Moulin Boosh

Mighty Boosh X Moulin Rouge. Howard Moon, a penniless jazz musician and writer unwittenly falls in love with Vince Noir, the star courtesan from the Moulin Rouge and finds himself fighting of Vince affections with Dixon Bainbridge, the Duke.

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Chapter seven: Come What May to the Tower Once More.

Chapter seven: Come What May to the Tower Once More.

Narrator: All night long the penniless fashion designer waited, and now he felt the first stab of jealousy.

Howard was typing away his play, while Vince was sitting on the bed.

Howard: Where were you last night?

Vince: I told you, I was ill.

Howard walks over and sits next to Vince, making him move slightly away.

Howard: You don’t have to lie to me.

Vince: We must end this, everyone knows. I must sleep with the duke on the opening night. Even if you know now, you’d still go mad with jealousy.

Vince gets up and goes to the window. Howard, at a loss for words, thinks of s great idea. He walks over and places his arm around Vince’s shoulders.

Howard: Then I’ll write a song and put it in the show, and no matter how bad things get, if you sing it, hum it, whistle it. Then you’ll know it means we love one another and I’ll never get jealous.

Vince: Things don’t work that way, Howard. We have to end it.

He walks back into the room sadly.

Howard (singing): “Never knew I could feel like this, like I’ve never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss…”

Vince stops and turns back to Howard. Howard knoes he’s won Vince over again with his words. The nest day in the main hall, Howard is giving instrutions to the cast.

Howard: Now, in this new scene, this is where the fashion designer writes a secret song for the courtesan, so that whatever happens, however bad things are, they remember their love. And, if we could take it from your line Vince, so let’s take it.

Vince (acting): We must be careful, there are spies everywhere.

Joey (acting): Fear not, we will have our affair right here under the king’s nose…

Howard: “Spring may change, winter to spring…”

Joey falls asleep on stage, Fossil looks lost.

Howard: “…But I wil love you until the end of time. Come what may, come what may, I will love you until the end of time”

A day later sees Howard and Vince on a picnic with the Duke. Howard is carring the basket, while Bainbridge is busy looking at a frog. He never notises the looks the couple gave each other, so instead kills the frog by stomping on it.

Howard/Vince: “Suddenly the world seems a perfect place. Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace. Suddenly my life dosen’t seem such a waate, it all revolves around you”

Back at the hotel room, they are wrapped aroun each other in the bed.

Howard/Vince: “And there’s no mountain too high, no river too wide. Sing out this song and I’ll be there by your side”

Back at the rehearsals, they are finishing off the scene.

Howard/Vince: “Storm clouds may gather, stars may collide..”

Howard: “But I love you”

Vince: “I love you”

Howard/Vince: “Until the end of time”

The Duke is watching the play, Old Gregg is behind him.

Howard: The magical needle falls down from the ceiling and says ‘the only thing you’ll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return’.

Old Gregg moves up to the Dukes ear.

Gregg (Whispering): This ending’s silly. Why would the courtesan go with the penniless writer.. I mean fashion designer.

Bainbridge looks at Howard, then realises the truth. On the stage, the song reaches the end. Vince is wearing a black diamond head-dress, standing with Joey in the middle of some dancers. Naboo is wearing the beginning of his needle costume. They all turn to see the Duke’s reaction.

Bainbridge: I don’t like this ending.

Everyone exchange worried glances.

Fossil: Don’t like it, Bainbridge?

Bainbridge: Why would the courtesan choose a fashion designer over the king, who is offering a lifetime of security. That’s real love.

Howard watches the Duke, nervously.

Bainbridge: Once the designer has satisfied his lust, he will leave the courtesan. I suggest that in the end, the courtesan choose the king.

Naboo: But that ending dosen’t mean beauty, truth, freedom or love…

Bainbridge: I don’t care about your way. Why shouldn’t the courtesan choose the king?

Howard (angry): Because he dosen’t love you!

He realises his mistake and tries to cover it up.

Howard: Him, he dosen’t love him.

Bainbridge looks over to Vince, who looks away emotionless.

Bainbridge: I see. The ending will be rewritten so the courtesan will be with the king, and without the secret song. Then it will be rehearsed tomorrow morning ready for the opening tomorrow night.

Fossil: That’s gonna be impossible.

Vince steps in.

Vince: Bobby, we are treating the Duke unfairly. These silly writers will write anything, so why don’t you and I have a little supper and discuss how the ending such really be?

He sits on Bainbridge’s lap, making him smirk. Howard looks away as Vince walks off to get ready for the duke. As he steps into the backstage corridor, Howard comes from out the shadows.

Howard: I don’t want you to sleep with him.

Vince: If I don’t he’ll destroy everything. Besides, you promised you wouldn’t be jealous. It will be alright, I must go.

He turns to leave, but Howard grabs his arm. Softly, he sings.

Vince: “Come what may…”

Howard: Come what may

He lets Vince leave to get ready and goes to the main hall where the others are waiting.

Narrator: He’d gone off to the tower to save us all and for everyone’s part, they could do nothing but wait.


Vince is seen inside the Gothic Tower. He is wearing black tight shirt, black tight trousers, and a long black coat. His raven hair was straightened and his face covered in black make-up.

Vince: I hope I haven’t kept you waiting, Bainbridge.

Back at the main hall, Old Gregg goes over to Howard and sits in his lap.

Gregg: Don’t worry writer. You’ll get your ending, once the Duke gets his

Howard pushes him away, making Joey stand up angry.

Joey: No, No!

Greeg: Keep your filthy hands off me!

Joey goes over to Howard.

Joey: Never fall in love with a young man who sells his love, it always ends bad.

Back at the tower, Vince walks over to the fireplace and takes off his black gloves.

Vince: The writer has a stupid obsession with me. I only indulge his fantasy because he’s talented. We need him for tomorrow night only.

Vince then sits at the opposite end of a long table while eating the huge supper, all the while watching Bainbridge. They stand up and kiss, Vince not enjoying a single moment. Bainbridge then presents Vince with a huge black diamond necklace, placing it around his neck.

Howard, who’s tired of waiting, leave the Moulin Rouge and walks towards the tower. Looking up to the balcony, he sees Vince and the Duke together, his jealousy intensifies. Then he hears Vince singing softly.

Vince: “Come what may, I will love you until my dying day”

Bainbridge looks down too and sees Howard.

Bainbridge: It seems to be our little writer.

Vince, now afraid, goes back inside. Bainbridge, now angry, closes the door and pushes him to the floor.

Bainbridge: You made me believe I loved you!

Vince: No.

Bainbridge pulls Vince back up and breaks the necklace from around his neck. Vince breaks free from him and runs off around the table, but the Duke catches him again, backslapping his face so he fell once more. Blood dripped from Vince’s lip and tears from his eyes, smuding his eyeshadow and mascara. Bainbridge then stand over Vince to strike him again, only to be knocked out by Bollo.

Howard is back in his hotel room. The door opens to reveal a very hurt and upset Vince, huddled up to Bollo. Vince runs to howard, who holds him closely.

Vince: I couldn’t do it, I saw you there and I felt so guilty. I love you so much…

Howard: It’s ok.

Vince: He knows, Howard. He knows.

Howard: Then we’ll leave. I don’t care about the show anymore, I love you and that’s what matters most.

Vince (smiling): Yes, as long as we have each other.

Howard: Bollo, take Vince to his dressing room and get what he needs. Do not be seen.

Bollo: Ok.


In the Gothic Tower, the Duke’s head wound was being treated by a waiter. Fossil is also in the room, while the Hitcher hangs around.

Bainbridge: It’s the writer. I want Vince back, find her. Tell him he will come to me or I will have the writer killed!

Fossil: Killed?

Bainbridge: Killed


In the dressing room, Vince was just finishing when the door opened to reveal Fossil.

Vince: Don’t stop me Bobby, I’m leaving.

Fossil: If you leave, Bainbridge will kill Howard.

Vince stops in pure fear.

Fossil: Bainbridge is insane with jealousy. Unless you sleep with him tomorrow, he will kill Howard.

Vince starts packing again.

Vince: He dosen’t scare us.

Fossil: He is a very powerful man.

Vince: Listen, I don’t need you anymore. All my life, you made me believe I was only worthy for paid love. But Howard loves me for me, and that is worth more then anything. Goodbye Bobby.

He goes to leave, but the next word stopped him dead in his tracks.

Fossil: You’re dying, Vincey.

Vince: Another trick?

Fossil: The doctor personally told me.

Vince, who’s world just fell apart, went back into his room and sat down.

Fossil: End it with Howard. Only you will save him.

Vince: He won’t give up easily.

Fossil: Then make him believe you don’t love him. Hurt him to save him.


Back at the hotel room, Howard waited for Vince. The door opens to reveal his lover, who looks emotionless.

Howard: What’s wrong?

Vince: I’m staying with Bainbridge. He offered me everything I need, but I must never see you again. Goodbye.

He goes to leave, but is stopped.

Howard: What do you mean? What about last night, what we said?

Vince: I can’t leave this place, it’s my home.

Howard looks disbelieving.

Howard: This can’t be happening.

Vince tries to stop the tears threatening to leak.

Howard: What’s wrong? Tell me.

Vince goes to walk away, but Howard grabs his arms to face him.

Howard: Tell me the truth!

Vince: Here’s the truth. I am the courtesan and I choose the king.

Howard lets him go in shock, trying to understand what’s happening. Vince takes this opportunity to leave, tears flowing as he walks back to his old room. Howard follows him as Vince walks through the garden, the gates closing behind him. Two bodyguards hold Howard back as he stuggles to get to Vince, only to be hit in the face and left to lie in the rain.

His bohemian friends carry him back to his room and cover him in a blanket, his eyes filled with anger and hurt. Naboo sits next to his bed.

Naboo: Howard, you might me as a drunken gnome whose friends are just pimps and girls from the brothels, but I know about art and love because I long for it with every fibre of my being. She loves you, I know it. I know she loves you.

Howard dosen’t even look at Naboo.

Howard: Just leave me alone, please.

Naboo dosen’t go.

Howard (yelling): Leave me alone!

Naboo finally does go. Howard gets up to and takes his typewriter to a pawnshop nearby, taking his money to the Moulin Rouge.

Narrator: He just wanted to shut out what Naboo said. But now he was so filled with doubt Howard wanted to be sure, he wanted to know, so we goes to the Moulin Rouge, one last time.