled from his chest as he made lap after lap, ignoring the slab of meat nailed to the handle of an old broom that Bob Fossil had thrust through the bars to entertain the small crowd.

Vince felt like that lion today, right down to the rumpled mane.

He looked away, picking a paper cup up off the ground and tossing it in his bin bag with the other bits of rubbish that had littered the ground behind him. Hearing Fossil’s jeering was enough without having to watch it too. Normally, this would not have been a Vince Noir sort of job to undertake. He was just not the normal sort of Vince Noir lately.

Trust the holidays to make one melancholy.

“Vince!” Called out an accented voice. Joey Moose was coming towards him at a jog, something glimmering silver in his hand.

“My hat!” Said a Vince, a smile brightening his face considerably. He dropped the trash and ran a hand through his hair. He’d been too un-Vince this morning to fix it properly, and while he had dozens of hats back at the hut, he’d been thoroughly uninspired.

“Yeah, just found it this morning…” Joey said, his expression contorting into something akin to pain as he held out the hat. The dome was crushed nearly as flat as the brim and there were patches here and there of sequins missing or hanging off of their frazzled little strings. He thrust the hat into Vince’s hand backed away.

Vince chewed his lip as he silently surveyed what was left of his hat, turning it over in his hands. He pushed out the dome and started to shape it back half-heartedly.

“Well. Anyway. I need to get over to the marsupial house quick smart…” Joey said, giving an uncomfortable little wave and turning to jog off again.

Vince stared down at what used to be a lovely hat. Oddly enough, he was still rather more cheerful now that he had it back. It was like losing your dog and having it come back maimed. It didn’t look the same, but it was still the same dog and you’ll love it with or without all its parts. Not everyone would see a hat like Vince did. As far as he was concerned, they had just as much personality as anyone’s pet, and all the potential to become a member of the family. Vince smoothed a section of rumpled sequins and sat down on one of the zoo benches. It had been nine days since he last saw this hat. Nine, or ten even.

At that party, Vince had gone out of his way to have at least three drinks too many. At precisely 12:18 AM, Vince realized it was Christmas day and Howard ought to know about it. Howard was great, wasn’t he? He liked Howard. Liked the way he folded his trousers. Liked the way his eyes got even smaller when he was tired. Or drunk. Howard really couldn’t hold his liquor. Vince grinned about that to himself as he jerked open one of Joey’s kitchen cabinets and smacked himself in the head with it. Cursing and clutching his forehead, he grabbed out a glass. Now, who took the vodka? Wait… Wasn’t he just going in to wish Howard a happy Christmas? Right.

Vince made his way to the back of the house and paused at the door to the guest bedroom. He turned the knob slowly and opened the door, peeking his head in. Howard was still sleeping. Vince closed the door behind him as he went in.

The mass of blankets, pulled up over Howard’s head, moved and a slender arm fell out of them to dangle over the side. Vince stared at that arm. It wasn’t Howard’s arm. He strode over to the bed and yanked the covers back. Howard sputtered in a sleepy fog, his eyelids fluttering open. Vince didn’t notice, or care. His eyes were narrowed as his grabbed a fistful of hair attached to the head of Some Skank in bed with Howard and pulled the bitch out onto the floor. There was a small, confusing scuffle involving a bit of screeching and rather a lot more hair-pulling than necessary before Vince dragged her out of the room and tossed her into the hallway, ripping off his hat and throwing it at her as she went. Howard stirred, rubbing his face.

“What jus’ happened?”

Vince was feeling panicky, realizing the irrationality of what he’d just done.

“She… had on the same top as me.” He said, stumbling over his words. “Didn’t you see?”

The answer was good enough for Howard, who didn’t know the girl in the first place, and he promptly fell back asleep. Vince felt awkward and anxious and wrong. He left for the second time that night and didn’t come back for fear that he could out-do himself in the insanity department.

Vince frowned down at his hat. He and Howard hadn’t spoken much at all since the party.

The truth of it was, Howard hadn’t spoken much at all to anyone since the party. Waking up in a strange bed with no idea where his trousers were wasn’t exactly the Christmas morning he’d expected. What’s worse was the clumsy rendition of the sprinkler dance he was greeted with anytime he ran into anyone at the zoo. Howard vaguely remembered dancing the sprinkler, but he remembered being good at it. Brilliant even.

Apparently, that wasn’t the case.

The only other thing Howard recalled from that night, however vaguely, was Vince. Howard smiled ruefully to himself as he broomed leaves off the sidewalk. Vince was probably embarrassed. Howard shouldn’t have gone. This was why Vince had tried to hide that invitation from him. He was a social mistake. A bloody embarrassment. Howard gripped the broom handle tightly. He needed to talk to Vince, to apologize and see what all he’d done.

But where was Vince?

The realization that he had no idea where his best mate was, and hadn’t known for days, was startling. Of course Vince was at the zoo; Howard had seen glimpses of him here and there and while he never saw him at their hut, his toothbrush was wet every morning. He had to be around somewhere.

“Hey, Bollo!”

Howard leaned against the bars of Bollo the gorilla’s enclosure and motioned him over.

Bollo stood and held out one arm straight in front of him, putting his other hand on the back of his head. He flailed like that a minute before pretending to get off balance and stumble backwards. He regained his footing and went back into the sprinkler before collapsing in his deep, monkey laughter.

Howard pursed his lips.

“Yep.” He said, “That’s amazingly funny.”

Bollo kept laughing, holding his sides. Howard looked away impatiently.

“Are you quite finished?” He asked.

“Almost.” Bollo said with a final ‘HAH’ before coming over to Howard’s end of the fence.

Howard narrowed his eyes, “How do you even know about that? You weren’t there.”

“Youtube.” Bollo grunted. “Now, what do you want?”

Howard’s brows knit at the suggestion that somebody taped him dancing but he shook it off, getting to the matter at hand.

“Have you seen Vince?”

“What you want with Vince? Bollo said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Just to talk to him!” Howard said, exasperated. “Now, have you seen him or not?”

Bollo paused, looking off in the distance in a thoughtful way.

“Yes.” He said.

“Well?”

“If you used your tiny eyes, you would have seen him too.” Bollo said, pointing into the distance behind Howard.

Howard turned and Bollo was right. Vince was way across the courtyard, leaning on the handle of a broom as he talked with someone.

“Looks like pretty girl is chatting him up.” Said Bollo. Howard squinted and tilted his head to the side. It was a girl he was talking to.

“How do you know she’s pretty?” Howard challenged, somewhat annoyed at the suggestion.

“Only pretty girls talk to Vince.” Bollo said with finality and left Howard there staring.

Howard didn’t talk to Vince that day. He wanted to wait for that girl to leave, but she never did. Howard knew because he followed them.

The girl went with Vince to feed the meerkats. She trailed along as he gave the zebras their grain. She helped him bathe the walrus. All the while, she was casually touching his arm and laughing endearingly. The worst of all, she was pretty. Slight and blonde with cherry red lips. How did Vince do it? How did he effortlessly charm all these beautiful women? Howard resolved to wait for tomorrow.

Thing of it was, tomorrow didn’t work out either because she came back.

Vince liked Ariel. She was fashionable and she was fun. He didn’t have to know big words to talk to her, in fact it was best if he didn’t, and he had to do absolutely nothing at all to keep her attention. Today was the fourth day she’d come round the zoo and he found himself happy to see her, if for the wrong reasons. See, around mid-afternoon of the second day Ariel showed up, Howard started showing up too.

Vince knew Howard thought he was being sneaky; standing off in a corner, raking non-existent leaves and stealing glancing over his shoulder, but Vince was on to him. Howard went everywhere Vince did, he was sure of that. What he wasn’t sure of was what Howard was playing at. That was the mind-puzzle Vince was entertaining today as he loitered near the reptile house with Ariel.

Ariel was being unusual, going on about university or the news or something else dull. Anyway, Vince wasn’t interested. He was leaning against the rough brick of a zoo building with his arms folded loosely across his chest as he nodded and ‘mhm’ed along with her constant noise. Howard was predictably puttering about in the shadows a few meters away. Vince kept a near steady gaze on him. He had to be jealous; that was the only answer. Howard was hopeless with girls and Vince had a gorgeous girl coming round to see him everyday and Howard was jealous. It wouldn’t have irritated Vince half as much if his interest in Ariel wasn’t just a distraction for his interest in Howard. The longer he stood there and thought about it, the longer Howard hung around watching them, the more inexplicably furious it made Vince. He was ready to kick off the wall and storm away when a cheerful string of electronic notes jolted him out of his thoughts.

“Oh!” Ariel said, just as surprised as Vince. She retrieved her cellular from her pocket and tapped a few buttons. She frowned down at a text message before tucking the phone away.

“My Gran’s gone to hospital again. I’ve got to go…” She said. “See you around?”

“‘Course.” Vince said with a smile. “Can I have your number?” He asked on instinct. Ariel grinned and dug through her purse for a biro.

“Have you got any paper?” She asked.

Vince pulled up his sleeve and exposed a pale bit of skin.

“Just use this, it’s nearly the same shade.” He joked.

They parted ways and by the time Vince thought to look for him again, Howard was gone. Vince swore and kicked over a nearby bin, then picked it up again and apologized to the janitor trying to replace the bin bags.

Maybe he needed to go talk to Naboo.

Naboo stared blankly out his kiosk window, watching the goings on in his tiny slice of the world. When Vince came into his line of vision, he could tell straight off that something wasn’t right. He was holding himself all wrong, like he was tense but trying to mask it. It was a far cry from the casual confidence Vince generally embodied.

“Trouble at home?” Naboo asked as Vince slumped against the kiosk, his back to the shaman. He didn’t reply.

“Where’s Howard?” Naboo persisted.

“Dunno.” Vince said shortly. He sounded indifferent, but Naboo knew better.

“Listen,” Naboo said, “Stop being a twat.” Vince stiffened and turned to face Naboo irritably. “What’s going on with you two?”

“Nothing’s going on!” Vince huffed. Essentially, that was the problem. Not that he would admit it.

“You can’t tell me nothing’s going on. You’re like Shakira, Vince. Your hips don’t lie.”

Vince gave him a funny look and Naboo sighed as though Vince were a great deal more stupid than he originally thought.

“The whole time you were with that girl, your body was pointed right toward Howard. It’s unconscious body language, Vince.”

“Oh, whatever.” Vince scoffed, at the same time wondering if it was true.

“So, what is it? Did he chuck you?”

“We’re not a couple!” Vince said, “We never were.” He hastily added.

Naboo seemed to take this into deep consideration.

“But, you want to be.” He said at length.

“I don’t even…!” Vince started, but seemed to loose his momentum toward the middle. “I don’t even like blokes.” He said. It ended up coming out less powerful than he intended.

“Maybe not blokes in general.” Naboo said carefully. “But one in particular for sure.”

Vince just glared half-heartedly.

“You wouldn’t have come over here if you didn’t want my advice.” Naboo said, “And my advice is to tell him.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I could go for a punch on the nose right about now.” Vince said, skeptical.

Naboo looked at him reproachfully.

“Here. Take this.” Naboo said, holding his hand out to Vince. “It’ll help.”

Vince hesitated. “… What is it?”

“It’s a magical trinket. For courage.” He motioned his hand impatiently. “Just take it.”

Vince narrowed his eyes as he looked it over in his hand. It was a small plastic figurine of a blue mummy, laughing with its tongue sticking out.

“… Did you get this out of a Kinder Surprise egg?” He asked, scandalized.

“I may have.” Naboo said before promptly closing the kiosk’s window and vanishing from sight.

Vince shook his head and stuffed the mummy in his pocket. A lot of good that did.

Howard’s day had gone to shit right as soon as it started, it seemed. He’d spent his morning looking for Vince and accidentally ran into Fossil and Bainbridge having a private discussion. Consequently, Bainbridge shouted at him that the prairie dog habitat needed an entire rethink and that he and ‘that poncey git’ had better hop to and get it done. By the time he found Vince, the girl was with him. Of course she was. Howard didn’t know why he would have thought she might not be. Girls always came back for Vince.

So, there went his afternoon, following the pair of them around like a voyeuristic pervert for no good reason. By the time she left, he couldn’t bring himself to ask Vince to help him with the prairie dogs. Yet, that didn’t make him any less furious with Vince after the prairie dog fiasco was over.

Howard stormed into the hut, slamming the door behind him. He was covered in dirt, head to toe, and he smelled like a hard day’s work. Six out of ten fingers had a band-aide on them and he could feel bruises forming all over. What he needed to do was put on some Charlie Parker, change into some clean clothes, make a hot cup of tea and forget the day. What he did do was tear off his jacket and threw it on the floor, wiped off his face with a rag and threw it on the floor too and then on a horrible whim, he knocked his typewriter off the table.

That was a bad decision. Now his arm hurt and his typewriter was broken, a few keys having snapped off and rolled out of sight, and all he could think about was Vince.

Vince, not wanting him at that party.

Vince, never being around.

Vince, flirting with that girl.

Howard couldn’t remember ever feeling so frustrated and, to be honest, hurt.

The doorknob turned slowly and the door pushed in as Vince unluckily chose then to return home.

“And where have you been?” Howard snapped as soon as Vince took a step inside. Vince started and looked up.

“Howard?” Vince said. Lately, he’d been coming home when he was sure Howard would already be asleep. It was a shock to come home to Howard not only awake, but combative.

“You were supposed to help me rearrange the prairie dog habitat today!”

“What? Since when?” Vince said defensively. He closed the door with a snap and walked over to Howard.

“Since today, but you were conveniently nowhere to be found!”

“I was busy!”

“Yeah, I saw how busy you were. You and that girl.” Howard accused. Vince frowned.

“Are you talking about Ariel? What’s that got to to with anything?”

“Its got to do with the fact that I was getting maimed by prairie dogs while you were off on an adventure with the little mermaid!”

As Howard paced their little living room, Vince noticed his banged-up appearance.

“Look, I’m sorry Howard! I’ll get the kit.” Vince said, tersely.

“Don’t Bother. Someone’s already taken care of it.”

“Oh?” Vince said. He was slightly taken aback. He was always the only one Howard let patch up his cuts. “Who?”

“Mrs. Gideon.” Howard lied. It had actually been one of the maintenance men.

“Has she then? Good for you.” Vince said icily.

“Yeah. Guess I don’t need you around after all.” Howard said.

“Guess not.”

Vince turned to leave; they both needed to cool off. He got half through the doorway when Howard called, “Good thing, too, seeing as you’re always off with that–”

Vince stormed back into the room.

“Are we on that again? I don’t know where you get off telling me who I can be around, and when I can be around them!”

“When It’s interfering with our work, I–”

“You what? Just because you’re jealous of me doesn’t mean,–”

“I’m not jealous of you!” Howard shouted

“Then what?” Vince shouted back. “What’s wrong with you?” He tossed his hands in exasperation. “Seriously, because you’re driving me mad!”

Howard felt his nails digging into him palms as he clenched his fists, his face was purple from yelling.

“What do you want, Howard?” Vince said, still shouting.

“You! Okay?” Howard found himself bursting out. Immediately his eyes got huge and he looked away.

“… Wot?” Vince croaked stupidly.

For a moment, time seemed to slow down and three things happened all at once. The intercom buzzed to life, but neither of them could hear what Fossil said through the blood pounding in their ears. Howard, trying to back up, stumbled over his injured typewriter and fell. Vince, at a loss for words, hurried over to pull Howard upright but changed his mind on the way and straddled him instead.

Vince mashed their mouths together, burying a hand in Howard’s hair; there was no caution in his kiss. The tension that had clouded the air like an icy fog burst the second their bodies touched. The shift of energies was electric. Howard kissed back clumsy but hungry, like the dam of reservations had burst in his mind. His large, northern hands were everywhere. They mussed Vince’s hair, they ran down his back to squeeze his sides, they cautiously grazed his bum before coming back up to do it all again. Vince’s kisses were all tongue and teeth, delving into the wet heat of Howard’s mouth and pulling back to nibble his lips playfully.

Howard slid his fingers through the soft mass of Vince’s hair and tugged experimentally, something he’d always wanted to do. An unexpected sound of pleasure slipped past Vince’s lips. He tugged Howard’s bottom lip with his teeth and bit down lightly. The atmosphere was charged, but thin. Vince could feel the uncertainty Howard still held on to. The bottom half of Howard’s body was awkward and tense, and he ground their hips together in an attempt to erase the remaining unease. Howard, a hand on Vince’s face possessively holding him to the kiss, responded eagerly. He slid his other hand up under Vince’s shirt to rub circles on the warm, smooth skin he found there.

Vince pulled back, taking Howard up with him, and straddled his lap in a sitting position. Howard linked his arms around Vince’s back loosely as Vince took his kisses lower. He left a hot trail down to his neck where he paused to suck obscenely before Howard captured his lips once more. Vince’s hand stole slowly down Howard’s chest to rest on his rapidly hardening bulge. Howard gasped as he cheekily have it a squeeze.

Vince was just beginning to fiddle with the button there when the door flew open to admit a most unwelcome guest.

“Moon!” Said Dixon Bainbridge, striding into their hut like he owned the place. Technically, he did.

Howard pushed Vince off his lap, unintentionally rough, and sent him sprawling across the floor next to him. Howard tugged his shirt back to a respectable position and stood quickly. Vince stayed on the floor, folding his hands in his lap and looking away. His pale cheeks were burning.

Bainbridge looked mildly offended at the sight before him.

“Moon,” He started again, “Canoodle with your… interesting-looking girlfriend on your own time!”

Howard’s head was spinning, “Sir?” He said warily.

“Fossil’s gone and lost himself in the rhinoceroses exhibit.” Bainbridge stated. “I can’t be arsed to rescue the tit.”

“… What’s that got to do with-?” Howard started, but Bainbridge impatiently cut him off.

“I want you to go and find him, idiot!” He snapped. “And take Noir with you.” He gave his glorious mustache a stroke before turning on his heal and leaving.

Bainbridge had been gone nearly a full minute before either of them spoke. The tension had returned with a vengeance. Howard still stood with his back to Vince, facing the door.

“Look, Howard…” Vince began uncertainly.

“It was just a mistake.” Howard said, the words seeming to spill from his mouth in a jumble.

“… What?” Vince asked, a note of alarm in his voice.

“Nothing happened.” Howard said, and there was a small amount of panic staining his words.

“But, Howard–”

“Nothing happened! It was a mistake, an… an accident.” Howard said. His heart was thundering in his chest, whereas Vince’s had turned to ice.

“Fine.” Vince said stonily, his face carefully blank. “Fine. Let me know when you’re ready to go get Fossil.” He couldn’t keep the tremble out of his voice. Vince stood and left the room, quick and brooding like a traveling storm.

Howard felt like he was going to faint. What the hell just happened? He grabbed his pack off the floor and brought it to their cluttered table where he began to fill it with numb fingers. His head felt like it was going to burst. While he was regretful and ashamed, it was the heart-stopping terror that gripped him and kept him from chasing after Vince and telling him how he felt.

[nextpage title=”Chapter 4″]
Chapter 4

Author’s Notes: UNBETA’D. I feel like that should be a warning. I hope the mistakes aren’t glaring. I had to type it so fast or my computer would shut off before I could get it up…

Howard could honestly say that he had no idea what he’d packed until somewhere toward the end when he’d switched off the auto-pilot in his brain. He forced his way through the tornado of uncomfortable thoughts roaring in his head and sat there in the eye of the storm, thinking sensibly for a moment. Water, a sleeping bag, two flashlights and a clean pair of socks topped off what amounted to a surprisingly heavy bundle that promised to be full of unnecessary crap. Howard puzzled over the bulk of it, getting ready to tear it open and see what he’d actually put in there when a door creaked open and Vince appeared in the hall.

“Oh, um, there you are.” Howard said needlessly. “I was just going to, er, fetch you but,” He forced out a laugh, “There you are.” Howard could feel the awkwardness radiating off of him like heat.

“Right.” He snatched one of the flashlights out of his pack and handed it to Vince.

“I’ve got us each a flashlight, a bit of water and some other… essentials.” Howard said, patting the belly of his bag and wincing as something metal gave a hollow clang.

“D’you really think you’ll need all that business?” Vince said, but his voice lacked its usual mockery. “Fossil’s probably just standing in the middle of the field, facing the wrong direction.” He tugged on a jacket and tucked the end of the flashlight in his back pocket. “Can we just get on with this? I’m tired.”

Howard quickly changed out of his zoo uniform into something decidedly more rugged and they left for the rhinoceros exhibit.

The sun had clocked-out and was long gone, leaving them in the hands of a silver strip of moon and a dark, cool night. Vince trudged ahead of Howard, wading through the nearly knee-length grass of the dusty rhinoceros exhibit and Howard had nothing better to do than think. As his eyes settled on the back of Vince’s uncharacteristically drab jacket,he toed the frigid waters of his mind.

There had always been something special about Vince; something special between the two of them that it never crossed his mind to doubt. They’d been friends all through school, and Vince was always the one he could relax around. Sure, Vince didn’t care for jazz like some of Howard’s other friends, and Vince had all the talent and got all the ladies… but Vince had this way of making Howard feel important and cool, both things Howard knew he never was. For all his teasing and mean-spirited jibes and Howard’s character, Vince cared about him… and what had howard done:? He’d sent him sprawling across the floor like he was an embarrassment. Guilt hardened in his stomach like a brick of lead, but it was hard to say whether it was guilt fo the tactless way he dismised his friend’s advances or guilt for wishing he didn’t have to dismiss him at all. After all, it was Howard himself who’d said he wanted Vince. Technically, he was the one making advances. Before Howard knew it, he was neck-deep in his thoughts and gasping to catch a decent breath. He didn’t even realize that Vince had been trying to speak to him.

“Oi!” Vince said crossly. he shined his flashlight’s beam into Howard’s eyes impatiently. “Are you listening to me?”

Howard squinted and put up a hand to shield his eyes until Vince moved his flashlight away.

“Sorry, what?” He asked, blinking away the dots of light that swam in front of his vision.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake. Never mind.” Vince turned and cast his light about around them. Howard saw that they had stopped near the middle of the enclosure where the tall, dry grass ended and there was a small clearing that allowed for the open-backed shed where the animals took shelter at night.

“Vince…?” Howard ventured quietly. There was no answer, but no outward protest either, so he carried on.

“… I just… I feel like I should probably say–”

“You know what?” Vince cut him off abruptly. “Let’s not, shall we? Because I’m fairly certain I can’t have this conversation right now.” His tone was brisk, but not sharp. Rather, it was tired and somewhat sad.

Howard found his hands were trembling slightly with the effort it took to remain here with him and to leave things unresolved when his head was pounding with confusion.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them, and for once that night Howard actually thought about the reason they were here: to find Bob Fossil.

The Zooniverse had two rhinoceroses to it’s name, and they were both here sleeping with their rear ends poking out the back of their little house. Howard watched them for a time, their horsey smell of hay and large beasts wafting his way, and wondered whether or not he should say something.

“Perhaps you should go, er, speak to one or–”

“I know what I’m doing, thanks.” Vince snapped as he set off moodily toward the rhinoceros shed.

Howard concluded that he probably shouldn’t have said anything and he knew better than to follow him, so he took his search elsewhere. Contrary to Vince’s earlier suggestion, Fossil was not just standing someplace obvious. Howard idly shone his light in a circle around him, and then in front to see how far out he could see. Not really that far… Howard sighed. What could Vince even be discussing with the rhinoceros? Fossil’s either here or he’s not. Howard did another lap around the enclosure with his flashlight, but this time something caught his eyes.

The fence had a hole in it.

Howard stood there a moment and stared before starting his way over to the odd gap in the chain-link. He crouched down next to the fence. In one spot, about two feet across, it was scrunched up away from the ground just far enough for a person to caterpillar crawl underneath. To top it off, there was a small scrap of powder blue cloth caught in the rusty wire.

“I suppose you think I’m crawling round in the dirt and going through there.” Vince said and Howard started violently.

“Guh!” He said with a hand on his chest, taking a deep breath. “When did you…? Don’t do that!”

Vince smirked and crouched down next to Howard, peering under the fence.

“They say he left some time ago. Didn’t stay long and–” Vince paused in a huge yawn, “Sorry, and that’s all they knew. Bloody unhelpful, really, but what can you expect?”

Vince seemed to realize that they were having a normal conversation and looked away oddly. Howard cleared his throat and made an executive decision.

“I’ll go first, then.” He said before sliding down onto the ground and wriggling under the fence.

There was a forest on the other side of the fence. A dense, wet, highly unlikely forest that clawed at their faced and clung to their clothes as they pushed through it blindly. The darkness seemed to swallow up their little lights after they strayed past an arm’s length away, and Vince was sure the trees were sticking out their feet to trip him.

“I think we’ve been walking for a year now.” Vince droned suddenly, stopped dead on the deer-trail that was the closest thing to a path they could find.

“It’s only been a half-hour at best.” Howard said, but inside he was relieved to hear a sound that wasn’t the crackle of bracken under their feet or the hum of nocturnal insects. Nobody had spoken since the fence.

“Honestly, Howard!” Vince said. “It’s… arse o’clock in the morning! He’s lost now and he’ll be the same amount of lost in a couple hours after I’ve had a nap.” Vince heaved a sigh. “You’re the one who’s packed weather-proof sleeping bags. I’m using them.”

Whatever Howard had packed for this excursion was getting heavy, and a break would be nice…

“Fine. Two hours.” Howard said, pressing the button on his sports watch that made the screen glow green. “I’m setting an alarm, mind.”

Vince flapped his hand at Howard dismissively as he took a sleeping bag out of the pack and spread it out on the ground a few yards away. He lied down with his back to Howard and promptly fell asleep.

Howard laid out his own sleeping bag, ever conscious of the fact that they were in some unknown patch of wood in the dead of night, defenseless unless you counted the miniature can of hairspray that Vince always kept in his jacket pocket.

Personally, Howard did not count that as a weapon.

There was an ominous howl in the distance as Howard leaned his pack on a nearby tree. A pair of glowing yellow eyes watched him from above as he snuggled into his sleeping bag, and as he lied there on his back, he could have sworn a few bats flew by overhead.

Despite the fact that he was an aspiring wilderness man (and therefore, right in his element), Howard could not get to sleep. It wasn’t just the denizens of the forest who kept him awake either. His thoughts were on a rampage, raping and pillaging his brain, leaving no survivors.

The more he thought about being attracted to Vince, the less it seemed like a punishable offense. the more he thoughts about holding Vince, touching him, being touched… well, the more he realized that he was embarrassingly lacking in the experience department. And they’d been best mates all this time. How could you take that relationship and turn it into something remarkably different so quickly without complication? You couldn’t. Because, what if you gave in to those feeling and then suddenly, one of you realizes this isn’t what they thought it would be and then Vince would leave him and the Howard wouldn’t have Vince at all. Wouldn’t it be better to just carry on with a solid friendship than for Vince to embark onto uncharted waters with a captain who would likely step aboard the vessel and ask, “Right. Now, where do you keep the reins on this baby?”

Howard winced.

That was a stupid analogy.

He frowned and sat up, rubbing a hand wearily over his face. He was seriously glad he wasn’t in the mood to work on his writing career, because even his internal monologue was ruined.

Howard couldn’t just sit there any longer. He got up and grabbed his flashlight, careful not to make more noise than the rest of the forest was making as he left their makeshift campsite. He wasn’t meaning to go far, just far enough to make thinking about his surroundings more important than thinking about Vince, and far enough that maybe he’d find a clue to where Fossil had gotten to.

A full thirty minutes into his search, there had been no sign of Fossil anywhere. Even better, somewhere along the way Howard had strayed too far. This was apparent the moment Howard had turned around, meaning to head back, and noticed that he had no idea where he was in relation to where he’d come from. Howard turned a full circle, loked up to the sky, took a few steps forward and then stopped. That way didn’t look right. He turned to the left and paused. Had he seen that tree before, or…? Perhaps not. But that clump of trees there, that looked promising. Fairly secure in his desicion, Howard started toward a cluster of young trees to his right.

That’s when it caught his eyes. Snagged in a tre a few yards away, blowing gently with the breeze, was another piece of Fossil’s shirt.

Or trousers. But he hoped shirt.

Howard grinned and took a stop forward.

In hindsight, this was a terrible idea. The earth crumbled away under his fee and he fell. howard grabbd uselessly at the air and landed on his back with the wind knocked clean out of him. His head bounced dizzyingly on the ground and a stray rock from the mouth of the hole followed him down to strike him painfully on the forehead. Something warm and wet trickled down his face and he felt like he was in a movie as he touched a hand to his head and then stared uncomprehendingly at his sticky, red fingers.

Blood.

He was bleeding.

…

Howard closed his eyes and wiped his hand down the front of his shirt.

This was fantastic. He was going to lie down here in some hole and bleed, most likely to death, unaccomplished and alone. He thought of Vince and was instantly sorry for being such a coward.

His vision slid out of focus and sleep tugged him into darkness.

“Howard?” Vince said.

Howard’s vision swam before his eyes and he shut them again tightly. It was still dark out with a blanket of twinkling stars overhead.

“Howard!” Vince cried, shaking his shoulder roughly. “Howard, you arse!”

Howard blinked rapidly, suddenly becoming aware of the aches and pains he had accumulated throughout the day. His whole body was sore, but his head was the worst. It felt likely to explode.

“What’s happened?” He asked weakly.

“What’s happened?” Vince repeated incredulously. “You fell in a hole! That’s what’s happened.” He practically tore the cap off of one of Howard’s canteens and poured water onto a t-shirt Howard had packed for himself. He rung it out with shaking hands and began to wipe at the blood on Howard’s tired face.

“You cracked your bloody head right open!” He continued, waiving his had about irritably. “How do you go falling in giant holes when I’m not around?”

Howard squeezed his eyes shut against the pain in his head.

“Forgot I needed your permission.” He said.

Vince threw his make-shift rag on the ground.

“Will you stop that before you get started?” He said with an odd twinge to his voice. “You can’t even imagine what went through my head when I found you down here!”

It was then that Howard took a good look at his friend.

Vince’s front was covered in dirt and Howard guessed he must have held on to the edge and slid down into the hole. Vince had brought the giant pack with him and dug through it, making a satisfied sound when he produced a first-aide kit from its depths. He looked stressed and his hands trembled as he fumbled open the clasp on the little white plastic box. It made Howard wonder what sort of state he looked to be in.

“How did you find me?” Howard croaked, closing his heavy eyes again.

“When I woke up and your were gone, I was furious.” Vince said as he dumped the contents of the kit on the ground and sorted through them that way, as if it was easier. He grabbed up the little tube of antibiotic cream and tapped Howard’s face lightly.

“Hey, stay awake! Anyway, like I was saying, I was furious so I packed the sleeping bags up and went to find you. Then I saw your light on the ground in the distance…” Vince trailed off.

“You know, this looks like some giant wild animal trap. You’re lucky there weren’t enormous spikes or something at the bottom of this thing.” He bit his lip.

“I’m sorry. I’ve done nothing but guilt trip you this whole time. How are you feeling?”

“Well, I’ve still got a head, haven’t I?” Howard asked, and the corner of Vince’s mouth quirked up in a smile.

“Mostly. You look a bit like Humpty Dumpty, but what else is new?” Vince smeared a glob of ointment on Howard’s temple. “I’ll patch you up.” He added, “… Unless of course you’d rather Gideon have a go at it instead. Seeing as I recall she’s taking care of you now.”

Howard frowned, both at how it stung when Vince touched his head and at the mention of Mrs. Gideon.

“What are you on about?”

“Didn’t you say Gideon bandaged you up after the prairie dogs?”

Howard sighed.

“Oh. I did say that, but it was a lie.”

“What?” Vince asked, both surprised and yet not at the same time. “Who then?”

“Er, Steve from maintenance.”

“What!” Vince laughed as he lifted Howard’s head up to wrap a few layers of gauze tightly around it. “Why lie?”

“I dunno. You had some girl. You always have some girl and I just… is there any Advil in there?” Howard said with a grimace. Where he had been ready to be courageous when he was bleeding to death, now it was considerably harder. Vince was here, dressing his wounds, looking gorgeous, and smiling that smile that Howard felt like he hadn’t seen for ages.

He was intimidating.

“Look, Howard.” Vince said, hovering over Howard’s face as he gently smoothed ointment over the smaller cuts here and there. He wasn’t making eye contact, and in fact seemed to be looking anywhere apart from Howard’s eyes.

“I don’t know why I’m saying this, because I don’t think I was in the wrong, but I’m sorry. I’ve been a bit of an arse for a few hours now, even more so in my head than out loud, and i know I have a good reason to be but if something had happened and… I mean, something more than this. If I’d found you and…” He stopped, pursing his lips. “What I mean to say is, you completely confuse me, and while i don’t know what precisely to do, if when I found you, you weren’t…” He sighed heavily. “Oh, for fuck’s sake! Why are you letting me continue to speak?”

Howard, the know on the head having let his inhibitions slide, slipped a hand into Vince’s hair and pulled him down into a chaste kiss. Vince went stiff as a board and pulled away, eyes wide. After a moment of opening and closing his mouth in indecision, he spoke.

“Am I to assume that was an accident too?”

Howard pulled him down again and this time when their lips met, Vince relaxed. Howard relaxed too as the realization hit home that this is what he wanted, what they both wanted, and it may not come easily but what good thing did?

“I swear to God Howard, if you freak out on my again in a few minutes, I’ll kill you myself.” Vince said quietly, picking up a rock and holding it in front of Howard’s face for emphasis.

Howard laughed and shook his head.

“I’m really sorry.”

“I will be too, but I’ll still do it. I’m barely even joking.”

Howard grabbed Vince’s wrist and moved it to the side. They kissed again, slow and easy, with a shared confidence and contentment that neither had ever felt before. The rock slipped from Vince’s hand as he gingerly slid down to lie next to Howard.

“You’ve got to be kidding.” Naboo said as he and Bollo peered over the edge of the hole.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” Bollo added for good measure and Naboo shot him a look.

“Oi! You two!” Naboo called.

Howard opened his eyes slowly, looked over to the body curled up against his and smiled. Vince opened his mouth in a huge yawn, glanced up at Naboo and started.

“Naboo?” Vince said. He glanced over at Howard and they exchanged a look that said ‘When did we fall asleep?’.

“There are a few things wrong with this picture.” Naboo said. “I’ve half a mind to leave you down there, except for the fact that Howard’s obviously got a head injury. Speaking of which,” He turned to Vince, “How do you let a person with a head injury go to sleep? What if he’s got a concussion?”

Now that he thought about it, Howard’s head hurt quite a lot.

“How did you find us?” Howard asked.

“Are you joking? Did you even look around while you were out there?” Naboo gestured behind himself. “You’re like four yards from my kiosk.”

Now they felt stupid.

Naboo pitched a ladder down the hole and the pair of them climbed out sheepishly, walked through the trees and were back at the Zooniverse in no time at all.

“Whatever happened to Fossil?” Howard asked that afternoon after coming back from the doctor’s with a few stitches in his head. Vince had tidied up their hut and even found most of the typewriter’s keys. They sat in a hopeful little pile on the table next to the typewriter, waiting to be mended.

“Oh, he came back about an hour before us, shirtless. Apparently he’d been leaving shirt pieces behind like breadcrumbs to follow home.” Said Vince.

“What an idiot.” He sighed as he plopped down on the sofa next to Howard and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Who? Me or Fossil?” Howard asked and Vince paused in thought.

“Both, really.”

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