Singled Out

Unfortunately, it was nearing the 14th February and he was, in fact, single.


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Length: words

Notes: Pink Floyd is my Boosh muse *nods*. Why on earth do I decide to do my first ever Boosh fic – a fandom I’m still rather shaky on – about a phone call. Dialogue. My absolute number one weakness in writing. Eh. *headdesk*

Singled Out by afterism

Valentines was probably the—no, wait—was always the worst time to be single in Noel’s eyes. The constant reminders in every shop window each time you so much as walked down the street, the rows upon rows of sickly-sweet insincere mass produced cards you had to pass when all you wanted was one for a mate’s birthday, and urgh, the social pressure to publicly “have” someone. Getting through it without knowing there was at least one person willing to spend the whole day curling under the duvet with you made it even harder. And if you didn’t have your friends there with you to be cynical about everything with then well, it was unbearable.

Unfortunately for him, it was nearing the middle of February and he was, in fact, single.

“This is just… just… so unfair.” He whined down the phone, as on the other end, Julian pressed his free hand to his temple and tried to understand exactly what Noel was going on about this time.

“What is?”

“This! Being single! On my own forever and ever!”

“I’m on my own too, you know.”

“Yeah, but you’re happy like that, Ju.” He missed the slight cough of “ha!” as he continued ranting. “I need someone!”

“Cheer up, little man. You’ve got me and… Rich.”

“Yeah, great.” He could almost hear the eye-roll, see the look the bored resignation on Noel’s face as he realised he had little other choice but to ask, “So, can I come over?”

“What, on Valentines? What makes you think I haven’t got a date!”

“Ju, you would have phoned me up immediately if you got so much as a hint of girl’s number, especially today. Come on, I’m bored!”

Sigh. “Fine. But only cos you’re so desperate, yeah?”

“Whatever.” Pause, as both waited for the other to put the phone down. “Julian?”


“Do you think it’ll always be like this?”

“Like what? You and me spending Valentines Day together, alone, wondering why we can never get beyond the second date?”

“Yeah, that’s about it.”

“Because I scare them off and they think you’re gay.”

Noel sniggered. “Maybe it’s because people think we’re already a couple.”

“We could be.” Quietly, almost a whisper.



“Say it again.”


“No, the bit before that.”

“I said… we could be a couple.” Fingers tapped rapidly against plaster, a steady background beat to match Julian’s heart.

“We could be.” A smile crept into Noel’s voice, listening to the crescendo of knocks cut off suddenly.


“We could be a couple. Be more together, together than together, alone, you know?”

“You’re straight.”

“So are you, allegedly. Does it matter?”

“Not really, I suppose.” Grinning now, one hand cradling the handset while the other had its nails lightly chewed. He looked out the window, to the clock, to the sofa and back to his bitten fingertips before Noel spoke again.

“So, can I come round? I’ll bring the wine.”

Grin. “Sure.”

“See you in minute, alright?”

“Yeah, alright.”