The Birth Of Boosh

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Noel is a 36 year old in the limelight. One thing could bring him back to Earth... Julianne.

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The Birth Of Boosh by lil_miss_fielding_4

[nextpage title=”Conceptual Artistry”]

Conceptual Artistry

Noel pulled out his mobile phone, shaking. He dialled in the number of his best friend.

“Julian… can you come over… please?”

Noel sat down in suspense as he waited for Julian to arrive, still shaking. He heard the doorbell ring and went to open the door. There was Julian, as promised. Julian looked at Noel. He had tears streaming down his face, eyeliner running. He looked awful.

“Noel, are you alright, mate?” Julian asked. Noel just stood there.

“Mate, come on, sit down. What’s the matter?” Julian put his arm around Noel and walked him over to the lounge. “Come on, Noel. You can tell me.”

Noel took a deep breath. He was still choking on tears. Julian managed to make out two words that Noel had muttered.

“Dee’s pregnant.”

Noel was running his fingers through his hair, biting his nails and shivering. “Julian, what the fuck am I going to do?”

Julian turned to Noel.

“Noel, you are 36 years old. You are a man. Pull yourself together. It’s your baby, isn’t it?” said Julian, matter-of-factly. Noel nodded. “Well, therefore you are going to be a father. Imagine if your dad hadn’t been a father. You wouldn’t be on this Earth. Now, you are going to get Dee over here now and we are going to sort this entire situation out.”

Noel called Dee. “Dee, it’s me. I’m sorry, love. Look, come over to mine, please. I have to talk to you. Alright. Love you too. Bye.”

Dee arrived at the door. She’d obviously been upset too. She ran over to Noel, crying. Noel took her in his arms. “It’s gonna be alright… right, Julian?” Julian nodded. “Fuck, I’m an idiot” said Noel.

“So, where are you gonna live?” asked Julian. “Here, I suppose.” said Dee. “You serious” asked Noel. “Yeah. Your place is bigger.” said Dee. “Motherly instincts, love?” asked Noel. Dee punched Noel in the arm, then shook her head.

A few weeks later, Dee arrived at Noel’s house at 7 am. She rang the doorbell, and Noel opened the door. He was standing in the doorway, scrunching up his hair and in his boy short underpants. “It’s 7am Dee, what are you doing here?” asked Noel. “It’s the ultrasound today, Noel.” replied Dee.

“Shit.” said Noel. He ran around and got dressed, locked up the house and put his arm around Dee. They walked down the street, burrowed into each other.

End Notes: First story, not sure if its any good. =]

[nextpage title=”Robots Baby”]

Robots Baby

Noel and Dee arrived at the medical clinic. They walked into their appointment and saw the doctor. She was a sort of cold woman. “Okay, we can go home now.” said Dee. “It’s alright, it’ll be fine” said Noel. Dee laid down on the bed and the doctor performed the ultrasound. After a while, she said “Congratulations, a little girl.” Dee started crying, and Noel, no matter how hard he tried, couldn’t stop himself. “Julianne.” said Dee. “You’re naming our kid after Julian?” asked Noel. “Yeah. Noel, he’s your best friend. And all my friends have retarded names.” Noel smiled. Dee smiled. So they made their way back to Noel’s place.

As Noel opened the door, he realised it wasn’t locked. “Shit, Noel, have you been robbed?” asked Noel. He slowly opened the door. “SURPRISE!” yelled everyone. Julian walked up to Noel and Dee and said that they had organised a party for them. “Barratt, you jerk-off.” said Noel, smiling. He gave Julian a hug. Mike walked up to him and gave Noel a card. He opened it up. It was a “Congrats” card, perfectly innocent. But he saw, at the bottom of the card.

P.S: Mate, next time you *bbow chika wow wow* your girlfriend, use a condom. From your little brother.

“Mike, you twat.” He tried to swat him over the head but Mike ducked and he hit Dave. “Well, I was goin’ to give you a present, Noel, but you hit me in the face.” laughed Dave. Noel gave Dave a hug while Dee was off talking to his girlfriend. Noel opened the present and he pulled out a baby gorilla suit and a furry black beanie. “Thanks, Dave.” he said. The party went on for hours, until Dee cleared out the place.

“So the missus has spoken. Party over?” said Noel

“No. It’s our alone time. The party’s just begun”

[nextpage title=”Julianne”]

Julianne

Noel, Julian, Mike and Dave were out at a book signing, and Noel got a phone call from Sue Denim. “Hey, Sue.” said Noel, calmly. “You better get your ass down here Noel, you’re having a baby.” replied Sue. Noel hung up the phone and ran out the bookstore. “Security, we’ve gotta go.” said Julian. “What the hell?” asked Dave. “Dee’s having a baby.” replied Julian.

They all clambered into Noel’s car and drove to the hospital.

“Delia Gaitskell, please!” said Noel, panting.

“And you are?” asked the receptionist.

“The father, Noel Fielding” replied Noel. “Room 342, up to your right. Just Noel please, boys.” said the receptionist. So Julian, Dave and Mike sat nervously awaiting the news. “Mike, your gonna be an uncle.” said Dave. “Yeah… fuck.” replied Mike. They all laughed.

Noel was racing up to Dee’s room. He broke a heel on his favourite boots; he didn’t care. Noel was focused on two things; The safety of Dee and the safety of Julianne. Ne ran as fast as he could. He heard screaming.

“Dee.” thought Noel. He ran into room 342. He saw his parents, Dee’s parents and Sue. And….

Julianne Delia Gaitskell-Fielding.

“Dee, I’m…” Dee cut off Noel.

“Hold her.”

Noel took Julianne in his arms. She opened her eyes. They were big and blue, like his. Noel was allowed to take her to the boys. He walked out to them, slowly, crying. He stood in front of them. They stared at him.

“Julianne.” muttered Noel.

Mike walked up to her and held her. “Hi. I’m Uncle Mike. This is Uncle Julian and Uncle Dave.” He glanced over at Noel and Noel nodded.

Julian whispered to Noel. “Is she named after me?” asked Julian. “Yes.” replied Noel. Julian cried. Mike passed Julianne to Julian. He asked one question, the first ever question asked in her whole lifetime.

“You like Jazz?”

End Notes: Let me know if you want a sequel =]

lil_miss_fielding_4
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