Big Black Spot ™

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In which Vince has a clothing emergency, and Howard has an epiphany. Again.

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Notes: This story is one of Tate’s.

Big Black Spot ™ by A Moment In Subtext

“What?!” Vince shrieked, sounding for all the world like an eight-year-old girl.

“Well, it’s not really that much of a shock, is it?” Howard asked. “After all, it’s not like I’ve declared my love for you two or three times over the last three series.”

“Oh, yeah,” Vince said, nodding his head hippie-style. “Definitely only twice.”

“Really? Howard asked, dropping his pose and pulling a script book off the shelf. “I could have sworn it was three.” He leafed through the book.

“Nope,” Vince said, moving to look over his shoulder. “See? Once in the tundra and once on your birthday.”

“But I could have sworn there was this bit in–”

“Don’t you remember? We cut that bit, Leroy was sick, the lighting was all off, there were weird shadows?”

“But the shadows were part of the plot, right?”

Vince rolled his eyes. “Yes, Howard, the shadows were part of the plot. In as much as we have a plot, anyway.”

“Well,” Howard said, putting the book back on the shelf. “Anyway.” He struck up his pose again. “I think I’m in love with you, Vince.”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Vince said. “Hold your horses. Let’s just say you fancy me, like everyone else in existence, and leave all that ‘love’ stuff for later.”

“Do we still get to have sex?”

Vince rolled his eyes. “Of course we still get to have sex. You think I’m going to give up a chance to have free sex? Run along to the bedroom, I’ll catch up with you in a minute.” He grinned as Howard followed his instruction, and poked his head through the Fourth Wall. “Now, I’m sure you’re all wondering how Howard an’ me ended up here…you’re not?…you just want to watch? Kinky!”

“Vince? Who’re you talking to?”

“No one. I’ll be right there,” he called over his shoulder. “Anyway, thing is, I don’t mind, but Howard’s a bit…well, you know Howard. It’s probably better if I just give you the backstory.” He pulled the script book off the shelf and tossed it through the Fourth Wall, hitting one audience member square in the forehead. He frowned, then grinned. “Guess I don’t have the tell you to knock yourself out. Well, I’m off.” He jerked his thumb over his shoulder and pulled his head back into the sketch. “Keep an eye on this lot, eh, Naboo?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Naboo said without looking away from the telly.

“Cheers, mate, you’re a diamond.”

A Moment In Subtext
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