Housework

Category: Real Person Fic

Characters: Julian Barratt, Mike Fielding, Noel Fielding

Pairing: Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt

Genre: PWP (porn without plot)

Rating: NC-17

Warning: Smut (graphic sex scenes)

Status: Complete

Length: 1-5k words

Notes: I do not know or own any of the people in this fic. This is purely fiction that I dreamed up in my head and none of it is true.

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Housework by Plastic Dream

This place is a mess. There are empty pizza boxes, dirty mugs and dirty plates on every surface. There are dirty clothes scattered over the bedroom floor and the CD’s are in a state of disarray. I hate cleaning but the mess has just spiralled out of control. We need to clean up. Noel hates cleaning more that I do… bit I have come up with a plan that I think might motivate him.

I walk into the bedroom and see Noel sprawled across the bed, still asleep. I could watch him for ages. He looks so cute and vulnerable, lying there. And innocent. Yeah right. The last thing Noel Fielding is, is innocent. I bend over and gently kiss him awake.

“Morning baby” I whisper softly. His eyes flicker and he snuffles slightly before opening them.

“Morning Ju” he says, sleepily.

“Come on you… get up” I say playfully. He sits up and rubs his eyes.

“Why? What are we doing today?” His expression suddenly becomes kinky. Typical. I know what he wants and he can’t have it. Not yet.

“Cleaning!” I declare.

“What?” he asks, sounding disbelieving.

“No way! I hate cleaning!” I smile. I knew he would say that. That’s why I came up with my idea.

“Trust me Noel. This will be fun”

“No way!”

He is so damn stubborn sometimes. I lean into him and whisper…

“Get dressed” before leaving the room.

I nearly die fighting my way through rubbish to the kitchen. This is a mess too. I sigh at the mountain of washing up before turning my back on it.

As I turn I come face to face with, a now fully dressed Noel.

“I don’t know why you want to clean” he says, wrinkling his nose.

“I don’t want to… but look at this place! It’s a pig sty” I say. I walk up to Noel and take him in my arms.

“Anyway… where’s my morning kiss?” I ask. He leans forwards and our lips connect. He sighs against me and runs his hands down my back. It makes me shiver and want more but I stick to my resolution and break away. He pouts at me.

“Anyway…” I say, continuing our conversation “… this will be fun”

“Yeah right” he says, disbelievingly.

“It will… because I have an idea that might tempt you”

“What?”

I lean into him to whisper my idea in his ear.

“Every time you clean something up or tidy something away… I will take off an item of clothing”

I pull away and look at him. His eyes have widened slightly and I can tell he likes my idea. Then… he grabs me by the arm and drags me into the living room.

“Where do I start?” Yes! Success! I am a genius!

“Sort out the CD’s, put them back in theirs cases and then on the shelf” I instruct. I swear I have never seen him move so fast. He is over by the CD player in a matter of seconds. I laugh, grab a black bag and begin to round up stray pizza boxes and other general rubbish.

We have only been cleaning for half an hour before I hear Noeli’s voice.

“Julian!”

I walk over to where he is standing and look and the tidied CD’s. He’s even put them in alphabetical order! He is keen. I nod and then reach up and take off my hat. He looks annoyed.

“A hat is an item of clothing” I laugh at him.

“You wore that on purpose”

He’s right. I did.

“Right… you’re next chore… pick up all the dirty plates and mugs and put them in the dishwasher… and don’t forget to turn the dishwasher ON Noel!” I say.

“I won’t” he laughs before beginning to gather up the plates and cups. I swear it was like watching a tornado. He finishes that task in about five minutes flat. He emerges from the kitchen and gives me a meaningful look. I lock my eyes onto his and begin to unbutton my shirt. I allow it to slide over my shoulders and onto the couch. His eyes immediately wander all over my chest and he shuffles a little as though in discomfort. I look down and see a slight bulge at the front of his trousers.

“Getting better” he sighs. I wish he would talk to my face instead of my chest but what can I say? I’m irresistible.

I don’t even have to ask him to do the washing up. He starts that all by himself. I grab the hoover and begin to vacuum the lounge carpet.

“Ju… Ju!… JULIAN!”

I hear my name being shouted and turn the hoover off. I turn around and see Noel standing behind me.

“Washing up is done” he says, meaningfully. I get the urge to refuse to take my trousers off, just to see how he reacts. But the truth is… I’m enjoying this as much as him. I unbutton my trousers and push them over my hips and onto the floor. I gasp slightly as my hand brushes against my hardening cock.

“Why are you wearing underwear?” he asks, suddenly.

“What do you mean why am I wearing underwear?”

“Well you must have know what was going to happen after this so why did you bother?”

God he is cheeky sometimes. I just shake my head at him, smiling.

“Come on… we need to clean upstairs as well” I say, dragging him up the stairs.

“Right… you do the laundry and change the bed sheets…”

“What’s the point?” he interrupts “they’ll just get messed up again” he grins kinkily and moves closer to me. I know what he’s up to. He’s trying to make me so horny I forget about the cleaning and have him on the hall floor. And it almost works. But not quite. I step away from him.

“Cleaning first” I say stubbornly” you do the bedroom and I’ll do the bathroom”

I walk to the bathroom. I am so hot but I resist the urge to touch myself as I begin to tidy up and clean the bathroom, which is not a comfortable thing to do when you are hard. After half an hour I am still only halfway through the bathroom and I have heard nothing from Noel.

“Bedroom’s done” says a voice behind me. I turn around and see Noel standing in the doorway completely naked. Horny bugger.

“Little slut” I grin at him.

“Come on Ju you promised” he whines at me. He’s right. I pull my boxers down slowly, hissing slightly as the heat around my groin is released. Noel fixes his eyes onto my groin and they widen again at the sight of my excitement. I turn around and continue to tidy the bathroom.

“What are you doing?” he asks impatiently.

“I am only halfway through the bathroom” I reply. I hear him sigh but I don’t turn around.

After a few minutes I hear a stifled moan. I turn around. Noel is leaning against the door frame with one hand wrapped around his cock. Said hand is moving up and down In a steady rhythm. Fuck the cleaning!

I throw down the cloth in my hand and walk, or rather stumble, over to him. I press my body against his, pinning him to the door frame. I bat his hands away from his cock.

“I knew that would work” he whispers in my ear. I don’t say anything but bend forwards and crash my mouth onto his. Instantly he opens his mouth and our tongues fight.

Being as hot as we both are we allow our passion to take over. I grind my hips hard against Noel’s, making him throw back his head like a porn star and moan loudly. I bend down and begin to suck hard on the skin at the base of his neck. My hands wander up his chest and I rub over his hardened nipples making him shudder and moan again. He pushes his hand in between our bodies and slides it down. His hand wraps around my cock and begins to massage and stroke gently.

“Oh… fucking Jesus… Noel!” I cry. Then the phone rings. Dammit!

“Don’t answer it” Noel whispers in my ear but I pull myself away and head downstairs. It could be important.

“Hello?”

“Hi Julian… It’s Mike, Noel there?”

“Oh… Hi Noel… erm… he is…” damn… talk about bad timing.

“What are you doing?”

“Cleaning”

“What… even Noel?!”
“Yes”

“How did you persuade him to do that?” Mike asks, sounding amazed.

“I… erm… well I…”

“Forget it… I’d rather not know” he says quickly. I think he might have guessed.

“I just wondered if you wanted to come over tonight… I’m having a few poeple over.

“Erm… yeah that would be great we… OH MY GOD!” I cry as I feel a soft tongue flick over the head of my cock. I look down just in time to see Noel engulf me in his mouth. This sight and the feel of his strong mouth sucking me hard makes me moan loudly.

“GUYS!” Mike sounds panicked “please do NOT do that when I am on the phone to you!”

“Sorry Mike… we will be over what time?”

“Eight o clock”

“Ok well… oooooohhhh” I moan as I feel Noel lightly tease his fingers over my balls.

“GUYS!… see you at eight” he says hurriedly before putting the phone down. I hardly notice as my whole body begins to shake. I place my hands on Noel’s hair and tug lightly causing him to moan around my cock. The vibrations tear through me. I see stars in front of my eyes and with one final hard suck from Noel, I come hard into his mouth with a scream. He lets me go and I collapse onto the floor, shaking.

“You are so naughty sometimes” I pant, referring to his performance whilst I was on the phone. He grins proudly and crawls up my body to place a kiss on my lips. I can taste myself on him and it heats me up all over again. I grab him and run my hands down is body to his ass. My fingers play lithely over his entrance before I push one finger into him. Hard. He cries out.

“Get to the bedroom before I have you right here on the lounge floor” he whispers breathlessly. I jump up and run upstairs with Noel close behind me, the paur of us feeling like oversexed teenagers. I crash into the bedroom and fall over onto the bed where he throws himself on top of me.

“Oooooofff” I breathe as he lands on me. He immediately attaches himself to my neck and sucks hard, leaving a red mark. How are we going to explain that to Mike and the others? Actually, they can probably guess for themselves. The thought of them guessing what we did this afternoon makes me hard all over again. Noel feels it and grinds our hips together. I moan out loud and return my fingers to his ass.

“Wait!” he pants. He reaches over to the draw in the bedside cabinet and takes out the tube of lubricant we keep there for ‘emergencies’.. He flips open the cap and pours some onto his fingers. He then lies back over me and wraps his arms around me, sliding his hands down my back and onto my ass. I squirm about as he spreads the cold liquid around my entrance. Then I cry out as he pushes one finger hard into me. He pulls it out and pushes it back in again making me buck and twist around underneath him. He laughs then adds a second finger.

“Fuck Noel!” I cry, desperately. I raise my legs and hips so that he can get to me easily and I feel him line himself up. He puts one hand on either knee and thrusts himself hard.

He doesn’t start slow and I am glad, that’s not what I need. He yanks himself out before ramming in again even harder. I almost faint. I swear this is the best sex I have ever had. In my life. His thrusts are hard and fast. He changes his angle and his next thrust hits that spot inside me hard and I scream again with pleasure. I swear the neighbours are going to hear this but right now I don’t care.

I hear Noel moaning loudly as he continues to pound into me over and over again. Harder and harder. Hitting that spot inside of me every time and making me scream out with every thrust. His hand appears in between our bodies and wraps itself around my cock. His first touch I all I need and I’m coming.

“FUCK NOEL!” I scream out as I come hard between us.

He continues to thrust erratically, his thrusts getting shorter and shorter. I feel him pulse inside me before he screams out my name and comes. We both whimper as he pulls out and collapses next to me.

“Oh my god” he pants. I nod in agreement and feel him cuddle up close to me.

“Can we clean the house tomorrow as well?”