Losing my Addiction

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A choose-your-own-adventure story in which Julian prepares a wonderful evening for his and Noel’s anniversary. Noel stands him up. Will Noel’s drug problems tear them apart, or bring them closer together?

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An Eye Opening

Contents

An Eye Opening

Julian closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

Noel hadn’t always been like this; obsessed with partying and his rock star persona. There had been a time in Noel’s life when it had revolved around comedy and their double-act. Then his life had centred on Julian, and Julian had fallen intensely in love with the lithe, raven haired beauty who made him feel like he was actually worth something. More recently, Noel had been bitten by the fame bug, all his energies spent on maintaining his rock star appearance and being seen with his celebrity ‘mates’. That was the problem with Noel; Julian thought to himself, he was easily obsessed and his addictions changed as frequently as his wardrobe.

“Ju?” Noel’s tone was tentative.

Julian took a deep breath. “No, I’m gonna stay in, but you go out. Have a good time. Just come back to me when you’re done.”

“Thanks Ju. God, you’re too good to me, I don’t deserve you.”

“You probably don’t. Just promise me you’ll come back… always come back…” Julian’s voice trailed off. His rage had subsided and was replaced by a strange sense of loss. He longed for Noel to be there with him, rather than spending their special night apart.

“Julian?”

“Mmm?”

“I’ll try not to be too late, yeah?”

“Yeah, ok.”

“Love you.”

“You too.”

With the click that ended the phone call, Julian’s eyes stung with inescapable tears.

Julian awoke with a start, shaken from a deep, yet restless slumber by a sudden noise. He had fallen asleep on the couch, waiting for Noel to come home. Blinking from the harsh light emanating from the table-lamp, he checked his phone for the time: 3:42. A loud knock sounded from the front door.

“Noel.” He whispered to himself, pushing up hastily from the couch.

When Julian opened the door, he found a very wasted Noel, who stumbled in across the step, giggling.

“Ju, I just had the best night! I met Jagger, which was great and this one bird flashed her tits at him, it was amazing, and there was this guy with really great shoes…” Noel rambled on in a torrent, talking abnormally fast. A manic grin spread widely across Noel’s face and Julian noticed that he was twitching slightly.

“Noel, have you been taking drugs?” Julian couldn’t pretend he didn’t know about Noel’s drug habit and he had tried to ignore it, hoping that Noel would get over it quickly, like all his other addictions. However, it still came as a shock to see this twitching, drugged up version Noel in front of him, almost a stranger.

Noel swayed slightly and his grin wavered for a second, but he regained his composure within a millisecond. “Don’t worry about things like that Ju, it doesn’t matter. Let’s focus on the more important things, like the most amazing sex we are about to have as celebration of our anniversary.”

Noel lurched forward, pressing his body up against Julian’s and kissed him but Julian pulled away.

“No.”

Pressing his body closer, Noel softly sucked at his lover’s neck and smiled, feeling the goose bumps form beneath his lips.

“Come on Ju, you know you want it.”

“Noel,” Julian murmured, helplessly succumbing to the smaller man’s advances.

“Don’t fight it,” Noel whispered, his hands slowly moving down Julian’s torso while his lips stayed on his neck. Noel felt Julian’s body melt into his as he slowly nibbled at the taller man’s ears; he knew Julian couldn’t resist that. His hands had now made their journey South and were desperately trying to undo Julian’s trousers.

Suddenly Julian stiffened and pushed Noel away, his face set in a determined look. “Noel, no!”

“But Julian…” Noel pleaded.

“I can’t be with you when you’re like this.” Julian protested.

“Like what?” Noel glared at Julian, his sexually energy converted swiftly into anger.

“You’re high, Noel, and I won’t do this when you’re all drugged up. I can’t.”

“Why?” Noel shouted.

“I just can’t. You’re not yourself.”

“Not myself!” He bellowed, “I’ve never felt more like myself in my entire life! I feel free!”

“Noel, you have to understand, drugs can seriously fuck up your life.”

“No, actually, the only thing that seems to be fucking up my life right now, is you.” Noel jabbed a finger towards Julian. His words were like acid, his face contorted into an ugly sneer.

“Don’t you know how dangerous they are?” Julian replied, desperately trying to reason with him but knowing that arguing with Noel when he was like this was pointless.

“Fuck you!” Noel spat the words at Julian, then turned and strode into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Julian collapsed onto the couch, staring at the closed door that separated him and the love of his life. Glancing around the room at the perfection he had created in honour of the man he who was spiralling out of control, his heart sank further. He noted how pathetic the trampled rose petals now looked.

Julian woke up early, no longer able to sleep on his uncomfortable, sagging couch. He looked at the still closed bedroom door, sure that Noel was still asleep. Standing up, he stretched out his back before going to the kitchen and clicking the kettle on; craving caffeine.

He took out a mug from a cupboard and grabbed the jar of coffee, scooping a large spoonful of the brown grains into the porcelain. As he waited for the water to boil he searched for a way to deal with Noel and his problem. The kettle clicked off, indicating that the water had boiled and Julian poured the steaming liquid into his mug. Returning to the lounge he sat on the couch and sipped the dark, bitter drink, lost in thought.

He was shaken from his musings by the loud thumps from the bedroom. Julian knew immediately that Noel was running to the bathroom. The unmistakable sound of Noel retching and vomiting followed. Calmly, Julian placed his mug on the small coffe table and made his way to the ensuit bathroom. He found Noel bent over the toilet coughing up the previous day’s meal. Kneeling next to him, Julian gently held Noel’s hair away from his face, feeling the smaller man convulse, patiently waiting for him to finish.

After a few minutes and some dry retching, Noel slumped weakly to the floor, leaning against Julian..

“Ju, I’m really, really sorry about last night.” Noel spoke in a small voice, gazing up at the taller man with eyes that were wide and apologetic.

Looking down at his pale and tired face Julian brushed a few strands of Noel’s hair away from his face. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of sympathy, even though Noel had brought this on himself.

Should Julian:

A: Accept Noel’s apology without question

B: Refuse Noel’s apology, nothing can excuse Noel for what he did

C: Tell Noel off for what he did, but still accept his apology