Labyrinth, Boosh Style

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After Vince annoys him too much with songs from the film 'Labyrinth', Howard finally yels at Vince and tells him to grow up. Vince then wishes the goblins will take him away, which results in Howard's dissappearence and a quest to defeat the goblin king. Next in my crossover stories.

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Chapter Five-Ludo and the Knockers.

Contents

Chapter Five-Ludo and the Knockers.

Jareth cursed his bad luck when he returned to his throne room. He was so close to getting what was his, close to getting that first kiss that would seal his beliefs that the goth was the one, but he wanted Vince to have a fair chance at his challenge. Besides, it wouldn’t be long now, even if Vince didn’t get to the castle on time, he would let his friend go free and the goth would have to stay here with him forever.

He closed his eyes as he remembered the closeness of the goth and his body heat seaping into his own body, a playful smile on his face as he thought. He had a plan though to make sure Vince would be his for good, without him getting to the castle.

Vince and Hoggle stepped out of a brass vase, on top of a step with green hedges surrounding them. The castle was still far away in the centre.

“Here we are now, you’re on your own” Hoggle said, moving in another direction. Vince turned to him confused “You said you’d help me”

“I did, I took you as far as I would go. And I did” Vince looked shocked at his kinda-friend, but remember his bartering chip. He held up the bracelet of jewels that previously belonged to the dwarf.

“Well, maybe you don’t need these then?” The goth teased.

“Them’s mine, give them back” Hoggle demanded, chasing after Vince. They were interupted though by an old man, quite short who was walking to a stone seat. He was wearing brown rags and a hat shaped like a bird on his head, his white beard shining in the sunlight.

“Hey, mate. Can you help me?” Vince asked, going over to him and wishing he could give this guy fashion advice.

“Oh, a young girl. And who is this with you?” The wiseman indicated to Hoggle.

“He’s my friend, he’s helping me too” Vince smiled at the dwarf, who looked at him surprised.

“And what can I do for you?” The old guy asked again, his hat looking around at the surroundings.

“I need to get to the castle, my mate is being held captive by that mad horny goblin king. You know how to get there?” Vince explained in near enough one breath.

The wiseman thought about this question for a minute “You want to get to the castle?”

“How’s that for brainpower?” The bird-hat asked, maing Vince smile.

“Shut up! Now, young lady, the way forwards is soemtimes the way back” The old man suggested.

“Will you listen to this crap?” The bird-hat interupted again “Shut up!”

“Now, quite often it seems we’re not getting anywhere, when in fact…” The wiseman started.

“…We are” The bird-hat finished.

“Well, I’m not getting anywhere now” Vince sighed annoyed “Join the club!” The hat said, glancing down at his now sleeping owner “I think that’s your lot, please left a little something in the little box” The old guy still rattled a box he was holding in his hand to prove the point.

Vince raised the bracelet of jewels up, until “Don’t you dare, them’s mine!” Hoggle yelled out. The goth then put his hands around his neck and realesed the catch on one of his necklaces, one of his favourites. It was a blue lightening bolt on a thin silver chain, Howard got it him for his birthday last year “If it’ll help me get my mate back, I guess you can have this” He said as he dropped it into the box.

The hat nodded his thanks, and Vince and Hoggle walked in the opposite direction of them “Why did you say I was your friend anyway?” Hoggle asked.

“Because you are. I ain’t got many here, you’re not excaly the greatest mate so far, but you’re the only one I’ve got here so far” Vince smiled at him, making the dwarf nearly smile “I ain’t never been someone’s friend before”

They then heard a large roaring sound and Hoggle turned on his tail and ran “Goodbye friend”

Vince watched him go “You bloody coward come back” He turned back to the sounds of painful roars “I’m not afraid, things aren’t always what they seem here” he said to himself, remembering what the worm told him. he turned around a corner and saw a large orange creature hanging by his ankle from a rope in a tree, four goblins on mutated chickens were torturing it with creatures with large mouths on the end of sticks.

‘If only I had something to throw at them’ Vince thought to himself. The creature caught sight of him and roared loudly again, but not from pain. The goth then motised out of the corner of his eye a rock roll by his feet, he lifted it up and threw it at one of the goblin guards, making it’s helmet spin round and obstruct it’s view.

He did this another four times until all the guards had ran off in any direction, making their way from their unknown enemy. Vince then walked over to the orange creature, but nearly got his head knocked off as it struggled “Hey, watch it. I’m trying to help you here!” Vince nearly yelled, making the creature stop.

“Ludo want down” The creature said, weakly. Vince took pity on it “Yeah alright then. Ludo’s your name then, cool” He untied the rope holding Ludo to the tree and the creature fell to the ground with a thump “Oh sorry, you alright?”

The creature got up and nodded yes “Friend?” He asked.

“Yeah, I’m your friend now. Name’s Vince, and you remind me very much of my other mate Bollo” The goth smiled “Hey, do you know how to get to the castle?” He asked, hopefully.

Ludo thought for a moment “Er…no” Vince just smiled and shook his head “You don’t know either, I wonder if anyone does”

Hoggle was walking past a small stream with rocks and plants sticking out of the barren ground, muttering to himself.

“Get through the labyrinth? One thing’s for sure, he’ll never get through the labyrinth”

Vince turned to see two doors that weren’t there before “Where’d they come from?” He asked Ludo “Well, which should we pick?”

“It very rude to stare you know” One of the ugly door knockers spoke, it had the handle in his ears.

“Sorry, just wondering what door to choose” Vince said back.

The other knocker had his handle in his mouth and mumbled something to the goth “Don’t talk with your mouth full” The first knocker yelled out.

Vince had enough and pulled the handle out of the second knocker’s mouth “What did you say?”

“That feels so good to get that out of my mouth. I was just saying it’s no good talking to him, he’s deaf as a post” Vince rolled his eyes in annoyance “Where do these doors lead?”

“We don’t know, we’re just the knockers” Vince growled in annoyance “How do I get through then?”

“Knock and the door will open” The second knocker answered. Vince desided which door he wanted to go through and turned to get the handle off Ludo, only to find it in the creature’s mouth “Give it back now, Ludo” He said, as he got it back and tried putting it back into the second knocker’s mouth.

“I’m not having that back in my mouth” It said, rudely.

“But I want to knock” Vince begged, but the knocker was still refusing. So he got hold of the large nose and held on until the knocker had to breath through his mouth and pushed the handle back, making the knocker gave him a dark look. Vince just smiled smugly as he knocked the door open and he and Ludo ventured into the darkness behind.