Through the Haze

What is it that Noel and Julian feel for each other? They can’t quite figure that out, or what they should do about it. These two have a long way to go together.

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Chapter Six

Chapter Six

Julian’s face half buried in a pillow, he inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of Noel and letting his lips form a smile. His eyes fluttered open finally and he jerked up immediately. He whipped his head around, but Noel wasn’t there. The flat was still very dark, and he thought it must be the earliest hours of the morning. He scooted to the edge of the bed, wincing at sore muscles. He pulled on a pair of underwear and jeans and walked out into the flat.

He found Noel sitting at the kitchen counter, hunched forward. Noel glanced back, hearing his feet padding across the hardwood. “Hey, sleepy. Finally enjoying the curtains?” He flashed a grin. Julian stared at him, confused, before looking over his shoulder at the curtains, remembering that he’d shut them in his daze the previous night. He looked back at Noel and smiled. He kept his eyes on him as he walked around the counter to make tea, admiring. He was only wearing jeans and had rolled them up to his knees. Julian liked that.

“We record tomorrow,” Noel mumbled through a mouthful of cereal as Julian set down a mug in front of him.

“What?” Julian rubbed his face, vaguely thinking it was too early to… think.

“How could you forget?! The radio show, you twat!” Noel shook his head, digging his spoon into his cereal bowl.

“Shit, that’s tomorrow?!” Julian sighed, leaning against the counter and wondering where his head had gone. Oh, right; in Noel’s crotch.

“Yeah,” Noel swallowed a bite, “good thing we just have to sit there.” He shifted in his seat, wincing.

Julian smirked as he brought his mug to his lips.

The pair spent the day rehearsing for the show, keeping the curtains shut until late afternoon. Julian punched Noel in the shoulder as they walked up to them, each choosing a side to pull open. “Fuck,” Noel said, backing away from the sudden light. He squinted at Julian to find an idiot grin spread over his face.

He smiled, walking up to him slowly and placing palms on bare chest. Julian cupped his hands over his shoulder blades; they were warm. His hands were always warm. When their lips met, it felt like they weren’t in the flat anymore. It felt like they were in their own world, and they welcomed the idea of getting lost in it.


Noel felt spots of moisture hit his face. He opened his eyes to find Julian standing over him, wearing only jeans and shaking out his wet hair. “We’ve got to get going. Are you going to be able to cover that up?” He smiled weakly.

Noel touched a hand over his face, over the bruises across his nose and jaw that still throbbed dully. “Yeah, should be able to with some work. The things my body has been through in two days!” He chuckled and Julian blushed as he walked back behind the divider to finish dressing. Noel pushed himself up from the rug, grabbing up the jeans that had been stripped away the previous night.

He spent at least an hour with his face against the mirror, applying makeup over the bruises, then straightening his hair. Julian came up behind him, kissing his shoulder and holding out a shirt for him to put on. “We’ve got to get going. You’re fine. The bruises are covered, and your hair looks good. We can’t be late to this.”

Noel looked at him through the mirror, sighed, and yanked the shirt over his head. “Okay,” he began as he turned to him, “here we go.” He gave him a quick kiss on the lips and led the way.


“It’s rubbish is what it is,” Noel was saying as they walked back toward the flat. He kicked a rock with his boot as they walked.

“It isn’t that bad,” Julian said, pausing to reconsider as he watched the rock tumble along. “Okay, maybe it is. But I told you about that studio over on Kingsland.”

“You think that would work? I guess we could go take a look at it,” Noel shrugged, kicking the rock into a gutter. “But it’s a long way off if we’re going to be there a lot.”

Julian knew this and had been thinking deeply about it for the past week. He took a deep breath, looking up at the sky. “Well,” he let the air rush out of his lungs, “we could move into a new flat. Something closer.”

Noel looked up at him. “Really? Move out of the flat?” He tried not to pout. He loved that flat, and he knew Julian did too. “I don’t know, Ju.”

Julian slipped his arm around Noel’s waist. “I know; I’d miss it too. But, hey, you’ll have a new flat to decorate, right?” He winked at him, resulting in the giggle from Noel that he was aiming for.

Noel shrugged, taking a Babybel from his pocket. “Alright. We’ll look around.”


Two weeks later, Noel and Julian were standing in the empty flat, taking a final scan. Noel’s eyes stayed set on the kitchen counter, then shifted to the windows, remembering. He finally looked up at Julian. His eyes were jumping around, floor to ceiling, to wall, to kitchen, to windows, to ceiling, to wall, to floor… He nudged him and his eyes slowly focused. “Ready, Ju?”

Julian tightened the muscles in his arms, the curtains bundled in them; the last thing to go. He stared deeply into Noel’s eyes, letting a few silent minutes tick away. He took a step closer and pressed his lips to his; a simple kiss, but with so much pushing behind it. He took a final glance around before returning his gaze to Noel. “Alright,” and he nodded. Noel rested a palm on his back, guiding him through the door.


The pair entered their new flat and sat down immediately at the circular wooden table that was placed outside the kitchen. They sat in silence for a long time, taking in the lower ceilings, the walls that enclosed the kitchen and the bedroom, and finally the far wall that was not covered in large windows. Julian looked down at the curtains he’d set on the table in front of him. “Guess we won’t be needing these anymore.” He smiled at Noel, who nodded, smirking back.

“Well, we should head over to the studio, yeah? We can visit your stereo.” Noel flashed a grin at Julian, rising from the table.

Julian, not amused, punched Noel lightly on the shoulder as he stood. Noel had insisted they leave Julian’s stereo at the studio, claiming the flat was too small. But they both knew that Noel thought it was an “inadequate” piece of equipment.

They’d been recording the radio show down at studio 54 for a little over a week now. It was a small, dingy room of brick, but something about it attracted them and they spent most of their time there. Julian had spent the previous night there, going a bit insane over the tracks. As they walked back there now, Noel reminisced.

It had been nearly two in the morning and Danny and Noel had entered the studio to check on Julian’s progress. They found him sitting bug-eyed in a chair, his back to them, his face in the equipment, his body frozen. There was a jazzy tune filling the room and the two stood waiting for a minute. Then another. Noel shifted his weight to the other leg. They waited a bit longer, until it hit both of them that this short melody was on a loop. They sat on the small couch against the wall, speculating in silence.

They slowly sank back into the couch as the time passed, Julian’s eyes blinking irregularly. Their faces alternated between confusion and amusement, trying very hard not to burst into laughter at several points. Once an hour had passed, Danny stood, shrugging at Noel and mouthing “see you tomorrow” with an amused expression.

When the door fell shut behind him, Noel rose, walking up behind Julian. He rested his hands carefully on his shoulders, massaging them lightly when he got no reaction. Noel suppressed a laugh. “Julian… Jules!”

Julian reached up and shut the music off finally, rubbing his face with both hands. He peered up at Noel with bloodshot eyes. Noel couldn’t help it any longer. He burst out laughing, stepping back to clutch his stomach. “Julian,” he managed, “th-this is ridiculous. You need to take a break!” He grinned at him, shaking off the last bit of laughter and walking back up to him. He straddled Julian’s lap and clutched his face in his hands. “Danny’s gone for the night.”

Julian smiled. “I’m tired, Noel.”

“Then be tired.” Noel smiled wickedly, ducking beneath Julian’s jaw line and nipping down his neck. Julian sighed, wrapping his hands around Noel’s waist. Noel unbuttoned Julian’s shirt as his lips traveled down his chest, grazing his teeth over the skin here and there. He pushed it back and Julian stripped it from his arms. Noel stripped his own shirt off as well. He looked up at Julian and shrugged before standing. He undid Julian’s trousers and pulled them off by the legs, bringing the pants with them. He undid his own trousers and stepped on the ends to get them off his ankles. He walked behind Julian to his beat up stereo and reached back for the lube that he’d stashed in the left speaker. Julian, watching him over his shoulder, raised an eyebrow, the question of how long it’d been there itching at his brain. But he didn’t comment as Noel came back and straight away began lathering him.

Julian moaned, sinking back in the chair as his back arched. Noel put a hand to his face and kissed him sweetly. Then he slowly straddled him again, resting on his knees. He sank down bit by bit, focusing on the feel of the sinews in Julian’s shoulders flexing. Julian’s hands dropped to Noel’s arse, rubbing lightly and tiredly.

When Noel’s warmth was finally surrounding him, his eyes snapped open in surprise of the sensations. As Noel grasped the nape of Julian’s neck, he began a steady pace. He rocked back and forth and Julian thought dimly about how sweet Noel smelled each time he swayed back toward him. The distraction made his building pleasure a shock as he found himself reaching the boiling point. He bucked forward, grabbing Noel and shouting into his neck. Noel moaned loudly, very turned on by Julian’s sudden response.

His hands reached up to tangle in his dark hair, gripping harder and harder as they built up together. Julian’s breath caught suddenly. “Noel,” he whispered. And then Noel felt the moist warmth filling him and came on the spot as they caved in on each other.

“So before I came home this morning, I think I really figured something out on the tracks.”

“Huh?” Noel shook out of his reverie, realizing that Julian at his side had become his only sense of direction. “Oh. That’s great, Ju.” He smiled pleasantly at him, hoping in the back of his mind that his erection wasn’t showing.


The two spent two months holed up in the studio with Rich and Danny. When October rolled around, they were sat on the floor listening to what they’d done for the last time before it was ready to begin airing. As the music faded out on the last track, Noel leant forward to kiss Julian on the lips. Julian dodged him, shifting so he would hit his cheek instead. Julian’s face flushed and he hoped that Danny hadn’t noticed. Noel pulled back, his face contorted in a mixture of hurt and annoyance. They hadn’t come out about their relationship to anyone. Noel had attempted at bringing it up several times, but Julian always stopped him, interrupting with awkward quips.

Noel had confronted him only once about it, when they were moving their things to the new flat. Danny had come by to help them move furniture. When they’d moved the bed, a bottle of lube was sitting in the void space, and Noel had opened his mouth to make an impish joke. Julian, seeing that Danny hadn’t noticed yet, stepped in front of it and Noel. “Oh, watch the corner there! Noel, can you move that box?”

When Danny left in the early evening, Noel sat down next to Julian at the round table. “Julian, I’m not ashamed of you.”

Julian set down his mug, knowing instantly what this was about. “You aren’t ashamed of anything… And I never said that I was ashamed.”

“Then why haven’t you let anyone know?” Noel tried his hardest to get eye contact.

Julian looked down at his hands as a very quiet minute passed. He shifted his gaze straight into Noel’s eyes, his face stern. “Can we just keep it between us for awhile?” he asked firmly, not leaving much room for a negative answer. Noel stared back, noticing that the chocolate brown was tinted darker just then, and nodded solemnly. He hadn’t pushed the subject since.

Now, as they left the studio to head to a restaurant, Noel felt that weight become heavier in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t know how to go on without telling everyone important to him that he was madly in love with this man that fit him like a puzzle piece. Better than a puzzle piece. ‘What could fit better than a puzzle piece?’ he thought. He looked over at Julian, who was lighting a cigarette as they walked down the darkening street, knowing that he was seeing his only answer.