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Penname: tartpants [Contact] Real name: Rene
Member Since: 02 Apr 2006
Membership status: Member
Bio:
Oh gosh, I'm really not good when it comes to talking about myself, sir.

But a deep and hearty thank you to all the kind, lovely people who have read and reviewed my stories.
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Stories by tartpants
Summary: The Boosh is on the verge of breaking up for good, but an unexpected and impossible journey to the Zooniverse may teach Julian and Noel how to better appreciate their creations.
Categories: The Mighty Boosh, RPS, Noel/Julian, Howard/Vince
Characters: Bob Fossil, Howard Moon, Julian Barratt, Mike Fielding, Naboo, Noel Fielding, Other, Vince Noir
Genres: Action/Adventure, Drama, Humour, Romance
Pairing(s): None
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 8 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 85840 Read Count: 21540
Published: 04 Apr 2006 Updated: 20 Mar 2008 [Report This]
retired story Copper Coins by tartpants Rated: NC-17 star star star star star [Reviews - 27]
Summary: The long-forgotten fairytale version of how Noel met Julian.
Categories: RPS
Characters: Chris Corner, Dave Brown, Dee Plume, Julian Barratt, Noel Fielding, Other, Sue Denim
Genres: Drama, Romance
Pairing(s): None
Warnings: Smut (graphic sex scenes)
Series: None
Chapters: 2 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 11817 Read Count: 5815
Published: 04 Jan 2007 Updated: 04 Jan 2007 [Report This]
Trash by tartpants Rated: NC-17 star star star star star [Reviews - 5]
Summary: Noel and Julian get it on, in a variety of ways. And it's trashy.
Categories: RPS, Noel/Julian, Julian/Other
Characters: Dave Brown, Julian Barratt, Mike Fielding, Noel Fielding
Genres: PWP (porn without plot)
Pairing(s): None
Warnings: Smut (graphic sex scenes)
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 3191 Read Count: 1957
Published: 16 Sep 2006 Updated: 16 Sep 2006 [Report This]
Heartbeats by tartpants Rated: NC-17 star star star star star [Reviews - 10]
Summary: There's something that Julian needs, and only one particular mortal can provide it. For the Vamp!Boosh challenge.
Categories: RPS, Noel/Julian
Characters: Julian Barratt, Julian Barratt, Noel Fielding, Noel Fielding
Genres: Angst, Horror
Pairing(s): None
Warnings: BDSM, Character Death, Other potentially disturbing content, Smut (graphic sex scenes), Violence - Heavy
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 5639 Read Count: 1566
Published: 16 Sep 2006 Updated: 16 Sep 2006 [Report This]
Summary: Christmas fic challenge entry -- Through a dramatic mix-up involving the Fountain of Youth and hair products, Howard and Vince become encased in tight youthful faces and are sent off to school. Can Howard endure puberty for the second time? Can Vince beat off all his admirers? (HAHA pun!) And can they stop fighting long enough to enter the school’s Christmas Talent Showcase? You’ll only know if you read, eh?
Categories: Howard/Vince
Characters: Bollo, Howard Moon, Naboo, Vince Noir
Genres: Holiday - Christmas, Humour, Romance
Pairing(s): None
Warnings: Smut (graphic sex scenes)
Challenges: Challenge 03: Christmas
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 8956 Read Count: 1325
Published: 09 Apr 2006 Updated: 09 Apr 2006 [Report This]
Summary: For challenge #7, this is a re-write/extension of certain scenes in "Hitcher," which, curiously enough, has very little of the Hitcher in it at all. This version presumes that Vince doesn't finish his story about the monkeys because he actually can't remember what happened. What did happen, then? And how does it involve Howard? Sometimes, one decision creates a bond that will survive time, memory loss, and extremely opposing tastes in music.
Categories: Howard/Vince
Characters: Bryan Ferry, Howard Moon, Vince Noir
Genres: Alternate Scene, Episodic/Missing Scene, Humour, Romance
Pairing(s): None
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 7816 Read Count: 760
Published: 09 Apr 2006 Updated: 09 Apr 2006 [Report This]
Deep Eremophobia by tartpants Rated: NC-17 star star star star star [Reviews - 9]
Summary: Pic challenge entry -- Why does Howard hate to be touched? Vince wishes he knew, and wracks his thick brain and dim memory for the answer to the mystery. Will he find the answer by remembering what really happened up in the Arctic? Shouldn’t he consult a dictionary for big words like pteronophobia? And what’s Dixon Bainbridge forcing Howard to do now that Howard’s been demoted to his personal valet? So many questions! Read on, to discover the answers.
Categories: Howard/Vince
Characters: Dixon Bainbridge, Howard Moon, Vince Noir
Genres: Episodic/Missing Scene, Humour, Romance
Pairing(s): None
Warnings: Smut (graphic sex scenes)
Challenges: Challenge 05: Picture Challenge
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 10468 Read Count: 2394
Published: 09 Apr 2006 Updated: 09 Apr 2006 [Report This]
Summary: Valentines challenge entry -- Howard is tired of being lonely and puts out a personal ad, with messy results. Now he’s being stalked down the streets of London with a love-struck best mate, an aloof microphone, and a pop song that just.. won’t.. get.. out of his head! Most incomprehensible summary ever, but it might make sense if you read the fic. :D
Categories: Howard/Vince
Characters: Howard Moon, Naboo, Other, Vince Noir
Genres: Humour, Romance
Pairing(s): None
Warnings: Drug Use
Challenges: Challenge 04: Valentine's
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 7341 Read Count: 1730
Published: 09 Apr 2006 Updated: 09 Apr 2006 [Report This]
Summary: The story of Old Gregg, the loneliest man-fish that ever was; or, “The Legend of Old Gregg” told from Old Gregg’s perspective.
Categories: Howard/Old Gregg
Characters: Howard Moon, Old Gregg
Genres: Episodic/Missing Scene
Pairing(s): None
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 1054 Read Count: 619
Published: 09 Apr 2006 Updated: 09 Apr 2006 [Report This]