Through the Haze

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What is it that Noel and Julian feel for each other? They can’t quite figure that out, or what they should do about it. These two have a long way to go together.

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Chapter Eleven

Contents

Chapter Eleven

It was a cool day and the structure of the car garage created a weak wind tunnel. Noel pushed his sunglasses back over his head to hold back the hair that kept blowing in his eyes. He shook the hand of the director one last time, nodding and smiling, then turned to where Julian was standing against the wall, cigarette in hand. “Ready?”

Julian took a drag on his cigarette before throwing it down to stamp out. “Yeah,” he nodded, pushing off the wall.

“They should be releasing the video at the end of the month.” Noel zipped his jacket back up, adjusting his pace to keep at Julian’s side. “I was messing about with some of the lines yesterday,” he said after a moment, “want me to drop them by your flat later in the week?”

“Yeah, that’d be good. I’ll call you once I’ve taken a look.” Julian glanced sideways at Noel, watching as he nicked a cigarette from the pack in his coat pocket.

“Light?” Noel’s eyes glittered as he pushed the sunglasses back over his face. Julian rolled his eyes at him, taking a lighter out and cupping a hand around the cigarette to shield it from the wind. “Not like you can smoke as much anyway,” Noel said, slightly muffled from behind the cigarette.

“Don’t got to be cheeky about it. I mean, I don’t mind not smoking because I don’t want to do it around a kid, but” Julian paused to smack Noel when he purposely blew smoke in his face, “but he also makes me want a cigarette more.”

Noel laughed. “I can imagine. That boy is a handful.”

“He is.” Julian smirked. “Anyway, I’ve got to stop at the store. I’ll call you in the week, yeah?” Noel nodded and continued walking, skipping down the sidewalk mockingly, cigarette in hand. “Cheeky bitch,” Julian muttered, smiling as he watched him go.

The flat was still and quiet, except for Oliver standing on the adjacent cushion. He was holding a plastic elephant firmly in one hand, swinging it around like a strange, blue aeroplane. Julian sat sifting through the papers that Noel had slipped under the front door in the early hours of the morning. Kate was off at work and he was here, playing babysitter again.

He flipped to another page with random drawings scratched into it with pen. Noel had drawn a squat little monster in the bottom right corner, lines of dialogue fitting around it. Julian read through the Gary Numan bit that they’d come up with months ago, now more defined.

It reminded him of when they were in their old flat, laying about on the hardwood talking, one CD or another on repeat. He thought of the night they’d gotten the go ahead for the radio series. He’d walked right into the flat after their dinner out, pushing the trunk aside and lying on the colorful carpet there. He shut his eyes and could hear Noel laughing softly, shutting the door behind him. Then Gary was suddenly playing over the crackling speakers of his old stereo, and they both chuckled madly as Noel laid down next to him, throwing a hand over his stomach and resting his head on his chest.

Julian was forced out of his trance when Oliver rammed the elephant into his face, right above his eyebrow. Julian clamped his mouth shut, gritting his teeth and groaning in pain. He stuck his index finger in his mouth, biting down hard to stop himself from cursing in front of Ollie.

He squeezed his eyes shut, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself passed the pain. He felt the warmth of blood running down his face and stood up, pressing a hand to the wound. Julian walked blindly to the kitchen, reaching around the countertops for a dishtowel. He started the tap, wetting the towel and pressing it to his face.

The pain receded a little further with the coolness pressing over it. Julian looked over at Ollie, standing innocently on the couch cushion. Something seemed to fall out from under him then, and he wanted desperately to ignore it. He bit his lip gently, looking down into the sink.

Julian smoothed two fingers over the bandage that stuck above his eyebrow. It still stung a little, but it had mostly healed over the passed week. He and Noel were kicking a football between each other across the bright green grass of the park. It had started out as a way to entertain Oliver, but he’d gotten bored quickly, wandering back over to his mother sitting on a blanket nearby.

They were fine to carry on by themselves, giggling uncontrollably like a conversation. Noel kicked Julian’s legs again, tangling their feet so that they both toppled backwards. “Ah, fuck,” Noel said in a sigh, laughing still.

“Shh,” Julian whispered, smacking his cheek lightly before sitting up. Noel stayed where he was to catch his breath as Julian strolled over to the blanket to flop down beside Kate. Oliver was sat on the opposite edge, ripping a toy truck through a bare patch of dirt. He glanced over at him, still smiling, before resting his gaze on Kate. “What?” He squinted at the light from the sun, trying to read the expression on her face that made her resemble an all-knowing oracle.

She just smiled at him, thoughtfully, before looking out across the field at the other people. He did the same, watching a small group of kids chasing after each other. One of them, a boy with jet black hair, veered off, swerving around Noel who was still splayed on the ground. He watched as he finally rolled over to push himself up. He loped towards them, checking his phone on the way.

“I’ve got to go see my mate’s band go on. Promised I’d go,” he smiled and bent down to retrieve his jacket.

“Little early, ain’t it?” Julian asked, tilting his head back to get a better look at him.

“I didn’t say they were good,” Noel said, grinning. “See you later.”

Julian nodded and watched him turn down the path. He looked over to smile at Kate and run a hand through her hair. “What?” he asked again, that same expression emerging on her face.

She took a deep breath, looking down to take Julian’s hands in hers. It was almost as if she was fighting a smile. “Julian,” she started, looking him in the eye, “I think there’s something you need to tell me.”

He looked around thoughtfully, trying to think of something he might have done wrong recently. His mouth went crooked in thought. “Nothing I can think of.”

She did smile then, weakly. “I mean about Noel, Julian. Noel. Tell me, yeah?” she said, giving him an encouraging look. Julian’s face fell. He looked away slowly, feeling his pulse pick up. “Julian,” she held his hands tighter, “I love you. But you never talk to me about him. You… I haven’t done anything wrong, I deserve to know. To be told.”

Reluctantly, he met her eyes again. “It’s,” he began shakily, straining for the right words, “It’s difficult.”

Kate pressed her lips together, her face still composed kindly. “Since when?” she said finally, almost in a whisper.

Julian broke eye contact again, wanting to look anywhere but in her eyes right now. “It’s weird,” he said, looking off to the side. He seemed to find an inspiration there, like he could finally see what he’d been trying to put together in his head for the past week. “It’s just different. It isn’t men, Kate.” He looked into her eyes for a moment, wanting to emphasize that for her sake. “It’s just him. It’s only him.”

“Then why are you forcing this?” she asked, patting their folded hands. Julian looked down at them, then shifted his gaze to Ollie, and finally to her face. She was still as gorgeous as he thought she’d been over a year ago. He thought about all the times Noel’s face had been pressed so close to his, perched on his shoulder, nuzzled against his chest, or just resting with his, nose to nose. He’d been gorgeous then, too. But when he thought about Noel, he felt a twang in every fiber of his being. Every time, without failure. It was always there.

He took a deep breath, steadying his gaze into her eyes, because she deserved that much. After all, he had no answer for her.