A Booshmas Carol

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The festive season has reached the Mighty Boosh boys and Vince is as ever in the party mood with Howard tagging behind. But something isn't quite right in their fairy tale world.

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Lonely this christmas

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Lonely this christmas

In the middle place Howard was getting impatient, he wanted the next ghost to arrive already. In actual fact the wait was no longer than it had been before but the boredom and expectation of a new arrival made time seem to stretch out. After what seemed like an eternity (but was actually only a few minutes) the last ghost (ghost in the loosest sense of the word) arrived, it emerged from the dark corner hobbling like an old crone. The hair covering it was matted although it had obviously once been soft and shimmering with many different shades of brown. It had what appeared to be the head of a bull with muscled shoulders that were huge in comparison to the rest of its body. Were it not for its incredibly small size Howard would have been fearful, but how it was it seemed weak and harmless.

Readily Howard put out his hand wishing for another delightful feeling to flow through him as he transferred to the next place. He was beginning to enjoy the whole process.

“Are you not going to ask who I am?” hissed the creature.

“You’re the ghost of Christmas future are you not?” answered Howard, still holding out his hand. The thing nodded and leaped upon Howard to take him to his destination. He tripped back, a vicious pain searing through him. Like a number of daggers stabbing into his flesh, their points piercing his skin, slicing his muscles and jarring against bones. The journey over he collapsed in a heap hyperventilating. His bloodshot eyes bulged. He had never known such pain, sensing the stare of the ghost on him he looked up. It was the flat alright but it wasn’t how it should be at Christmas time. The room was devoid of decorations. It looked as rich as always (this was Naboo’s home of after all) but without the usual adornments that accompanied the festive season it seemed bland and incredibly lack lustre. On the top in the kitchen there were three plates waiting to be loaded with turkey and potatoes, stuffing and parsnips.

Howard took slow deliberate steps towards a door covered in posters and magazine cuttings of bands and clothes. Hearing sounds he carefully pushed the door to reveal a room that from outside would seem small but inside was actually a large room with tall ceilings. It was Vince’s room. It was where all the decorations were. Tinsel and baubles were attached to the ceiling, the walls were covered in glitter and various beautiful pictures and a massive fir tree towered over the bed laden in delights that one cannot imagine.

There on the bed lay Vince, flat on his back with his arm lain on his chest. His hair had grown long, turning and enveloping entwining his limbs. His skin glowed and his eyes were surrounded with jewels twinkling with the reflection of fairy lights. Next to the bed sat Howard sobbing.

“You’ve got more cards Vince, all inviting you to parties” Howard’s voice was choking. “Look there’s one from ladyfame, cockney, claireabella, oompa, EP, BTTM, emii, sailor, electro mouse, electrostar. Loads of them”. A soft sentimental smile played across Howard’s face through his tears as he read it.

“Time to leave I think” was the last thing Howard heard before the pain overwhelmed him again and he was taken back. “That was different to what you expected wasn’t it?” the ghost whispered hoarsely in his ear “Didn’t think it would be bad. Didn’t know. That friend of yours does not realise that Christmas isn’t good for everyone does he? Nor do you” Howard tried to pull away but he could not escape the things haunting words. “You can be lonely at Christmas, not everything is beautiful.” He turned around as he felt hot acrid breath on his back. In his face he could see yellow dripping teeth. The creature was big now. Its face hideous, it was a minotaur thing. Slashes decorated its chest and its eyes were blood shot and yellow.

Fiercely it took step closer to Howard until it was practically on top of Howard when it disappeared and the room returned to the state he had left it in. He was stood in the centre of the room and unblinkingly made his way back to Vince where he lay down and covered himself in anything soft he could find. There he stayed looking blankly at the ceiling waiting for the beast to return constantly checking the dark corner for another movement.

End Notes: This was originally written for the Boosh Forum hence the names in it veig blatant user names