A Booshmas Carol

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The festive season has reached the Mighty Boosh boys and Vince is as ever in the party mood with Howard tagging behind. But something isn't quite right in their fairy tale world.

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Notes: I wrote this as a christmas themed thing but its a bit late as its after christmas but i figured i may aswell post it as im quite pleased with it.

[nextpage title=”The morning after”]

The morning after

`Slowly Vince unfurled himself from the pile of sheets and made his way to the mirror the gilt frame shining in the morning night. Ashamedly he wiped of his make-up from the night before. It had been a party and he had not bothered to remove the thick caking of mascara and eyeliner.

“Mirror mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all?” He said out loud as he did every day”

“Why you are.” Came the usual answer. Vince smiled to himself, satisfied that everything was good. He could deal with hangovers as long as he still looked good and had sunglasses to shield his eyes. Peeling off his top he made his way to the shower where he took great delight in the hot water flowing over him. He lathered himself in swathes of thickly scented products to ensure his sin was peachy and perfect. Happy in the steam filled room he reminisced on the previous nights events. The first party of the festive season was over and Vince was sure that he had charmed and dazzled everyone.

In the living room Howard was lying close to the pile of sheets Vince had left behind. He had been awake for hours unable to sleep on the hard floor; he had foolishly given his friend all soft furnishings. Stiff he wanted to stretch out but all movement was prohibited by numerous other bodies sprawled around him. Silently he smiled to himself whilst pondering a question that plagued most people in the room. How did Vince stay looking so good after staying up dancing all night, sleeping on the floor and drinking a few to many flirtinis? Seeing his androgynous princess re-enter the room he propped himself up to say good morning. It would seem that they were the only ones awake as yet.

“Orange?” asked Vince, not waiting for an answer he chucked the ripe juicy fruit to Howard and laughed as he tried to catch it. Howard had never been known for his elegance. Taking comical leaps and step Vince made his way across the room like a sprightly elf; he was surprisingly mobile for someone clad in blood restricting tight jeans. His outfit from the previous night, a rainbow cat suit complete with matching feathered cape, was abandoned in a pile in the bathroom. Later Howard would pick it up and carefully wash it before neatly putting it away. Upon reaching the unshaved moustached man Vince bent down and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. Howard was looking worse for wear, he normally disliked party’s so Vince had ensured he got very drunk so that he joined in.

“Morning sleepy head.” Vince chirruped taking the role of a parent; this was a role reversal from the usual situation. Normally he was the child who needed to be cared for.

“Shall we leave then?”. Vince always made a point of not staying long in the mornings after a party so as not to get roped into getting tidied up. Howard always felt guilty about this but today he didn’t care, his head was throbbing and he simply wanted to sleep in his own bed or listen to some jazz. Plus Vince wanted to put up the decorations later and it would take a lot of energy to keep up with him.

The two men, although from afar they could have easily been mistaken for a man and wife, clambered into their boosh mobile. Vince always delighted in the fact that it was like he campervan in Scooby Doo, Howard was just relieved that he had not been forced to buy the ridiculous, pink, glittery contraption that Vince had first set his sights on.

Back at the flat it was cosy and warm smelling of a wood fire, which both had been confused by when they first moved into the flat but eventually they reasoned it must be something to do with Naboo’s magic potions. Vince, like the over excited child he essentially was, wanted to s get the tinsel out immediately but knowing that his friend would not appreciate this did not. Instead he decided that; perching on Howard’s lap whilst feeding him pieces of rich, dark chocolate would suffice. The chocolate was in star form and meant to be hanging on the tree but Howard, as he was too tired did not protest. He simply reasoned that they would all be eaten within a day anyway Vince leaving the pieces of gold wrapper still hanging from ribbons. Vince pecked Howard softly on the lips between occasional bites of the creamy substance. To be perfectly honest he liked sweeter types of chocolate, white and milk, but this would suffice.

“So what did you think of her then?”. Howard groaned inwardly, Vince, as per usual, had hit it off with some electro girl with dark hair and a straight fringe. Howard had been taken to the party to meet her finally after weeks of Vince speaking about her non stop. She had some ridiculous name like ultra or neon but he had overheard a conversation where she had admitted to being called Dee.

“Yeah she seemed nice” He could not be bothered to explain to Vince that he had barely spoken to her all night but instead sat in a corner or clung onto this man childs feminine form. Vince, seemingly pleased with the answer stood up pulling Howard with him.

“Come on lets get the baubles and lights out.”

[nextpage title=”Deck the halls”]

Deck the halls

Shiny lights and bright colours adorned the room with pockets of gems and rubies glistening in the warm glow of Christmas. A fairy circled the top of their towering Christmas tree flitting around the room. A bell like voice rung our as the beautiful creature spoke to Vince. He was like Peter Pan, a boy who never wanted to grow up, well minus the leafy costume. Although Vince had been know to clothe himself although admittedly that had been when stranded on a desert island. He watched entranced as Naboo finished a charm to bring the small glittered sculpture of strange creatures to life, at times like this Naboo seemed like a shaman from a fairy tale rather than the lispy shaman he was with a Brixton accent and penchant for certain substances. Suddenly the creatures awoke from their year long slumber and upon seeing their hero Vince, now clad in a thick purple velvet dress and lace trimmed skinny jeans, surrounded him chattering in their beautiful voices.

Here peered around looking for and old friend by the name of Tumnus. He was a small faun named after the one in the tales of Narnia. He was a jolly and stout old flow who shared Howard’s love of jazz and stationary. In the festive season they would spend hours deliberating over which record to play on New Years Eve and discussing the merits of different types of desk tidy. Needless to say Vince took no part in this but instead delighted in watching his Christmas friends form wonderful creations of the richest silks, velvet and various fabric you have ever seen. On Christmas day he would always wear what must be the finest outfit in the land, all courtesy of the miniature mythical beauties that alighted every surface. However these fanciful critters did serve some purpose to the more serious Howard, they made the flat feel full of life and always helped him find the perfect Christmas present for the princess that was Vince. It was them that had helped him find the golden magic mirror and this year they had outdone themselves.

Hidden in the storeroom, where Vince would never go as it entailed work, was a golden device used to spin the finest of threads. Not only did it serve a practical function, once close to Vince heart as it involved textiles and therefore clothes, but it was gorgeous. It seemed not to reflect light but emit it and a soft glow enveloped anyone near it. This was none other than the spinning wheel that Sleeping Beauty had pricked her finger on. The spell that had caused this was of course void now, disarmed by the creatures that were alighting every surface now. As much as Howard became exasperated by Vince sometimes he also felt an overwhelming need to please him.

Howard looked at his watch and sighed, it was only 3 hours until the next party that Vince had planned for them to go to started. Maybe they could arrive late, fashionably late at his style forward friend would call it. He needed to rest now. Pouring himself a glass of mulled wine he lay down on the sofa with Tumnus dozing against a plant pot on the window sill. Vince, with his short attention span satisfied by his fairy tale fantasies joined Howard on the heavily cushioned beast of a sofa. Immediately the creature followed and sat along the top of the sofa.

Howard smiled as he felt a weight rest on his chest, Vince’s head.

“Howard?” Vince waited for his friend to affirm that he had heard before continuing. “Do you like Christmas? I love it; it’s so magical and beautiful. I get to dress up and go to parties and I get to sit at home with you. Its so wonderful, its amazing. I don’t see how anyone could be sad at Christmas” the words tumbled out of his mouth. Howard chuckled at his naivety and continued to run his finger though Vince’s thick lustrous hair.

“Well perhaps with you in such a good mood we can listen to some jazz?”

Vince jerked up pulling a face. “But jazz is for losers. I don’t want to hear you blathering on about Charlie Minger or whatever, you’ve got Leister Corncrake for that.”

Howard was about to protest but saw Vince’s face and realise he was simply trying to wind him up. Howard tried to pull Vince back down but failed as he stepped off the sofa.

“Where are you going?” The answer was to get ready for the party; Howard had forgotten that Vince would need several hours to prepare his make-up hair and new outfit. Oh well, he could simply catch up on his sleep.

With his eyes half open Howard checked around the room to ensure that no mischief was being created. His eyes stopped in a corner where he could see nothing. But that was exactly the problem. Whilst the rest of the room shone like it was a Christmas bauble itself the corner was dark and dusty. No Christmas cheer reached it. I the gloom in that spot he thought he saw some for of movement, perhaps a flicking of a tail or stretching of a wing. But surely none of the creatures would go there. They were all either with Vince or perfecting the decorations. He shook his head and shut his eyes.

“Howard man you really need to get some sleep, your eyes are playing tricks on you.”

[nextpage title=”Candy floss and vodka”]

Candy floss and vodka

The music was pulsating, throbbing in everyone’s heads; you could practically see the vibrations in the air. Howard’s mind was hazy, everything felt like it wasn’t really there, like he was living a memory. He wasn’t sure whether it was the alchohol or the Christmas spirit, although in truth the thick fumes filling the room were probably a key contributor to his less than sober state. Howard was very surprised that he was enjoying the party, especially since Vince had conveniently forgot to tell him that it was being hosted in their flat.

Vince had managed to persuade his fantastical creatures to go round and serve drinks and nibbles. None of them were to Howard’s taste, he liked larger and maybe a glass of wine (mulled at Christmas), but Vince liked sweet syrupy concoctions that tasted like childs fizzy pop but with the potency of stronger less innocent drinks. There were few non-alcoholic options, just diet coke The cans had pictures of Santa Claus on them which, like most things in the flat, had been charmed, so in various areas of the building chuckling St Nicholas’ could be seen dancing to Saboo and Tony Harrison’s DJing.

Howard filled his glass with more punch and picked up a pack of sherbet for Vince then made his way across the room. He walked past Naboo and Bollo staring at the wall as if they were watching an extremely riveting TV program.

“High.” He muttered to himself. Unloading his hands onto a nearby table he grabbed Vince around the waist as he danced with the Dee girl (it turned out her name was Pandora). Vince flashed his award winning smile which reached both heavily kohl rimmed eyes as Howard gestured to the sherbet. Vince suddenly sat down on a pile of cushions pulling both Howard and Pandora with him and slowly tipped the fizzy e-number filled powder on to his lips then proceeded to lick it off, entirely aware that he had the two people either side of him under his spell.

The three of them relaxed against heavily embroidered furnishings which contrasted heavily with the strobe lighting and neon bulbs that were fit for even the most notorious club. People in the room laughed as they saw Vince Noir mounting Howard, much to Pandora’s amusement. It was, of course, not sexual but simply an attempt to decorate the sedate, jazz loving mans face with make-up. When he would emerge he was sure to be wearing make-up fit for a princess. It most definitely was not Howard’s kind of thing and he was fighting the urge to blink as the eyeliner pencil was drawn around the edge of his eye, but his usual inhibitions were dulled by the alcoholic and probably narcotic poison circling his veins. Vince’s breath tickled his face and their lips were temptingly close together. A soft jewellery adorned hand grazed his thigh and desperate for a showing of love, or even lust, he strained forwards bumping his lips clumsily with the more experienced ones belonging to Vince. He tasted of candy floss with an undertone of the more acrid and bitter vodka. Pulling away Pandora then received the same treatment from the lithe man that was Vince, his tongue as agile as the rest of his body.

Satisfied Howard let his head loll back and he saw Tumnus sitting on the lampshade above him shaking his head. Tumnus did not mind Vince but could not understand Howard’s obsession and love for him that he, somewhat unconvincingly from Tumnus’ point of view, described as platonic. For Howard Moon everything seemed to be fading in and out, the music seemed quieter, muffled now and the colours were dulling then intensifying in sequence. He knew he would pass out soon, but wanted to savour this moment while he still had it. For once he was enjoying a party, and earlier that day he had received his first Christmas card of that year, it was from Mrs Gideon, now known as Julia to him. He sighed as Vince nuzzled into his neck and couldn’t help but roll his eyes upon seeing that Pandora was doing the same to Vince himself. They lay there unspeaking half listening to the others chattering and finding a comfy spot to settle down for the night with all the bedrooms occupied with couples ( as with all of Vince’s party everyone was staying overnight as it was now reaching 4 or 5 am anyway). Howard was pleased that they had settled down before everyone else as at least he had a bit more space than last night and a soft surface rather than the hard wooden floor of the last hosts flat.

Briefly rolling out the way of a falling diet coke can (it turns out that the charmed Santa pictures were suffering from the smoke too and were dropping like flies) Howard eventually lost consciousness. He fell into a fitful sleep filled with rich images and strange dreams…

[nextpage title=”Questions”]

Questions

Howard sat up confused by the stark cold air of the room and the absence of intertwined bodies on the floor. Hadn’t it been the party before? He looked next to him to find an area of space where Vince should have been. The window was open and in howled blowing the curtains, which were plain and white rather than the normal ones. The set out and furniture of the room confirmed that he was in flat, but it didn’t feel the same. The Christmas decorations seemed lustreless and the twinkling light weren’t on, nor were there small mythical beasties flitting about the room singing and chirruping away.

Hearing a shuffling noise he swung round to see a tall creature, beautiful and serene. It was wrapped in what appeared to be a number of gold sheets entwined with holly and fir.

“Howard.” It said, well Howard presumed that it had spoken the word although he had not heard a sound, it simply appeared in his head. “Howard, what is wrong?” For the first time Howard realised he was shaking and probably deathly pale. What is it? His mind enquired, intrigued despite his fear, but it would seem the creature heard his thoughts and answered before Howard could voice his question.

“I am the ghost of Christmas past.” He stood stunned for a second looking at the creature, it appeared to be neither male nor female it had a face that showed no clues but was beautiful, with its eyes, if it had any, veiled. Swaddled in cloth he could not see what the creature body was like, I could have no body for all he knew.

“Come” The creature ordered with no doubt that Howard would do as he was told which he did unquestioningly, it just not come into his mind to doubt the creature. He had no worries as he took the creatures hand which was strange as he was always worried about something.

As soon as he touched the things skin he felt a burning heat rush through him, but it was not painful, it was if he was made of light itself. Opening his eyes, he had not realised he had shut them but he evidently had, he saw the same room, but brighter. There were more colours decorations and people, but it certainly wasn’t to the standard of the night he had left from (if he had ever been there in the first place, he was certainly beginning to doubt it). On the floor lay Vince, paint brush in hand covering magazine cuttings in lashings of colour, he was wearing a cardigan that was evidently an unwise Christmas present as it was brown and Vince would avoid brown like the plague.

“Vince.” Came Howard’s Voice, “Be careful and don’t get paint all over Naboo’s carpet.”

Howard, standing by the window was startled, he had not said that, but turning to the side he saw himself as a younger man. That’s when it hit him; this was the Christmas when they first moved to the flat. The Christmas decorations were normal, no creatures and fairies just simple baubles and tinsel. He smiled at the memory. Vince had tried to cook but failed and got them a take-away, he had even worn that “hideous” cardigan although he did end up dying it dark green to make it “at least vaguely wearable”. The cardigan had obviously ended up in Howard’s wardrobe, infact he, the future he, was wearing it that very moment. That had been a good year, basic, but good.

Again a familiar rush of heat coursed through his veins and he was back in the dull version of the flat and again it was empty.

It did not come as a surprise to Howard when another strange looking person appeared in the room and he automatically assumed it was the ghost of Christmas present, it fit with the pattern that he presumed would emerge. A nod from the thing confirmed his suspicions. This time the thing was an average height and clad in silver and gold with neon stripes and patterns, he could have easily mistaken it for one of the party goers were it not for the fact that the creature had no face just pale skin stretched across its skull.

Anticipating the procedure he put out his hand (he did not want to stay in this dull middle place for longer than possible). A pleasant tingling sensation ran up his spine and wrapped around his limbs so Howard was disappointed to see he simply arrived back at the party (although it was nice to see Vince clutching onto him in his sleep from an outsiders point of view). He expected perhaps a bit more after the relaxing journey, if it could be called that. The thing seeming to sense his distress ran its long thin fingers along his hand and where they had been writing appeared.

“I cannot show you anymore than this, I can simply show you what is happening at current from an outsider’s perspective. Look and you will see past the mundane and maybe see something important.”

Howard wandered about, at first avoiding the sleeping bodies but he soon realised that he appeared to have no weight on them. None even flinched when he tripped and landed sprawled across a group of girls ( had Vince been able to see this he would have announced it to be purposeful, Howard demonstrating his appalling chat up methods). Seeing nothing interesting upstairs he made his way down to the shop, which luckily seemed not to be damaged after the party, the rest of the flat would probably be carnage in the morning. On the till a group of the mythical beauties slept safe from the spillages and sudden movements of the people upstairs. Out of the corner of his eye he saw one of them scuttle into the store room, it was covered in course hair and seemed to have horns of some sort. He did not recognise it but then again there were so many of these little things that it would be impossible to remember them all, apart from for Vince who may not remember useful facts but could recall any person if they had high enough social standing with him.

Confused by what the thing had meant by “something important he headed back up to the room so as to return from whence he came. The dull room as intimidating as it might be may hold some answers.

[nextpage title=”Lonely this christmas”]

Lonely this christmas

In the middle place Howard was getting impatient, he wanted the next ghost to arrive already. In actual fact the wait was no longer than it had been before but the boredom and expectation of a new arrival made time seem to stretch out. After what seemed like an eternity (but was actually only a few minutes) the last ghost (ghost in the loosest sense of the word) arrived, it emerged from the dark corner hobbling like an old crone. The hair covering it was matted although it had obviously once been soft and shimmering with many different shades of brown. It had what appeared to be the head of a bull with muscled shoulders that were huge in comparison to the rest of its body. Were it not for its incredibly small size Howard would have been fearful, but how it was it seemed weak and harmless.

Readily Howard put out his hand wishing for another delightful feeling to flow through him as he transferred to the next place. He was beginning to enjoy the whole process.

“Are you not going to ask who I am?” hissed the creature.

“You’re the ghost of Christmas future are you not?” answered Howard, still holding out his hand. The thing nodded and leaped upon Howard to take him to his destination. He tripped back, a vicious pain searing through him. Like a number of daggers stabbing into his flesh, their points piercing his skin, slicing his muscles and jarring against bones. The journey over he collapsed in a heap hyperventilating. His bloodshot eyes bulged. He had never known such pain, sensing the stare of the ghost on him he looked up. It was the flat alright but it wasn’t how it should be at Christmas time. The room was devoid of decorations. It looked as rich as always (this was Naboo’s home of after all) but without the usual adornments that accompanied the festive season it seemed bland and incredibly lack lustre. On the top in the kitchen there were three plates waiting to be loaded with turkey and potatoes, stuffing and parsnips.

Howard took slow deliberate steps towards a door covered in posters and magazine cuttings of bands and clothes. Hearing sounds he carefully pushed the door to reveal a room that from outside would seem small but inside was actually a large room with tall ceilings. It was Vince’s room. It was where all the decorations were. Tinsel and baubles were attached to the ceiling, the walls were covered in glitter and various beautiful pictures and a massive fir tree towered over the bed laden in delights that one cannot imagine.

There on the bed lay Vince, flat on his back with his arm lain on his chest. His hair had grown long, turning and enveloping entwining his limbs. His skin glowed and his eyes were surrounded with jewels twinkling with the reflection of fairy lights. Next to the bed sat Howard sobbing.

“You’ve got more cards Vince, all inviting you to parties” Howard’s voice was choking. “Look there’s one from ladyfame, cockney, claireabella, oompa, EP, BTTM, emii, sailor, electro mouse, electrostar. Loads of them”. A soft sentimental smile played across Howard’s face through his tears as he read it.

“Time to leave I think” was the last thing Howard heard before the pain overwhelmed him again and he was taken back. “That was different to what you expected wasn’t it?” the ghost whispered hoarsely in his ear “Didn’t think it would be bad. Didn’t know. That friend of yours does not realise that Christmas isn’t good for everyone does he? Nor do you” Howard tried to pull away but he could not escape the things haunting words. “You can be lonely at Christmas, not everything is beautiful.” He turned around as he felt hot acrid breath on his back. In his face he could see yellow dripping teeth. The creature was big now. Its face hideous, it was a minotaur thing. Slashes decorated its chest and its eyes were blood shot and yellow.

Fiercely it took step closer to Howard until it was practically on top of Howard when it disappeared and the room returned to the state he had left it in. He was stood in the centre of the room and unblinkingly made his way back to Vince where he lay down and covered himself in anything soft he could find. There he stayed looking blankly at the ceiling waiting for the beast to return constantly checking the dark corner for another movement.

End Notes: This was originally written for the Boosh Forum hence the names in it veig blatant user names

[nextpage title=”The night before christmas”]

The night before christmas

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”…..

“Is that it?” asked Vince, slightly annoyed as Howard had spent ages saying how good the poem was.

“Well I quite like it.” Answered Pandora who was sitting next to Vince on the sofa, of course this meant that he automatically changed his opinion to agree with her. Howard smiled appreciatively at Pandora for agreeing with him. She was growing on him, she was feisty and sexy but nice too.

It was 1 week and several hangovers since the party but Howard’s was still worried about what he had seen. He was not sure whether it was a dream or not, it was too weird. When confiding in Vince (cutting out some of the drama of the future Christmas so as not to worry him) we was told that he must have been tripping, hallucinating. Vince had said that he’d probably taken some pill of sorts or had his drink spiked. Howard wasn’t so sure but eventually conceded that it was the only rational explanation, however he still kept glancing at the dark corner to be safe.

“Come sit here Howard” Vince patted the area of cushion next to him that wasn’t inhabited by his female counterpart. The two dark haired drainpipe clad people budged up making room for Howard to squash in next to them. His weight on the cushions forced Vince to lean in to him although the placing of his hand on Howard’s lap was entirely voluntary.

“Do you have a girlfriend Howard?” Pandora enquired, honestly interested in his life. Howard stuttered slightly as he replied unsure of what to say…

“Well kind of, we, ermm…” at this point Vince interjected announcing that he met up with this lady loads but hadn’t kissed her yet. He was too scared. He had known Julia Gideon for over a decade and had not yet succeeded in kissing her. Embarrassing in Vince’s opinion. Seeing that Howard didn’t really want to talk about it Pandora changed the subject. “So what’s this one called? it seems lovely.” She was looking at one of the little creatures, it was ice white and shockingly entrancing aesthetically.

“That, you’ll find is Suenicorn.” Noel grinned picking the thing up and placing it on Pandora’s lap. The creature proceeded to scamper up Pandora’s arm up to her shoulder where she whispered into her ear. Pandora giggled and took a sly glance at Vince before saying, “Suenicorn says that by the looks of it you want to head to the bedroom.” She got up holding Vince’s hand and pulling him towards the bed. Vince winked at Howard as he left.

Howard reclined on the sofa displeased to be left alone, he understood that Vince and Pandora were a couple now but he didn’t want to be abandoned on Christmas Eve. Deciding that the situation was unavoidable he tried to sleep and succeeded not waking up until Christmas morning. Well it can be only loosely defined as such because it was in fact 2 am. Stiff he pulled himself upright and shuffled toward his room but stopped one door short. On a whim he stepped into Vince’s room instead, no matter what others said he was still worried about the ghostly sites he had seen a week ago, he wanted to savour as much time as possible with him. The two in bed were laying there half awake neither with very much on although Pandora’s dignity was hidden by a sheet (which was juxtaposing with the general image as it was covered in images of a pink bubble gum blob named Charlie). Pausing for a second Howard climbed into the bed next to Vince wrapping his arm around the lither body. He rested his head on the pillow and was pleased to feel a delicate peck on his nose from Vince. He couldn’t help but sigh as he drifted to sleep contentedly all thoughts of the Minotaur driven from his mind temporarily.

End Notes: The poem at the begining is an extract from The Night Before Christmas by Clement Clarke Moore

[nextpage title=”Tradition and wrappings”]

Tradition and wrappings

It was Christmas morning. Finally and the three sleeping figures were woken up by an alarm clock blurting out some song that Vince has found, it was repeating the message “the sex has made me stupid”, rather befitting to the previous nights occurrences it seemed. Howard rolled over to look at time, an unsightly 6am. Vince normally did not emerge from his room until midday but Christmas was the exception, he was essentially a child in a man’s body. Excited Vince’s bounded out of bed, surprisingly he was fully clothed with his hair and make-up carefully perfected, well surprising to most but Howard was aware that on Christmas day Vince would get up extra early to get ready for the day before going back to sleep. It was a bit of a tradition for him.

“Vince turn that alarm off” Came a yell from the door and a short robe clad man followed with a large gorilla in pursuit. Of course the demand was not heeded, Vince was too busy leaping and jumping around pulling everyone upright, luckily for Pandora Howard had warned her this would happen the night before so she too had dressed herself earlier that morning. Howard of course had not changed since the previous day.

“You want help with the turkey Naboo?” asked Howard hoping that for once the answer would be yes. He was a firm believer in tradition and wanted to cook Christmas dinner how his mother had always done. Naboo however would simply shove everything in a pot then add some sort of magic potion and it would turn into dinner within minutes, was a lot more practical and stressful but it wasn’t the way Howard wanted it to be. The answer to his question was no of course.

Bored already of dancing around the room Vince scuttled into the living area. “Right! Presents” he delved deep into a towering pile of gift wrapped boxes and shapes of all kind and was soon lost amongst the trimmings. Naboo and Bollo quickly followed suit but Pandora simply stood there looking confused.

“Just dive in and look for presents or jump about, essentially it’s like a ball pit made of gifts” Howard explained before he himself took a leap in. Pandora grinned; she liked this kind of Christmas morning.

The five of them delved and burrowed in the presents occasionally picking one up to open it. As usual once gifts were opened the game soon evolved into a paper fight, balls of shimmering wrapping arching through the air. The numerous creature were of course joining in, even Tumnus. Laughing all the flying beasties picked up Naboo by his robe, which was red and green to be festive, and planted the struggling at the top of the tree with the fairy. He blushed from embarrassment as she kissed him delicately on the cheek, every time this happened and he was sure the fairy had a thing for him. A “thing” that would never come to an ultimate climax.

Some indie band was playing on the stereo; it was a CD that was a gift to Vince from one of his mates. The CD inevitably belonged to the gift givers band, his clique were like that you see. Vince was sitting like a toddler surrounded by his toys, but instead of brightly coloured toy cars and animals it was jewellery, clothes, make up and trinkets. “Have you opened your present from me yet?” he asked as he placed numerous rings on his fingers. Howard looked up from the pile of jazz vinyl’s that Leicester had given him and shook his head.

“Where is it?”

Vince ambled over to the tree again and crawled right under it to the very back in the corner and pulled out a parcel that he had obviously put a lot of effort into wrapping. “There you go.”

Peeling back the wrapping paper Howards eyes were accosted with a shot of electric blue, a shot of electric blue in fabric format. It was a coat, similar to a ring masters, short at the front with long tails at the back and purple piping with brocade pockets. He smiled and placed it down on a nearby chair, he dearly loved Vince but wished that he would buy him something he actually wanted.

“Aren’t you going to wear it?” asked Vince obviously upset. Luckily Howard was adept with situations like this.

“I will but dinner is soon and I don’t want to spill food on it.” The excuse seemed to please Vince enough.

[nextpage title=”Gifts”]

Gifts

Author’s Notes: A short section linking into the next part

The scene was like that in a particularly magic tale. The 5 merry makers were seated round a table with napkins being placed on their laps by miniature unicorns, fauns and others such things. The fairy had vacated its normal location at the top of the tree to sit on Naboo’s shoulder whilst Suenicorn was hopping around Pandora’s plate, it would seem that they had become good friends. Their heads were bedecked with top hats and bonnets, Mayan head-dresses and trilbies, the cracker from which they had come were scattered across the table.

“Right, time for your present then Vince.” Howard got up and pulled out a black rectangle of fabric, “but first your blindfold.” He stood behind Vince and tied the blindfold over his eyes before levering him upright. Gently he guided him towards the centre of the living area where some creatures had placed the gift under a midnight blue sheet of velvet.

“Can I look now?” Enquired Vince impatient to see what he had received. When he was told he good he pulled the blindfold just above his eyes and his eyes gleamed when he saw the velvet being ripped of the present. The spinning wheel lay glistening, shining, and seeming to emit light.

Vince leapt upon it and could have easily broken it if he was not careful; but as his body touched the thing he slumped suddenly loose and unmoving. Pandora ran to him and saw a small prick on his finger with blood dripping down over his pale skin. She looked up at Howard…”it wasn’t, was it?” she was of course asking whether rit was the same one as in the fairy tale.

Howard stuttered, shocked “yes, but the creatures un-charmed it, they tested it and everything.” But Howard already knew what had happened as he could see a small bull like creature running into what he had come to know as the dark corner. He should have heeded the creatures warning, he wasn’t sure how but he knew he should have.

“Is there anything you can do Naboo?” he asked desperately knowing the answer was no, Naboo knew current up to date magic but this was ancient, from before time even began, from the darkness before the light. Naboo shook his head sadly confirming Howard’s fears. He too ran to Vince’s side where Naboo, Bollo and Pandora were already knowing the jacket he had got from Vince on his way. There was a clatter as a record fell to the floor from the folds. It was Voodoo scat by Howling Jimmy Jefferson

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Gay, and innocent and heartless

Author’s Notes: The final chapter

“Shit, what do we do?” Asked Pandora first to voice what everyone was thinking. “He’s been pricked by that thing.” Everyone stayed silent, unsure what to say until Bollo voiced the most obvious suggestion.

“A prince?”

Naboo and Pandora were suddenly hopeful and you could see a slight glimmer return to their eyes. That was until; Howard voiced the blatant truth that there were no princes in the vicinity. The flat housed every fantasy and fairy tale character apart from a prince it would seem. They had, fairies and fauns, wood nymphs and unicorns, but no hansom prince ready to ride in and save the day.

At this point Naboo began to speak to himself slowly as if voicing an internal monologue, developing an idea.

“Well could maybe Pandora be is prince, I mean Vince isn’t female so perhaps it works the other way round. That would mean he needed a princess. We could always try.” He nodded to Pandora next to him, although doing so was rather difficult as he had to look up at her due to the fact that not only was she taller normally but she was wearing a pair of platform heeled silver boots. A pair that belonged to Vince. Pandora stepped forwards and bent over her boyfriend, who was deep in slumber, and pressed her lips against his kissing him tenderly.

Nothing.

Not a flicker. Not a movement..

Silence.

Naboos idea had been unsuccessful, no productive result and Vince was still dead to the world.

“A bit of trouble?” a chuckling voice boomed from behind them. Naboo swung round and demanded the intruder explained who he was. “I go by many names, some call me sinterklaas, others call me Baba Chaghaloo, some call me Dyado Koleda…” At this point the mn was cut short as Pandora interjected telling him to get on with it. “but you may call me Father Christmas.”

At any other time the four of them would have been enthralled but now they were unimpressed, Santa was of no use to them he simply gave out gifts, they were not interested in material objects at this time.

“Just open this Howard and you may find your answer”. Santa walked off leaving them confused, not only as to why he spoke with an American accent but also as to what benefit the gift wrapped parcel that he had given to Howard could be. Figuring it was the only lead they had Howard peeled the wrapping paper away to reveal a large dusty book with the words Sleeping Beauty inscribed on the front in gold swirling lettering. He dumped the book on the table and walked away, only to be brought back by Pandora telling him to stop. The page had fallen open on the last sentence. Bu it was different to what the story usually ended with. Instead of the usual “and they lived happily ever after” It said:

“And though her savior may have been a prince it was pure coincidence. For Sleeping Beauty had been awaken by the kiss of love, the kiss of the man she loved most and loved her back. You see, the greatest thing you’ll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.”

Pandora looked up, suddenly struck with an idea. “You love him don’t you Howard?” Howard was confused and replied saying yes but not in that way. “But it doesn’t matter, you are the man loves the most and you love him in return. Kiss him.” Howard looked uncomfortable, he felt insecure about physical contact. “Just do it”

Howard took calm deliberate steps towards the body of his long time friend laying in a heap on the floor. He lowered his face closer and closer toward the soft skin of Vince’s lips until they met in a clash of senses. The minute Howard’s rougher slightly chapped lips hit Vinces he took a deep breath as if surfacing from water. Vince sat bolt upright panting his eyes wide like those of a Russian lady who had seen too much. Numb he began sobbing, he was finally released from the dark cage in which he had been trapped and all he could do was sob. Howard wrapped his arms around what he now saw to be the frail body of friend and Pandora soon joined. Naboo and Bollo stood next to them waiting for the embrace to end.

And here we leave them, five together. And so their Christmas shall resume next year, gay and innocent but never heartless.

End Notes: Some you may have noticed that the use of gay and.innocent and heartless is a reference to the original novel of Peter Pan

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